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My best friend - an opposite sex

questdriven said:
Just seems rather harsh to break off a friendship abruptly like that. Friendships are based on mutual trust and respect as well.

I agree with not being alone with them, however. That is a danger and I understand that.
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questdriven:

I think that friendships can exist at various levels, and the person who suddenly breaks off a reasonably friendly attitude to someone can be perceived as being moody.

But it's good to recognize dangers, too, like you say.
 
questdriven said:
Just seems rather harsh to break off a friendship abruptly like that. Friendships are based on mutual trust and respect as well.
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I'm finding out that maturing in Christ means learning along the way how to be tactful and polite in our pursuit of the will of God for our lives.

I remember shutting off cold a letter writing relationship I had with a woman I witnessed to at work who later came to Christ after I left that job (we talked ONLY about religious things). Pretty insensitive on my part for sure. My intentions were good, but my method was not.


questdriven said:
I agree with not being alone with them, however. That is a danger and I understand that.
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And that's really the key, I think. Make sure you take the person along who loses out in the event an inappropriate relationship develops. And make sure they get the lion's share of the attention from those who could potentially fall into the inappropriate relationship.

I can confirm with complete certainty that the key to living the successful Christian life is to treat other people the way you would want to be treated if you were in their shoes and had their fears and wants and desires. If you do that you'll never wonder what the will of God is and how to walk in it. And, as a bonus, you'll live in the abundance of God's Spirit as a reward. Your heart will be full and satisfied and you'll enjoy the goodness of life. Waaaaay more satisfaction and goodness than you think you'll get out of a friendship that has the potential of hurting someone else.
 
Jethro Bodine said:
I'm finding out that maturing in Christ means learning along the way how to be tactful and polite in our pursuit of the will of God for our lives.

I remember shutting off cold a letter writing relationship I had with a woman I witnessed to at work who later came to Christ after I left that job (we talked ONLY about religious things). Pretty insensitive on my part for sure. My intentions were good, but my method was not.



And that's really the key, I think. Make sure you take the person along who loses out in the event an inappropriate relationship develops. And make sure they get the lion's share of the attention from those who could potentially fall into the inappropriate relationship.

I can confirm with complete certainty that the key to living the successful Christian life is to treat other people the way you would want to be treated if you were in their shoes and had their fears and wants and desires. If you do that you'll never wonder what the will of God is and how to walk in it. And, as a bonus, you'll live in the abundance of God's Spirit as a reward. Your heart will be full and satisfied and you'll enjoy the goodness of life. Waaaaay more satisfaction and goodness than you think you'll get out of a friendship that has the potential of hurting someone else.
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I agree. I think a good friend would do their best to respect their friend's marriage or relationship.
I don't think it necessarily means you have to stop being friends altogether, though. Not sure if that's what you're saying or not.
 
questdriven said:
I agree. I think a good friend would do their best to respect their friend's marriage or relationship.
I don't think it necessarily means you have to stop being friends altogether, though. Not sure if that's what you're saying or not.
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questdriven:

This is a good old hymn:

"Take time to be holy, speak oft with thy Lord;
Abide in Him always, and feed on His Word.
Make friends of God’s children, help those who are weak,
Forgetting in nothing His blessing to seek."

(See emphasis also, above)
 
Jethro Bodine said:
I know all too well the powerful lure of forbidden fruit.

I say this with all honesty and humility...only God got me through it without falling. Only God.

Do yourself a favor folks. Don't play with it, no matter how innocent it is. Not even for a second.
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I"m sorry you had to go thru all that. You're right, its just not worth it.

I have seen so many divorces because of online relationships that started out so innocently. I've lost count now. And supposedly CHRISTAN boards, chats, forums. You never really know about what some online will do. I've known them to get together, ruin the marriage and then ruin that marriage. I think its best to ask the Lord to send the right one to you in person. That is the only way you really get to know a person, in my opinion
 
Classik said:
My best friend - an opposite sex

okay. This is not about me...I want our views. ;)

Most people do not feel comfortable when a guy has a female (opposite sex) as his best friend or when a female has a male (an opposite sex) as her best friend.

What are they afraid of? :dunno
Suspicious? :shrug

I don't see anything wrong with it. (I remember in those days when those leaders made it as a rule: your discipler must be the same sex with you :confused. Can't you disciple an opposite sex?).


Why always suspecting the youth?:bigfrown This whole thing ....(notion that: youthfulness is synonymous with immorality. Detestable!!!)
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Classik, is that your real picture, if it is your one handsome young man.:lol

I see nothing wrong in having someone of the opposite sex as a best friend. I believe that friendship today has become trivialised in that people assume that IF a man has a close female friend or vice versa people assume that that there must be something sexual in it. I think by allowing this kind of thinking to permeate our society we can all miss out on real friendships.
 
farouk said:
Then of course two Christians, maybe the only Christians in a place of work, could be longstanding co-workers. It's hard to legislate against being on reasonably friendly terms with someone with whom one has something in common. I'm also a strong believer in maintaining proprieties; for example, if both want to attend a Christian rock concert or whatever, it's best to go as part of a group.
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I agree with you, farouk, except that this thread isn't about being "reasonably friendly" with people of the opposite sex. Really, as Christians, we should be reasonably friendly with everyone, unless shown good reason not to be.

But, the topic at hand is "My best friend - an opposite sex". There is a big difference between those we are friendly with and our "best friend".

