The Official King of the Hill Thread

[Vince]

Vince watches impatiently through a pair of binoculars. "The time is not ripe," he mutters, "but..."

 

[Vince]

Milling around on the hill, the various contenders for king are startled by the loud and triumphant cry: "THE TIME IS RIPE!" Turning in astonishment, they see a victorious Vincent charging to the top of the hill that at last is rightfully his. Africans, Australians, Americans and even Icelanders alike fall back in dismay as they realize that he is unstoppable. Seeing that he is carrying a phlag, a few of the terrified claimants to the hill realize what has happened, and know that indeed, the time is ripe.

Charging triumphantly to the top of the hill, Vince plants his phlag and loudly yells:


"THE PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES ARE IN PHIRST PLACE!"

Yes, America's champion baseball team, which went to the World Series the last two years in a row, is back where they belong: in phirst place.

"And one more thing," Vince exclaims, as he heads back down the hill. "You guys can claim anything you want, but as long as the Phillies stay in phirst place, I'M KING OF THE HILL!"

 

[Vince]

After learning that the Phillies are leading 9-0 in the fifth inning, Vince relaxes. He is King of the Hill for one more day.

 

[handy]

Handy I, once and future King of the Hill, respects Vince's patience to move when the time was ripe in honor of his Phillies. While I am of the Bronco's and not of the Phillies, out of respect, I will stay my own return to the hill.

 

[Vince]

Thank you, Handy. Hopefully, it will be mine until after the World Series is over.

 

[l'Chante]

Okay, so who is the Phillies and what is the world series?

 

[Vince]

Okay, so who is the Phillies and what is the world series?

Good to hear from you, L'Chante. The Phillies are one of the original professional baseball teams in the United States and are one of the oldest sports teams in the world. They have the dubious distinction of being the only team in history, in any nation, in any sport, to have lost 10,000 games.

I grew up outside Philadelphia and have been a Phillies phan for almost phiphty years. The World Series is the championship tournament for US baseball, and despite their longevity, the Phillies have only won two World Series in their history.

Two years ago, the Phillies won their second World Series. Last year, they returned to the World Series, but were defeated by the New York Yankees.

This year, they started out strong and quickly build a five-game lead in phirst place. Then they fell apart, largely due to injuries. On May 30, they phell out of phirst place. Two days ago, they regained phirst place, and having won yesterday, they remain in phirst.

There are a little more than twenty games left this season.

 

[Theofilus]

A king that can't spell? And he thinks important matters such as who's king can be determined by a bunch of grown men trying to hit a ball with a stick? This is preposterous!

*Theo rushes into the castle and grabs Vince and takes him to the dungeon. There he ties him to a chair and forces him to watch professional bowling non-stop, 24 hours a day.

Now, there's a real sport for you.


*Theo unsubscribes the castle from every sports station and watches something real instead.

I never get tired of watching MIB. It's amazing what those people will do to protect the rest of us from alien threats.

 

[handy]

As Theo is immersed in MIB, I draw out my handy neuralyzer and wipe his memory. His mind is filled with replaced memories and he now believes that he is an Arquillian and is happily working at a jewelry store. :shades


Now that I have my rightful throne back, I immediately dismantle the swimming pool, (boy it's a good thing Theo's mind is wiped, sheesh, he was dangerous!) and order a new and improved plush throne that is covered in Blue and Orange. It has a nifty built in footstool and side pocket to keep a remote in that will operate the nice flat panel TV. I re-subscribe to ESPN for the duration of the Bronco's season and lay in a supply of Elk Jerky, Sawtooth Special Pizzas from Idaho Pizza Company and TableRock beer. (Not that I actually drink the beer, I can't stand beer. It's just the thing to have on hand for home games. I'll stick with Pepsi!)

Oh, and I officially change the name of The Hill to Bronco Nation!!!

 

[l'Chante]

Good to hear from you, L'Chante. The Phillies are one of the original professional baseball teams in the United States and are one of the oldest sports teams in the world. They have the dubious distinction of being the only team in history, in any nation, in any sport, to have lost 10,000 games.

I grew up outside Philadelphia and have been a Phillies phan for almost phiphty years. The World Series is the championship tournament for US baseball, and despite their longevity, the Phillies have only won two World Series in their history.

Two years ago, the Phillies won their second World Series. Last year, they returned to the World Series, but were defeated by the New York Yankees.

This year, they started out strong and quickly build a five-game lead in phirst place. Then they fell apart, largely due to injuries. On May 30, they phell out of phirst place. Two days ago, they regained phirst place, and having won yesterday, they remain in phirst.

There are a little more than twenty games left this season.

You noticed my 'l'.... Sniff. That is so sweet.
So how many countries participate in the world series? My father is a sport fanatic and I have never heard of it in my quaint little Third World country here at the bottom of dark Africa.

Handy, thank you for wiping Theo's mind. I want my Pooksie back. I'm very emotional this past couple of days.

