I want a divorce but know this is not God's will...

[Laura777]

I need some honest, Christian advice on what to do in my marriage. I've been married 10 years and it has been a constant roller coaster. The first few years were good (not great) but the past 6 + years have been unbearable at times. My husband says he is a Christian and that he believes in God, but he has no personal relationship with God. I've Witnessed on multiple occasions his lack of morals and selfish tendencies when handling situations, which has made me lose respect and trust. He does not take an active role in his spiritual live, nor does he foster it with our children aside from the occasional prayer at bed time. It's like it's a game to him, almost like he's pretending. The lack of support I get when it comes to our children's spiritual life and the fact that it is all on my shoulders since he does not participate has really made me come to resent him.
In full honesty I sometimes become a person I hate when I am with him. In general I am a person who puts others before myself always. Someone others see as kind, caring, and genuine. However when it comes to my husband he put himself first so I don't feel the need to do that. I have so much built up resentment and anger sometimes it only takes something small to make me blow up.
We are incapable of having a constructive, honest discussion. We argue in circles and around each other until I end up upset and crying because he becomes a condescending bully. We are both stubborn by nature.
If you've read this far I am soooo appreciative. I want to fix this. When I have tried to talk to friends or family about this in the past I am always told to leave him. That I deserve and can do better. The one thing we do agree on is that divorce is not an option. But what now? We've tried marriage counseling twice for about 6 months each time. He went but did not do the "homework" or follow through with what was talked about. Eventually he just refused to go anymore. The Counselors we had honestly didn't know how to help us because there's no major issue (no addiction, infidelity, lying, etc) it's just that we are both so stubborn and total opposites. The only thing we have in common is our children. Am I just destined to be miserable for the rest of my life? I would love to hear similar experiences, if anyone has tried anything that worked for them, any Christian books or bible studies that have helped you through a rough patch? I am desperate to be happy again so literally willing to try anything.

 

[Who Me]

I'm sorry for your situation.
I can only make a couple of suggestions.
Whe n discussing an issue, avoid making accusation that bl him, rather say " When you do xxxxx it makes me feel......... "

Insist on everyone going to church together every Sunday and on taking part in appropriate weekday activities.
After church over diner talk about the sermon, starting with him saying grace.

You could ask him, what in his opinion is a Christian? Follow it by asking what the bible says a Christian is and how does he fit those definitions?
Basic you are evangelising or witnessing to your husband and showing him from the bible, in conversation, what a Christian husband should be.
Do seek prayers for him and yourself from those you trust.

 

[Christ_empowered]

Some Christians think avoiding Christian counseling is the best option.

www.pamweb.org

Do you know any seasoned older Christian couples? If you do perhaps reach out and see if they have some time to minister to both…

 

[Elteqay]

I need some honest, Christian advice on what to do in my marriage. I've been married 10 years and it has been a constant roller coaster. The first few years were good (not great) but the past 6 + years have been unbearable at times. My husband says he is a Christian and that he believes in God, but he has no personal relationship with God. I've Witnessed on multiple occasions his lack of morals and selfish tendencies when handling situations, which has made me lose respect and trust. He does not take an active role in his spiritual live, nor does he foster it with our children aside from the occasional prayer at bed time. It's like it's a game to him, almost like he's pretending. The lack of support I get when it comes to our children's spiritual life and the fact that it is all on my shoulders since he does not participate has really made me come to resent him.
In full honesty I sometimes become a person I hate when I am with him. In general I am a person who puts others before myself always. Someone others see as kind, caring, and genuine. However when it comes to my husband he put himself first so I don't feel the need to do that. I have so much built up resentment and anger sometimes it only takes something small to make me blow up.
We are incapable of having a constructive, honest discussion. We argue in circles and around each other until I end up upset and crying because he becomes a condescending bully. We are both stubborn by nature.
If you've read this far I am soooo appreciative. I want to fix this. When I have tried to talk to friends or family about this in the past I am always told to leave him. That I deserve and can do better. The one thing we do agree on is that divorce is not an option. But what now? We've tried marriage counseling twice for about 6 months each time. He went but did not do the "homework" or follow through with what was talked about. Eventually he just refused to go anymore. The Counselors we had honestly didn't know how to help us because there's no major issue (no addiction, infidelity, lying, etc) it's just that we are both so stubborn and total opposites. The only thing we have in common is our children. Am I just destined to be miserable for the rest of my life? I would love to hear similar experiences, if anyone has tried anything that worked for them, any Christian books or bible studies that have helped you through a rough patch? I am desperate to be happy again so literally willing to try anything.

