Why is it so hard to find good, Christian girls?

[jefgreen]

What's up with all the college-age Christian girls? I don't know if it's just me, but there are a lot of women AND men who simply do not know scripture. Also, I've heard so many times that you should not bother dating unless marriage is somewhere in the picture - which makes sense. With that said, it's not even the fact that so many people still casually date or treat each other like the lost in the world, but that so many people in american churches are carnal. This really bothers me. I'm nowhere near perfect, but at least I make an effort to conform myself to the word each and every day. Some of these people, they just wallow around in carnality. I'm sorry, but I cannot be in a relationship with someone who simply goes to church on Sunday and acts like the rest of the world the other six days of the week.

 

[BobbyKing]

Hi Jetgreen

If you are now looking for a relationship which ultimately leads to Christian marriage, then continue to seek first His Kingdom and at the same time pray to God specifically in this area. I believe He knows how to draw the girl to you, and vice versa.

Take note also that when the girl arrives, she may or may not be spiritually ready according to your expectations. However, the wonderful thing is God may draw you to strengthen her in some areas, and she in due time may support you in some areas of your life too. Bottom line: God leads, you follow.:yes

There will always be all kinds of Christians around us. As you rightly say, some of their lifestyle may not seem right in the eyes of God. For these people, the best thing you can do is to walk right with God and your testimony can change some of them to review their Christian faith.

 

[Gazelle]

(((JefGreen)))) I'm not sure about the dating only for looking for a mate... maybe it's the definition of a "date" that might be ambiguous? Everyone needs to make friends, and that includes friends of the opposite sex. Why not try to make female friends from the Christian groups you belong to, and then see if you find someone who is compatible with future goals. Once that is narrowed down, then perhaps the two of you can help each other learn and progress in the faith?

With that said yes I see what you do as well on both side of the sexes. People who, oh, IDK .."play church" I guess? The best you can do then is to pray hard for the one that you like that she will find the real life of Christ to live. :heart

 

[JohnEboy1983]

I'm sorry, but I cannot be in a relationship with someone who simply goes to church on Sunday and acts like the rest of the world the other six days of the week.

I know what you are saying. I am 28 year old guy and still single, but im prepared to be single for a long time if God doesnt move the right person in front of me and that doesnt mean I am going to be super picky. However, there must be some things that I have to see in a woman. That being said she must demonstrate living a genuine christian life day to day, love God, seeking to better herself spiritually, not be interested or involved in wrong or harmful things, etc. So many women I see, seem to just call themselves christians but act nothing like or have a form of godliness, but still live fornicating, partying and getting drunk, etc.. Though, I can see where many woman may feel this way about men too, thinking are there any good guys left?

 

[Tidus]

I know what you are saying. I am 28 year old guy and still single, but im prepared to be single for a long time if God doesnt move the right person in front of me and that doesnt mean I am going to be super picky.

That's a great attitude. It's that lack of impatience that will mean you end up with the right person.

I think people get scared that they are not going to find someone, so they "settle" for something they know they are not fully equally yoked with. God has so much more in store for you then that- let it happen in His perfect timing.

Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD.
Proverbs 19:14

 

[Billnew]

I have heard this stuff about not dating until you want to get married...ok, if you don't want to learn how to tell if a person is right for you.

Dating is a couple doing things together to see if they feel comfortable together, and to see if they have the matching personality to the other.

If you have merely have friends, then you will not learn how to tell great matching from good, or even great from not good. The more sharing with the other sex, the better you will know what you want. We do not instinctively know what we want. This does not include sexual activity, emotional, spiritual, and physical needs(other then sex) is how you connect with a person.

With no lessons or experiments, how is one suppose to make the right choice?

Anyone can pretend to be something for a short time, but live something together and their real personality will show, or their false personality will be illuminated.

College is the least religious time of a persons life. Most colleges focus on man and mans accomplishments, and freedom and free love without consequence. They promote the god, man, rather the God our father.
So finding Christians will be tough.

 

[jefgreen]

I have heard this stuff about not dating until you want to get married...ok, if you don't want to learn how to tell if a person is right for you.

If you have merely have friends, then you will not learn how to tell great matching from good, or even great from not good. The more sharing with the other sex, the better you will know what you want. We do not instinctively know what we want. This does not include sexual activity, emotional, spiritual, and physical needs(other then sex) is how you connect with a person.

