Christ_empowered
Member
- Oct 23, 2010
- 14,245
- 10,725
Its crazy. I've become a completely different person in Christ Jesus. I mean, I'm definitely a work in progress and I have a ways to go, but...yeah, I'm not the same person. My ex-shrinks got mad because I filed a medical board complaint (one of them got me hooked on Klonopin as a teenager), so...
...they set out to "make an example" out of me. Happens to poor people, trouble makers, uppity women, so on and so forth. That's what I despise about "mental health..." they abuse their authority all the time, to keep people in line. I'm blessed that my now affluent parents are behind me. They even hired me an excellent attorney (yes, things went to that extreme).
I read this book by Foucault once, Abnormal. Oh, and Madness and Civilization. Anyway, when people are outside the group--in my case, the community--they are scrutinized and everything about them/us is viewed as unusual, strange; things are exaggerrated. So, I have a high forehead and a widow's peak. I'm 30, no big deal. People are always talking about my receding hair line and my weight and how I"m "too pretty," etc. I have healthy skin, so people talk about "laser peels" and such.
I'm low on the totem pole and I've been objectified. I'm apparently "too old," at age 30, for the people around here. Did I mention docs told people I'd be dead by 23? Yeah...southern towns have looong memories. I left college at 19. I didn't fail out, and I was able recently to transfer in 70ish credits to Liberty online. People say "he wasted his opportunity," "no such thing as second chances," so on and so forth.
At this point, I can't go anywhere in public around here without people talking about me. The last time I went to Wal Mart, at midnight, some dudes laughed at me and made comments about me. Oh, I have pretty hair, and a lot of it...so people say stuff like "he gets his hair colored" and "at least he has pretty hair."
I'm toughening up. I just keep a super low profile and do my school work, basically. At least I get disability... I shudder to think what would hapen if I had to work. Oh wait, I already know...when I worked at a movie theater years ago, after my first hospitalization and round of involuntary electroshock, my ex-shrink shared his "opinion" with my co-workers (small southern town) and they proceeded to make working there hell.
I'm blessed to be Born Again. I'm blessed that Christ lives in my heart. He's done things for me that don't seem to happen often in this world, that's for sure. I've been labeled and essentially invalidated.
On the plus side, living with my newly affluent parents sure beats the state mental hospital, lol. My parents genuinely love me, and I genuinely love them. There's forgiveness and warmth and compassion in our relationship now. Things could be infinitely worse. I could be dead and in Hell, for instance. That'd be...well, unspeakably terrible.
Please pray that this dies down and...oh man, I dunno. I realize that this is just how people feel about me, that I committed a lot of sins and now I'm an outsider, that things could be much, much worse. Its just...strange, you know? I apparently "don't know my place," am "uppity," etc. Basically, I'm low status and I'm expected to "play by the rules." Shrinks do this to poor people...its what Dr.Thomas Szasz (rightly) calls "Psychiatric Slavery." He even wrote a book about it, by the same title...
...ugh. Its just rough. Christ has made me smart enough for college-level work, healthy, increasingly normal, and...I've been forgiven. Big thing right there. Washed and made clean. I realize now that I'm just waking up from a nightmare, and this is just how people feel about me, and how people have felt about me for a long time, really. My so-called "friends" weren't friends. I was a geeky flamer from a "respectable" family, so they put up with me, to a point. And talked about me and my family behind our backs. Ugh.
Sorry, I'm rambling. Its like...I've become a completely different person, and nobody cares. They're throwing things up in my face, blah blah blah. I'm so low on the totem pole...presumably heterosexual men say things about how I'd be "a good (term for sodomite)," stuff like that. Its rough I tell ya, its rough. LOL.
Like I said before, I'm blessed. I could be: dead, homeless, dying of something, still prematurely aged, still stupid and dead eyed, in prison, in the state mental hospital, chillin' in a cramped, dirty group home (some group homes are wonderful...the ones around here, not so much...). I could still be living in the little apt over a garage in a nearby city, being tormented, harassed, having people stealing my mail...
...so, yeah. I live in a fallen world, and this isn't a movie or an episode of Touched by An Angel. No touching sound track, no Roma downey, no della reese. Life can be rough sometimes.
Truth is, back in the day...actually, until recently...people like me were put in state mental hospitals. Crazy? Does it matter?!?! That's why I got so scared when people were screaming about warrants and such. I mean, if they can't get me sent to the state mental hospital, who's to say they won't try to get me into prison? Oh, wait...they already did. I have a misdemeanor and probation, and only because my dad got me an excellent attorney. Seriously. When I was out on bond, one of my neighbors said "he's too big for his britches. Time to go to the state hospital."
Sorry this is/was so long. I need prayer, clearly. My concentration hasn't been good from all this, sometimes I get physically exhausted. I try to th ink of Jesus. Not just what He went through, but who He is, you know? And the wonderful fact that He now lives in my heart. I also try to remind myself...this happens to people, you know? Life is rough, bad things happen. All those years I was suffering, my parents were, too. Maybe Jesus saved me in part for them. I hope so.
