[__ Prayer __] things are getting kinda creepy...

[Christ_empowered]

I know I post a lot about what's going on in my life and neighborhood. Here's the thing...I've only recently recovered from "treatment" (read: shrinks scrambled my brain with lots of shock treatments, involuntarily). Now, neighbors talk loudly--I mean, loud enough for me to hear in my house, and there's a decent amount of distance between the houses (OK/respectable part of a small, southern town)-- about "probation violations" and "he p!ssed Dr.XYZ off" (I'm considered a "trouble maker..." long story).

I know a lot of you have been kind enough to keep me up in prayer for a while now, and I appreciate it. I've taken to praying for CFnet and general, and then as many individuals as I can think of at the time. I think I'm at a point where I'm really beginning to do normal Christians things and think normal Christian thoughts ("heart of flesh, not of stone") about life and all. This is good news for me, because when I first got saved...well, I wasn't stupid, but I wasn't smart, either, and I had definitely had too much shock. :-( sad times. Now, I'm smart enough for my goals and I don't have "too much shock" written all over me...that makes it much, much easier to be a normal Christian.

In good news...my mother and I had some good time together. She's sweet and she's warming up to me, and I've been praying to get rid of all the baggage I've been holding on to against her. Truth is...well, I had a rough time as a kid and teenager, and it was all down hill from there, largely because of psychiatrists from the pits of Hell (no, really). I have a decent shrink now and, more importantly, I have my parents behind me and I got genuinely saved, so...things are a lot different. I'm different, too.

This talk of "probation violations" and such is...nerve wracking. I'm on misdemeanor probation, but a lot of it, so...yeah (SC has some crazy misdemeanors, btw...kinda harsh laws down here, y'all). I hear the neighbors talking...last night, they yelled, in their yards, to get to me. Its stupid. I saw my PO recently, and everything was fine. They also say (again, loud enough me to hear, but not to my face) that I had a "public defender" and I "got a felony." Had God not moved on my dad's heart, I would have had a public defender, and I probably (certainly?) would have gotten a felony, but...blood is thicker than water, and God did move on my dad's heart, so...here I am, on extended misdemeanor probation. Keep in mind: I'm prone to paranoia anyway, which is probably why this is happening.

I just don't get it, or maybe...maybe I do. The Bible is right, of course; human nature is dreadful, and these people around me are most definitely not saved. Nothing personal...people are people, afterall. Satan roams the earth like a lion, seeking whom he may devour. He devoured my life until about 3 years ago, when I finally got (for real, genuinely) saved. The Good Lord has done a work in my life (even in my body, which is huge) since then, and...I don't think it sits well with people around here, and I doubt satan and his minions, who had so much fun with me until fairly recently, are all that pleased, either.

But yeah...they keep saying "they're callling your PO" and stuff like that. This has been going on for a while now...maybe 1 month? I suspect they've been in the yard, which is awesome. My mind keeps going to the "what-ifs," as in...how would I get in touch with my parents? with the attorney? on and on it goes. Like I said, I get paranoia anyway, so this is an extra serving of fun fun fun.

I'm done now. Thanks for reading, and thanks for your prayers.

 

[AirDancer]

As you stated, your neighbors aren't saved. If they were, they wouldn't be jealous of you and your parents. And they wouldn't keep talking about probation violations or warrants.

We each have trials, as you currently have your neighbors. And each trial presented to us are to test our fortitude and our strength in our faith. As you've noticed, some of these trials last longer than others. You're staying constant and confident in your relationship with our Lord. He's with you always and won't abandon you!

 

[Eugene]

Prayers continue for you brother that your thoughts don't become as reality for you. It isn't always those diagnosed with mental illness that suffer that consequence; worry itself seems to be the major proponent of that malady throughout all age groups, and it can be just as real to a teen when evaluating their peers sometimes just because of a perceived stare, as to someone fearing a repeat of their past experiences.

In Christ you have been set free; do your best to believe it. Satan no longer has control in your life, and the times all of us fail in some manner Jesus is our advocate, we have perfect access to God's throne of grace to go boldly before Him to find grace to help in time of need (Heb 4:16). Make that the foundation or stronghold of your faith daily as the major weapon of your arsenal of the word of God. I think you have read this before, but in case you haven't I'll leave the URL link again.

The Armor of God
http://www.christianforums.net/Fellowship/index.php?threads/the-armor-of-god.51558/

 

[Christ_empowered]

Thanks again to both AirDancer and Eugene. Both of you have been so kind and helpful.

I will say that going through all this--and it seems to have been an ongoing thing since I got saved and then moved back in with my parents--seems to have brought me closer to The Lord than I might have been otherwise. Also, there's something to be said for disillusionment..."wise as serpents, innocent as doves."

I was always hyper-sensitive...until recently, lol. I'm getting a lot more normal and able to withstand things, only because of Christ. I get the sense He has worked+is working both directly and less directly (meds, counseling, parents, CFnet, etc.) to make me...normal enough to be in society, hopefully one day at a more autonomous level.

I'm beginning to think this may never end. What the neighbors say may change, but their behavior may never stop. Still, I'm better off living here, with my (loving, kind, long suffering, truly and genuinely good) people than I would be anywhere else. A couple years ago, my dad offered to rent me a decent apt. I didn't go for it for a number of reasons, and now...well, we all get along, and I'm glad to be here, and I'm also glad that I'm saving them all that rent money each year. Plus, I mean...severely mentally ill people, especially those of us who live alone, don't always do well in society. I think it may be worse in The Bible Belt ("1,000 miles wide, 1 inch deep") than elsewhere, but I"m not sure. It may just be my experience, because I'm homosexual, mentally ill, labeled a "trouble maker" and treated accordingly, "uppity," and...Born Again. Combine all these factors, I think you have potential for some not so fun experiences in the community.

Thanks again.

 

[AirDancer]

It's not just in the Bible Belt. It's everywhere...when a person who has encountered problems in life returns to his/her home town.

There's an old adage: "A hero is a hero, except in his hometown." This is a paraphrased retake of Mark 6:4 : Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his hometown and among his own relatives and in his own household.”

 

[Christ_empowered]

yeah, you're right. "You can never go home again." I sometimes think I should try to move when I can, other times I think...maybe not. I guess time will tell.

 

[AirDancer]

Being where you are right now is where you're supposed to be. Not only are you working towards your university degree, but you're also working on your relationship with your parents. More importantly, your parents are seeing the vast changes in you since you've become a Christian. And that's what it's all about

 

[Christ_empowered]

More wise words from AirDancer...

I'm enjoying being with my people. They matter; the neighbors, not so much (to me; God certainly has some plan for them, they matter to other people, just not so much...me). My mother seems a lot...happier now...with me and in general. The last years of her career seem to be going remarkably well, Praise God (!!!!), and I'm thinking retirement is going to be a blast. My dad and I get along well, too; we even go for Sunday drives through the countryside.

I think this is largely about growing up and realizing how the "real world" works. In the world but not of it. Its good to see the dynamics of the world around you, even if I'm completely different both from who I was before and from most of those around me...thanks to Christ.

 

[Christ_empowered]

never mind...