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This just seems ..." Happy ETA"

handy

handy

Member
My bff's son is getting married in June. Lord willing and Steve's dad is hanging in there, we'll head down for the wedding. The plan was to stay with them, Steve and I in a spare bedroom and the kids in an RV in their back yard while we were there. Frankly, we would rather stay in a motel and it's good because I got a call yesterday explaining that the spare bedroom won't be available after all because....

Her son has been living with his fiance for about 2.5 years now. They are both 25 years old and they both lived on their own prior to moving in with each other. They have an 18 month old son and she's pregnant with #2. So, Christian marriage notwithstanding, they are an established family. They are having the pastor of my bff's church marry them and he, the pastor, is requiring that their son move home one week prior to the wedding. Some how or another this is supposed to restore the "sanctity" of the wedding night???

This just seems bizarre. I can't even begin to think of a biblical justification for removing a father from his family, if even for a week, and how this week of enforced celibacy is supposed to "restore" anything is beyond me.

The good news here is that we can stay in a motel without hurting my bff's feelings but I'm just...:confused

Anyone have any insights on why a pastor would require such a thing?
 
My guess it eases the pastors conscience.
Been in 'that where to stay' place ... glad you get the motel with no hard feelings :)
 
handy said:
My bff's son is getting married in June. Lord willing and Steve's dad is hanging in there, we'll head down for the wedding. The plan was to stay with them, Steve and I in a spare bedroom and the kids in an RV in their back yard while we were there. Frankly, we would rather stay in a motel and it's good because I got a call yesterday explaining that the spare bedroom won't be available after all because....

Her son has been living with his fiance for about 2.5 years now. They are both 25 years old and they both lived on their own prior to moving in with each other. They have an 18 month old son and she's pregnant with #2. So, Christian marriage notwithstanding, they are an established family. They are having the pastor of my bff's church marry them and he, the pastor, is requiring that their son move home one week prior to the wedding. Some how or another this is supposed to restore the "sanctity" of the wedding night???

This just seems bizarre. I can't even begin to think of a biblical justification for removing a father from his family, if even for a week, and how this week of enforced celibacy is supposed to "restore" anything is beyond me.

The good news here is that we can stay in a motel without hurting my bff's feelings but I'm just...:confused

Anyone have any insights on why a pastor would require such a thing?
Click to expand...

Can I be honest?
I think the pastor is wrong.
I'd go get married by the Justice of the Peace instead.
That would give him something to think about, and see if he decides to be judgmental about it.

But frankly, why aren't these people questioning the pastor about this?
People are so afraid of pastors, like their face to face with God or something.
 
Rollo Tamasi said:
Can I be honest?
I think the pastor is wrong.
I'd go get married by the Justice of the Peace instead.
That would give him something to think about, and see if he decides to be judgmental about it.

But frankly, why aren't these people questioning the pastor about this?
People are so afraid of pastors, like their face to face with God or something.
Click to expand...


I disagree with the pastor too, but, in his defense I think he's making a small attempt to emphasis the sanctity of a religious marriage. But, in today's America the Christian ideal of "monogamy within marriage and abstinence outside marriage" is mostly no longer even considered relevant, that train has left the station. If the pastor wants to defend religious beliefs he should defend them in their fullness.
 
jasonc said:
Makes no sense.unless it's to see if they will put the Lord first
Click to expand...
Which would make sense if either a: he counseled them to forego a wedding and just married them as soon as the license was in order or b: told him to cease living with her from now until the marriage.
What them continuing to live with each other until one week before the wedding is supposed to accomplish, I can't quite figure out.

Rollo Tamasi said:
Can I be honest?
I think the pastor is wrong.
I'd go get married by the Justice of the Peace instead.
That would give him something to think about, and see if he decides to be judgmental about it.

But frankly, why aren't these people questioning the pastor about this?
People are so afraid of pastors, like their face to face with God or something.
Click to expand...

Mike S said:
I disagree with the pastor too, but, in his defense I think he's making a small attempt to emphasis the sanctity of a religious marriage. But, in today's America the Christian ideal of "monogamy within marriage and abstinence outside marriage" is mostly no longer even considered relevant, that train has left the station. If the pastor wants to defend religious beliefs he should defend them in their fullness.
Click to expand...

I think you're right, Mike, but I just can't see how a week accomplishes anything other than taking a father out of the picture during an incredibly busy week for the mother. I'm with Rollo Tamasi, if the pastor is this concerned about the sanctity of marriage, just have them go to a justice of peace, or even just marry them himself once the license is in order.

