My best friend - an opposite sex

[Classik]

Well said

Yes!!!

 

[Classik]

Even pastors now adays have been cautioned to never counsel a woman alone but have the wife, another female leader or secretary always be in there with them. Then there will not be any question what was said or done by either party. Its the safest way. Some even say keep the door open not closed

We dm the same...... But why the lack of trust? Is man so corrupt? Pofaced!!!

 

[Classik]

Thanks for your reply. That baby is cute. (I see a soccer star;)). About the links, I will visit them soon... [Manu vs Arsenal will keep me busy for the next 2hrs]

 

[Classik]

Interesting Thanks for the info :bounceball

 

[Grazer]

I know nothing will happen tomorrow when I meet my friend for dinner and a movie. We've been friends since before I became a Christian, we've been through a lot together.

Temptation may stalk us everyday but we are to resist that temptation.

I guess I just don't see the problem.

 

[handy]

When Steve and I first married he had a woman friend. While she wasn't exactly his "best" friend, they were close.

Frankly, I wasn't all that thrilled with the closeness of their friendship. Then, one day she asked if he would please go to lunch with her and she spent their time together talking about how bad her marriage was and how she and her husband were discussing divorce and she cried on Steve's shoulder (literally) and he gave her a hug of encouragement.

Red flags flew up all over the place for me. It's not that I didn't trust Steve... I did and still do, implicitly! It's just that she was opening herself up to be very vulnerable to Steve and he responded physically... not sexually, it's not like I think anything adulterous happened. But, that kind of thing really leads down a very slippery slope. I asked Steve to please not be with her alone any longer. I was OK with the idea of the three of us doing things together, but not just her and Steve alone.

However, once she knew that I was going to be in the mix from then on, she never really did anything with Steve again. Steve was surprised that their friendship was so quickly over, but I really wasn't.

Friendships between opposites sexes can happen... but when two people marry, they really shouldn't be alone with anyone of the opposite sex.

 

[duari91]

Just here to input my beliefs (on the subject) based off of social psychology.

First things first, let me explain how the brain works with the opposite sex. Women are emotional, men are visual. simple right? Now how do you think men develop relationships? Let me word that better, how do men develop interests? Men develop these things by a visual standpoint. If an attractive woman walks into the room, the man would be more inclined to create a "friendship" with her, than the less attractive females in the room. Now, I know what you are thinking "I have female friends I am not attracted to!" Here is the thing though, do you as a man, have conscious control of your SUB-conscious? Nope. This is where the attraction stays, in ones sub-conscious. This is how the relationships are held together. Even if you don't think you do, or even realize it. It is there, and it is DANGEROUS.

Second, this is where I am currently standing on the matter. Knowing what I know about male anatomy, why would I risk a relationship with a girlfriend/or wife? Yes, trust is key in a marriage, but the TRUST is in danger when you are putting yourself in these situations. I mean, its okay to be cordial with someone from the opposite sex. It's impossible to avoid them because they are everywhere, even work. However, I know I do not NEED to have a friend who is of the opposite sex other than my wife. The only thing it would accomplish would be creating a stem of jealousy in the mind of my spouse, putting my trust in danger, and not to mention giving myself the opportunity to be TEMPTED. As a christian, as a man, I gain NOTHING from having those sort of relationships. As you can see, the only thing you would gain is possible pain and suffering. I say possible because some people are able to luckily avoid those effects. I love my wife too much to put something like that before her, and put our marriage in trouble.

My wife is my treasure, and she is the only treasure to me. Why would I want to go out and change that?

Just my 2cents.

 

[Classik]

Temptation may stalk us everyday but we are to resist that temptation. .

I love this part. I think if someone claims to love God...the someone can learn to overcome temptation.

 

[Classik]

Just here to input my beliefs (on the subject) based off of social psychology. First things first, let me explain how the brain works with the opposite sex. Women are emotional, men are visual. simple right? Now how do you think men develop relationships? Let me word that better, how do men develop interests? Men develop these things by a visual standpoint. If an attractive woman walks into the room, the man would be more inclined to create a "friendship" with her, than the less attractive females in the room. Now, I know what you are thinking "I have female friends I am not attracted to!" Here is the thing though, do you as a man, have conscious control of your SUB-conscious? Nope. This is where the attraction stays, in ones sub-conscious. This is how the relationships are held together. Even if you don't think you do, or even realize it. It is there, and it is DANGEROUS. Second, this is where I am currently standing on the matter. Knowing what I know about male anatomy, why would I risk a relationship with a girlfriend/or wife? Yes, trust is key in a marriage, but the TRUST is in danger when you are putting yourself in these situations. I mean, its okay to be cordial with someone from the opposite sex. It's impossible to avoid them because they are everywhere, even work. However, I know I do not NEED to have a friend who is of the opposite sex other than my wife. The only thing it would accomplish would be creating a stem of jealousy in the mind of my spouse, putting my trust in danger, and not to mention giving myself the opportunity to be TEMPTED. As a christian, as a man, I gain NOTHING from having those sort of relationships. As you can see, the only thing you would gain is possible pain and suffering. I say possible because some people are able to luckily avoid those effects. I love my wife too much to put something like that before her, and put our marriage in trouble. My wife is my treasure, and she is the only treasure to me. Why would I want to go out and change that? Just my 2cents.