With no lessons or experiments, how is one suppose to make the right choice

I've been tossing these same thoughts around in my head. Likewise, I really don't have a clear picture of what I want in a mate. For me, the only requirement is that she must be a Christian.

 

[Wormie]

I know it is hard to take, but just give up. I used to WANT to date somebody, anybody. Then I realized that it just wasn't going to happen on my timeline. When I finally gave up and asked God to let me know when I met the one he wanted me to be with, he did.

 

[jefgreen]

It sounds like you're saying "stop trying" and "put your trust in God," instead of simply "give up altogether."

 

[Riniel]

This may not be of much comfort to you, but I know exactly how you feel.

I'm a 26 year old female, and I have yet to have found anyone that I would even consider having a serious relationship with since I was engaged almost 7 years ago. For the last couple years, I've been trying to find a guy because I want to get married. I'm feeling like my biological clock is ticking and if I want to have children, I need to find a good Christian man soon. However, I would rather never have children than settle for someone who is not God's choice for me. If I end up finding a guy in my 40's, then so be it, or if I never find anyone, so be it.

I pray to God to please help me find a good man who will treat me like an equal and help me grow in the Lord. It's hard for us women as well. I read the bible a lot to try to communicate with God. I know he has a plan for me, but at this moment I don't know what it is.

I haven't done much looking because I am hoping that when it happens, it happens on God's time, not my own time. I want to be an infinity percent sure that who I marry is the one that God has chosen for me.

It may seem hard, but here is are some of my rules when looking for a mate and I think it should be something that all Christians practice when they are looking for a mate.

Here it is: you need to go where there are other Christians. Then you need to go to a singles bible study. Then you don't look at the girls there as potential mates, but as just friends. If you want to be successful in finding someone, you need to be friends with the person first, and get to know them. Most of the worlds divorce rates are because of a few things. People marry too young, they don't get to know each other, or they marry the person who they think is their dream mate and when you start living together after marriage you start to not like the person you thought you married.

I don't condone pre-marital living together, but when I was engaged to the one who I thought could be my future spouse, I had him come stay with me at my parents house and we slept in separate rooms. We did this several times, and I started to see what it was going to be like living with him. It's not the same as being alone with the person, but at least you can get an idea and you're not breaking any of Gods laws because you're in separate rooms and you have your parents there to "chaperoned" so to speak. Some parents might not be willing to do that because they might think it is too close to resembling living together, but if you're not having sex, and you're not sleeping in the same room, I don't see the harm.

After my ex had come to stay with us, after a few visits, I started to not like how he really was. He started treating me poorly when my parents weren't around, and I realized that we also didn't get along in a simulated living situation.

I would only try having someone come stay with you at your parents house if you are more than just friends. If you get to know someone and you like them, take her out on dates. Then you can try the weekend visits and see if you get along the same as you did when you were just meeting up for coffee, or hanging out.

There are a lot of people in general and not just girls, but guys too who are wolves wearing sheep's clothing. That is why I recommend getting to know someone the best you can and have conversations with them about the bible. If they can't name scripture off the top of their head, but know what you're talking about that should be good enough. I have a very bad memory and I can't remember scriptures very well. I can talk about the bible and what it says and to back up my opinions I usually find the verses I'm talking about and prove to the other person that I know the bible.

I've been frustrated before, and recently almost succumbed to going out with a guy who isn't even a Christian to see if I like him. I decided not to though because I made two vows to God, and one of them is that I wouldn't go out with men who are of the world.

I hope some of this helps! Don't rely on college to find a girl, and if you go to church and the college girls there don't meet your standards, try going to another church until you find someone who meets your criteria.

Sorry for the insanely long message! :shocked!

-Riniel

 

[Classik]

I need to find a good Christian man soon. However, I would rather never have children than settle for someone who is not God's choice for me. If I end up finding a guy in my 40's, then so be it, or if I never find anyone, so be it.

Splendid! Very CHRISTIAN! (I know very few willl agree to it). God's time is the best - and He has the match for each individual. :nod

 

[jefgreen]

This may not be of much comfort to you, but I know exactly how you feel.

