What does friendship mean to you

[abide]

Several years ago I read a book where the author stated in today's world friendship has become very narrow. He further stated that IF David and Jonathan were alive people would assume that they must be gay. He said that friendship today is nothing more than casual acquaintance. He felt that friendship is something that should be deeper and more meaningful.

In today's world people who use social media say they have x amount of friends. I believe you have to cultivate a friendship just like any relationship.

I met my best friend when I was five years in elementary school and after all these years we are still good friends. We do not call each other regularly, but when we talk we enjoy the moments... When she got divorced and she told me about it both of us cried and we were able to encouraged each other. Years after my ex divorced me she was there for me in the same way I was for her.
I believe that in this world we cannot have too many close friends, some people might differ. I seem not to get attached to people who are selfish and controlling.

The bible states.

1 Corinthians 15. 33 Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”

Job 2.11 When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him.

Luke 6. 31. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

I think that if we want to be true friends these are three biblical examples that we can use to determine if we are truly the kind of friends we want or the kind of friends we should be.

 

[Wrg1405]

Loving someone where they are at. Looking out for them even if they don't reciprocate. Being kind, gentle compassionate, being honest without being condemning. Walking with them.

It works both ways. We all want a Jonathan or David. We all need to be a Johnathan and David.

If we can harness that then that's friendship. If we can harness the friendship we have with God through Jesus then that's true friendship that we can have with others that God has given us.

 

[Christ_empowered]

I have --1-- genuine, bona fide friend right now. Considering that I'm "in recovery" from...well, life, but also "severe mental illness"...God's been quite good to me. Most "mental patients"--and many people in general--don't have genuine friends. Facebook "friends," sure...but a real friend? Not nearly as common in the 21st century.

I'm glad you still have your friend from elementary school. That's wonderful. I agree that David+Jonathan would be considered gay today. Its weird...maybe its American culture (?), but men in and of the world generally don't have real friends after...I dunno...teen years, maybe sometimes in college. When men do enjoy each other's company and genuinely care about each other, the world jokes about "man crushes" and "bromance," etc.

I don't know the situation for women. Based on what I've seen with my mom and more conventional female acquaintances...its somewhat better, but there's still a distance there between women, especially after...I dunno...college, 25, somewhere in there. Plus, women have their more covert ways of being aggressive and cruel, too, so...there's that to contend with.

I envy my dad's parents. They came from close knit 2nd, 3rd generation Dutch, Calvinist immigrant families. They all knew the same people for decades, and those relationships were an anchor in their lives, especially for my grandmother. That generation is largely gone now. My dad's generation is mostly not in the same areas, in different churches (if they're in church at all...), etc. etc. etc. My great aunt is, I think, the last of the old guard, but even she is now spending more time with her side of the family (she was my grandfather's brother's wife) from Canada, so...yeah. Things change. Things fall apart.

Its sad...families are fragile, often broken. Communities have been shredded to bits. Churches reflect society, so...a lot of time church friends are...not really "friends," either. I read some about it...its rooted both in social and economic factors. People work more, buy more, need more, do less and less out in the community, etc.

Sorry to ramble. I just think this is a really interesting subject. Good post.

 

[GodsGrace]

I agree with CE. This IS really interesting.

Everything has been said, not much to add.
I'd just like to say that the word "friend" has lost some meaning.

Today everybody is a friend, when actually we mean acquaintance - somebody we know and speak to.
A friend is someone special, it's like a love relationship because there's love involved, It would be like philia love. Maybe even more. It requires work on both sides and requires the same amount of care for each other.

Friends stick together through thick and thin. They laugh together and they cry together, they encourage each other in times of need.

Acquaintances are superficial and care only to talk about light matters to pass the time and to be polite to each other.

Someone told me once: As long as you have one good friend, you're lucky.

 

[Rollo Tamasi]

 

[Deborah13]

My son is still friends with his best high school friend, they went to different colleges but met up a lot, and then his friend was the best man at his wedding. They are living in different states but still keep in touch. Lexy and her best friend have been friends since kindergarten. After high school they have lived in separate towns and even different states but they are still best friends and get together for kids birthdays, dinners, etc.
I'm very fortunate to have two very close friends that are really like extended family and a couple more who are more than acquaintances. I feel blessed.
I think maybe in these times it may have something to do with where you grow up. Our culture here is much different than in the city or big town. Here we rely on each other more than is necessary in a bigger place. There isn't as much of 'keeping up with the Jones'. Respect here is based on behaviors, not so much on what you have or your level of education. A hand shake is still viewed as a contract and honesty is the most important thing.

 

[Northman]

He further stated that IF David and Jonathan were alive people would assume that they must be gay.

So true, so sad. A whole world void of understanding.

