I feel like I'm at the end of my rope and really need some help. I have been married for 17 years and have a wonderful 8 year old child. My wife and I have not had sex in just shy of 4 years now and it has been almost a daily struggle for me. She claims that she is unable to because of medical reasons (she claims heart problems) but we have been to several doctors and they've all said there is nothing wrong with her and ALL have prescribed anti-anxiety medications for her and most have recommended she see a counselor but she refuses.
She is a stay at home mom and I do plenty to help out around the house. I've done my own laundry for most of our married life and I do my own cooking. I throw this out there to show, it has nothing to do with stress from a job or being overworked at home.
We sleep in separate bedrooms because she says I move around too much at night and keep her awake. Not to mention that she has to have the TV on, a fan and a portable air conditioner going at all times.
Shortly after the sex stopped, so did the deep kisses, hugs and holding hands. When asked about it, she said she has never liked kissing. (oh really? so the first 15 years was just out of obligation?)
As long as I don't bring it up or show my frustration, she acts as if everything is perfectly normal. After the first two years of complaining about it, I spent 6 months trying to be the best husband I could be. I didn't bring it up and kept a smile on my face at all time. I had always given her nightly foot and leg massages to help relieve her anxiety and help her relax which I continued. I made sure the house stayed clean and took care of the vacuuming and cleaning of the bathrooms as she said they caused her issues. I thought if I was the perfect husband, she would want to meet my needs as well. Nope, just expected more of me.
I've thought of leaving and even though scripturally, I wouldn't be able to re-marry, I would feel less frustrated. Unfortunately, my child is my number one priority and since it would wreck their life if I left, I just couldn't do it. Unfortunately, I'm feeling lately that more and more, this last golden thread that the child represents in holding this marriage together is wearing thin and won't last much longer.
Keep in mind that this is just my side of the story and that there are 17 years of history in this marriage so I'm sure there are other contributing factors but I believe this is a fair representation of the problem in a nutshell. Any thoughts are welcome and more importantly, your prayers are appreciated.
She is a stay at home mom and I do plenty to help out around the house. I've done my own laundry for most of our married life and I do my own cooking. I throw this out there to show, it has nothing to do with stress from a job or being overworked at home.
We sleep in separate bedrooms because she says I move around too much at night and keep her awake. Not to mention that she has to have the TV on, a fan and a portable air conditioner going at all times.
Shortly after the sex stopped, so did the deep kisses, hugs and holding hands. When asked about it, she said she has never liked kissing. (oh really? so the first 15 years was just out of obligation?)
As long as I don't bring it up or show my frustration, she acts as if everything is perfectly normal. After the first two years of complaining about it, I spent 6 months trying to be the best husband I could be. I didn't bring it up and kept a smile on my face at all time. I had always given her nightly foot and leg massages to help relieve her anxiety and help her relax which I continued. I made sure the house stayed clean and took care of the vacuuming and cleaning of the bathrooms as she said they caused her issues. I thought if I was the perfect husband, she would want to meet my needs as well. Nope, just expected more of me.
I've thought of leaving and even though scripturally, I wouldn't be able to re-marry, I would feel less frustrated. Unfortunately, my child is my number one priority and since it would wreck their life if I left, I just couldn't do it. Unfortunately, I'm feeling lately that more and more, this last golden thread that the child represents in holding this marriage together is wearing thin and won't last much longer.
Keep in mind that this is just my side of the story and that there are 17 years of history in this marriage so I'm sure there are other contributing factors but I believe this is a fair representation of the problem in a nutshell. Any thoughts are welcome and more importantly, your prayers are appreciated.