wooooooow!!!! I can see you have a happy home...and you love your wife with all your heart. Congrats! Keep it up. (Christmas is few days away. Hope you have a special gift for her.)

 

[elijah23]

My best friend - an opposite sex

okay. This is not about me...I want our views. ;)

Most people do not feel comfortable when a guy has a female (opposite sex) as his best friend or when a female has a male (an opposite sex) as her best friend.

What are they afraid of? :dunno
Suspicious?

I don't see anything wrong with it. (I remember in those days when those leaders made it as a rule: your discipler must be the same sex with you . Can't you disciple an opposite sex?).


Why always suspecting the youth?:bigfrown This whole thing ....(notion that: youthfulness is synonymous with immorality. Detestable!!!)

As long as there is no lust, friendship with someone of the opposite sex is fine. One needs to be careful about that, though.

 

[Blev]

We dm the same...... But why the lack of trust? Is man so corrupt? Pofaced!!!

It has nothing to do with lack of trust. But there have been many who both trusted the other and it broke up marriages or caused problems with the girl/boyfriend or finance. Classik I'm talking about those who are married and who want to be with the 'friend' alone. The devil does not play fair. And spending alot of time alone sooner or later one could begin falling in love. That would be coveting another person's wife or husband. Its just better to be safe than sorry.

And remember this:
1 Thessalonians 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.

It can be taken the wrong way by others and ruin reputations. And even split a whole church if one or both are leaders or a pastor

 

[Blev]

Frankly, I wasn't all that thrilled with the closeness of their friendship. Then, one day she asked if he would please go to lunch with her and she spent their time together talking about how bad her marriage was and how she and her husband were discussing divorce and she cried on Steve's shoulder (literally) and he gave her a hug of encouragement.


.

That's a very dangerous situation when one is having marriage problems!

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Even pastors now adays have been cautioned to never counsel a woman alone but have the wife, another female leader or secretary always be in there with them. Then there will not be any question what was said or done by either party. Its the safest way. Some even say keep the door open not closed

Many years ago the pastor at my mom and dad's church was discovered to have made the mistake of counseling women about their marriages behind closed doors. He did not have one affair. He did not have two affairs. He had three affairs with women of the church who were seeing him for marital counseling.

The thing about it is I personally am convinced he was a genuine believer who just got careless (and incredibly stupid) and got snared by the temptations of the flesh. He humbled himself and was restored to, both, the body of Christ and to his wife and children. He went on to other productive ministry.

Then the very next pastor was having affairs, but this time on line. By this time my wife and I had become regular attenders. One day out of the blue, just before the million man march on Washington he skipped out of town and left everyone wondering what had happened. He did not humble himself. He was not restored to either the church or his wife. Of course, only God knows his eternal status. But, Biblically, we have no choice but to consider him an unbeliever.

He contacted his family and the co-pastor of the church in the months after he left and there was no repentance, no sorrow, just some more facts about what happened, and where he was at. In Hawaii if I remember correctly, working in real estate. My wife and I asked the co-pastor about him and he plainly told us he had been living a double life while he was pastor of the church.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

The devil does not play fair. And spending alot of time alone sooner or later one could begin falling in love. That would be coveting another person's wife or husband. Its just better to be safe than sorry.

When you consider how many people, especially women, who fall in love because the other person was so friendly and kind it's amazing to see that people think they can develop the very foundation of a good romantic relationship (friendship) and then think they will be safe from the temptation of falling in love with that person. IMO, you're kidding yourself if you think that's possible.

Even for us men, some of the most attractive qualities in the opposite sex is the fact that they get along with you, and have things in common with you, and that they have a real respect for you (like real friends have for each other). Why do people think they can entertain all the good things to base a romance on and somehow be strong enough to walk away from it when the temptation to act on it comes up?????? Especially if they don't like the person they're with now.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Just here to input my beliefs (on the subject) based off of social psychology.

