[__ Prayer __] "nothing special"

[Christ_empowered]

this is one of many things that people around here taunt me with. I gotta get over it. When I was a teenager, I wanted to be cool or something. I dunno. A lot of my memories have been electroshocked into oblivion. Now, The Lord has made me: healthy, smart enough for my goals, and remarkably--gasp--normal. Normal face, normal height, normal voice, normal-ish personality. Normal. God is good!

Thing is...despite everything, I'm too sensitive to what other people say about me. "He can never become a man!" and "so dull, ordinary...nothin' special!" and on and on it goes. I could (once again) psycho-analyze why people say these things, blah blah blah. I"m low status in the community and very stigmatized, for a number of reasons. I'm beginning to see...when The Lord works out miracles for "the least of these," don't expect a ticker tape parade. Far, far from it, lol.

I gotta get over it. The community looks down at me and gets angry when I "get uppity" and/or "don't know my place in society." I think people are more vocal about it in The Bible Belt ("1,000 miles wide, 1 inch deep"), but I think the attitude is the same all over. In more "progressive" parts of the country, I'd probably be in a state mental hospital, maybe a group home, maybe on "assisted outpatient treatment" (read: they "assist" you in getting treatment by subjecting you to involuntary injections of long-acting antipsychotics, enforced by court order. No thanks...).

Yes, its the neighbors again. Everything was cool for a while there. I thought maybe they'd simmered down. Then, they started back with the "he'll never become a man!" and other stuff, plus the "he's nothing special!" and such.

They're not going to stop, barring serious intervention from on high. This community is a harsh, harsh place, or can be. Its strange...we have so many churches and "Christians," and yet this is one of the most violent parts of the state, in a state that's one of the most violent states in the US. drug abuse, teen pregnancy, generation after generation of poverty, racism, on and on it goes...southern culture, at its finest.

I'm rambling. I ask that you pray that I get over it, just brush it off. I can't keep thinking about it, freaking out about it, all that stuff. Some people are cruel. In fact...those who are in and of the world usually pick on "weaklings," "losers," stigmatized people (I think I'm now in the "mental patient" category...). That's just human nature w/o Christ.

So, yeah...I ask that you pray for The Lord to provide enough toughness or...something...to get through this. My people love me, I get to go to school, I'm healthy and normal and...The Lord is good, people are mean-spirited (and, I'd argue...crazier than me...).

thanks.

 

[Eugene]

.

My people love me, I get to go to school, I'm healthy and normal and...The Lord is good

These things are of worthy to consider as God fails you not in all your way. If they persecute you, it is Jesus in you they are attacking. I read where Peter tells us in:
1 Pet 4:12 Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:
1 Pet 4:13 But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.
Remember if you will the sufferings the Apostle endured; I hope you are ready to give out the message God may have for you in these times.

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks, eugene.

See...I know The Bible says believers will encounter persecution, its just...hard for me to believe...yes, YOU too (!!!). So, I instinctively pull out the psychobabble and Sociology 101. Bad habits...

I do see now that there's an element of persecution here. I mean, few people liked me, anyway, but...4 years ago, before I got bona fide, genuinely saved (looong story...) I said that "Jesus healed me." Kinda sad/pathetic, but...I mean, a lot of my hair had grown back, I was still alive, so in my electroshocked mind, that meant...HEALED!

Everybody laughed and laughed. I got saved 3 1/2 years ago. Now...well, I'm physically healthy, remarkably normal (no more hormonal imbalances for this guy, no siiiir), and I'm even intelligent enough for my goals (and to be in society...always a good thing...).

I guess I can now say Jesus has healed me...Verna calls it "restoration...." I dunno. I was sick and not normal, now I'm healthy and remarkably, undeniably normal. God is good!

People around here are not thrilled, of course. From what I understand, persecution happens everywhere, to all believers. Its just...living in The Bible Belt, I thought...I could fly under the radar, lol. Not so much. I think a lot of people are outright furious about God's work in my life. the neighbors...sometimes, when they talk loud at me or straight up yell at me, there's this meanness to their tone, this anger...wasn't present when I was still a simple minded unbeliever.

Its hard to turn the other cheek. I'm getting there. Lately, I've been praying for The Lord to give me what I need to "forgive 70x7...and beyond...", and I'm doing a lot better.

thanks again for the reply.

