Mean to be mean!

[Danus]

How do you handle mean people?

There are only 6 mean people in the whole world. Problem is, they get around.

I have a mean neighbor with mean kids in training. I just pretend they don't exist.

I encounter a mean driver just about every day on my commute home. She came to my attention one day when, apparently I was not moving fast enough. I got the horn and some sign language. I see here just about every day and I wave when I can. :wavingThis has been going on for about 6 months off and on and she has actually waved back a few times, so I guess we're cool.

The other day my wife parked in a reserved spot at her office building. She got a nasty note. The next day she left a note to the owner of the car that belonged there, just apologizing for the inconvenience, but that's not all. She also left him/her some coupons for veriouse things. Free kids meal that sort of stuff.

Look we all have a bad day sometimes. We tend to carry our little problems around as if those problems are the world. I try to think beyond it. Do mean people get me down and make me mad? sure, but I refuse to let them live in my head rent free.

 

[Mike]

There are only 6 mean people in the whole world. Problem is, they get around.

I have a mean neighbor with mean kids in training. I just pretend they don't exist.

I encounter a mean driver just about every day on my commute home. She came to my attention one day when, apparently I was not moving fast enough. I got the horn and some sign language. I see here just about every day and I wave when I can. :wavingThis has been going on for about 6 months off and on and she has actually waved back a few times, so I guess we're cool.

Oh my gosh, I'm dyin' :rolling

 

[theLords]

There are only 6 mean people in the whole world. Problem is, they get around.

I have a mean neighbor with mean kids in training. I just pretend they don't exist.

I encounter a mean driver just about every day on my commute home. She came to my attention one day when, apparently I was not moving fast enough. I got the horn and some sign language. I see here just about every day and I wave when I can. :wavingThis has been going on for about 6 months off and on and she has actually waved back a few times, so I guess we're cool.

The other day my wife parked in a reserved spot at her office building. She got a nasty note. The next day she left a note to the owner of the car that belonged there, just apologizing for the inconvenience, but that's not all. She also left him/her some coupons for veriouse things. Free kids meal that sort of stuff.

Look we all have a bad day sometimes. We tend to carry our little problems around as if those problems are the world. I try to think beyond it. Do mean people get me down and make me mad? sure, but I refuse to let them live in my head rent free.

This sounded like a joke to me at first. Those satirical type jokes. Hilarious! It took me a while to realize that you were referring to your personal life.

 

[Danus]

:yes my wife and I share a siterical view of others behavior when it comes to issues like this. I remember once when we where dating she was driving me some place and the driver beside us honked at another driver. My wife went; "OH Oh oh"...honk honk!. Then someone else honked and someone else honked. and you could see people laughing in cars all around us.

I gave her the idea for the coupons. Sometimes she'll tell me about someone doing or saying something and we'll come up with all sorts of things to lighten each others loads when it comes to mean people.

So for the janitor.... you could make him cake, or sneak in one night and clean everything. That would freak him out. Leave notes of encouragement for him. Buy him a new mop :p. Try to keep a light side and realize his troubles are bigger than yours and there is no sense in letting his issues become yours. Maybe then he'll see that his problems where never that big to begin with.

 

[Mike]

:yes my wife and I share a siterical view of others behavior when it comes to issues like this. I remember once when we where dating she was driving me some place and the driver beside us honked at another driver. My wife went; "OH Oh oh"...honk honk!. Then someone else honked and someone else honked. and you could see people laughing in cars all around us.

I gave her the idea for the coupons. Sometimes she'll tell me about someone doing or saying something and we'll come up with all sorts of things to lighten each others loads when it comes to mean people.

So for the janitor.... you could make him cake, or sneak in one night and clean everything. That would freak him out. Leave notes of encouragement for him. Buy him a new mop :p. Try to keep a light side and realize his troubles are bigger than yours and there is no sense in letting his issues become yours. Maybe then he'll see that his problems where never that big to begin with.

This is why I love this guy. Danus, if your neighbor ever puts a "For Sale" sign on his lawn, could you let me know, so I can move next door to you?

 

[pjt]

