I used to be a very proud, self-centered person. Now that I've come back to God, I am trying to change that, but it seems impossible, and it obsesses me. As soon as I feel a positive feeling for myself, wheither it's from me or from others, I feel guilty. I'm like : "ok, is it a sin if I am proud for such thing, for such achievement?" When I get a compliment, I'm like "ok, should I be glad for getting that compliment, or it's pride and I'm sinning ?". When I play a sport, I'm always wondering if I'm being too proud just because of the fact that I want to win, and that I want to perform well. I think some things like " Why do I want to be good at this ? What does it change wheither I'm good or bad? If I want to perform well and I do and I'm glad for this, does it become pride ? Am I vain ?".
Also, lately I have started to train again. It had been a long time since I hadn't trained, I lost a lots of muscle and I want to regain them. But why ? Wheither I'm skinny or muscular, should I really care about that ? Ok, training is good for the health, and I like to train.. You're gonna tell me that training is not a sin because it's healthy, and since our body belongs to God we should take care of it. But honestly, I when I train, I don't think about that at all. I just like to gain muscle, gain strenght, and it gives me the feeling that I push myself and it feels good, I like it. But isn't the fact that I want to be bigger and stronger a sin ? It's not an obsession at all, it's just a hobby, but somehow I feel like I'm sinning by wanting to be in a good shape. Because you don't need to be athletic to be healthy. You can have a skinny body, and you can even be a little fat, that doesn't prevent you from being healthy and living for a longtime, if you have a good lifestyle. So with that in mind, I sincerely wonder if training is a sin.