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[__ Prayer __] stigma, "that's just how we feel about you"

Christ_empowered

Christ_empowered

Member
I post on this all the time. I'm sure most of you who read my posts know my back story, my ongoing struggles, etc. Its like this...I'm tired of hearing my neighbors talk about, laughing at me, etc. I just want some peace. This is a decent part of town, I'm law abiding and minding my own business, and these people...keep...messing with me. Apparently, it was really, really, really important that I "know how we feel about you." Awesome. Small, southern town stuff, I guess. Then again...happens everywhere, I see that now.

I get it now. Homosexual, Rx pill head, electroshocked, "poor white trash", dead by 23 flamers don't matter. I'm now 30, I'm celibate, I'm drug free, I've recovered from the shock, I live with my (thankfully) somewhat affluent people, and I"m not a flamer. Reaction? Not a good one. Jesus saves, but people in the world...their reactions range from "don't care" to straight up anger. Oh well.

They keep throwing stuff up in my face about who I was before, who I "really am." Apparently, I can "never become a man," because I *was* a flamer. My neighbors keep saying: "faggots don't matter." Welcome to the real world. Reality, bites.

Anyway, I've been called out of all that. My yoke is easy, my burden is light. Yes, Jesus has rules, rules I once thought oppressive, many moons ago. This is true freedom. I think I'm going to have to move, once my misdemeanor probation is over. The attorney my dad hired said I could get the conviction expunged per the deal w/ the prosecutor (its amazing what legal representation can do, am I right?). Get off probation, expunge that bad boy, move away, hopefully with a degree from Liberty in hand...

...better late than never. In the meantime, I've got to house sit next week while the 'rents take a lil vacay. I'm kinda nervous. Place to myself, no local friends, surrounded by neighbors who seriously don't care for me. Did I tell y'all that more than once some dude w/ a creepy southern drawl was outside my window (I sleep downstairs), saying stuff about "warrants" and "he's got 6 months to live," blah blah blah? Creepy.

Pray that this all simmers down, please. Please also pray that things go OK while I'm house sitting. I really don't want to be surrounded by these people without my parents around, but I'm fairly certain nothing bad will happen...they'll just keep on talking about "prison," "get ready for prison," "warrants," "when are they going to serve the warrant?," etc. Ugh.

So...yeah. More of the same, but prayer never hurt anybody, now did it? :)
 
I know judgment is a hard pill to swallow. People persecute because they want you on there level. They don't know or won't admit that they see the anointing on you and hate you for it. Be blessed brother CE it is a hard thing to whip the flesh and God knows what your going through and you will be victorious in the name of Jesus in the face of adversity.

I also pray for your neighbors that they will find peace in themselves to not judge but, support you in your walk.
 
yeah, and its rough because...I'm very low on the totem pole, so everything about me is subject to scrutiny, and I'm supposed to subject to all sorts of control (mostly by psychiatrists). I dunno...its like, darned if you, darned if you don't. People weren't so loud and open about their hatred for me when I was "poor white trash" and "knew my place." Now...wow. Its intense. I mean, its simmered down a bit, at least in my neighborhood, but...wow. I really think I may be something of a scape goat for this lil town. I'm certainly not a member of tghe community, that's for certain.
 
Christ_empowered said:
yeah, and its rough because...I'm very low on the totem pole, so everything about me is subject to scrutiny, and I'm supposed to subject to all sorts of control (mostly by psychiatrists). I dunno...its like, darned if you, darned if you don't. People weren't so loud and open about their hatred for me when I was "poor white trash" and "knew my place." Now...wow. Its intense. I mean, its simmered down a bit, at least in my neighborhood, but...wow. I really think I may be something of a scape goat for this lil town. I'm certainly not a member of tghe community, that's for certain.
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Then you know your doing everything right when people attack you the most. They hated Jesus first and when they see him in us that just provokes the devil in them that makes them behave so. I myself would love to see people hate life as much as me.

CE I have been reading your posts for some time now and I see one thing in common. You always talk about who you were. You have a powerful testimony sir, don't remember it to bring your self down; use it so that it may save others. Those that went through similar things.

For instance people judge me for being homeless. So I put myself in the midst so that I can relate to those with similar judgment and speak the good word.
 
thanks. I'm getting better about focusing on the now, God's work in my life, moving forward. "Too blessed to be depressed," as the Pentecostals say. Seriously. I should be dead or locked away somewhere terrible, the way things usually go...

...but I'm here! The challenge is getting over the past when I'm surrounded by people who love taunting me about my past, when people set out to "teach me a lesson" about "being uppity," etc. etc. etc. Its ridiculous, but God must have some sort of plan in the whole thing.

Thanks again. :)
 
The "uppity" stuff is from a lot of things..I filed a medical board complaint against an ex-shrink who got me hooked on Klonopin as a teenager. That, apparently, is a bad idea, lol. Lots of stuff happened...I now have a misdemeanor, I'm on probation, and my dad was kind enough to hire an extremely skilled attorney in another part of the state. Ugh.

If I'd had a public defender, I'd be in prison or the state mental hospital, and people would be laughing. I have a good attorney, so I'm free on (loooong) misdemeanor probation, law abiding, all that stuff, so...yeah. "Uppity." Also, I apparently need to "take responsibility," which = "You do what we tell you to, when we tell you to, sissy!" Its a bunch of nonsense, I swear to you.
 
Hi CE

Remember my post about the past always tapping on my shoulder? It's tough because it can live with you everyday as much as you trying to look forward. God will never give you anything you can't handle, remember that. I ask God why at times, like why can't I just let go of the past? Why should I care about somebody who doesn't feel the same? Why oh why?? Maybe I should ask myself what is God trying to teach me. Where the is my hope and faith??

Try using the advice you told me, it has helped me - keep yourself busy, go to the movies, take a drive, etc.

Look at your life when your were at 23, at that stage did you ever expect to become the person you are now at 30? No, I don't think so. You have come such a long way, don't underestimate yourself and your ability. No matter who you are, there will always be people who dislike you and criticize you, that's life.
 
you're right, Jack K, lol. I'm stuck in the house today, doing some work for Liberty (which I'm blessed to be doing).

Anyway, I'll get deeper into my school work. Its just crazy-making...the people mess with me, and then my parents are all "You're so self-centered! People have much more important things to worry about!," and my counselor is all "Are you taking your meds?"

ugh. I mean, is it hard to believe that an unemployed, former homosexual, former junkie, former mental patient ne'er do well from a now upper class/upper middle class family might have some probs in a small, southern town?
 
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