Married but Lonely

[Susannah]

It is. Because on another thread you were condemning people for doing same.

I don't condemn people ever. Not even bad people. It's up to Jesus to pass judgment. I'm only human so I'm tempted. But I never go all the way to condemnation. Nobody on this forum owns a the thread. It was not a commandment. It was a request. If you want to ignore it there's nothing I can do about it. Let's take our feud to the conversation feature. I sent you a message. I haven't heard back.

 

[humble soul]

Of course it's true. Why are you accusing Tessa of telling a lie. Why did you get on this thread. Three women were discussing our pn and you jump in with a male perspective that makes no sense to us. Could you let us three women get back to our discussion please. Thank you.

Interestingly. If I were to show the same self righteous anger as you here , I would be accused of sexist bullying.

 

[Susannah]

It is true that you trigger me. But I would prefer to talk about this privately. If you're interested in resolving this I sent you a personal message. Otherwise have a good evening. The ladies and I will just start another thread on the women's forum.

 

[humble soul]

I don't wish to dominate this thread. Just that this forum is relatively quiet and I do have interest in this topic, appreciating some of the stress in minding kids all day. At the risk of Susannah ridiculing my experience, I will share that I was a teacher for almost 20 years. Kids as young as 7 I taught. That was hard enough. Younger than that was a Kindergarten Cop scenario. I was lucky I could use some classroom rules to modify the noise. But child care would be much harder.
I never had my own kids. I think having seen how stressed my mother was, raising 7, I respect anyone who spends a large amount of their day with young children. Patience and more patience required. But who has much patience in this modern world? Not many.
Am looking forward to luminous and dashboard posting again here. I certainly don't want this thread to be about me and my opinions.
Susannah misinterpreted my answer to Tessa. But I don't need to go there for I? Don't wish to bore you further.

 

[Susannah]

You are more qualified than I am to talk about the children. But the thread started with the word lonely and we started talking about loneliness in a marriage. And that's my expertise. So I am sure we both have something to offer. I have more than one personality. I give them different names. Inner child. Angry teenager. Adult. Higher Self (Christian). You triggerd my Angry Teenager. My inner child got wounded by something you said in another post and out came Gretchen my angry teenager.

I try to post from my higher self. But that's not who I am completely. I have faws and character defects and shortcomings like everybody else.

 

[humble soul]

By the way. Susannah and I have a lot of time on our hands.

 

[Susannah]

By the way. Susannah and I have a lot of time on our hands.

This is true. I'm a retired teacher and my husband passed away.

 

[humble soul]

This is true. I'm a retired teacher and my husband passed away.

Oh really. What are your college qualifications?

 

[humble soul]

Otherwise have a good evening.

You have a habit of saying good bye and returning soon after. Can you see how that might affect your credibility?

 

[Luminous_Rose]

Life can be very hard and painful when this is happening. It's good that you two ladies understand each other so well.
Never give up, never stop praying.
I knew of a woman who was going through things like this. She was a Christian. Her husband wasn't
She was a good wife and she loved him dearly but he was rude , ill tempered and abusive. She waited on him hand and foot and did everything she could for him. She prayed for him every night.
One morning he said to her "why do you do all this?" She answered "because I know you won't get any happiness in the next life so I try to make this life as pleasant as I can for you." The next weekend he turned up at Church and sat beside her. That was the beginning of a new happy life.
Never give up. Much love to you both.

Wow, what an amazing story! She sounds like a wonderful and patient woman. There are times that God gives us the right words to say at the right time. Sometimes the word choice might seem odd, but to the other person, it can make complete sense. I am so glad that things became better for both people in the end.

 

[Who Me]

Each church will be different.

I never said the elders or deacons didn't care for the church in any way. I'm saying that I don't want to run to them for my problems.

As you've said further down, attempts to generate remail fellowship go no where, you cannot be the only lonely woman in your church and as I said it is the elders or there wives who should be looking after the needs, spiritual and emotional of the ladies in the church.
Mobile phones are amazing and using one a youth leader can easily do a simple young children's program on you tube, equally zoom, a free programs, will allow agroup of people to interact over their phone, to see and talk to other adults etc.


Last point, as Susannah has said you need to find time to sit down and talk, to make contact again, I would suggest over a meal, put the kids to bed and sit at the table and talk about the day etc.

May I suggest if you have to argue that you say how his behaviour makes you feel. How his actions affect your feelings and not the distructive " you always do ..... "

 

[Tessa]

Wow, what an amazing story! She sounds like a wonderful and patient woman. There are times that God gives us the right words to say at the right time. Sometimes the word choice might seem odd, but to the other person, it can make complete sense. I am so glad that things became better for both people in the end.