 

[th1b.taylor]

this is one of many things that people around here taunt me with. I gotta get over it. When I was a teenager, I wanted to be cool or something. I dunno. A lot of my memories have been electroshocked into oblivion. Now, The Lord has made me: healthy, smart enough for my goals, and remarkably--gasp--normal. Normal face, normal height, normal voice, normal-ish personality. Normal. God is good!

Thing is...despite everything, I'm too sensitive to what other people say about me. "He can never become a man!" and "so dull, ordinary...nothin' special!" and on and on it goes. I could (once again) psycho-analyze why people say these things, blah blah blah. I"m low status in the community and very stigmatized, for a number of reasons. I'm beginning to see...when The Lord works out miracles for "the least of these," don't expect a ticker tape parade. Far, far from it, lol.

I gotta get over it. The community looks down at me and gets angry when I "get uppity" and/or "don't know my place in society." I think people are more vocal about it in The Bible Belt ("1,000 miles wide, 1 inch deep"), but I think the attitude is the same all over. In more "progressive" parts of the country, I'd probably be in a state mental hospital, maybe a group home, maybe on "assisted outpatient treatment" (read: they "assist" you in getting treatment by subjecting you to involuntary injections of long-acting antipsychotics, enforced by court order. No thanks...).

Yes, its the neighbors again. Everything was cool for a while there. I thought maybe they'd simmered down. Then, they started back with the "he'll never become a man!" and other stuff, plus the "he's nothing special!" and such.

They're not going to stop, barring serious intervention from on high. This community is a harsh, harsh place, or can be. Its strange...we have so many churches and "Christians," and yet this is one of the most violent parts of the state, in a state that's one of the most violent states in the US. drug abuse, teen pregnancy, generation after generation of poverty, racism, on and on it goes...southern culture, at its finest.

I'm rambling. I ask that you pray that I get over it, just brush it off. I can't keep thinking about it, freaking out about it, all that stuff. Some people are cruel. In fact...those who are in and of the world usually pick on "weaklings," "losers," stigmatized people (I think I'm now in the "mental patient" category...). That's just human nature w/o Christ.

So, yeah...I ask that you pray for The Lord to provide enough toughness or...something...to get through this. My people love me, I get to go to school, I'm healthy and normal and...The Lord is good, people are mean-spirited (and, I'd argue...crazier than me...).

thanks.

Getting over some things is required in life. Some idiots still want me to get over killing people while they looked me in the face, eyeball to eyeball and the VA gives me a pill to keep me from the nightmares of those men and from the memories I have tried since 1966 to forget of my friends and my men but those things cannot be forgotten, I know, I tried and even the Booze and Pills did not help there.

On the other hand, I no long hate Civilians. And as long as they keep their mouths shut and do not try to bury me in platitudes they do not mean and do not give on single care about, I have no issue with them. But partner, words, any words, are less than one cent a gross and will not, likely, ever be worth much more than that.

I grew up an Atheist from an Incest riddled family that lived in the heart of what is known as the Hood these days. Because of my address, many First Employers would not hire me because, though white in all appearances, I lived with THOSE people and would, just naturally, steal them blind.

I understand the problem and I think Electro-Shocking needs to be made Criminal. ut you can and if you push you will make amazing progress. Today if a man pays for my soda, I thank him because he spent a dollar thanking me for fighting for his way of life. But if they offer me empty, worthless words, they dishonor every man I fought alongside of they need to go home and see if their moma can impart a little wisdom unto them.

Keep on getting stronger, bro.

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks, Bill.

seems like you're probably the toughest dude I can think of...that's some intense stuff to deal with. My problems seem miniscule in comparison.

I think...I think God has allowed some of this so I can grow up, at long last. This, sadly enough, is how the world (often) works. At least I'm here, in my parents' very comfortable house, doing my own thing on --misdemeanor-- probation (I emphasize misdemeanor because...if I'd gotten a felony...my life would be 100x more difficult...). The Lord is good to His children.

What bothers me...I'm not a member of this community. Never will be, in all likelihood. Grew up here, lived here most of my life, and...voted off the island, it seems. Thing is...stigma like what I'm covered in follows you, especially the psychiatric stuff. That's one reason I'm wondering if maybe I need to find a way to make friends around here and tough it out...if I move with minimal resources and my people far away, there's no telling what might happen. I suspect--but cannot prove--that some people tracked me down while I lived in another state for about 1 year. Hard to explain, but...yeah. Is what it is, I guess.

