[__ Prayer __] I'm beginning to hate God

[LovethroughDove]

Well I blame God because it's true.

I'm not buying it. Your attitude is not God's fault. You are in control of how you view things. You don't like God, you have a right. I think you should know what you are hating before you hate.

If you could maybe describe God because then we could really see if it's him you hate, or the lie that the devil has convinced you that God is.

 

[Razeontherock]

He's not called the deceiver for nothing

 

[Truthfrees]

I'm beginning to hate God for birthing me into a life of loneliness and depression, and into an environment that had killed me inside. If I have demons I'd rather befriend them since they're close unlike God.

I do and it backfires like clockwork. It's almost as if there's a God playing a cruel joke.

I didn't make the choice to birth me into the environments that killed me inside.

Maybe it's because I have been before and I'm not interested in the tired old rhetoric.

I'm not afraid. I don't want to since I'm not asking for rhetoric since I've heard it all.

Essenaut what are you asking for?

For God to do something. He doesn't listen to my prayers.

reading through what you have said and praying

i never hated God but i was very angry at God at one point in my life because He did not seem to answer my prayers ever

from the time i was a child i prayed continuously for God to protect me - yet the hellish life continued

finally one day after a lifetime of unanswered prayer i got angry and walked away from God

i felt instantly separated from God and realized that God had always been with me

that same day i repented of walking away from God and came back to God vowing to never ask for anything ever again

i felt so ashamed for what i had done - and now felt too ashamed to ever look God in the face - so looking down i told Him i would serve Him without ever asking for anything

well God eventually led me to scriptural teaching on God's will for us and how to pray effectively - it changed my life step by step

after that God brought my wife into my life and i was no longer alone

i think i know how you feel - alone - depressed - nothing good happening

i lived like that for most of my life

now i do have good things in my life and know how to pray and get prayers answered - but i no longer have dreams and goals - i simply ask God each day what He wants - and give Him permission to do what He wants with my life

this is my story which may not match your life - but i am for sure praying for you to be led by God to the truth about what God's will is for your life and how to pray effectively

God bless you my dear friend

 

[Tessa]

Truthfrees has spoken from his heart Essenaut. He has given you excellent guidelines in the spirit of brotherly love. Cling on to Jesus He will find you a way out of this. He died for you and He's not going to leave you now. Believe it and see what happens. Job had to use a lot of patience.

 

[stovebolts]

For God to do something. He doesn't listen to my prayers.

God often uses people to be the answer to those prayers.
God is listening to your prayers, but it's all in His time, not ours. The bible is full of stories where good people went through hardships, anger, depression, oppression etc.
I found out the hard way that God isnt an idol in that we get our way, or his blessings are a reward for our good service. No, we are blessed to be a blessing to others. It's not always about us.

 

[HeIsRisen2018]

Essenaut, please listen to what all of your brothers and sisters in Christ are trying to tell you. For you are getting some very good advice here brother, and if I was to be completely one hundred percent honest with you, I don't think that any of us here haven't had some point in our lives where we were feeling and experiencing the exact same thing that you are right now. Just remember this, you have a Father in Heaven who loves you through the good times as well as the bad times. I'm not exactly sure what is causing you to believe that God doesn't care about you, but that is by the work of Satan and nothing more. Don't let him overpower you, Jesus loved you enough to die for you in the most brutal way possible. Praying for you my friend.

 

[Truthfrees]

Essenaut

thinking back to how my life changed from nothing good/unanswered prayer to good things/prayers answered here is the timeline/process:

1. i was angry thinking i deserved better treatment from God - i saw how He answered other people's prayers yet didn't answer mine

2. i walked away from God and discovered that God had always been with me - that caused me to be no longer angry at God

3. now i was ashamed of myself for walking away from God - i was still confused as to why God answered other people's prayers but not mine - yet out of shame i decided it no longer mattered - i now knew i deserved nothing so i dropped the whole idea of deserving something from God