 Laura 777,
You are in a spiritual war and these types of battles can be won through fasting, prayer, and Praise and Worship of Yahuah Elohyim. Forget your husband at this time...move into your own space in the house and concentrate on your healing and children....you will grow leaps and bounds and allow Yah do do His work....swallow your pride and see the Hand of the Almighty and your faith move mountains.

 

[Vaccine]

I need some honest, Christian advice on what to do in my marriage. I've been married 10 years and it has been a constant roller coaster. The first few years were good (not great) but the past 6 + years have been unbearable at times. My husband says he is a Christian and that he believes in God, but he has no personal relationship with God. I've Witnessed on multiple occasions his lack of morals and selfish tendencies when handling situations, which has made me lose respect and trust. He does not take an active role in his spiritual live, nor does he foster it with our children aside from the occasional prayer at bed time. It's like it's a game to him, almost like he's pretending. The lack of support I get when it comes to our children's spiritual life and the fact that it is all on my shoulders since he does not participate has really made me come to resent him.
In full honesty I sometimes become a person I hate when I am with him. In general I am a person who puts others before myself always. Someone others see as kind, caring, and genuine. However when it comes to my husband he put himself first so I don't feel the need to do that. I have so much built up resentment and anger sometimes it only takes something small to make me blow up.
We are incapable of having a constructive, honest discussion. We argue in circles and around each other until I end up upset and crying because he becomes a condescending bully. We are both stubborn by nature.
If you've read this far I am soooo appreciative. I want to fix this. When I have tried to talk to friends or family about this in the past I am always told to leave him. That I deserve and can do better. The one thing we do agree on is that divorce is not an option. But what now? We've tried marriage counseling twice for about 6 months each time. He went but did not do the "homework" or follow through with what was talked about. Eventually he just refused to go anymore. The Counselors we had honestly didn't know how to help us because there's no major issue (no addiction, infidelity, lying, etc) it's just that we are both so stubborn and total opposites. The only thing we have in common is our children. Am I just destined to be miserable for the rest of my life? I would love to hear similar experiences, if anyone has tried anything that worked for them, any Christian books or bible studies that have helped you through a rough patch? I am desperate to be happy again so literally willing to try anything.

This may sound odd but here's some lyrics from a song:
"...falling in love with Jesus brought the change in me..."

My marriage before and after falling in love with Jesus was night and day. Your husband sounds a lot like me before I truly believed in Jesus. Our marriage had no major issues but I sure wasn't a Christian. I converted and became a believer but books such as the Case for Faith, the Case for Christ, or I Don't Have Enough Faith to be an Atheist really had an impact. It sounds weird those books should improve my marriage but the improvements came downstream of a fundamental change in my thinking.

 

[Anaphora]

No one is judging you or criticizing anyone. You may have to divorce him. Were in spirtual war, ephesians chapter 6, and Christian who is doer of God's word can't go into foxhole with hearers of the word. You shouldn't compromise your values and beliefs.
I lived with narcissist for years. Moved away in 2018. He was impeding on my spirtual growth. It was toxic environment. I keep distance from him.
I saw him last month. He goes to church. He believes in rapture theory, which is false doctrine. He's play actor playing church. When satan as antichrist comes near future, I can't have my brother in the foxhole with me. I will have to cut him off completely. He made his decision to listen to false preachers.
First Timothy 4:1. Now the spirit speaks expressly, that in the latter times, some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrine of devil's.
Sister. If your in foxhole with him when antichrist arrives 6th trump, he will drag you down with him. Divorce him, and don't look back !.
Revelation 12:17. And the dragon was WROTH with the woman, and went to make War with the remnant of her seed, which kept the commandment of God, and have testimony of Jesus christ.
Spirtual War is coming 6th trump. Its words, ideas and concepts. Those who don't have gospel armory on, will worship antichrist.
Sister, you can't go to war with biblically illiterate Christian, or share foxhole. He will run when the battle starts. Get the picture. Get a divorce. Don't look back. Peace.

