handy
Member
I love my husband... He's a great guy, my best friend, a good father, works his bum off providing for us. I try my best to be a good helpmeet for him.
But, we do have a lot of things that are putting a lot of stress on our marriage and on me... and I'm finding it harder and harder to cope with things and be the wife I want to be.
I guess the biggest problem is that Steve doesn't really live with us. His mom and dad own a house down in town and he basically lives there. He comes home on the weekends... sometimes. We can go down and be with him but only from Friday through Monday. Tuesday, his folks use the house, through to Thursday.
The problem is, it's really inconvient for us to go to town Friday through Mondays... We have all these animals, Viola raises goats to sell and at this time she has a couple of babies that are bottle fed so she can't really leave them.
I don't know... just think about leaving your home for four days each week and staying at someone else's house. It's not all that... we do it because I want to be with Steve as much as I can, but still...
Then, if Steve does come home on the weekends... and this is what's really getting to be a problem... His dad has all kinds of things he wants help with.
A week ago, last Saturday... I looked at the calendar and figured out that last Saturday was the first Saturday that a: Steve was home, b: We didn't have anything to do or any place to go, c: We were all four of us together...in over 2.5 months...Really, for the first time in 7 weeks, we were home, together, with nothing that had to be done. The night before, we didn't get home until 11:00pm and the house was hot (we don't have air conditioning) so it took us awhile to get to bed, but all four of us were talking about fun things to do since we were all going to be together...
Then the phone rang at 9:15 in the morning and the next thing I knew, my husband was up and gone... without telling us, his father had arranged for some help for the day and they went to get hay, then did some repair work. I had to scamble to get up and dressed and get the kids up and get the house in order, fix lunch for the crew etc. etc. and we didn't have the place to ourselves again until 4:00pm... by which time it was well over 100 degrees. It was too late to go anywhere and too hot to do anything at home. Sunday morning, I had to get up bright and early and drive down to the county fairgrounds to get the stuff that had been entered into the fair. Steve and Thomas came down to the house in town later, because it has air conditioning and Tom had an appointment on Monday.. but Viola stayed at home because of the baby goats.
In the 34 hours the four of us were actually together, at home and awake... we got to spend about 9 hours together.
This kind of stuff happens all the time...
Here was my week this week:
Monday... had to take my son to the allergist down in Boise then back to the Emmett house, where I dropped him off but I had to got to his doctor's in that town with some allergy shots for them to store. Then I went to the grocery store, got gas, and went back to the house to get supper. I then drove all over the valley picking up my daughter's friends for a promised pool party. We got to the pool at 7:30pm... had a very nice time. It's a private pool that can be rented for private parties, so it was just us, Steve's mom and brother and Viola's friends... had a great time, a wonderful time until about 8:40 when Steve had a major seizure. Once Steve finally came out of the seizure, Thomas started having an asthma attack and he didn't come out of that, so Steve's mom and Joe got all the kids out of the pool and home while Steve and I took Thomas to the ER... The ER doctor told us it was imperative that Thomas not be around dogs... and since my mother-in-law has 3 huge dogs that she brings with her where ever she goes, and since Thomas was way too sick to take back up home, we got a motel room in town for the night... However, after getting Steve and Tom in the motel room, I had to take Viola the 45 miles up to home then I had to got back to the motel. I got back to the motel around 1:30 in the morning.
Tuesday: After getting to bed at about 2:00 am, I had to be up by 8:00 in order to get the meds at the pharmacy... then get those meds into Thomas. We had a followup appointment with Tom's regular doctor at 10:00. Then it came time to figure out what exactly to do with Tom, because there are a lot of forest fires and the air quality at home was way too unhealthy for someone with asthma, since we need to keep the windows open because we don't have air conditioning. We finally settled on having Tom stay in his grandparents room at their house next door to ours, as no dogs are ever allowed there. However, they have 3 cats that live in that room, and even though he isn't allergic to cats... it was too small an environment for that many cats and he was overwhelmed by them and still had a number of asthma attacks throughout the day and night.
Wednesday: We decided to put Tom in his own room at home which never has any animal in it and we put these little coolers that you put ice and water in to keep his room relatively cool. That seemed to work out OK. The rest of the house was way hot because the coolers were in Tom's room, but the heat doesn't bother Viola and I decided to stay down at the folk's house next door with the cats and the air conditioning. I had just began to relax when Steve called and said that his job was on the line because he didn't get a report done. He brought all the stuff needed for the report and a couple of frozen pizzas home. We ate the pizza's then then kids went back up to our house and I stayed at his folk's house with him. We worked on the report together until about 1:00am when Steve went to bed. I stayed up until 7:00 working on the data and graphs for the report.
Thursday: After pulling an all nighter working on Steve's report, I finally got to bed around 7:30 and slept until about noon when it got too hot to sleep in our house. They had closed the main North/South highway in Idaho and were redirecting traffic. Those in the know, know that our little dirt road that we live on can be used to bypass the place that was closed so our normally quiet home was filled with dust and noise from non-stop traffic on a dirt road... which excerbated Thomas' asthma. So, I packed him up and we went back down to the Emmett house... timing it to as close as possible when the folks packed up all the dogs and went back to their house below ours. Steve came to the Emmett house, with the rest of his report and I worked on his report until 3:00am, getting it finished.
