What Makes A Good Marriage?

[th1b.taylor]

Don't you dare delete any of this as it needs to be said, even though we are straying from the OP. Some can't handle the truth!!!!..............oh well, so sad as it is scriptural in what you and I have posted. You forgot to also mention the woman at the well that reminds me of myself back in the day as she had many husbands, John 4:16-18. There is a big difference between true love and lust of the heart, but neither one needs a license.

If that Samaritan Lass had been a male it should have been me. I thought I was good looking, dressed in my 18 inch Stove Pipe Cowboy boots with my mike and my Guitar, s ;py pf young ladies thought so also. I was an over-active sinner. I'll leave the post, thanks.

 

[reba]

Sex belongs in marriage and marriage is one man one woman.. Sex out side of marriage is fornication our personal justifications do not make it less a sin... I wish i had not slept with my husband until we married..at 17 i knew every thing... and in the USA i consider marriage the godly legal stuff...
What has to said is what the scripture says not what we think ...What is important is what the scriptures say not what we say... The church has devalued marriage over and over,,,
At 17 i knew the vow i took before God was powerful... and to be honored... It has not always easy or happy as the world would say ... I know my failures as well as i know i can stand before God saying in marriage i honored You...

 

[Douglas Summers]

Fornication occurs regardless of whether or not love is present.

Hi Free, I'm not sure your point here, but Fornication definition is sex between unmarried couples. (out side of a marriage)

 

[Douglas Summers]

Sex belongs in marriage and marriage is one man one woman.. Sex out side of marriage is fornication our personal justifications do not make it less a sin... I wish i had not slept with my husband until we married..at 17 i knew every thing... and in the USA i consider marriage the godly legal stuff...
What has to said is what the scripture says not what we think ...What is important is what the scriptures say not what we say... The church has devalued marriage over and over,,,
At 17 i knew the vow i took before God was powerful... and to be honored... It has not always easy or happy as the world would say ... I know my failures as well as i know i can stand before God saying in marriage i honored You...

Me too reta. (we grew up in the same era) But by today's standards, and those who have been raised with them, have no idea what you are talking about. Just about every DIY or HGTV program in young couples buying or remolding homes are not married, but call their selves partners, with no shame, and it is acceptable by the host and TV stations along with two husbands or two wives living together as if it is a normal moral creation!!! My TV watching has become very limited, Every program (EVERY) that I have watched has promoted homosexuality as acceptable, and even more, that we should feel sorry for their struggle to make homosexuality as normal as a Adam and Eve. Has anyone noticed the countenance of the same sex society? There is always a hostile or anti social spirit present with them. I do not treat homosexuals with hostility, I treat them as I would any other person. But I know (even naturally) that that life style is unacceptable and ungodly.

 

[GodsGrace]

-
The answers are easy, but the doing is difficult.
Obviously, for a marriage to be truly successful, you need 2 who are successful regarding their Christianity.
And this way, you have a "Christ centered" marriage, and when that is in place, then let the gates of hell roar.
But how many actually do this?
Its about the same number as the number of Christians who actually have Christ centered lives.
Answer: some.
See, this is easy to understand, but its not easy to do > Consistently.
And the key to any type of success is consistency in the right measures.
Some people, for example, are consistent at living like the devil, and they are very accomplished.
So, if you want a happy marriage, then you need one that offers a few things, once you get the relationship grounded in Jesus.
You need for example to understand the 1st and most profound rule regarding what makes any relationship you have, in life, with another person, successful.
This rule applies, especially of course, to the wedding relationship.
This rule is.....1.) Find out what the other person loves, and do that......while you also find out what they can't stand and don't do that".
The idea is, to make each other happy,... this is the goal, and to not make each other unhappy is the goal.
Both.
See, born again people can live happily in poverty or riches as long as they have one person in their life who they enjoy, and who they love to be with, who understands how to satisfy them.,... as not being satisfied in life is the issue that plagues most people.
This grinds you down.

Then there is the fact that, when you are talking about "young love" and young people getting married..
Well, most young people, including most young people who go to church, are having sex.
And the issue with this, is that when you are young, sex is a very powerful consumption, and because wisdom and youth are not a good match, a young person will confuse sex with love.
They confuse sex...with love, and that is always going to lead to a bad marriage, as so many young get married because they have confused sex with love, and then.... once they are married and the sex becomes "marriage sex" and "common", they will wake up one day, no longer owned and blinded by the power of the physical interplay and think to themselves.."who is this that i married, .. i dont know them".. "im sleeping with a stranger who has my wedding ring".
Then, the real problems start that typically lead to a bad ending.

Also, there is the issue of managing money.
Oh what a difficult thing to have to learn how to do when you are a newly wed and are not yet 22 yrs old.
"Money issues" are the #1 issue in most marriages, along with communication issues.