 

[Rev. Aftab Yunis Hakim]

Dear Laura 777,
So, sorry to hear about your situation. Sadly, this is one of the most common situations in our churches today. This is exactly true that partners are opposites. And someone rightly said, after the fall husband and wife are the worst enemies. However, the grace of God enables the partners to care for one another. The good point is you are living together.

Do you have a habit to start your day studying the Bible? Or any devotional thought? If you have not tried this yet, I would suggest you, start your every day with reading the Bible or any devotional thought. This may bring a total change in your life. Please don't start any day without Bible reading or skipping a devotional thought. This is the time when God wants both of you to be on your knees to pray for one another.
Please read this and start your day.

"Harmony Over Strife" | Missiological Thinking(MT)

Better to live on a corner of the roof, than share a house with a quarrelsome wife

www.missiologicalthinking.com

Praying for you!!

 

[Randy]

I need some honest, Christian advice on what to do in my marriage. I've been married 10 years and it has been a constant roller coaster. The first few years were good (not great) but the past 6 + years have been unbearable at times. My husband says he is a Christian and that he believes in God, but he has no personal relationship with God. I've Witnessed on multiple occasions his lack of morals and selfish tendencies when handling situations, which has made me lose respect and trust. He does not take an active role in his spiritual live, nor does he foster it with our children aside from the occasional prayer at bed time. It's like it's a game to him, almost like he's pretending. The lack of support I get when it comes to our children's spiritual life and the fact that it is all on my shoulders since he does not participate has really made me come to resent him.
In full honesty I sometimes become a person I hate when I am with him. In general I am a person who puts others before myself always. Someone others see as kind, caring, and genuine. However when it comes to my husband he put himself first so I don't feel the need to do that. I have so much built up resentment and anger sometimes it only takes something small to make me blow up.
We are incapable of having a constructive, honest discussion. We argue in circles and around each other until I end up upset and crying because he becomes a condescending bully. We are both stubborn by nature.
If you've read this far I am soooo appreciative. I want to fix this. When I have tried to talk to friends or family about this in the past I am always told to leave him. That I deserve and can do better. The one thing we do agree on is that divorce is not an option. But what now? We've tried marriage counseling twice for about 6 months each time. He went but did not do the "homework" or follow through with what was talked about. Eventually he just refused to go anymore. The Counselors we had honestly didn't know how to help us because there's no major issue (no addiction, infidelity, lying, etc) it's just that we are both so stubborn and total opposites. The only thing we have in common is our children. Am I just destined to be miserable for the rest of my life? I would love to hear similar experiences, if anyone has tried anything that worked for them, any Christian books or bible studies that have helped you through a rough patch? I am desperate to be happy again so literally willing to try anything.

What I would do=>If you know Jesus ask Him.

 

[daninthelionsden]

To gain some insight, watch videos on narcissism and personality types. Also watch how to videos on dealing with bullies and toxic relationships. I am of the same mind set, divorce is not an option. Marriage is the ONLY earthly relationship deemed Holy. I feel how I treat my wife is how the Lord treats me. I'd better forgive if I want forgiveness. I'd better persevere if I want the Lord to persevere with me. I'd better endure, be patient and seek wisdom/understanding. May the Lord be with you.

 

[journeymanisnothing]

I need some honest, Christian advice on what to do in my marriage. I've been married 10 years and it has been a constant roller coaster. The first few years were good (not great) but the past 6 + years have been unbearable at times. My husband says he is a Christian and that he believes in God, but he has no personal relationship with God. I've Witnessed on multiple occasions his lack of morals and selfish tendencies when handling situations, which has made me lose respect and trust. He does not take an active role in his spiritual live, nor does he foster it with our children aside from the occasional prayer at bed time. It's like it's a game to him, almost like he's pretending. The lack of support I get when it comes to our children's spiritual life and the fact that it is all on my shoulders since he does not participate has really made me come to resent him.
In full honesty I sometimes become a person I hate when I am with him. In general I am a person who puts others before myself always. Someone others see as kind, caring, and genuine. However when it comes to my husband he put himself first so I don't feel the need to do that. I have so much built up resentment and anger sometimes it only takes something small to make me blow up.
We are incapable of having a constructive, honest discussion. We argue in circles and around each other until I end up upset and crying because he becomes a condescending bully. We are both stubborn by nature.
If you've read this far I am soooo appreciative. I want to fix this. When I have tried to talk to friends or family about this in the past I am always told to leave him. That I deserve and can do better. The one thing we do agree on is that divorce is not an option. But what now? We've tried marriage counseling twice for about 6 months each time. He went but did not do the "homework" or follow through with what was talked about. Eventually he just refused to go anymore. The Counselors we had honestly didn't know how to help us because there's no major issue (no addiction, infidelity, lying, etc) it's just that we are both so stubborn and total opposites. The only thing we have in common is our children. Am I just destined to be miserable for the rest of my life? I would love to hear similar experiences, if anyone has tried anything that worked for them, any Christian books or bible studies that have helped you through a rough patch? I am desperate to be happy again so literally willing to try anything.