Yesterday: I slept until about 12:00 and was relaxing and feeling fairly well until about 3:30, when Steve called and said that he would be demoted and making $10.00 an hour because the report wasn't finished on time. So much for being relaxed. I urged him to talk to his supervisor. I had wanted to go to work yesterday and get everything done that I do for my work, but I was so tired and unsettled as to how we were going to be able to make it on $10.00 an hour that I couldn't concentrate enough to do a good job. Steve made it to the house at 6:30 and told me that he did talk with his supervisor and they reworked some of his clients and he'll be making his normal pay for 30 hours of the week and $10.00 for 10 hours of the week for two weeks. We'll be under a huge finacial pinch... but we'll get through it. Steve had been promising me, ever since last Saturday, that this weekend was going to be OUR weekend... it's the last weekend before school starts that we have free and he promised that we would get Viola and spend it together. Then his mom called and said that his dad wanted him to come home early in the morning because they were getting more hay.
That's when I lost it. I really did just break down.
I'd like to say that all the above was just a fluke but no... that's pretty much how my life goes. All in all, it was a very typical week. No, jobs being on the line because of reports (that he had over 3 months to do) not being done don't happen all the time... but it's always something.
I don't know if it's because I'm now pushing 51 and deep into menopause and just can't cope anymore... but I'm having a hard time pulling myself together. I'm here at the church where I'm supposed to be getting my work done. But, I'm just too agitated and too upset to concentrate. He did tell his mom that no, he wasn't going to help with the hay this weekend and he arranged to meet his mom halfway so that she could get Viola to us and she'll take care of the baby goats tonight and tomorrow morning. We're supposed to go swiming as soon as I get finished with work and then we're going to try to find a smoke free place to view the meteors tonight.
I don't know if I'm just whining here... or seeking prayer... or seeking some advice as to how to cope being a helpmeet under these kinds of circumstances.
I always feel that I have to hold things together in order not to place Steve under anymore stress that he already is, because if he gets too stressed out he'll have more seizures and then can't work. I can't be breaking down like I did last night, because it's not good for Steve. He feels guilty for leaving us alone as much as he does and it is up to me to take care of things.
I guess I don't know how to have him meet my emotional needs in all of this, without putting stress on him and unless I can somehow get things to settle down and be less stressful for me... I don't know how I can continue on with this...
But, we do have a lot of things that are putting a lot of stress on our marriage and on me... and I'm finding it harder and harder to cope with things and be the wife I want to be.
I guess the biggest problem is that Steve doesn't really live with us. His mom and dad own a house down in town and he basically lives there. He comes home on the weekends... sometimes. We can go down and be with him but only from Friday through Monday. Tuesday, his folks use the house, through to Thursday.
The problem is, it's really inconvient for us to go to town Friday through Mondays... We have all these animals, Viola raises goats to sell and at this time she has a couple of babies that are bottle fed so she can't really leave them.
I don't know... just think about leaving your home for four days each week and staying at someone else's house. It's not all that... we do it because I want to be with Steve as much as I can, but still...
Then, if Steve does come home on the weekends... and this is what's really getting to be a problem... His dad has all kinds of things he wants help with.
A week ago, last Saturday... I looked at the calendar and figured out that last Saturday was the first Saturday that a: Steve was home, b: We didn't have anything to do or any place to go, c: We were all four of us together...in over 2.5 months...Really, for the first time in 7 weeks, we were home, together, with nothing that had to be done. The night before, we didn't get home until 11:00pm and the house was hot (we don't have air conditioning) so it took us awhile to get to bed, but all four of us were talking about fun things to do since we were all going to be together...
Then the phone rang at 9:15 in the morning and the next thing I knew, my husband was up and gone... without telling us, his father had arranged for some help for the day and they went to get hay, then did some repair work. I had to scamble to get up and dressed and get the kids up and get the house in order, fix lunch for the crew etc. etc. and we didn't have the place to ourselves again until 4:00pm... by which time it was well over 100 degrees. It was too late to go anywhere and too hot to do anything at home. Sunday morning, I had to get up bright and early and drive down to the county fairgrounds to get the stuff that had been entered into the fair. Steve and Thomas came down to the house in town later, because it has air conditioning and Tom had an appointment on Monday.. but Viola stayed at home because of the baby goats.
In the 34 hours the four of us were actually together, at home and awake... we got to spend about 9 hours together.
This kind of stuff happens all the time...