I saw a similiar situation the day before yesterday. A really old elderly couple stepped on the esculator and stood there. Right afterwards a large built man about 35 years old came rushing to the esculator. He was obviously in a hurry and late to get somewhere. He hopped on the esculator ready to run up but there was the old couple in his way. He realized the stairs would be quicker so he jumped off the esculator and ran up the stairs BUT anger burst out of him. He stopped in the middle of the stairs to look down on that couple, got red in the face and yelled terrible things at them. I was shocked but then he ran on up the stairs and I thought he was just rude until he got at the top and stood in a threatening way at the top of the esculator where the old people were being moved towards him. He began shouting again, and this time I got scared he might attack them. He was huge and I had my 5 year old with me but I knew these weak old people could not defend themselves. I wondered what I would do if he attacked, but this couple was wise. They did not blink an eye, flinch, shout back, or show any indication that they noticed him. They remained completely cool and collected. Both just kept their eyes focused ahead of them. I think because they did not respond, the irrate man just ran off, but if they had responded in the slightest manner, it would have been all he needed to lash out more. I walked away from that seeing this couple as amazingly strong. Their strength was their silence. There is a Proverb, I would have to look it up, but it says something like not to strive with a contentious or foolish man or you will receive a blot. There are also Proverbs that say to stay away from angry people. I think I saw these scriptures played in action with this old couple. Here was an angry man who could only be made angrier no matter what you said or did. The best thing was just not to engage with him. Some people are better left alone.
So in your case, you had every right to use the restroom and the janitor was out of line by yelling at you. He could have gone in and started cleaning without either of you disturbing each other. I agree with others that he probably has a lot of problems and pressures in his life which you might want to pray a prayer for him, but don`t let him get to you. Just ignore obnoxious people.
I think Danus and his wife are amazing and the coupon idea was a good one, but in this case, his wife was in the wrong so she was making restitution. In your case, I don`t think I would buy the janitor anything because you don`t need to make restitution. I have learned the hard way that with some mean people, the better you treat them, the weaker they see you and they will take you as such. It is a very bullying attitude. Kindness is seen as weakness. With some mean people you have to be firm with because if they think for one second you are weak they think they have power over you and will only get worse. Stand your ground but don`t retaliate. You could simply tell him "I will be out in a few minutes but if you want to go ahead and get started don`t let me hinder you" and say nothing more. You shouldn`t be bullied out of the bathroom!!!!

 

[Danus]

Danus, if your neighbor ever puts a "For Sale" sign on his lawn, could you let me know, so I can move next door to you?

You got it.

I saw a similiar situation the day before yesterday. A really old elderly couple stepped on the esculator and stood there. Right afterwards a large built man about 35 years old came rushing to the esculator. He was obviously in a hurry and late to get somewhere. He hopped on the esculator ready to run up but there was the old couple in his way. He realized the stairs would be quicker so he jumped off the esculator and ran up the stairs BUT anger burst out of him. He stopped in the middle of the stairs to look down on that couple, got red in the face and yelled terrible things at them. I was shocked but then he ran on up the stairs and I thought he was just rude until he got at the top and stood in a threatening way at the top of the esculator where the old people were being moved towards him. He began shouting again, and this time I got scared he might attack them. He was huge and I had my 5 year old with me but I knew these weak old people could not defend themselves. I wondered what I would do if he attacked, but this couple was wise. They did not blink an eye, flinch, shout back, or show any indication that they noticed him. They remained completely cool and collected. Both just kept their eyes focused ahead of them. I think because they did not respond, the irrate man just ran off, but if they had responded in the slightest manner, it would have been all he needed to lash out more. I walked away from that seeing this couple as amazingly strong. Their strength was their silence. There is a Proverb, I would have to look it up, but it says something like not to strive with a contentious or foolish man or you will receive a blot. There are also Proverbs that say to stay away from angry people. I think I saw these scriptures played in action with this old couple. Here was an angry man who could only be made angrier no matter what you said or did. The best thing was just not to engage with him. Some people are better left alone.
So in your case, you had every right to use the restroom and the janitor was out of line by yelling at you. He could have gone in and started cleaning without either of you disturbing each other. I agree with others that he probably has a lot of problems and pressures in his life which you might want to pray a prayer for him, but don`t let him get to you. Just ignore obnoxious people.
I think Danus and his wife are amazing and the coupon idea was a good one, but in this case, his wife was in the wrong so she was making restitution. In your case, I don`t think I would buy the janitor anything because you don`t need to make restitution. I have learned the hard way that with some mean people, the better you treat them, the weaker they see you and they will take you as such. It is a very bullying attitude. Kindness is seen as weakness. With some mean people you have to be firm with because if they think for one second you are weak they think they have power over you and will only get worse. Stand your ground but don`t retaliate. You could simply tell him "I will be out in a few minutes but if you want to go ahead and get started don`t let me hinder you" and say nothing more. You shouldn`t be bullied out of the bathroom!!!!

I like this. I think it's the wisest advice.

You know the more into my Christian walk over the years the more meanness I seem to see, face, and experience from the world. I think that's true of all of us.

Let's face it, we Christians are more intune to the goodness, grace, mercy, kindness and compassion that our lord affords us, and that we in turn reflect inside ourselves. For most of us, it's subtle over time and I think we wake up to these changes the most when we experience the ugliness of the world and from others.

It leaves us hurt and maybe a little confused as to just who we are about, and what we should do to deal with it. We don't want to harden our hearts for the fear that we might be like them, or who we once where, but we don't want to be push overs either; we're not. We are strong people. God is on our side and in such negative experiences with others we've no real choice but to turn the other cheek in the manner which pit describes; turn to our father and to each other for the strength, guidance and good council.

Thanks pit. I got a lot out of what you had to say, as well as others.

 

[pjt]

Danus, I am glad you got something out of what I wrote. I was tired and my head was fuzzy as I was writing so when I finished I hoped I had made some sense, but when I read this topic, that old couple just jumped in my mind and I felt it was really relevant to this post and I wanted to share it. And I also wanted to share my own experience in dealing with difficult people. I also enjoyed reading your post that was such a shining example of how as Christians we should walk and handle situations in life.