Hello Laura777.
You're being given an opportunity to show your husband what the love of Jesus really is and you can do it by clinging to our Lord.
I'm so sorry for the pain you're in, but it reminds me of the hirt of our Savior caused by unfaithful people and how he continued to love us inspite of ourselves.

We can correct our spouses out of love, without becomming angry. Our kids will learn about Jesus as they see him in us.
God bless you and those you love.

 

[Annelise1989]

I could have written this post myself, in fact I signed up to write pretty much the exact same thing. You are not alone but it’s such a hard situation to be in, thinking and praying for you.

 

[daninthelionsden]

I could have written this post myself, in fact I signed up to write pretty much the exact same thing. You are not alone but it’s such a hard situation to be in, thinking and praying for you.

Many are in seemingly impossible situations. We need to pray for each other for either deliverance or perseverance. Since marriage is the only earthly relationship deemed Holy, I feel we must forgive if we want forgiveness and endure if we want our Lord to endure us. If I give up......will my Lord give up on me? I will do my best to persevere because He tells me to.

 

[Rookie]

I need some honest, Christian advice on what to do in my marriage. I've been married 10 years and it has been a constant roller coaster. The first few years were good (not great) but the past 6 + years have been unbearable at times. My husband says he is a Christian and that he believes in God, but he has no personal relationship with God. I've Witnessed on multiple occasions his lack of morals and selfish tendencies when handling situations, which has made me lose respect and trust. He does not take an active role in his spiritual live, nor does he foster it with our children aside from the occasional prayer at bed time. It's like it's a game to him, almost like he's pretending. The lack of support I get when it comes to our children's spiritual life and the fact that it is all on my shoulders since he does not participate has really made me come to resent him.
In full honesty I sometimes become a person I hate when I am with him. In general I am a person who puts others before myself always. Someone others see as kind, caring, and genuine. However when it comes to my husband he put himself first so I don't feel the need to do that. I have so much built up resentment and anger sometimes it only takes something small to make me blow up.
We are incapable of having a constructive, honest discussion. We argue in circles and around each other until I end up upset and crying because he becomes a condescending bully. We are both stubborn by nature.
If you've read this far I am soooo appreciative. I want to fix this. When I have tried to talk to friends or family about this in the past I am always told to leave him. That I deserve and can do better. The one thing we do agree on is that divorce is not an option. But what now? We've tried marriage counseling twice for about 6 months each time. He went but did not do the "homework" or follow through with what was talked about. Eventually he just refused to go anymore. The Counselors we had honestly didn't know how to help us because there's no major issue (no addiction, infidelity, lying, etc) it's just that we are both so stubborn and total opposites. The only thing we have in common is our children. Am I just destined to be miserable for the rest of my life? I would love to hear similar experiences, if anyone has tried anything that worked for them, any Christian books or bible studies that have helped you through a rough patch? I am desperate to be happy again so literally willing to try anything.

Hey,

I will try to be as sensitive as I can.

First in foremost I would ask were you Scipturally minded when marrying this man, or did you marry him for carnal reasons?