Thanks again for your support.

 

[th1b.taylor]

thanks, Bill.

seems like you're probably the toughest dude I can think of...that's some intense stuff to deal with. My problems seem miniscule in comparison.

I think...I think God has allowed some of this so I can grow up, at long last. This, sadly enough, is how the world (often) works. At least I'm here, in my parents' very comfortable house, doing my own thing on --misdemeanor-- probation (I emphasize misdemeanor because...if I'd gotten a felony...my life would be 100x more difficult...). The Lord is good to His children.

What bothers me...I'm not a member of this community. Never will be, in all likelihood. Grew up here, lived here most of my life, and...voted off the island, it seems. Thing is...stigma like what I'm covered in follows you, especially the psychiatric stuff. That's one reason I'm wondering if maybe I need to find a way to make friends around here and tough it out...if I move with minimal resources and my people far away, there's no telling what might happen. I suspect--but cannot prove--that some people tracked me down while I lived in another state for about 1 year. Hard to explain, but...yeah. Is what it is, I guess.

Thanks again for your support.

I'm not all that tough. Babes that are in the middle of Syria bring tears in a heart beat because I know, not like civilians know, from a far off place, it is personal with me. And before I became so weak and especially before I was saved, if you hit your wife or a child, I would wreck your body. I had a bad reputation because if you made me cry I was going to work on you until somebody got my attention but that is because I'm soft, not tough.

Before my spin began degenerating I was 6'1" and from the Army I spent a little time with AT&T but then back out to building homes and Apartment Buildings where I was called the human crane. I weighed from my winter weight of 190 to my summer weight of 220 and i detested flab on my body. I was just a mean wrecking machine that played the Guitar and that God gifted with a wonderful voice and the talent to use it.

But the average Drug Store Cowboy did walk around me and my two mates that were bigger than me, I do not know why! Uh, that's dry, English Style, humor.) Today I am weak as a Texas Piss Ant, weigh in at 160 to 165 and can't walk and still God and my wife and kids love me... what else can a man want? It was not an easy walk but it paid off in the end. Yours will also!

 

[Christ_empowered]

count the cost. that verse popped into my head recently. When I first moved home, yes I was laughed and all, but...things were cool, overall. Then I got saved, now I'm smart and healthy and...not a member of this community. Probably never will be.

It helps to know that other Christians go through it, too. Its just...I think about it, and its crazy to me. When I was still pathetic, burned out, on my way out...I didn't get this much animosity and open cruelty from people. Now, I do.

This world is not my home. That one's been popping into my head, too. I'm wondering if the world was ever my home, or if maybe it was and Jesus pulled me out. Either way...

...unlike a lot of Christians--Christians who give up a lot and the world says "why do that for this "Jesus" character?--I've thus so far been obviously blessed by Christ. I mean, the world--even a lot of church people--doesn't see it that way, but...when an over the hill, burned out, too much electroshock flamboyantly gay ultimate mental patient becomes...normal. healthy. smart...

...of course its Jesus. And of course--now that I think about it...--there's going to be some Trouble because of it.

these days, I realize that I have been brought out of the world. In the world, but not of it (praise God for that!!!). Mental Health, Inc., they have their own Jesus. the Jesus of the dsm...sort of like spiritual reinforcement to what they're selling you. I'll take my Abilify and all, but...I don't believe in their Jesus, that's for sure.

I may never have a job. I probably won't have a family of my own. On average, people with "severe mental illness" live about 25 years less than people who are normal, so...I may not even get to live as long as non-mentally ill people. Oh well. I have The Lord, I have a life worth living, and...increasingly, I can honestly say I"m content(ish).

 

[AirDancer]

Live each day to the fullest, giving thanks and praise to our Lord that you woke up to enjoy another day that He has provided. Don't look into a future that is completely unknown. Yes, you can make plans for the future, both near and far. However, keep in mind that none of us know precisely how many days in the future we'll have.

You've been brought quite a long way because our Lord loves you, my friend. Accept that you belong to Him, and trust He will see you through to achieve what He has planned for you!