I agree , God gives us the right words to say at the right time. Those words may be different for another person.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Year 1 = "It's okay, we all forget sometimes." Year 10 = "What?! I told you to get this done yesterday! How can you not remember?!" Yeah, so should I learn to accept this and not say or do anything?

Accept it? Yes.
We're all called to accept our sufferings.

Should you say or do anything?
Only you know that.
Only you know if that will be destructive to the relationship, or helpful.
Just remember that if you decide to say something, HOW you say it matters a lot.

 

[LovethroughDove]

It is cliche, but I guess you are wanting advice from Christians. This is the time where God is asking you to grow closer to him. One thing I have learned by living life, people will let you down. Thank God you were not in an arranged marriage, so you were able to say "yes" to the man you have children with.

I point this out, because you were able to make the choice on a husband and father. People can change during a marriage and we usually do, but you have all the control in how you feel. I found God, because even though my husband is dang near perfect........there was something missing. Being a responsible human being, he would brush my feelings off because he had to sleep and wake up in the morning and go to work to support our family. I would lay there next to him, but feel alone! No matter what I could say, he had his priorities. I know he loves me, but he does what he thinks he needs to do.

With that being said.......you may feel like your husband is not into you but he married you and even had children with you. I would say he is probably into you! Now, don't get discouraged that he does not live up to your expectations. More than likely, he just has a different point of view of what is to be expected in your marriage and family. The moral of my story is that Jesus knows every need and he will comfort any kind of need that you have, so if your husband drops the ball.....go to God.

 

[Luminous_Rose]

As you've said further down, attempts to generate remail fellowship go no where, you cannot be the only lonely woman in your church and as I said it is the elders or there wives who should be looking after the needs, spiritual and emotional of the ladies in the church.
Mobile phones are amazing and using one a youth leader can easily do a simple young children's program on you tube, equally zoom, a free programs, will allow agroup of people to interact over their phone, to see and talk to other adults etc.


Last point, as Susannah has said you need to find time to sit down and talk, to make contact again, I would suggest over a meal, put the kids to bed and sit at the table and talk about the day etc.

May I suggest if you have to argue that you say how his behaviour makes you feel. How his actions affect your feelings and not the distructive " you always do ..... "

Well, if that's how things worked then that would be nice. There are no youth leaders - maybe one of the reasons the youth have fallen so terribly at times because they lacked the support or the necessary growth.

Years ago, three elders put together a youth study. The elder that was originally the one in charge of the meetings was fairly old and running low on energy at times and he started needing to stay home with his wife that needed rest and wasn't always feeling great. He stopped doing it after a point. The two other elders took charge of the teachings and activities. One of the elders wanted us to be able to do a missions trip together and thought that would be cool and it seemed like after that suggestion, someone shut down the group.

It doesn't surprise me because someone in there, I think I know who doesn't seem to promote growth (one of the elders). I remember my mom suggested that our church volunteer in the town soup kitchens or something and she said they were rude to her and shut her down. Another woman suggested that we keep food boxes at the church if there are people coming in need of food. The endeavor wasn't successful.


It's possible I'm not the only one that feels lonely, but it could be possible I am, too. One of the mom's I tried to keep in touch with and it's like she says stuff in person when she has to, but doesn't get too involve in a conversation. She doesn't exactly respond to texts and we've agreed on times to go for an evening walk since she's down the street, but when I have gone, her mom is there taking care of her babies and said she had to go out and she doesn't even bother to tell me that she'll be late or is cancelling. I have given up. Apparently she doesn't want to talk to me.

Another mom has a lot of support, she has a lot of family that are coming by to bring her meals and support her in her difficult times. I know times have been hard for her, but she does have support because she has family members in that church that comes to check on her. There's also another mom within this whole family here that is also often supported in this manner. There will be another soon-to-be mom within that family and they will have a bunch of support. They all have a weekly dinner night where they all get together. Notice the family clique connections here? It's pretty fantastic when they all invite the whole church (except for our family) to some of their parties...

Another mom rarely comes, she usually has another family (the one mentioned in the paragraph above) bring her little one to church and they watch him often because his mom works. So I meet the child, but not really mom nor does she ever seem to want to talk to me - she usually talks with the family that brings her child when she is there.

So I feel like the only one. Maybe soon more things will open up, maybe soon I will get my driver's license, and then that way we'll find other things. My husband's new job has more days off a week so we schedule family outings that we can do to help our sanity. Things will hopefully get better after a point.

 

[Who Me]

Things will hopefully get better after a point.

Certainly hope so.
Do check out what ever other churches there are in your area,

 

[Luminous_Rose]

Certainly hope so.
Do check out what ever other churches there are in your area,

Already have been...always on the lookout. Haven't seen anything that's much different.