4. gradually my life got even worse - my health was failing rapidly - i was backed into a corner again - a new and different kind of hell - i already knew not to get angry with God - but i wanted to know what was going on

5. so i asked God to tell me straight out what His will was for my life - did He want me to be an invalid living in constant pain? - i just wanted to know the truth so i respectfully but persistently pestered Him all day and night to tell me if this was His will for me

6. God led me to a conference on the Covenant we have with God - this gave me information i never knew about - it caused me to start pestering God to tell me what to think and believe - i now realized that my hellish life was not God's doing - it was my lack of knowledge - Hosea 4:6

7. after learning about Covenant God led me to faith and dominion - Genesis 1:26 - Mark 11:22-24 - and this is where i learned how to think - how to pray - and how to be blessed to be a blessing as StoveBolts said - Genesis 12:2

8. i am still growing in this - and my life is getting increasingly better as i learn to be led by God to do what He wants - John 16:13 - John 5:19 - John 12:50 - 1 John 5:14 - John 16:13

9. God wanted better for me than i even knew - but i had to go to zero in Christ so Christ could live through me as my ALL in ALL - John 3:30 - Philippians 4:13 - Philippians 2:13 - John 15:5 - Ephesians 3:20 - Jeremiah 29:11 - Proverbs 4:18

10. this process of changing my mind about why bad things happen and how to walk out of hell and into God's will for my life is a lifetime adventure - that started when i persistently started asking God to show me the truth

11. the key was finding out GOD is for me - He is not withholding - it is my lack of knowledge that created my hell (Hosea 4:6) - was that my fault? - not really - i only knew what i was taught as a child - but God is the ANSWER - He is the One who wants to teach us the truth (John 16:13) - which results in an increasingly better life in Christ (John 10:10 - Jeremiah 31:13 - Proverbs 4:18)

i'm not sharing this to tell you what to do - you are a unique and special person as we each are

i'm sharing my testimony to encourage you that God has something good for you too - God loves you and is with you and is there for you - Jeremiah 31:3 - Jeremiah 29:13

i am committed to praying for you to come out of misery and into all the good things God has for you - Jeremiah 29:11

praying for you my dear friend

 

[Northman]

I'm beginning to hate God for birthing me into a life of loneliness and depression, and into an environment that had killed me inside. If I have demons I'd rather befriend them since they're close unlike God.

Well I hope you don't stay there too long. I totally recognize that second sentence, pure emotional silly. Doesn't seem so now but it will.

When I was two, God authorized the death of my own earthly father. The storm that caused was incredibly crazy. Now I suppose whatever story can be inserted and details not sparring, but we can sum it up and just say lives were almost destroyed. It took quite some time for the raw emotions to fade.

So some 25 years later I'm sitting in some group at a church I agreed to go to only because of the fact I was dating a preachers kid(later became my wife). They were doing something called ancient paths. There were multiple small groups and the woman leading ours was going around the circle getting the story of each one. When it got to me and I told, she was taken aback for a sec and said "Do you forgive God for what he has done to you?". In an instant every thing I had read or been taught on God's sovereignty made sense(not that it meant I didn't have to or wouldn't learn more about it). This woman is off her rocker I thought, God doesn't need to be forgiven of anything, this is his sand box and he gets to do with it as he wants. It was the beginning of the end of all the hate.

Scripture has a great deal to say about God being boss. God plans and makes his plans come to fruition. God actually sends evil. God knows things we don't and not only isn't but shouldn't be required to explain himself. God uses us and other people to have effects on each other. I can point out where these are later if you aren't familiar with the concepts or if someone else hasn't already.

You are obviously in a lesson. For what I cannot say and nobody else will be able to either. Only God knows and if it's anything even remotely close to the throes I've seen then it's probably not even just for you but other people as well. The only thing I'd be bold enough to say is you probably won't even know the full effect of what it was all for on this side of life. Chin up, forgive those who consistently blame you for acting and speaking because they will get their own earful from Him later, and be ready for a surprise because He is NOT going to leave you there. There is a future reality we can't fathom. Paul said that nothing now can compare to the glory of what awaits.

