What Makes A Good Marriage?

[GodsGrace]

So what you are saying is the wedding day determines the uniting of 2 souls as 1? I just don't know if I'm convinced yet. I was united with Christ on January 24, 2008 but the wedding feast has not happened. It will happen, but I'm still his.

Why are you not convinced?
The New Testament and Old Testament are full of verses regarding marriage.

Malachi 2:13-16 says...

And this is the second thing you do: you cover the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping and crying; so He does not regard the offering anymore, nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. 14 Yet you say, "For what reason?" Because the LORD has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant. 15 But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. 16 "For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one's garment with violence," says the LORD of hosts. "Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously."

• Genesis 2:22-24
  
  22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

• Proverbs 18:22
  22 He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.

• Ephesians 5:22-33
  
  22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

And let's not forget what Jesus said:

• Matthew 19:4-6

• 4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
• I

Marriage is very important in the plan of God for our world.
It's the backbone of society and God does everything for a reason.
In fact, society is falling apart because the family is no longer of any importance.

 

[GodsGrace]

LovethroughDove,
As I read your replies I am convinced that you are in denial and struggling very hard trying to justify what you have done. I believe I was wrong with both of my marriages by living with my partner before we were married. It was wrong, plain and simple and I needed forgiveness from our Lord.

But, trying to look at this objectively, I am also hearing that you might be using a different definition of marriage and essentially saying that in the eyes of God you were married the first time you and your then boyfriend came together intimately long before any ceremonial marriage took place. However, if this were true then it would also suggest that people are getting married and divorced with reckless abandon when they jump from partner to partner. Bad enough that we divorce with very little reason these days.

Somehow this must all be reconciled with all of Scripture and not just a handful of verses.

Agreed.
God set the rules for what marriage is.
We're not allowed to make up our own rules.
If we could do that for marriage, we can do it for anything and it would not matter what Jesus taught or what God wants.

We are truly becoming our own gods.

I have a girlfriend that believes homosexual unions are OK because they "really love each other". She's a professed Christian.

So, IOW, I guess as long as we really love the person, anything goes....
Does this sound Godly to those that believe love is all that is necessary?

 

[LovethroughDove]

LovethroughDove,

But, trying to look at this objectively, I am also hearing that you might be using a different definition of marriage and essentially saying that in the eyes of God you were married the first time you and your then boyfriend came together intimately long before any ceremonial marriage took place.

No, I'm saying there was a unspoken point in time that we became united. Before our wedding day.

 

[LovethroughDove]

Why are you not convinced?
The New Testament and Old Testament are full of verses regarding marriage.

Marriage is very important in the plan of God for our world.
It's the backbone of society and God does everything for a reason.
In fact, society is falling apart because the family is no longer of any importance.

I'm still being ignored. You haven't addressed. You think marriage is a wedding day? Of course I believe in marriage and commitment!!!!!! I am the BIGGEST advocate for marriage, I just happened to live with the guy before they wedding day.

 

[WIP]

No, I'm saying there was a unspoken point in time that we became united. Before our wedding day.

I'm curious, what was that point and how did you recognize it?

 

[GodsGrace]

I'm still be ignored. You haven't addressed. You think marriage is a wedding day? Of course I believe in marriage and commitment!!!!!! I am the BIGGEST advocate for marriage, I just happened to live with the guy before it.

Oh.
It didn't sound like you were a big advocate for marriage.
It seems like you don't know that the New Testament states that we are to be married to our partner.

If you hapened to live with him before marriage, that's something in the past.
It seemed as though you were saying that it's OK to live together...I don't believe this is what the bible teaches.

A new Christian reading along might have gotten a different idea from your statements.
I'm happy you clarified.

 

[LovethroughDove]

Oh.
It didn't sound like you were a big advocate for marriage.
It seems like you don't know that the New Testament states that we are to be married to our partner.

If you hapened to live with him before marriage, that's something in the past.
It seemed as though you were saying that it's OK to live together...I don't believe this is what the bible teaches.

A new Christian reading along might have gotten a different idea from your statements.
I'm happy you clarified.

Yeah, I'm glad you finally realize I'm a marriage advocate.

 

[LovethroughDove]

I'm curious, what was that point and how did you recognize it?

We realized that we didn't see a life without one another.

 

[for_his_glory]

Hi FHG,

Both you and LovethroughDove have made the same statement.
Webster's defines fornication as sex outside of marriage between two consenting adults.
Adultery is sex with a married person, or two married persons, that is not the spouse.

I understand your point. What I'd like to ask then is this,,,
What's the difference between being married and living together?
Is there no difference?

Although we were instructed by both Jesus and Paul to obey the authorities and give unto Ceaser what is Caeser's and to God what is God's, is marriage not of God?
I could do without the piece of paper even, but what about being married in church?
Do you also believe this is not important?