Please pray.
...they set out to "make an example" out of me. Happens to poor people, trouble makers, uppity women, so on and so forth. That's what I despise about "mental health..." they abuse their authority all the time, to keep people in line. I'm blessed that my now affluent parents are behind me. They even hired me an excellent attorney (yes, things went to that extreme).
I read this book by Foucault once, Abnormal. Oh, and Madness and Civilization. Anyway, when people are outside the group--in my case, the community--they are scrutinized and everything about them/us is viewed as unusual, strange; things are exaggerrated. So, I have a high forehead and a widow's peak. I'm 30, no big deal. People are always talking about my receding hair line and my weight and how I"m "too pretty," etc. I have healthy skin, so people talk about "laser peels" and such.
I'm low on the totem pole and I've been objectified. I'm apparently "too old," at age 30, for the people around here. Did I mention docs told people I'd be dead by 23? Yeah...southern towns have looong memories. I left college at 19. I didn't fail out, and I was able recently to transfer in 70ish credits to Liberty online. People say "he wasted his opportunity," "no such thing as second chances," so on and so forth.
At this point, I can't go anywhere in public around here without people talking about me. The last time I went to Wal Mart, at midnight, some dudes laughed at me and made comments about me. Oh, I have pretty hair, and a lot of it...so people say stuff like "he gets his hair colored" and "at least he has pretty hair."
I'm toughening up. I just keep a super low profile and do my school work, basically. At least I get disability... I shudder to think what would hapen if I had to work. Oh wait, I already know...when I worked at a movie theater years ago, after my first hospitalization and round of involuntary electroshock, my ex-shrink shared his "opinion" with my co-workers (small southern town) and they proceeded to make working there hell.
I'm blessed to be Born Again. I'm blessed that Christ lives in my heart. He's done things for me that don't seem to happen often in this world, that's for sure. I've been labeled and essentially invalidated.
On the plus side, living with my newly affluent parents sure beats the state mental hospital, lol. My parents genuinely love me, and I genuinely love them. There's forgiveness and warmth and compassion in our relationship now. Things could be infinitely worse. I could be dead and in Hell, for instance. That'd be...well, unspeakably terrible.
Please pray that this dies down and...oh man, I dunno. I realize that this is just how people feel about me, that I committed a lot of sins and now I'm an outsider, that things could be much, much worse. Its just...strange, you know? I apparently "don't know my place," am "uppity," etc. Basically, I'm low status and I'm expected to "play by the rules." Shrinks do this to poor people...its what Dr.Thomas Szasz (rightly) calls "Psychiatric Slavery." He even wrote a book about it, by the same title...
...ugh. Its just rough. Christ has made me smart enough for college-level work, healthy, increasingly normal, and...I've been forgiven. Big thing right there. Washed and made clean. I realize now that I'm just waking up from a nightmare, and this is just how people feel about me, and how people have felt about me for a long time, really. My so-called "friends" weren't friends. I was a geeky flamer from a "respectable" family, so they put up with me, to a point. And talked about me and my family behind our backs. Ugh.
Sorry, I'm rambling. Its like...I've become a completely different person, and nobody cares. They're throwing things up in my face, blah blah blah. I'm so low on the totem pole...presumably heterosexual men say things about how I'd be "a good (term for sodomite)," stuff like that. Its rough I tell ya, its rough. LOL.
Like I said before, I'm blessed. I could be: dead, homeless, dying of something, still prematurely aged, still stupid and dead eyed, in prison, in the state mental hospital, chillin' in a cramped, dirty group home (some group homes are wonderful...the ones around here, not so much...). I could still be living in the little apt over a garage in a nearby city, being tormented, harassed, having people stealing my mail...
...so, yeah. I live in a fallen world, and this isn't a movie or an episode of Touched by An Angel. No touching sound track, no Roma downey, no della reese. Life can be rough sometimes.
Truth is, back in the day...actually, until recently...people like me were put in state mental hospitals. Crazy? Does it matter?!?! That's why I got so scared when people were screaming about warrants and such. I mean, if they can't get me sent to the state mental hospital, who's to say they won't try to get me into prison? Oh, wait...they already did. I have a misdemeanor and probation, and only because my dad got me an excellent attorney. Seriously. When I was out on bond, one of my neighbors said "he's too big for his britches. Time to go to the state hospital."
Sorry this is/was so long. I need prayer, clearly. My concentration hasn't been good from all this, sometimes I get physically exhausted. I try to th ink of Jesus. Not just what He went through, but who He is, you know? And the wonderful fact that He now lives in my heart. I also try to remind myself...this happens to people, you know? Life is rough, bad things happen. All those years I was suffering, my parents were, too. Maybe Jesus saved me in part for them. I hope so.
Please pray.