I have to admit, Rollo Tamasi, I would be questioning the pastor about this one pretty strenuously... but then again, maybe that's why I'm not really a member of any church now... I do tend to have a low tolerance for some of the more ...shall we say "arbitrary" things that have come along lately
 
handy said:
My bff's son is getting married in June. Lord willing and Steve's dad is hanging in there, we'll head down for the wedding. The plan was to stay with them, Steve and I in a spare bedroom and the kids in an RV in their back yard while we were there. Frankly, we would rather stay in a motel and it's good because I got a call yesterday explaining that the spare bedroom won't be available after all because....

Her son has been living with his fiance for about 2.5 years now. They are both 25 years old and they both lived on their own prior to moving in with each other. They have an 18 month old son and she's pregnant with #2. So, Christian marriage notwithstanding, they are an established family. They are having the pastor of my bff's church marry them and he, the pastor, is requiring that their son move home one week prior to the wedding. Some how or another this is supposed to restore the "sanctity" of the wedding night???

This just seems bizarre. I can't even begin to think of a biblical justification for removing a father from his family, if even for a week, and how this week of enforced celibacy is supposed to "restore" anything is beyond me.

The good news here is that we can stay in a motel without hurting my bff's feelings but I'm just...:confused

Anyone have any insights on why a pastor would require such a thing?
Click to expand...
The pastor is separating the two in order for them to abstain, that is clear. The reason he is doing it is to give some sense of newness and excitement and anticipation to their wedding night. He's trying to make it special for them, not routine as it otherwise would be. From a purely practical point of view, not a bad plan. But also, he may be more interested than it first appears in their spiritual well being and wants them to see for themselves the beauty and wisdom of God's plan for a man and his wife. :wink It may leave a lasting impression on them that will lead them to learn more about and seek this wise God who sets boundaries for us for our blessedness, not to punish us and rob us of pleasure.
 
yeah...I see where Jethro is coming from...

Now that I think about it, a little time away could make the marriage more "real" or something. I mean, if you've been shacking up and you decide to get married, it could easily be just another day...this time with a ceremony to make your relationship official. A little time apart might, as Jethro pointed out, make them take the union more seriously, give them time to reflect on the situation, etc. Then again...I don't know the couple, the minister, etc. I'm just some dude online making guesses, lol.

I'm really glad you're getting the motel. The Plan A accomodations you mentioned sounded kinda rough. :)
 
Jethro Bodine said:
The pastor is separating the two in order for them to abstain, that is clear. The reason he is doing it is to give some sense of newness and excitement and anticipation to their wedding night. He's trying to make it special for them, not routine as it otherwise would be. From a purely practical point of view, not a bad plan. But also, he may be more interested than it first appears in their spiritual well being and wants them to see for themselves the beauty and wisdom of God's plan for a man and his wife. :wink It may leave a lasting impression on them that will lead them to learn more about and seek this wise God who sets boundaries for us for our blessedness, not to punish us and rob us of pleasure.
Click to expand...

That's sort've what I was thinking. I suspect that old Jewish marriage custom has crossed the pastors mind, Wherein she doesn't know when he's coming to get her to be married. It's prolly largely impractical to do this, but if they went with the flow it might be fun to at least keep the time of the wedding from her on the day and make her be ready and waiting.

It's just one of those things. Life is 10% what it throws at you and 90% how you react to it. Even though it may be a pitb now, it could make a good story years from now?
Good luck with it! I hope it works out.
 
I'm glad to hear that some people's pastors actually...I dunno...pastor, lol. I don't know what's up with his game plan, but it is cool to see that people still have pastors who do their job and some congregants take the pastor's authority seriously.
 
Yep. The Pastors heart is prolly in the right place. Just tryin' to do the right thing from his perspective. I wouldn't get mad about it for that reason. Geez how many times does one get married?
smileys-marriage-892019.gif
 
It sounds to me like they have been in a husband, wife, family commitment for sometime and this a formality of their relationship and a time to celebrate it with family and friends. :shrug
handy said:
I can't even begin to think of a biblical justification for removing a father from his family, if even for a week, and how this week of enforced celibacy is supposed to "restore" anything is beyond me.
Click to expand...
He can be with his family except at night, no contact, is that the deal or no contact at all?
I don't understand what he thinks this accomplishes either.
 
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