First things first, let me explain how the brain works with the opposite sex. Women are emotional, men are visual. simple right? Now how do you think men develop relationships? Let me word that better, how do men develop interests? Men develop these things by a visual standpoint. If an attractive woman walks into the room, the man would be more inclined to create a "friendship" with her, than the less attractive females in the room. Now, I know what you are thinking "I have female friends I am not attracted to!" Here is the thing though, do you as a man, have conscious control of your SUB-conscious? Nope. This is where the attraction stays, in ones sub-conscious. This is how the relationships are held together. Even if you don't think you do, or even realize it. It is there, and it is DANGEROUS.

Second, this is where I am currently standing on the matter. Knowing what I know about male anatomy, why would I risk a relationship with a girlfriend/or wife? Yes, trust is key in a marriage, but the TRUST is in danger when you are putting yourself in these situations. I mean, its okay to be cordial with someone from the opposite sex. It's impossible to avoid them because they are everywhere, even work. However, I know I do not NEED to have a friend who is of the opposite sex other than my wife. The only thing it would accomplish would be creating a stem of jealousy in the mind of my spouse, putting my trust in danger, and not to mention giving myself the opportunity to be TEMPTED. As a christian, as a man, I gain NOTHING from having those sort of relationships. As you can see, the only thing you would gain is possible pain and suffering. I say possible because some people are able to luckily avoid those effects. I love my wife too much to put something like that before her, and put our marriage in trouble.

My wife is my treasure, and she is the only treasure to me. Why would I want to go out and change that?

Just my 2cents.

I don't know all about the physiology about falling in love, but this represents my opinions about the matter.

You're flirtin' with disaster if you think you can safetly entertain the opposite sex while trying to maintain a relationship with someone else. Even if you're convinced you can control yourself, the other person can't be trusted to not pursue more than just the friendship you have.

For years my wife and I had an understanding that we would not have friendships with the opposite sex. She reluctantly agreed. Recently she decided that since I talked to Christian women on line in forums and at various times in churches we attended in the past, and that we no longer had a relationship (she moved out of the bedroom 6 years ago) she could now have male friendships. I'll spare you the details, but immediately one of the married men she knew on Facebook that she began privately e-mailing started sharing his attraction for her. So, even though she thought it could be safe from her point of view there was no way to guarantee that the other person would not stay in the boundaries.

Having been on the losing end of an affair in the first year of my marriage I know that sharing your feelings and attractions and affections with someone else besides your spouse is one of the most hurtful things you can do to a person. As Christians we are to live by the rule of godly love which says, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” 10 Love does no harm to its neighbor..." (Romans 13:9-10 NIV1984).

Out of love (as defined above) for our spouses (or the one we're presently dating, whichever applies) we should forgo our freedom to indulge friendships with the opposite sex even if we think we are sure we can control them and keep them in appropriate boundaries (which I think is not something you can count on doing anyway).

 

[evenifigoalone]

What about someone you were good friends with before they were in a relationship with someone else?

 

[Jethro Bodine]

What about someone you were good friends with before they were in a relationship with someone else?

Well, since you didn't marry them, or choose them as a girl/boy friend why let them compete with who you did choose for that? Like I say, you're flirtin' with disaster to think you can have your cake and eat it too. You gotta make a choice to guard where your greater Christian responsibilities are.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Right on, Jethro. Like I also said earlier, unless one is perfect and a totally sinless (yeah right (:crazy:toofunny:toofunny:toofunny) sort of person, great care needs to be exercised.

I know all too well the powerful lure of forbidden fruit.

I say this with all honesty and humility...only God got me through it without falling. Only God.

Do yourself a favor folks. Don't play with it, no matter how innocent it is. Not even for a second.

 

[farouk]

Then of course two Christians, maybe the only Christians in a place of work, could be longstanding co-workers. It's hard to legislate against being on reasonably friendly terms with someone with whom one has something in common. I'm also a strong believer in maintaining proprieties; for example, if both want to attend a Christian rock concert or whatever, it's best to go as part of a group.

 

[evenifigoalone]

Well, since you didn't marry them, or choose them as a girl/boy friend why let them compete with who you did choose for that? Like I say, you're flirtin' with disaster to think you can have your cake and eat it too. You gotta make a choice to guard where your greater Christian responsibilities are.

Just seems rather harsh to break off a friendship abruptly like that. Friendships are based on mutual trust and respect as well.

I agree with not being alone with them, however. That is a danger and I understand that.