Is it time for divorce?

[jenkayben]

I got back with my husband in july when i was 5 months pregnant with kid # 3 and 2 weeks before our divorce was supposed to be final. He swore he changed. The only way to get back together was to move to another city away from the drama of everyone telling me not to get back with him. So we packed up and moved. Since we've been out here he has refused to get a job refused to mow the yard doesn't play with kids or help me around house all he does is play games on his computer watch tv and play with his i-phone. I work forty hours a week mow the grass plus clean house. I needed furniture moved and he refused to help me. He doesn't talk to me we don't have sex cause he'd rather look at teen porn he is off in his own world and It's like we aren't even there. I'm 2 weeks from due date mowed the yard today then went to work and he hasn't said one word to me. Is it divorce time?

 

[Cornelius]

I got back with my husband in july when i was 5 months pregnant with kid # 3 and 2 weeks before our divorce was supposed to be final. He swore he changed. The only way to get back together was to move to another city away from the drama of everyone telling me not to get back with him. So we packed up and moved. Since we've been out here he has refused to get a job refused to mow the yard doesn't play with kids or help me around house all he does is play games on his computer watch tv and play with his i-phone. I work forty hours a week mow the grass plus clean house. I needed furniture moved and he refused to help me. He doesn't talk to me we don't have sex cause he'd rather look at teen porn he is off in his own world and It's like we aren't even there. I'm 2 weeks from due date mowed the yard today then went to work and he hasn't said one word to me. Is it divorce time?

Dear sister, you are in a desperate situation and the Lord knows this. He is sovereign and this trial is known to Him. It was known to him before you were even born. He has made promises to His children and you can partake of those promises, they are part of your inheritance in Christ. There is ALWAYS hope when we bring our trials to the Lord. He ALWAYS listens and He WILL answer you. Pray, open your Bible and read: I am sure you will find your answer the minute you open your Bible .Expect an answer ! God will honor your faith.

your brother in Christ
Cornelius

 

[GojuBrian]

That sounds terrible!

I agree with Cornelius, put your faith in God


" Draw near to him and he will draw near to you. "

 

[heather]

I like that Brian!

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesusâ€

~ Philippians 4:6-7

Another good scripture! Remember that anxious means: experiencing worry, unease, or nervousness, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

Bring your requests to God. Do it in prayer and with an appeal or request to the authority of the Lord. Be thankful for what He has given you and the fact that you have this amazing life growing inside of you. Understand that according to this scripture, God will give you peace and will guard your heart and your mind. He may not give you the easy answer or the quick fix.

It may also be a good idea to seek a good marriage counselor who is in the word and living the life that God has put into place for him or her. Talk with your pastor about this and he may be able to give you a suggestion. Remember, also, that pornography is an addiction and that the only way to fix it may be to get rid of the computer. If it comes in between your marriage, the devil will use it to tear your family apart. He is a crafty one and will use any means necessary.

Pray for your husband's heart and mind. Pray for a hedge of protection and for his passions to be restored to you and your family. Prayer works wonders. There have been times when I felt neglected by my husband and instead of being frustrated and becoming angry, I became frustrated and taken it to God in prayer. Sure enough, his passion was immediately restored to me. I'm not saying that this will happen for you, but God will work in your life in ways you never expected. He will also work when the greatest glory will be seen.

Hold on to your husband, because divorce is hard on the entire family and it's an ugly thing that the devil uses to tear your family and your commitment to each other, and more importantly, to the Lord apart.

I hope this helps.

 

[walter]

Great, but what is she supposed to do right now?

I know you are well meaning but telling her to pray and read the bible, while excellent advice, doesn't address her immediate needs. God already knows what she needs right? Well, where is He?

I know situations like yours are heart breaking. You want it to change now. This will sound harsh but sometimes the only way someone will change is to turn him over to his lusts. My advice is to leave for the time being. Of course, tell him one last time what you need from him, be willing to compromise (just for now) but if he won't hear you, leave.

I'm not saying to leave forever. It's obvious you love him and he is the father of your children but there is no reason you should be saddled with him if he refuses to step up to his responsibilities.

I have a freind who wrote a book about marriage and divorce after studying the Bible. Do you know that the phrase "Let no man put asunder what God has joined together." is NOT in the bible?

 

[jasoncran]

seperation may be in order, to give him time to think, porn is so vile, pray for me in that area as well.

jason

 

[walter]

Yes, you got it Jason!

Porn and basically our entire entertainment industry can get inside and destroy lives if you buy into it. We all need to be on our guard there.

I should add that he needs your compassion because he is under the thumb of something insidious but that doesn't change my original advice.

 

[jasoncran]

i understand some of what he's doing,well because i struggle with porn. i will be praying for him.

lord only you understand this hardship, i ask that you heal this marriage as only you can do it. let no man judge them, have mercy and send a good christ loving mentor for the husband and hurting spouse, amen

 

[heather]

Walter,

We are called to bring everything to God all the time. Now, now, now. Get the picture?

She may need to give him time with out her again, but divorce should not be an option for Christians. I'm not saying that there is not forgiveness from God from divorce, but she needs to FIRST seek GOD'S will for her life and the lives of her family, not look for the quick fix.

 

[jasoncran]

Walter,

We are called to bring everything to God all the time. Now, now, now. Get the picture?

She may need to give him time with out her again, but divorce should not be an option for Christians. I'm not saying that there is not forgiveness from God from divorce, but she needs to FIRST seek GOD'S will for her life and the lives of her family, not look for the quick fix.

i thought about divorcing my wife over pot and the lord chastised me for it, he told me that i was no better than her and showed how i fail her! ouch

 

[Lewis]

Yes you have to leave dude for a while, if he lets you mow the lawn 2 weeks from your due date, he does not care about you.