 

[SHINY4UJESUS]

I think there is a simple separation between the idea of "having friends," and "having a friendship." One item is kind of a title based label..the other is a mutual relationship with sincere and heartfelt expression. I think Abide made a great point in using social media as an analogy here; it is one thing to have or be called "friend," another thing entirely to have a relationship with mutual commitment and authentic illustration as evidence of authenticity. I am finding tragically as the days go by, fewer "friends," of mine truly reflect a genuine friendship. Partially because the parties involved perhaps are not as invested as could be,(myself included,) and partially because of the acceptance of the designation "friend," without the "meat," of a relationship. Certainly a matter to reflect upon and work on as the days go by. Thanks a ton Abide!

 

[GodsGrace]

I think there is a simple separation between the idea of "having friends," and "having a friendship." One item is kind of a title based label..the other is a mutual relationship with sincere and heartfelt expression. I think Abide made a great point in using social media as an analogy here; it is one thing to have or be called "friend," another thing entirely to have a relationship with mutual commitment and authentic illustration as evidence of authenticity. I am finding tragically as the days go by, fewer "friends," of mine truly reflect a genuine friendship. Partially because the parties involved perhaps are not as invested as could be,(myself included,) and partially because of the acceptance of the designation "friend," without the "meat," of a relationship. Certainly a matter to reflect upon and work on as the days go by. Thanks a ton Abide!

Absolutely.
This was my whole point. The word Friendship has the word Friend in it - so it should mean the same thing.
But our society has changed the meaning of the word Friend, so that we now would require a different word to mean what you call Friendship.

This may not seem important, but actually it is. It's kind of the same as Marriage.
Being Married and Living Together is two different concepts.
I see them as having the same difference as the relationship of Friend as compared to Acquaintance.
A marriage and a friend require committment, sacrifice, willingness to do for the other under any circumstance.

I feel that a real friend is important to have, as is a committed marriage. Maybe fewer friends of yours are showing a genuine friendship because commitment is being removed from our societal values. To say nothing of the new way young people speak to each other due to messaging.

Wondering

 

[Wrg1405]

1. “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”
   – C.S. Lewis

“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.”

1. “How many slams in an old screen door? Depends how loud you shut it. How many slices in a bread? Depends how thin you cut it. How much good inside a day? Depends how good you live ’em. How much love inside a friend? Depends how much you give ’em.”
   – Shel Silverstein

1. “Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer.”
   – Ed Cunningham

1. “Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.”
   — Anthony Robbins

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”
– Bernard Meltzer

1. “There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate. “
   – Linda Grayson

1. “Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?”
   – Abraham Lincoln

1. “Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”
   – Albert Camus

 

[SHINY4UJESUS]

Right. I suppose my contribution was a bit semantical. Well reiterated Wondering

 

[Jethro Bodine]

I have no friends.
The only two people in this whole world (besides my wife) who knew about my life as a friend would know about it died two days apart in February (my best friend after high school, and my brother). That's no slight to my remaining brothers and sisters. It's just that my brother Eric and I grew up very close to one anther and shared a lot of the same things in life. He was the one I could call up or write to and entertain an inside joke about Christmas, or whatever, and no explanation would be needed and we'd laugh out loud.

The fellowship I yearn for is the fellowship of fellow believers who know God by the Holy Spirit in a deep and wonderful way. That satisfies my need for friends. I don't really want a friend in the way we think of having a friend. I think it's because I don't trust people to be close to me. And the one person I do trust to be close to me does not want that (my wife).

 

[Jethro Bodine]

See that thing protruding from the bottom right part of the United States? That's called the appendix of America. Totally useless, and when it gets infected enough we'll cut it off.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

“Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow

Or worse, I may kick you in the rump.

Don’t walk behind me...

Do I have to say what the danger of that may be?

Just walk beside me...

Where I can keep an eye on you.

Well......going out to make some friends today.
I'm good at it.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.”

That sounds like more than just a friend, but a brother too (Proverbs 18:24 NASB). Now THAT I do have! (...still have, for all you OSAS folks ).

 

[Wrg1405]

Well......going out to make some friends today.
I'm good at it.

Well just be yourself. Hmm on second thoughts

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Well just be yourself. Hmm on second thoughts

You know, me and Rollo could have been friends. But then he found out I was non-OSAS and then the bloodshed started.

There's a real danger in being friends these days anyway. The other day I told my wife I got four whole days out of a pair of socks. She promptly proceeded to share that with the whole world on Facebook.

 

[Wrg1405]

You know, me and Rollo could have been friends. But then he found out I was non-OSAS and then the bloodshed started.

There's a real danger in being friends these days anyway. The other day I told my wife I got four whole days out of a pair of socks. She promptly proceeded to share that with the whole world on Facebook.

Only 4 days? Is that all? If you buy an aresole you can go a week. Well at least I can.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Only 4 days? Is that all? If you buy an aresole you can go a week. Well at least I can.

Hmmmm......I'll have to remember that.

 

[Deborah13]

Men are weird. They have a funny but weird sense of humor. Sometimes men sound like little boys, maybe that is what makes them endearing so that women can put up with them.