Praying for expedience in your trial.

 

[HeIsRisen2018]

Well I hope you don't stay there too long. I totally recognize that second sentence, pure emotional silly. Doesn't seem so now but it will.

When I was two, God authorized the death of my own earthly father. The storm that caused was incredibly crazy. Now I suppose whatever story can be inserted and details not sparring, but we can sum it up and just say lives were almost destroyed. It took quite some time for the raw emotions to fade.

So some 25 years later I'm sitting in some group at a church I agreed to go to only because of the fact I was dating a preachers kid(later became my wife). They were doing something called ancient paths. There were multiple small groups and the woman leading ours was going around the circle getting the story of each one. When it got to me and I told, she was taken aback for a sec and said "Do you forgive God for what he has done to you?". In an instant every thing I had read or been taught on God's sovereignty made sense(not that it meant I didn't have to or wouldn't learn more about it). This woman is off her rocker I thought, God doesn't need to be forgiven of anything, this is his sand box and he gets to do with it as he wants. It was the beginning of the end of all the hate.

Scripture has a great deal to say about God being boss. God plans and makes his plans come to fruition. God actually sends evil. God knows things we don't and not only isn't but shouldn't be required to explain himself. God uses us and other people to have effects on each other. I can point out where these are later if you aren't familiar with the concepts or if someone else hasn't already.

You are obviously in a lesson. For what I cannot say and nobody else will be able to either. Only God knows and if it's anything even remotely close to the throes I've seen then it's probably not even just for you but other people as well. The only thing I'd be bold enough to say is you probably won't even know the full effect of what it was all for on this side of life. Chin up, forgive those who consistently blame you for acting and speaking because they will get their own earful from Him later, and be ready for a surprise because He is NOT going to leave you there. There is a future reality we can't fathom. Paul said that nothing now can compare to the glory of what awaits.

Praying for expedience in your trial.

The realization of the truth that I haven't forgiven God but He has forgiven me was among one of the best lessons I ever learned and I keep reminding myself that rather frequently.

 

[Sweet Orchid]

I'm beginning to hate God for birthing me into a life of loneliness and depression, and into an environment that had killed me inside. If I have demons I'd rather befriend them since they're close unlike God.

Jesus spoke kindly to those suffering troubles. His compassion is infinite. I will pray for you using the name you shared here, Essenaut.

Sometimes I think we suffer troubles to see what we have actually taken to heart from reading the word of God and its wisdom.
You are here seeking help through the prayer of others and I think that helps fortify your resistance to the darkness that threatens you every day.
The demons you refer to don't like you. They are as deceitful as the adversary to the love and light of Christ, Satan, their father.
If they can lead you to believe in them, they've won. But if you are a Christian and are eternally sealed by Creators Holy Spirit, you have but to remove the blinders the dark forces in your life have cast over your inner awareness and heart. And reach toward the light that exists within all things as source.
Imagine you're deep under dark water kicking and reaching for the surface that you cannot find because all around you is darkness. And you've no bearings to find the surface, the escape. Now, imagine the brilliant light of God piercing that darkness from above you. It is engulfing you so that the dark penetrable waters disappear. And all that you see is that warm oxygen giving light.
Now, kick! And reach upward through that light that calls you upward to the surface. Where you don't have to hold your breath anymore for fear of drowning in the dark troubles that clawed you down into the murk.

That's a way to see where you are now. And where you can be. If you trust the light is there waiting for you to believe in it more strongly than the darkness has caused you to believe in it.
God can never be overcome by darkness. Nor can you when you have God at your back.

I hope this helps you.

Blessed Be.

 

[Northman]

The realization of the truth that I haven't forgiven God but He has forgiven me was among one of the best lessons I ever learned and I keep reminding myself that rather frequently.

Wait til you hit the mark of being able to recognize that the mere suggestion that God needs to be forgiven of anything, as in He ever did anything wrong, comes from the belly of the devil himself.

