Sex is an obligation(?)

[Mike S]

I think we ought to get over the idea of demanding anything from our spouses. I think a marriage where the man is aggressively demanding and the wife quietly submissive is just about the definition of hell. I've never had any difficulty with sex in our marriage, my wife initiates as often as I do, but if I "demanded" I'd get something alright, but it wouldn't be sex.

 

[Brother Mike]

Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
(1Co 7:2-5)

There is no give sex in these scriptures. One would like to think that as believers we ought to avoid fornication anyway since we are told to flee from that. We have to be married though, sex out of marriage is fornication, and deadly.

First the Husband, render unto the wife due benevolence. Benevolence is not hugs, kisses and affection. It's Good will, Kindness in the Greek. The Husband is addressed first, he has to take the lead. Women (Normal ones) don't have sex for the same reasons we do. There is a emotional and supportive need women have before any sex is considered. Women cheat on their spouses for different reasons than men do, and most the polls indicate they feel emotionally empty at home.

Jumping in and helping with dishes, getting the kids to bed, folding laundry (Not just washing it and leaving it in a pile) go a long way towards a mans sex goals.

Not meeting these needs is called defrauding her. There are guys out there that will talk to her, ask her about her day, have long conversations with her about nothing.

Men have to do their part first. We are suppose to be the spiritual leaders of our house.

Men, keep the fat off, stay in shape, take care of yourself even if your home all day. Dress as if you just first met her.

 

[reba]

Wow Mike i find no fault in your post

 

[Kidron]

(1Co 7:2-5)

There is no give sex in these scriptures. One would like to think that as believers we ought to avoid fornication anyway since we are told to flee from that. We have to be married though, sex out of marriage is fornication, and deadly.

First the Husband, render unto the wife due benevolence. Benevolence is not hugs, kisses and affection..

Perhaps you're familiar with the rest of the verses?
It says about the "due benevolence" that the man and wife can agree to not render this to each other, if both agree.
So, this really does not work if the scripture is talking about kindness or good will, as the bible is not going to tell you to agree to stop being kind if you both agree.
So, the scripture is talking about SEX.

 

[Brother Mike]

Perhaps you're familiar with the rest of the verses?
It says about the "due benevolence" that the man and wife can agree to not render this to each other, if both agree.
So, this really does not work if the scripture is talking about kindness or good will, as the bible is not going to tell you to agree to stop being kind if you both agree.
So, the scripture is talking about SEX.

Re-read the scriptures again. There is no sex in any Greek there, except being married to have sex.

I understand your logic, the scripture is not going to say stop being kind to each other. However, there is no "SEX" mentioned in there either. We don't add something, if it's not there. Certainly men would love to add that in, and it would be part of the whole defraud not each other for the man's side of needs.

Your missing something though. It's right there, but you would have to understand something else to see it. Perhaps there are other scriptures that would make it clear.

 

[Edward]

Perhaps you're familiar with the rest of the verses?
It says about the "due benevolence" that the man and wife can agree to not render this to each other, if both agree.
So, this really does not work if the scripture is talking about kindness or good will, as the bible is not going to tell you to agree to stop being kind if you both agree.
So, the scripture is talking about SEX.

Brother Mike made a couple good points, but I do agree with you on those verses, it is talking about sex also. If we expand, just a little, the same scriptures posted it becomes clear.

2 Corinthians 7:1-5/ (KJV)
7 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency./

He begins talking about touching a woman and fornication and so forth and that is his topic. He's saying don't deprive your spouse of sex, give her/him their due benevolence of not ignoring them. Depriving them may make it hard for them to not commit fornication/adultery. The Libido can be strong brother, and could drive them out of the house if deprived too much. So there's a certain amount of responsibility on both spouses parts to fulfill the other, in the interest of an undefiled marriage bed.

 

[Kidron]

He's saying don't deprive your spouse of sex, give her/him their due benevolence .

Yes

 

[Brother Mike]

Brother Mike made a couple good points, but I do agree with you on those verses, it is talking about sex also. If we expand, just a little, the same scriptures posted it becomes clear.

I did not cover the Women part.

prayer and fasting before God at times takes days at times. This is why Paul said come back together because if you study how fasting and prayer where done, it was alone. When David fasted for example, he slept out of his bed and spent that time alone.

Scripture tells man to walk toward the wife treating her according to knowledge, Love her as Christ loved the Church and respond to her as she is the weaker vessel. Women like sex, but their needs are more emotional. For men, we want sex, not so much the emotional stuff. I never mentioned the wives part, I mentioned the part we do.

Be blessed.

 

[Mike]

I think we ought to get over the idea of demanding anything from our spouses. I think a marriage where the man is aggressively demanding and the wife quietly submissive is just about the definition of hell. I've never had any difficulty with sex in our marriage, my wife initiates as often as I do, but if I "demanded" I'd get something alright, but it wouldn't be sex.

I agree.

My two cents... Ephesians 5 describes the Christian household, and v. 22 says the wife should submit to the husband; that he is the head of the household as Christ is to the Church. (paraphrase) With that, is it right to demand that she cleans the dishes? Washes the clothes, makes his breakfast and packs his lunch? Can he, should he demand that she take care of him?

He would be building animosity and resentment in her heart. I'd put sex in the same category. If the wife goes a time where she has no interest in sex and is resistant to it, she is wrong to do so, but there are likely reasons for her lack of interest that have nothing to do with sex. I've learned over the decades Julie and I have been married that meeting her other needs during the day, making her feel adored (which is biblical) is more likely to result in a natural inclination at night.