And finally, if you are a young reader who is reading this thread and are wondering about how to find the best mate, or you think you have found them, and are wondering about that next step...
I've advice for you...
Determine accurately if you enjoy the conversation that your "Love" is giving you when you are together a lot.
Do you enjoy listening to them talk?
Is this pleasant? Do you look forward to hearing them talk? Do find them always to be interesting and engaging?
This is very important, as if you dont...if you find their conversation to be dumb, grinding, boring, and worse, then consider how you will be feeling the next 30 yrs you are married to them, if you already hate their conversation?
"wisdom"...
"key".





<K><

What a great post !
I love what you said here and have always believed this especially...:

This rule applies, especially of course, to the wedding relationship.
This rule is.....1.) Find out what the other person loves, and do that......while you also find out what they can't stand and don't do that".
The idea is, to make each other happy,... this is the goal, and to not make each other unhappy is the goal.
Both.

If both partners followed this rule, all marriages would work.
We live in this world only one time...we should make the best of it.
I'd say that selfishness and self-centerdness is not appropriate in a good marriage.
But, as you correctly said, easier said than done.

Statistically, christians get divorced as much as the general society.
We've all been affected by satan's lies.

 

[GodsGrace]

No it doesn't. It was man who incorporated into the law you need a marriage license. Were Adam and Eve legally married according to any law, no. Were any of their children, no. It wasn't until the 613 Levitical laws were written down that man continued to add to them.

Hi FHG,

Both you and LovethroughDove have made the same statement.
Webster's defines fornication as sex outside of marriage between two consenting adults.
Adultery is sex with a married person, or two married persons, that is not the spouse.

I understand your point. What I'd like to ask then is this,,,
What's the difference between being married and living together?
Is there no difference?

Although we were instructed by both Jesus and Paul to obey the authorities and give unto Ceaser what is Caeser's and to God what is God's, is marriage not of God?
I could do without the piece of paper even, but what about being married in church?
Do you also believe this is not important?

 

[GodsGrace]

Most married couples (90%) are living under the "Law of sin and death." God's prescribed order of victory for husband and wife over sin, the world, the flesh, and the Devil is "The Law of the Spirit (Holy Spirit) of Life In Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:2). When this Law is violated, Christ is become of no effect unto you, whosoever of you are justified by the law; you are fallen from grace (Gal. 5:4) (Gal. 2:21). This is called Spiritual Adultery.

Hi iLOVE,
I believe spiritual adultery is when we leave the sacrifice of Christ for our salvation and cliing to other beliefs. For instance, believing one has to also be baptised. Or believing a church saves you if you just belong to it. This would be spiritual adultery.

I don't quite understand what this has to do with marriage...
I do believe that couples that are not married are living outside the grace of God, although I also believe we will be judged by our heart and what we truly believed.

Could you clarify?

 

[GodsGrace]

As far as I'm concerned we both knew very early that God put us together forever and Christ was the center of our friendship first and foremost as we became one body that is of Christ and 20 years later still remains the center. I see fornication as sexual immortality as one goes from partner to partner without any commitment.

1 Corinthians 6:12 All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any. 13 Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body. 14 And God hath both raised up the Lord, and will also raise up us by his own power. 15 Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid. 16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh. 17 But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit. 18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. 19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? 20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.

Don't you think 1 Corinthians 6:12 speaks against what you believe?
"He that committeth fornication (sex between two unmarried persons) sinneth against his own body --- your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is IN you...Ye are bought with a price, therefor glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's."

It does seem to me to be the opposite of what you believe.

 

[WIP]

I was just making the point that I did live with my husband before we were married and I wouldn't have changed that. I see no evidence in scripture to say we were wrong in doing so. Wondering posted the fornication scriptures to support the (not-living together stance). I loved my husband from before we decided to live together. I would not call what we did fornication (at all)
We are best friends and lovers and have a mutual respect for each other.

It is wonderful that you have been fortunate in your relationship with your husband. However, I fear that you do not grasp or acknowledge or accept or realize what fornication really is or perhaps you are just putting it out of your mind or denying it to justify your own actions.

Please know that I am not sharing this to tear you down for your past sins. If you are a Christian as you claim to be, repented and confessed your sins, and have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior then you can be assured that He has forgiven you just as much as He forgave the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11).

Now having this knowledge, it is important that we (i.e., you, me, and all Christians) teach others to avoid such things. Truth be told, I lived with both of my wives prior to being married. I divorced my first wife and have been married to my second wife for 24 years so my record so far is 50% failure. Using you and me as a study group, what does it show? Between the two of us we've been married three times and have failed 33.33% of the time....so far.

I searched the NKJV for the word "fornication" and found 13 references against fornication. By definition from Merriam-Webster on-line as well as all other dictionaries I referenced....

Fornication: consensual (see consensual 2) sexual intercourse between two persons not married to each other — compare adultery.

Another phrase or term used in Scripture is "sexual immorality." Searching the NKJV I found 13 references against sexual immorality as well. In fact, this was the only reason Jesus gave for allowing a divorce.