Going back to my husband's friend who cried on his shoulder and was given an encouraging hug... well, if my best friend (who is a woman like me) was going through the same thing, I'd let her cry on my shoulder and I would hug her too. The falling apart of a marriage... or the serious illness of a child or the death of a parent... all these are situations where we as human beings rely upon each other and being given physical responses, (being held, shoulder to cry on and hugs) are how we are sustained through these bad times.

The problem is... when the two friends are of the opposite sex, especially when both are married to others, that physical contact is at best inappropriate and moreover, opening both up to temptations and leads that Christians should flee from.

As to questdriven's observations:

Just seems rather harsh to break off a friendship abruptly like that. Friendships are based on mutual trust and respect as well.

I agree with not being alone with them, however. That is a danger and I understand that.
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I agree that a friendship needn't be broken off abruptly. Never being alone with each other is definitely a key. Another big part of this is for the spouse that is the same sex as the friend to become friends as well.

However, it's a sad story that's told over and over, couples who are friends and do things as couples and then find that two out of the four were having an affair. It's not logical or even intelligent to ignore the eons established fact that people, even "good Christian people" fall into temptation and sin.

To me, it was a big red flag that Steve and his friend had physical contact (albeit not sexual in any way) and Steve respected my (his wife's ) wishes to never be alone with her again. And, lo and behold, once it was clear that from then on, all time spent together would include at least me, if not her husband and child as well... she never took us up on the offer.

It's possible for friends of the opposite sex to remain friends after one or both marry... but it's my opinion it's not possible or even desirable for two people of the opposite sex to remain "best friends" after one or both marry.

Really, if one's spouse isn't the best friend of the opposite sex one can have... there's something wrong.
 
handy said:
It's possible for friends of the opposite sex to remain friends after one or both marry... but it's my opinion it's not possible or even desirable for two people of the opposite sex to remain "best friends" after one or both marry. .
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In this case, and assuming such a thing as 'best friends' exists between a male and a female should they part or end the friendship. :dunno :confused :shrug :shocked
 
handy said:
Really, if one's spouse isn't the best friend of the opposite sex one can have... there's something wrong.
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I think there might be a difference in the two: Me + my best friend (an opposite sex) and me + my life partner (wife/husband)
 
And Dora, welcome back. I was glad when I noticed you are back to posting again. What held you back? Those kids and domestic chores??? Okay I will assist you. I will do the cooking and wash stuff for you. (But I can't assist you or help you when soccer is going on.):):):)
 
I've just had a lovely afternoon watching a movie then having dinner with a female friend who's an atheist :D We talked about a lot of things and yes, I confide in her
 
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Thanks for the welcome back, Classik... yep, with homeschooling two kids, keeping up with my parttime job and other duties, just haven't had the time to do much online lately.

Classik said:
I think there might be a difference in the two: Me + my best friend (an opposite sex) and me + my life partner (wife/husband)
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I have no problems with having friends of the opposite sex... but best friend... that one special friend which is very much a soul mate, one whom one can share all thoughts and problems with... that should be one's mate. A husband's best buddy.. a wife's BFF... those relationships can actually help a marriage by allowing for healthy activity with others... but having a soul mate of the opposite sex that is not your spouse... that's opening up one's marriage to a whole lot of problems.
 
Its all about sharing intimacy between a man and a woman. It DOESN'T have to be physical. That is where the problems arise, I think. Women and men think differently...we all know that. If there is an emotional dependency...as women tend to do...just by their nature, and a man, that is committed to another woman is a part of that...it is a problem. The thing is, men don't realize that sometimes. They think..."I'm not physically attracted, therefore, all is well". But the woman is thinking..."That other woman is depending on him in a way that only I should be privvy to" and will feel threatened. I'm NOT saying a committed person can't have a friendship with a member of the opposite sex. I think it would be wise to evaluate the situation though, especially in light of what the partner is feeling. Does that make sense??
 
Very good points, insecure? !

Very good points indeed. Women are more prone to emotional affairs, but men are kidding themselves if they think they are immune as well. Someone to share thoughts, ideals, affirmation with... that's heady, heady stuff. Add a hug here, and pat on the back there, physical, but not sexual... and one has really opened a powder keg that can blow up and destroy a family in no time.

I was talking with Steve about this thread earlier and he was in agreement with me, having a best friend of the opposite sex when one is married is just not a good idea at all. He's come a long way since he was defending his friendship with the aforementioned woman while we were dating and first married... and it was the time she told him all about her marriage woes, cried on his shoulder and he hugged her that brought it all home to him how inappropriate it was, once he was married to me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm the antithesis of a jealous woman... nor am I the least bit insecure in my marriage. Believe me, my marriage wouldn't last if I were, not with us not sleeping in the same town most nights out of the week!

I trust Steve implicitly... but I would never desire another man to fulfill the role of best friend in my life, and I would be hurt beyond measure if Steve sought a woman to be his best friend.
 
People (men) who are flanked by women (relatives, neighbors, colleagues/wokers etc) tend to have such a level of intimacy with women. Same is true with women. I hope we understand what I mean by intimacy? That's in a holy sense.
 
We have seriously talked about married people and opposite sex. Now...how about the young ones, the youth who are not married at all?
 
Classik said:
We have seriously talked about married people and opposite sex. Now...how about the young ones, the youth who are not married at all?
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I touched on it.

Same rules apply. Don't hurt the person you have chosen to date by refusing to share the attention, feelings, and affections with another person of the opposite sex that you share with your steady. Those belong to them alone. If you don't believe that, just turn the tables and imagine your steady sharing the attention, feelings, and affections that you receive from them with another person.
 
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