The word "demand" is where I cringe in reading this thread. Nothing good can come of that, and scripture speaks too convincingly of the way a husband should cherish and adore his wife. A demanding husband is ignoring these directives.

 

[th1b.taylor]

Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
(1Co 7:2-5)

There is no give sex in these scriptures. One would like to think that as believers we ought to avoid fornication anyway since we are told to flee from that. We have to be married though, sex out of marriage is fornication, and deadly.

First the Husband, render unto the wife due benevolence. Benevolence is not hugs, kisses and affection. It's Good will, Kindness in the Greek. The Husband is addressed first, he has to take the lead. Women (Normal ones) don't have sex for the same reasons we do. There is a emotional and supportive need women have before any sex is considered. Women cheat on their spouses for different reasons than men do, and most the polls indicate they feel emotionally empty at home.

Jumping in and helping with dishes, getting the kids to bed, folding laundry (Not just washing it and leaving it in a pile) go a long way towards a mans sex goals.

Not meeting these needs is called defrauding her. There are guys out there that will talk to her, ask her about her day, have long conversations with her about nothing.

Men have to do their part first. We are suppose to be the spiritual leaders of our house.

Men, keep the fat off, stay in shape, take care of yourself even if your home all day. Dress as if you just first met her.

AMEN!

 

[Malachi]

Is it wrong to politely remind your spouse of their obligation to be sexual in the marriage, or should you just hope they figure it out some day? What do you do when that friendly reminding gets heard as a demand for sex?

Instead of a "friendly reminder" one can be proactive and do something loving, or kind, or considerate, or "special", which should ultimately bring both spouses together to express their love intimately.

 

[Army Wife]

I have a problem with sex ( I was raped by people I loved ) as a child and so when we do have it and I don't freak out it is special. I think men feel like its an obligation to marriage or at least my husband does but thats only cause he has a porn addiction and I would rather him have sex with me then have him look at gross porn.

 

[jasonc]

I have a problem with sex ( I was raped by people I loved ) as a child and so when we do have it and I don't freak out it is special. I think men feel like its an obligation to marriage or at least my husband does but thats only cause he has a porn addiction and I would rather him have sex with me then have him look at gross porn.

have you sought assistance via the military's chaplain and the strong bonds for that? you are a victim of a crime and surely there is some counseling to help with the healing. not to mention the porn issue which is common for soldiers.

 

[Army Wife]

have you sought assistance via the military's chaplain and the strong bonds for that? you are a victim of a crime and surely there is some counseling to help with the healing. not to mention the porn issue which is common for soldiers.

I am seeking counseling and so is he.

 

[jasonc]

I am seeking counseling and so is he.

ok, with the readily available help for that there isn't a reason you cant find it. im a guardsmen so its a bit harder for me to find help for some of the issues. my chaplain is willing to travel to any soldier in need. he did so with me recently.

 

[th1b.taylor]

I have a problem with sex ( I was raped by people I loved ) as a child and so when we do have it and I don't freak out it is special. I think men feel like its an obligation to marriage or at least my husband does but thats only cause he has a porn addiction and I would rather him have sex with me then have him look at gross porn.

May God heal, youngster. When men are of the age to be in the Army they are driven by the little head, I recall that truth. I, also, was raped, repeatedly, by a relative but with time and the hand of God, I am not a homosexual and I have managed to forgive him. I will never meet with him alone but I hold no anger either.

Your young husband will grow up eventually. I know because I was young and driven myself, once. I was so eaten up with testosterone that when we would land in the middle of a firefight, I never considered that I could die because I was, IMO, invincible. Tell your agony of choice that an ugly old 'Nam Vet said thank you, from the bottom of his heart for carrying on.

EDITED for content

 

[Army Wife]

Edited not because of your post .... but because i edited Bill's post...reba

 

[reba]

Sheesh

May God heal, youngster. When men are of the age to be in the Army they are driven by the little head, I recall that truth. I, also, was raped, repeatedly, by a relative but with time and the hand of God, I am not a homosexual and I have managed to forgive him. I will never meet with him alone but I hold no anger either.

Your young husband will grow up eventually. I know because I was young and driven myself, once. I was so eaten up with testosterone that when we would land in the middle of a firefight, I never considered that I could die because I was, IMO, invincible. Tell your agony of choice that an ugly old 'Nam Vet said thank you, from the bottom of his heart for carrying on.

Really Bill? This hurting wife is a new member and the introduction she now has to you will shadow any thing more you have to say....

 

[Warrior4Jesus]

I feel as there is 1 point that is missing. Sex should not be a chore or obligation so therefore no it's not an obligation it's a priveledge and blessing to the marriage. If it feels like a chore or obligation or you have to remind your wife/husband of those scriptures then I have to believe there is something wrong already. The thing that is wrong is the greater problem than whether or not you get your physical needs met that night.

 

[th1b.taylor]

I feel as there is 1 point that is missing. Sex should not be a chore or obligation so therefore no it's not an obligation it's a priveledge and blessing to the marriage. If it feels like a chore or obligation or you have to remind your wife/husband of those scriptures then I have to believe there is something wrong already. The thing that is wrong is the greater problem than whether or not you get your physical needs met that night.

Amen! God, in these later years has removed the ability to perform in the area of sex from both my wife and I and yet we love one another more than ever before. It was delightful, in it's time and it is an awesome memory. I never forced her nor did she to me.