 

[handy]

You may have Pooksie, back l'Chante. As you cuddle your Pooksie, I'll answer your question, for as King of Bronco Nation, I desire all citizens to enjoy sports.

Baseball is a uniquely American game, although many nations are now playing. I understand that the Japanese love it, but mainly it's played in the States and in Canada. There are two leagues (in case you don't know, a league is a group of teams that play against each other) in North America: The American League and the National League. Throughout the baseball season, each league plays its teams until there is a final victor for the league. The World Series is a series of 4-7 games between the victors of each league. The team that wins 4 games wins!

"World" Series is a bit of a misnomer, as the world doesn't participate like it does in the Olympics or the World Cup. However, as the best baseball players come from all around the world, it's truly an international sport insofar as the players on the teams.

It's supposed to be very exciting, if one likes baseball. (Others find baseball excruciatingly boring.) For a TRULY exciting sport though, one should watch American College Football! Now THERE'S an exciting sport! (Though Bronco Nation is a Libertarian Nation and one may watch what one pleases.....just no rooting for the Oregon Ducks! Any rooting for the Ducks will result in an immediate exile to Moscow, Idaho where one will be forced to cheer for the loser Idaho Vandals.)

Feel better now! :smt056

 

[Vince]

After seeing that the Phillies are safely in phirst place for another day, Vince, the Real King of the Hill, answers his phan mail:

Sorry, Theophilus, but my spelling is just phine.

Handy, we're not sure that you really wiped Theo's mind. We can't see any difference.

L'Chante, you're one of my favorite people. Admittedly, the World Series used to involve only the United States, but Americans really were the best professional baseball players in the world. When foreign teams produced good players, American teams would hire then. There are now two Canadian teams , and yes, Canadian teams have reached and even won the World Series. A variety of non-American players are scattered throughout the various teams.

And I agree with Handy. Baseball is far less interesting that college football.

 

[l'Chante]

Let me share with you what I have learnt these past couple of days;

1. I never knew baseball was a contact sport.

Then they fell apart, largely due to injuries.

Pooksie, be a darling and sew these players back together again? Sheez, and I thought cage fighting was a violent sport…

2. Only America can host a world series with only one country participating.
3. Swimming pools can be dismantled
4. Americans eat weirder things than Africans. (Elk yerky??? Are you kidding me?)

*yawn* Pooksie, mommy is tired. Bring me some of Bones’s happy pills and sing me a lullaby.

*A-whimba whe, a-whimba whe, a-whimba whe*

 

[Theofilus]

4. Americans eat weirder things than Africans. (Elk yerky??? Are you kidding me?)

You think Americans eat weird things? You obviously haven't been to Iceland. Among the stranger foods you'll find here are:

• Puffin (a protected bird everywhere else in the world)
• Pickled whale blubber
• Pickled ram's testicles
• Fermented shark meat
• Fermented skate

*yawn* Pooksie, mommy is tired. Bring me some of Bones’s happy pills and sing me a lullaby.

*A-whimba whe, a-whimba whe, a-whimba whe*

*Theo starts singing along.

In the jungle, the quiet jungle, the lion sleeps tonight...

Wait... where is everybody going? Why are you all covering your ears?

 

[Vince]

After checking the scores, Vince, the King of the Hill, sees that the Braves lost yesterday while the Phillies didn't play.

 

[l'Chante]

After checking the scores, Vince, the King of the Hill, sees that the Braves lost yesterday while the Phillies didn't play.

They couldn’t play. Pooksie was sewing them back together again. Duh!

Theo, honey, please come to South Africa. We have real food here like mopani worms and sheep heads.
You might not make it further than customs without being robbed, but we WILL feed you.
And of course, you can’t sing with your mouth full. Pooksie, grab a tablet. It will stop your stress-hiccups.

 

[Theofilus]

They couldn’t play. Pooksie was sewing them back together again. Duh!

Theo, honey, please come to South Africa. We have real food here like mopani worms and sheep heads.
You might not make it further than customs without being robbed, but we WILL feed you.

Somebody besides Icelanders eats sheep heads? Cool! Do you singe the wool off like we do? When you buy them here in the stores, they've already been cut in half and had the brain removed. My grandfather used to think that was the best part. You can't get mashed sheep brains here any more.

 

[l'Chante]

As I said; come to South Africa. They are sold (only on request) with everything intact.
And since you will most probably be robbed, hijacked, assaulted etc, you will have the opportunity to actually eat worms. Hm.. Is that a South African joke?

 

[Neo]

Then I distract Handy with a winning season at FSU and a BCS championship. While he is dstracted I throw a ticket to a Boise State home game in front of him and while he is picking it up i usurp the throne and order all colors be garnet and gold and the colors blue, orange, and green are to be banned forever from my kingdom. HAHAHAHA it's good to be king.

 

[l'Chante]

Pssst! Handy is a girl.