Reason I ask this is because I see frequently in marriages, people have such an infatuation with the person, they make exceptions for things deemed ok to have in a boyfriend or girlfriend, but those same things they'll detest in a husband or wife. Taking responsibility that you did marry him, (especially if Godly wisdom/counsel warned you against it), and now that he isn't going your way, you cannot just relieve your responsibility. That's why we must be diligent before we marry, in not being unequally yoked. If you got saved after you married him, that is a harder pickle beyond me. Otherwise, divorce after marrying unequally yoked situations is like abortion after having premarital sex. You did it for the pleasure, and don't want the responsibility.

Secondly, has he been unfaithful?

I ask this because there are two God-honoring ways of divorce, in which is he commits adultery (whether in his heart or physically) or if he, as an unbeliever, leaves you, or even you can divorce on earthly terms for whatever reason or seperate, but you cannot get remarried. Now of course don't beg him to cheat, but those are biblical exceptions.

Thirdly, are there any areas where you can analyze yourself & examine what faults and areas of the marriage are damaged with you contribution, even if it's the slightest?

It's common in marriage to think the other person is 100% the problem and believing we're perfect, but many God-honoring but suffering spouses bring a lot more suffering to the marriage than what it first may seem like.

One thing I can definitely say is, if you want a divorce just because you don't like him or a "opposites attract then attack" situation, that's definitely not of God, we are the polar opposites to Christ, in that his bride is immoral, sensual, evil, fleshly, and adulterous, while He is faithful, true, Righteous, & Holy. But He will never, divorce us.

Remember when your husband gets too unbearable, always think to the fact that you once had an unbearable amount of unrepentant sin on you, that would disgust any flesh & blood, but Christ in his love, still kept you. Christ didn't divorce you when you were hard to deal with, and even in your current hiccups, He won't rightfully divorce you. And Christ knew what you were going to do, how you "cheated on him" with sin pre-saved, caught flirting with it in the present, and even your future shortcomings, and He still says, "Laura, your mine, and mine alone". "I will never leave you nor forsake you, I forgive you, I love you".

My prayers are with you...

 

[Rookie]

No one is judging you or criticizing anyone. You may have to divorce him. Were in spirtual war, ephesians chapter 6, and Christian who is doer of God's word can't go into foxhole with hearers of the word. You shouldn't compromise your values and beliefs.
I lived with narcissist for years. Moved away in 2018. He was impeding on my spirtual growth. It was toxic environment. I keep distance from him.
I saw him last month. He goes to church. He believes in rapture theory, which is false doctrine. He's play actor playing church. When satan as antichrist comes near future, I can't have my brother in the foxhole with me. I will have to cut him off completely. He made his decision to listen to false preachers.
First Timothy 4:1. Now the spirit speaks expressly, that in the latter times, some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrine of devil's.
Sister. If your in foxhole with him when antichrist arrives 6th trump, he will drag you down with him. Divorce him, and don't look back !.
Revelation 12:17. And the dragon was WROTH with the woman, and went to make War with the remnant of her seed, which kept the commandment of God, and have testimony of Jesus christ.
Spirtual War is coming 6th trump. Its words, ideas and concepts. Those who don't have gospel armory on, will worship antichrist.
Sister, you can't go to war with biblically illiterate Christian, or share foxhole. He will run when the battle starts. Get the picture. Get a divorce. Don't look back. Peace.

Still have to address the fact, that you married him in the first place, when no one forced you to, and even worse if people warned you to do otherwise, it's like having premarital sex then getting an abortion because your plan didn't work out.

And Scripture clearly gives two exceptions for divorce (which God says he hates in Malachi), which neither are the case according to what Laura said.

This is why you can't just marry whoever you want to marry in the first place, and can't base marriage off of romantic feelings, sexual chemistry, and relational compatibility. And reject Godly possibilities because there is no romantic feelings. All sin carries permenancy.

If you lie, God will forgive you if you repent and ask forgiveness, but the person you lied to may never trust you the same again.

If you steal, God will forgive you if you repent and ask forgiveness, but your still going to serve time

If you sin sexually, God will forgive you if you repent and ask forgiveness, but if you picked up children, AIDS, drama, soul ties, etc, that may stay.

If you inflict self-wounds/cutting, God will forgive you if you repent and ask forgiveness, but the scars will remain

If you marry whoever you want to marry against God's will & Godly counsel, God will forgive you if you repent and ask forgiveness, but you must deal with the consequences.

The human race far too many times wants to do whatever it wants then expect God to relieve them of the consequences.

