what does rom 9:12 really mean in the context of salvation and individual election ?
Whenever I come across an explanation for any given subject in the word of truth, its appropiate to give credit where credit is due, however, all truth and understanding comes from God.
Here is the biblical explanation of rom 9:12 a portion out of the writings of we best writings on the book of romans:
The Most Neglected Chapter In The Bible (Romans 9)
Individual Election Demonstrated
Esau and Jacob, the two sons of Isaac and Rebecca, demonstrate God's election of one and His passing by the other (Rom. 9:9-13). God chose Jacob, and He passed by Esau.
This is individual, not national, election. God loved Jacob and hated Esau. Scripture does not state that He loved Esau less than He loved Jacob.
God could love nothing in Jacob above Esau but His own grace which He gave Jacob before the world began. There is no difference between any Christian and any nonchristian other than God gave the Christian grace before the world began.
The reason many dislike this truth is because they do not understand grace. God has given grace to everyone He chose in Christ before the world began (II Tim. 1:9). This is why God loves those He chose with an everlasting love.
Esau was the older son, and Jacob was the younger. A new history began with the generations of Isaac (Gen. 25:19). This is a new chapter in the exercise of faith in connection with the promises of God. Like Isaac and Rebecca, believers must be constantly reminded that we are not debtors to the flesh in any way (Rom. 8:12). Paul continually gave his flesh severe treatment to bring it under subjection (I Cor. 9:20-27). At every step, God's people are shut up to faith. Isaac, Abraham's son, entreated the Lord for his barren wife, Rebecca. The Lord heard him and Rebecca conceived.
The twins within her womb jostled one another (Gen. 25:22). Rebecca perceived that the conflict did not arise from natural causes. This was a little early in the pregnancy, was it not? But do not forget how John the Baptist leaped for joy in Elisabeth's womb when he heard that Mary would give birth to Jesus Christ. Rebecca felt more than mere movement of the fetus. The conflict in Rebecca's womb was an early conflict for mastery. The natural mind cannot understand this early strife between Esau and Jacob. They were already depraved. The strife in the womb continued until the time of birth and extended further than these two persons.
Rebecca became disturbed over the prenatal conflict and enquired of the Lord concerning it. Before her conception, Rebecca was troubled for the want of children. Her anguish now was the conflict between her children before they were born. The comforts we desire often bring with them trouble and anxiety. Believers are prone to be discontented with blessings because of the troubles the blessings bring. The Lord answered Rebecca's inquiry: "And the LORD said unto her, Two nations are in thy womb, and two manner of people shall be separated from thy bowels: and the one people shall be stronger than the other people; and the elder shall serve the younger" (Gen. 25:23). (Study Matt. 21:43; I Pet. 2:9.) God in His eternal purpose destined Rebecca to bring forth two nations or two manner of people. This was the reason for her living.
The Lord affirmed that the order of nature would be reversed by the older son serving the younger. The firstborn child always had access to the inheritance and was given a greater portion of the inheritance. He had certain authority in the family that those younger did not have. But in this case, the order was reversed.
Esau was the firstborn but he would serve his younger brother. There is a spiritual lesson in this for us. We were all in Adam by physical birth. When we were born again, we became new creatures in Christ Jesus; and the new nature controls the old nature.
The births of Esau and Jacob were as extraordinary as their conflict in Rebecca's womb. Esau was the first to be born. He represents what we are by nature as the children of Adam. Jacob represents what we are by the election of God's grace. Regeneration is the consequence of election.
The birthright was Esau's by providence, not by God's eternal purpose. The birthright was Jacob's not by inheritance but by promise. As the firstborn, Esau had the right of the first child--first place in the home and a double portion of the father's inheritance (Deut. 21:17). This was a kind of supremacy over one's brethren and his father's house (Gen. 27:29). The conflict continued in their births because Jacob seized his brother by the heel in an attempt to get out before Esau (Gen. 25:26).
Esau was a cunning hunter, a man of the world. Jacob was a plain man dwelling in tents. Isaac loved Esau because he ate of his venison, but Rebecca loved Jacob. Esau and Jacob were two different persons. The Lord testified by Esau's being firstborn that the effect of His election does not immediately appear, but rather that the intervening path was filled with troubles and conflicts.
Jacob was chosen by the sovereign God before his birth, even with all the contemptible faults which lay in his character. God chooses whom He will according to His good pleasure. The whole human race deserves the same destruction. The only difference between men rests solely in the will of God and not in any distinction in the persons of men. No man spiritually excels another by means of his own virtue.
Two nations and two manner of people were spoken of in the prophecy (Gen. 25:23).
But Paul applied this to two individuals--Esau and Jacob--not to their posterities (Rom. 9:11-13).
Moses made the application to the whole seed of Jacob, but Paul turned the words into a particular election. Esau and Jacob were not partakers of the same calling. A general call goes forth to all, but there is an effectual call to the elect.
For this reason, one person responds to the truth; and another rejects and despises it.
Paul contended in his argument that not all who descend from Isaac according to the flesh are true Israelites.
According to His own good pleasure, God chooses whom He will to be saved. Every person He has chosen will be quickened by the Holy Spirit, thus enabling him to embrace the gospel in a saving experience.
Disclaimer:
Even though I endorse this segment of Mr Best understanding of romans 9, I cannot say I endorse all his teachings without exception on any given subject !