Yes, fornication is sex outside of the marriage and adultery is sex with a married person, no doubt about that, but what God has joined together as one flesh let not man put asunder. It doesn't say what God joined together with a marriage license and married in a Church building as He said the two shall be one flesh as our example is Adam and Eve and all who were of God that He joined together before the 613 Levtical laws where man incorporated into the law one must have a license as Gods grand design was for woman to be a helpmate to her husband in every way and to multiply the earth.

I can't speak for LovethroughDove as I have never personally met her or know anything of her life, but we seem to agree on this subject. When my husband and I first met, in our case in Church, we talked a lot after services sharing what we learned from that days teachings and also our past lives with each other establishing a friendship before our first date. From that time of establishing our friendship both of us were praying separately and knew we were meant for each other as God separately revealed this to us as we shared the same Spirit of God and were both Christ centered. There was no fornication, but a union of God as we became one flesh, one Spirit and one body of Christ. We met in July of 1997, started dating in Oct 1997 and married for legal purposes in Jan 1998. That was twenty years ago and our love for each other is as strong now as it was back then. No marriage is perfect without arguments and we have had some dillies, but never go to bed angry as we resolve any problem as we center on Christ that brings us back to a peaceful home again.

Mark 10: 6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. 7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; 8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. 9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. 10 And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. 11 And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. 12 And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

 

[reba]

I'm still being ignored. You haven't addressed. You think marriage is a wedding day? Of course I believe in marriage and commitment!!!!!! I am the BIGGEST advocate for marriage, I just happened to live with the guy before they wedding day.

So if it had not worked out would you consider your self divorced?

 

[for_his_glory]

Don't you think 1 Corinthians 6:12 speaks against what you believe?
"He that committeth fornication (sex between two unmarried persons) sinneth against his own body --- your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is IN you...Ye are bought with a price, therefor glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's."

It does seem to me to be the opposite of what you believe.

1 Corinthians 6:15 Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid. 16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh. 17 But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.

Our bodies were the members of Christ that became one body of Christ as we became one spirit joined together by Christ as this came to be before the bed.

 

[reba]

There was no fornication, but a union of God as we became one flesh,

That is contrary to scripture.

 

[reba]

Is promoting sex out side of marriage A Godly thing to do?

 

[reba]

1Jn_1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
confessing is not the same as justifying
Having confessed the sin of fornication i am forgiven...

 

[Papa Zoom]

This is proof you aren't understanding and really don't care.

The Bible gives us the standard for a marriage, not an individual's particular experience. I would never advocate what you experienced as the standard for everyone. That's part of what I am saying. And the marriage ceremony is not what makes couples "one flesh." That's clear. It's a ceremony. A testimony and a celebration. But many people who live together don't stay together. Or they never even marry. It's problematic. Some do however. But no matter the experience, the standard is the Word of God. The ultimate standard is two people, both virgins, courting properly, and after the "ceremony" coming together sexually for the first time. Anything short of that is not what God intended.

 

[LovethroughDove]

The Bible gives us the standard for a marriage, not an individual's particular experience. I would never advocate what you experienced as the standard for everyone. That's part of what I am saying. And the marriage ceremony is not what makes couples "one flesh." That's clear. It's a ceremony. A testimony and a celebration. But many people who live together don't stay together. Or they never even marry. It's problematic. Some do however. But no matter the experience, the standard is the Word of God. The ultimate standard is two people, both virgins, courting properly, and after the "ceremony" coming together sexually for the first time. Anything short of that is not what God intended.

I agree that when you come together with your spouse you should be a virgin. Yes. Does it say "after the wedding ceremony"? No
Courting? What does that even mean in the Bible? It's not in there. You are saying stuff that the church as it stands now says.

 

[reba]

LovethroughDove for_his_glory
would either of you teach say in Sunday school or Bible study that sex before marriage is fine wiht God?

 

[LovethroughDove]

LovethroughDove for_his_glory
would either of you teach say in Sunday school or Bible study that sex before marriage is fine wiht God?

I would say, if you are 100% sure that you are in God's will with that person. (Not fooling yourself for selfish reasons, Yes)
Now, you probably won't understand that statement.

 

[for_his_glory]

That is contrary to scripture.

How is it contrary to what God has already said about the two becoming one in His Spirit as what God has joined together let no man put us asunder. What is a marriage if not the union of two becoming one in the eyes of God. Are we defined by a piece of paper or the word of God. Has it not been indoctrinated by man what they teach and perceive to be a marriage or does truth come by the Spirit of God.

If all of you believe their is fornication between two that God has joined together then Adam and Eve are also guilty of such a sin as all of you perceive it to be and would make God a liar. I'm not trying to justify anything, but trying to show what God has already said about a union of two blest by His Spirit.

 

[reba]

I fully understand .... do i agree not one bit... i find it very sad .. i do thank you for your honesty