 

[Zeth4500]

in christianity, once you have married only through infidelity do we allow for divorce- maybe some other much more unrealistic exceptions i believe

sounds like hes got some narcissistic behaviours, could be hes also being resentful about something- its usually a coping mechanism that can stem from long time ago, childhood. it can be difficult to do anything about and essentially these people may simply lack empathy or emotion, and i relate to these people, however in attachment- relationship im completely different.
theres things we can do and things we cant, he cannot make himself want to help others, if he simply doesnt feel it- he can get therapy to work on what is expected of him in a social setting, maybe he needs to have his ego reset about this as he might not be willing to admit its a problem and thus refuse to change his behaviours, as christian this can be extra difficult because the man should have the upper hand

 

[GodsGrace]

Still have to address the fact, that you married him in the first place, when no one forced you to, and even worse if people warned you to do otherwise, it's like having premarital sex then getting an abortion because your plan didn't work out.

And Scripture clearly gives two exceptions for divorce (which God says he hates in Malachi), which neither are the case according to what Laura said.

This is why you can't just marry whoever you want to marry in the first place, and can't base marriage off of romantic feelings, sexual chemistry, and relational compatibility. And reject Godly possibilities because there is no romantic feelings. All sin carries permenancy.

If you lie, God will forgive you if you repent and ask forgiveness, but the person you lied to may never trust you the same again.

If you steal, God will forgive you if you repent and ask forgiveness, but your still going to serve time

If you sin sexually, God will forgive you if you repent and ask forgiveness, but if you picked up children, AIDS, drama, soul ties, etc, that may stay.

If you inflict self-wounds/cutting, God will forgive you if you repent and ask forgiveness, but the scars will remain

If you marry whoever you want to marry against God's will & Godly counsel, God will forgive you if you repent and ask forgiveness, but you must deal with the consequences.

The human race far too many times wants to do whatever it wants then expect God to relieve them of the consequences.

Where are you soldiers?
You're missed.

 

[God is Kind]

I need some honest, Christian advice on what to do in my marriage. I've been married 10 years and it has been a constant roller coaster. The first few years were good (not great) but the past 6 + years have been unbearable at times. My husband says he is a Christian and that he believes in God, but he has no personal relationship with God. I've Witnessed on multiple occasions his lack of morals and selfish tendencies when handling situations, which has made me lose respect and trust. He does not take an active role in his spiritual live, nor does he foster it with our children aside from the occasional prayer at bed time. It's like it's a game to him, almost like he's pretending. The lack of support I get when it comes to our children's spiritual life and the fact that it is all on my shoulders since he does not participate has really made me come to resent him.
In full honesty I sometimes become a person I hate when I am with him. In general I am a person who puts others before myself always. Someone others see as kind, caring, and genuine. However when it comes to my husband he put himself first so I don't feel the need to do that. I have so much built up resentment and anger sometimes it only takes something small to make me blow up.
We are incapable of having a constructive, honest discussion. We argue in circles and around each other until I end up upset and crying because he becomes a condescending bully. We are both stubborn by nature.
If you've read this far I am soooo appreciative. I want to fix this. When I have tried to talk to friends or family about this in the past I am always told to leave him. That I deserve and can do better. The one thing we do agree on is that divorce is not an option. But what now? We've tried marriage counseling twice for about 6 months each time. He went but did not do the "homework" or follow through with what was talked about. Eventually he just refused to go anymore. The Counselors we had honestly didn't know how to help us because there's no major issue (no addiction, infidelity, lying, etc) it's just that we are both so stubborn and total opposites. The only thing we have in common is our children. Am I just destined to be miserable for the rest of my life? I would love to hear similar experiences, if anyone has tried anything that worked for them, any Christian books or bible studies that have helped you through a rough patch? I am desperate to be happy again so literally willing to try anything.

Hello dear, when people stop praying they stop growing. My advice to you is to develop yourself in Christ and spend time daily in your prayer closet with God at a time when no one can disturb you. My next advice would be not to argue with your husband, it is hard but don't allow yourself to go through that anymore. If he wants to argue, say I'm sorry honey, I love you and I don't want to argue anymore. The arguing is draining and it is a setback on so many levels. God is a God of peace. Pray for your husband's salvation every single day.