highlife,
There really hasn't been a lot that I've agreed with you in your postings here. No matter, often it's our disagreements that tend to spur us to study more diligently...if only to prove our own point of view. ;)
However, with the exception of your obvious disdain of women, I agree with your basic premise...
We, as a society are making things unnecessarily hard for our young people by encouraging folks to wait until they are well into their 20's, even 30's before marrying. And, long engagements are pretty foolish, in my opinion.
I was 38 when I got married... and I wouldn't wish that on anyone, but it's just how it worked out for me. I think it's much better to do as most of those within my family did...marry earlier in life. My sisters and my brother were married in their late teens... most of my nieces and nephews were in their late teens, early 20's when they were married as well. All are married. There are no divorces in my family... 18 couples starting with my mom and dad (married when they were 18).
However, even during my long single years, I did find plenty of Christian men in their later 20's who held to God's principles of sexuality... and wasn't pressured by them to have sex. Nor did my one engagement when I was 28 involve sex... although we were fairly physical with one another. We broke up... but not because of sexual issues. Yes, I did come across some jerks... well, my one fiance was one of them... but for the most part, I was lucky to date guys who lived to God's standards and had a lot of respect for me.
Within my family, all are Christians... nobody had "arranged" marriages and we women aren't treated as possessions (although we do believe in submissiveness of a wife towards her husband... but not submissiveness of women in general to men in general)... and all the kids, my sisters, brother, nieces, nephews... and now my own kids are being taught that sex... while an important part of marriage, isn't the end all, be all of life. Until one can be married for good solid reasons, in a marriage built upon mutual love, respect and commitment to Christ, one needs to exercise self-control and keep it zipped. As a matter of fact, if any guy tries to tell my daughter that she need's to "put out a bit"... she'll dump him like a hot potato. She's only 14, but has already done so with one horny young man.
It's not impossible. But...it is certainly harder for kids now, sexually, because of our worldly society's emphasis on gaining college degrees, buying houses, spending $$,$$$'s on fancy weddings and very lax attitudes about living together, FWB's, and sexuality in general.
It's especially hard when it comes from other Christians. I had several encounters with Christians during my single years who told me that there was nothing wrong with having sex outside of marriage... I was even told by one couple that I should think about having a baby... even though I was single... because I was getting too old and might not conceive even if I did ever marry. (I was too old, and I didn't conceive... and yet I have two wonderful kids I wouldn't trade for the world anyway... God indeed does bless us when we live by His principles.) It's frustrating to no end to have to deal with the loneliness and lack of sex when one is an older single, and have Christians, the very ones one looks to for encouragement to be the ones undermining one's effort to life a godly life.
I don't know what the answers are here... it's great when two younger people can find each other and be willing to marry... and not put up with a lot of grief from family members. My family didn't give any of my nieces and nephews grief, but some of their spouse's families sure did.
However, the odds of finding someone who share's one's Christian convictions and who are also willing to marry young are getting longer and longer. I do worry for my own kids. Not so much that they'll exercise self-control over their sexuality and abstain until they are married... but just that they might have a hard time finding someone willing to marry early. (Unless my daughter's "grocery boy" comes through...he is still single.)
As for long engagements... foolish. I think an engagement should be no more than 6 months. Any longer than that... and it's just asking for trouble.