Here's the 1st paragraph from the definition of "sexual immorality" from GotQuestions.org. Notice that the definition includes "fornication."
Sexual Immorality: In the New Testament, the word most often translated “sexual immorality” is porneia. This word is also translated as “whoredom,” “fornication,” and “idolatry.” It means “a surrendering of sexual purity”, and it is primarily used of premarital sexual relations. From this Greek word we get the English word pornography, stemming from the concept of “selling off.” Sexual immorality is the “selling off” of sexual purity and involves any type of sexual expression outside the boundaries of a biblically defined marriage relationship (Matthew 19:4–5).

The thing we must remember is that it is not our opinions, studies, polls, and so on that matter. What matters is what God says for He is and will be our final judge and jury.

 

[LovethroughDove]

Hi FHG,

Both you and LovethroughDove have made the same statement.
Webster's defines fornication as sex outside of marriage between two consenting adults.
Adultery is sex with a married person, or two married persons, that is not the spouse.

I understand your point. What I'd like to ask then is this,,,

So what you are saying is the wedding day determines the uniting of 2 souls as 1? I just don't know if I'm convinced yet. I was united with Christ on January 24, 2008 but the wedding feast has not happened. It will happen, but I'm still his.

 

[LovethroughDove]

It is wonderful that you have been fortunate in your relationship with your husband. However, I fear that you do not grasp or acknowledge or accept or realize what fornication really is or perhaps you are just putting it out of your mind or denying it to justify your own actions.

No, I'm genuinely trying to understand what is Spiritually right. If the union of our souls was done prior to the wedding day? That is all.

Now having this knowledge, it is important that we (i.e., you, me, and all Christians) teach others to avoid such things. Truth be told, I lived with both of my wives prior to being married. I divorced my first wife and have been married to my second wife for 24 years so my record so far is 50% failure. Using you and me as a study group, what does it show? Between the two of us we've been married three times and have failed 33.33% of the time....so far.

I guess for you, you would've wanted to wait until you were legally married........to start your lives together. My success rate came from how it occurred. This is a moot point really because fornication can be in a marriage too.

Another phrase or term used in Scripture is "sexual immorality." Searching the NKJV I found 13 references against sexual immorality as well. In fact, this was the only reason Jesus gave for allowing a divorce.

He didn't allow for divorce.

 

[Papa Zoom]

As a standard, a man and woman ought NOT to live together even if someone had a positive experience from it. Wrong is wrong and mimicking the world is bad form for any Christian. Living together gives the appearance of evil and gives fodder to the enemies of God. So to advocate this is to go against God's standards IMO.

 

[WIP]

I guess for you, you would've wanted to wait until you were legally married........to start your lives together. My success rate came from how it occurred. This is a moot point really because fornication can be in a marriage too.

For me??? First, you say that you are trying to understand what is Scripturally right. Then in the quote above, you seem to be suggesting that God imposes different requirements, rules, or standards for different people. I'm not following you. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Hebrews 13:8.

He didn't allow for divorce.

The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” His disciples said to Him, “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” Matthew 19:3-10 NKJV

 

[LovethroughDove]

For me??? First, you say that you are trying to understand what is Scripturally right. Then in the quote above, you seem to be suggesting that God imposes different requirements, rules, or standards for different people. I'm not following you. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Hebrews 13:8.

The rules of men have penetrated the church, even Christ said so. I've been trying to express the union of 2 souls into 1. It's being ignored and I'm done trying to talk about it.

The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” His disciples said to Him, “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” Matthew 19:3-10 NKJV

This goes along with this scripture. 1 Corinthians 7:10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
The Lord is saying this. So, basically...........we are not to get divorced

 

[LovethroughDove]

As a standard, a man and woman ought NOT to live together even if someone had a positive experience from it. Wrong is wrong and mimicking the world is bad form for any Christian. Living together gives the appearance of evil and gives fodder to the enemies of God. So to advocate this is to go against God's standards IMO.

This is proof you aren't understanding and really don't care.

 

[reba]

Yes it proves he does care

 

[LovethroughDove]

Yes it proves he does care

He was stating that appearance of unholiness is not allowed. I'm saying that our union is Holy and it is true!!!! Whitewashed tombs comes to mind when people talk about appearance, because they are full of dead bones.

 

[Rollo Tamasi]

Yes it proves he does care

Would you care to elaborate?

 

[reba]

He was stating that appearance of unholiness is not allowed.

God says 1Th_5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.

 

[WIP]

LovethroughDove,
As I read your replies I am convinced that you are in denial and struggling very hard trying to justify what you have done. I believe I was wrong with both of my marriages by living with my partner before we were married. It was wrong, plain and simple and I needed forgiveness from our Lord.

But, trying to look at this objectively, I am also hearing that you might be using a different definition of marriage and essentially saying that in the eyes of God you were married the first time you and your then boyfriend came together intimately long before any ceremonial marriage took place. However, if this were true then it would also suggest that people are getting married and divorced with reckless abandon when they jump from partner to partner. Bad enough that we divorce with very little reason these days.

Somehow this must all be reconciled with all of Scripture and not just a handful of verses.