 

[HeIsRisen2018]

Wait til you hit the mark of being able to recognize that the mere suggestion that God needs to be forgiven of anything, as in He ever did anything wrong, comes from the belly of the devil himself.

Ummm... I already did realize that. God is perfect and therefore He never makes mistakes and anybody or anything that tries to persuade you otherwise is a lie. And lies come straight from the devil.

 

[Northman]

Ummm... I already did realize that. God is perfect and therefore He never makes mistakes and anybody or anything that tries to persuade you otherwise is a lie. And lies come straight from the devil.

Sorry must have just been the way I read what you wrote, when you said the truth that you haven't forgiven God but he has forgiven sounded a bit like your forgiveness of God was to come, as in it might not have happened yet.

 

[HeIsRisen2018]

Sorry must have just been the way I read what you wrote, when you said the truth that you haven't forgiven God but he has forgiven sounded a bit like your forgiveness of God was to come, as in it might not have happened yet.

Nope! I don't need to forgive God for anything since He never was the one who messed up or did anything wrong, He is innocent while I am guilty. That's the point that I was originally trying to make.

 

[Northman]

Nope! I don't need to forgive God for anything since He never was the one who messed up or did anything wrong, He is innocent while I am guilty. That's the point that I was originally trying to make.

It's cool, different brand of English is all it is. We are people with the desire to communicate and we have.

Where you said...

The realization of the truth that I haven't forgiven God but He has forgiven me was among one of the best lessons I ever learned and I keep reminding myself that rather frequently.

I would have said...
"The realization of the truth that I am not even in a position to be able to forgive God but that he has forgiven me was among one of the best lessons I ever learned. I keep reminding myself of that rather frequently."

We had the same meaning and I get to learn a bit more about how you speak. Makes things easier for the future too. Bless your lovely big heart.

 

[HeIsRisen2018]

It's cool, different brand of English is all it is. We are people with the desire to communicate and we have.

Where you said...


I would have said...
"The realization of the truth that I am not even in a position to be able to forgive God but that he has forgiven me was among one of the best lessons I ever learned. I keep reminding myself of that rather frequently."

We had the same meaning and I get to learn a bit more about how you speak. Makes things easier for the future too. Bless your lovely big heart.

Thanks! I must confess that I'm not very good at conveying my messages sometimes or understanding others. It's just because I was born mentally challenged. I speak English well as it is my first and only language, I just don't always understand it even when it's spoken.

 

[Northman]

Thanks! I must confess that I'm not very good at conveying my messages sometimes or understanding others. It's just because I was born mentally challenged. I speak English well as it is my first and only language, I just don't always understand it even when it's spoken.

Oh don't you fret one bit. The fact you are willing to communicate and hash it out is more valuable than you knowing the whole dictionary, inside and out.

 

[HeIsRisen2018]

Oh don't you fret one bit. The fact you are willing to communicate and hash it out is more valuable than you knowing the whole dictionary, inside and out.

Gee, thanks brother! God bless you my dear friend. Anyways,..

 

[HeIsRisen2018]

Anyways, back on the OP, try reading this and listening to this song, it could possibly inspire you. (I know that it sure did with me :yes) This is quoted from my Message Bible (since it's easier for me to read) by the way from the book of Job chapter twenty-nine verses one through six.




Job now resumed his response:



"Oh how I long for the good old days, when God took such very good care of me. He always held a lamp before me and I walked through the dark by its light. Oh, how I miss those golden years when God's friendship graced my home, when the Mighty One was still by my side and my children were all around me, when everything was going my way and nothing seemed too difficult."

 

[dirtfarmer]

Well I blame God because it's true.

hello Essenaut, dirtfarmer here

God made lemons, but he also provided sugar. He didn't make sweet lemons. He leaves it up to you to sweeten the lemon juice to make lemonade. He also provides sunshine and rain. Without either we wouldn't have beautiful flowers nor food to eat.

Blaming God for not putting sugar in the lemon to make it sweet is kinda lazy, isn't it. He expects us to do some of the work for our happiness.