 

[GojuBrian]

I agree with you Walter, but who are we to know the whole situation and God's will for her based on a paragraph!!

My advice was scripture. James 4:8 "Draw near to God and he will draw near to you."

If someone does this, God's promise will be fulfilled and what she needs to do will be so obvious to her. I can't draw near to her, none of us can. But God knows her situation, God knows her heart, God knows her husbands heart and HE knows the plans he has for them!! The best thing she can possibly do right now is to Draw Near!!

 

[walter]

Walter,

We are called to bring everything to God all the time. Now, now, now. Get the picture?

She may need to give him time with out her again, but divorce should not be an option for Christians. I'm not saying that there is not forgiveness from God from divorce, but she needs to FIRST seek GOD'S will for her life and the lives of her family, not look for the quick fix.

I'm not advocating a quick fix. You get me wrong. My point is she does not have to endure his garbage if he doesn't want to change. He obviously just told her what she wanted to hear so she'd stay with him.
The church has done major damage with their misunderstanding of marriage and divorce. Heck, Joseph even considered, albeit briefly the fact that he could divorce Mary.
Staying together at all costs is terrible advice.
Granted, working on a marriage until all things are exhausted is proper but she can't do it alone.

 

[heather]

But she should at least try. Like I said, a separation may be good, but she needs to try to work on it. The very best advice I still think is to seek a counselor.

 

[Lewis]

Yeah sometimes staying to together can get people killed, it is not always best to stay with each other. What about the women that get their butts kicked everyday, is it good for them to stay with their husband's ? No it is not. This guy is abusing her, he just hasn't hit her yet, or hasn't he ? And sometimes you can pray all you want and nothing will change, about certain things, it could be because God did not bless the union in the first place. Yes you are to do everything to make your marriage work, but sometimes it is not to be. And sometimes a separation will do the trick, and sometimes it will not. And if God wants to, He can heal the marriage, that is if He wants to.

 

[walter]

Yeah sometimes staying to together can get people killed, it is not always best to stay with each other. What about the women that get their butts kicked everyday, is it good for them to stay with their husband's ? No it is not. This guy is abusing her, he just hasn't hit her yet, or hasn't he ? And sometimes you can pray all you want and nothing will change, about certain things, it could be because God did not bless the union in the first place. Yes you are to do everything to make your marriage work, but sometimes it is not to be. And sometimes a separation will do the trick, and sometimes it will not. And if God wants to, He can heal the marriage, that is if He wants to.

I agree wholeheartedly!

 

[follower of Christ]

I'm not advocating a quick fix. You get me wrong. My point is she does not have to endure his garbage if he doesn't want to change. He obviously just told her what she wanted to hear so she'd stay with him.
The church has done major damage with their misunderstanding of marriage and divorce.

Absolutely agree that the church has put restrictions into place that arent biblical and chastised and condemned those who have done no wrong in the matter of divorce.

Heck, Joseph even considered, albeit briefly the fact that he could divorce Mary.

And had she not been innocent and had the angel not instructed Joseph of the matter, he would have divorced her based on the texts.

Staying together at all costs is terrible advice.

Agreed. Terrible, terrible advice. It makes the marriage vow worth more than the person who made it.

Granted, working on a marriage until all things are exhausted is proper but she can't do it alone.

Agreed.
Divorce should be the last option, but it IS an option that many are left with in lots of marriages because their spouse simply had and has no intention of BEING married or behaving as tho they are.

 

[follower of Christ]

I agree with you Walter, but who are we to know the whole situation and God's will for her based on a paragraph!!

My advice was scripture. James 4:8 "Draw near to God and he will draw near to you."

If someone does this, God's promise will be fulfilled and what she needs to do will be so obvious to her. I can't draw near to her, none of us can. But God knows her situation, God knows her heart, God knows her husbands heart and HE knows the plans he has for them!! The best thing she can possibly do right now is to Draw Near!!

ABsolutely she should turn her eyes to Jesus. But that in no way is making any promise that God will force her husband to do the right thing any more than He forced Cain to not murder his own brother. We have God given free will and God rarely overrides that freedom to choose.

 

[jenkayben]

Thank you for all the replies. I really don't want to give up but It's hard to put up with it day after day. I tell him that i feel all these things are more important than me like his phone computer etc. Monday night he says lets go out to eat. Then he checks his email on his phone over ten times while we are eating. He doesn't say one word to me the whole time we are there. Then yesterday he went to switch out the toilet seat and my 4 year old son wanted to help. Well he was listening to some radio program on his phone and kept telling our son to go away and shush and he just kept yelling at him. Is that radio show that important!It's been months since he said i love you kissed me showed any affection. I just feel like i'm at the end of the rope.

 

[azlan88]

You should probably divorce him, and here's why. Jesus said that you should never divorce unless your spouse has "committed a terrible sexual sin." You said that he looks at pornography, so that's your open door. However, the main reason why I think you should divorce is because your husband does not seem to love his children, but I only base that on the information that you gave me. Finally, beware, because I'm a victim of divorce, and it tore me apart for 15 years. I was cruel to my stepfather who loved me just so that I could be "loyal to my father," and I gave him hell throughout my whole childhood. I was also beligerant and torn apart. Your divorce could have an irreversable price on your kids and their relationships. The question you should ask yourself is, "Will my children suffer more if I divorce or if I don't?" That is a question that I cannot answer.