Here was my week this week:
Monday... had to take my son to the allergist down in Boise then back to the Emmett house, where I dropped him off but I had to got to his doctor's in that town with some allergy shots for them to store. Then I went to the grocery store, got gas, and went back to the house to get supper. I then drove all over the valley picking up my daughter's friends for a promised pool party. We got to the pool at 7:30pm... had a very nice time. It's a private pool that can be rented for private parties, so it was just us, Steve's mom and brother and Viola's friends... had a great time, a wonderful time until about 8:40 when Steve had a major seizure. Once Steve finally came out of the seizure, Thomas started having an asthma attack and he didn't come out of that, so Steve's mom and Joe got all the kids out of the pool and home while Steve and I took Thomas to the ER... The ER doctor told us it was imperative that Thomas not be around dogs... and since my mother-in-law has 3 huge dogs that she brings with her where ever she goes, and since Thomas was way too sick to take back up home, we got a motel room in town for the night... However, after getting Steve and Tom in the motel room, I had to take Viola the 45 miles up to home then I had to got back to the motel. I got back to the motel around 1:30 in the morning.
Tuesday: After getting to bed at about 2:00 am, I had to be up by 8:00 in order to get the meds at the pharmacy... then get those meds into Thomas. We had a followup appointment with Tom's regular doctor at 10:00. Then it came time to figure out what exactly to do with Tom, because there are a lot of forest fires and the air quality at home was way too unhealthy for someone with asthma, since we need to keep the windows open because we don't have air conditioning. We finally settled on having Tom stay in his grandparents room at their house next door to ours, as no dogs are ever allowed there. However, they have 3 cats that live in that room, and even though he isn't allergic to cats... it was too small an environment for that many cats and he was overwhelmed by them and still had a number of asthma attacks throughout the day and night.
Wednesday: We decided to put Tom in his own room at home which never has any animal in it and we put these little coolers that you put ice and water in to keep his room relatively cool. That seemed to work out OK. The rest of the house was way hot because the coolers were in Tom's room, but the heat doesn't bother Viola and I decided to stay down at the folk's house next door with the cats and the air conditioning. I had just began to relax when Steve called and said that his job was on the line because he didn't get a report done. He brought all the stuff needed for the report and a couple of frozen pizzas home. We ate the pizza's then then kids went back up to our house and I stayed at his folk's house with him. We worked on the report together until about 1:00am when Steve went to bed. I stayed up until 7:00 working on the data and graphs for the report.
Thursday: After pulling an all nighter working on Steve's report, I finally got to bed around 7:30 and slept until about noon when it got too hot to sleep in our house. They had closed the main North/South highway in Idaho and were redirecting traffic. Those in the know, know that our little dirt road that we live on can be used to bypass the place that was closed so our normally quiet home was filled with dust and noise from non-stop traffic on a dirt road... which excerbated Thomas' asthma. So, I packed him up and we went back down to the Emmett house... timing it to as close as possible when the folks packed up all the dogs and went back to their house below ours. Steve came to the Emmett house, with the rest of his report and I worked on his report until 3:00am, getting it finished.
Yesterday: I slept until about 12:00 and was relaxing and feeling fairly well until about 3:30, when Steve called and said that he would be demoted and making $10.00 an hour because the report wasn't finished on time. So much for being relaxed. I urged him to talk to his supervisor. I had wanted to go to work yesterday and get everything done that I do for my work, but I was so tired and unsettled as to how we were going to be able to make it on $10.00 an hour that I couldn't concentrate enough to do a good job. Steve made it to the house at 6:30 and told me that he did talk with his supervisor and they reworked some of his clients and he'll be making his normal pay for 30 hours of the week and $10.00 for 10 hours of the week for two weeks. We'll be under a huge finacial pinch... but we'll get through it. Steve had been promising me, ever since last Saturday, that this weekend was going to be OUR weekend... it's the last weekend before school starts that we have free and he promised that we would get Viola and spend it together. Then his mom called and said that his dad wanted him to come home early in the morning because they were getting more hay.
That's when I lost it. I really did just break down.
I'd like to say that all the above was just a fluke but no... that's pretty much how my life goes. All in all, it was a very typical week. No, jobs being on the line because of reports (that he had over 3 months to do) not being done don't happen all the time... but it's always something.
I don't know if it's because I'm now pushing 51 and deep into menopause and just can't cope anymore... but I'm having a hard time pulling myself together. I'm here at the church where I'm supposed to be getting my work done. But, I'm just too agitated and too upset to concentrate. He did tell his mom that no, he wasn't going to help with the hay this weekend and he arranged to meet his mom halfway so that she could get Viola to us and she'll take care of the baby goats tonight and tomorrow morning. We're supposed to go swiming as soon as I get finished with work and then we're going to try to find a smoke free place to view the meteors tonight.
I don't know if I'm just whining here... or seeking prayer... or seeking some advice as to how to cope being a helpmeet under these kinds of circumstances.
I always feel that I have to hold things together in order not to place Steve under anymore stress that he already is, because if he gets too stressed out he'll have more seizures and then can't work. I can't be breaking down like I did last night, because it's not good for Steve. He feels guilty for leaving us alone as much as he does and it is up to me to take care of things.
I guess I don't know how to have him meet my emotional needs in all of this, without putting stress on him and unless I can somehow get things to settle down and be less stressful for me... I don't know how I can continue on with this...
i cant post what i will face soon. theres a good reason but that know why i say that. but i wont derail this