I'm a 26 year old female, and I have yet to have found anyone that I would even consider having a serious relationship with since I was engaged almost 7 years ago. For the last couple years, I've been trying to find a guy because I want to get married. I'm feeling like my biological clock is ticking and if I want to have children, I need to find a good Christian man soon. However, I would rather never have children than settle for someone who is not God's choice for me. If I end up finding a guy in my 40's, then so be it, or if I never find anyone, so be it.

I pray to God to please help me find a good man who will treat me like an equal and help me grow in the Lord. It's hard for us women as well. I read the bible a lot to try to communicate with God. I know he has a plan for me, but at this moment I don't know what it is.

I haven't done much looking because I am hoping that when it happens, it happens on God's time, not my own time. I want to be an infinity percent sure that who I marry is the one that God has chosen for me.

It may seem hard, but here is are some of my rules when looking for a mate and I think it should be something that all Christians practice when they are looking for a mate.

Here it is: you need to go where there are other Christians. Then you need to go to a singles bible study. Then you don't look at the girls there as potential mates, but as just friends. If you want to be successful in finding someone, you need to be friends with the person first, and get to know them. Most of the worlds divorce rates are because of a few things. People marry too young, they don't get to know each other, or they marry the person who they think is their dream mate and when you start living together after marriage you start to not like the person you thought you married.

I don't condone pre-marital living together, but when I was engaged to the one who I thought could be my future spouse, I had him come stay with me at my parents house and we slept in separate rooms. We did this several times, and I started to see what it was going to be like living with him. It's not the same as being alone with the person, but at least you can get an idea and you're not breaking any of Gods laws because you're in separate rooms and you have your parents there to "chaperoned" so to speak. Some parents might not be willing to do that because they might think it is too close to resembling living together, but if you're not having sex, and you're not sleeping in the same room, I don't see the harm.

After my ex had come to stay with us, after a few visits, I started to not like how he really was. He started treating me poorly when my parents weren't around, and I realized that we also didn't get along in a simulated living situation.

I would only try having someone come stay with you at your parents house if you are more than just friends. If you get to know someone and you like them, take her out on dates. Then you can try the weekend visits and see if you get along the same as you did when you were just meeting up for coffee, or hanging out.

There are a lot of people in general and not just girls, but guys too who are wolves wearing sheep's clothing. That is why I recommend getting to know someone the best you can and have conversations with them about the bible. If they can't name scripture off the top of their head, but know what you're talking about that should be good enough. I have a very bad memory and I can't remember scriptures very well. I can talk about the bible and what it says and to back up my opinions I usually find the verses I'm talking about and prove to the other person that I know the bible.

I've been frustrated before, and recently almost succumbed to going out with a guy who isn't even a Christian to see if I like him. I decided not to though because I made two vows to God, and one of them is that I wouldn't go out with men who are of the world.

I hope some of this helps! Don't rely on college to find a girl, and if you go to church and the college girls there don't meet your standards, try going to another church until you find someone who meets your criteria.

Sorry for the insanely long message! :shocked!

-Riniel

This helped tremendously! Great advice.

 

[Riniel]

I'm glad that my advice helped you! I didn't know if it was going to be helpful, but I wanted to put it out there just in case you were able to see things from a different perspective.

I've been having some dating issues lately. I'm confused about a few guys, and I just don't know if it feels right. In the end if it doesn't feel right, and I feel that maybe God is nudging me not to do something, I won't go for it.

I truly hope you find someone who you are happy with. There will come a time when you will find her. Pray to God, ask him to reveal His plan to you. It may not be immediate, but could take years. Just don't lose hope.

 

[don(MI)]

Wow, Riniel, you definetly hit home on the original post you made; to me anyways.

God has not shown me the right christian girl to spend the rest of my life with yet, and at 26, I am a little dissapointed. But, I also know that I do not want to spend the rest of my life with the wrong girl either. Marriage to me is a one time deal.

Couple other things to add, is that she is right on with the college age thing. Some girls at college, might have been great to start a relationship with, but if they are not following God and His will, its not worth it. I have been there, and don't want to go back. Also, it would be best to find a church with a larger young adult group. My church is very small, and I am like the only guy in my age bracket!

 

[HisSheep]

Riniel and Jefgreen may be a match made in Heaven!

Really!

-HisSheep

 

[Classik]

Riniel and Jefgreen may be a match made in Heaven!

Really!

-HisSheep

 

[God's_gift]

This may not be of much comfort to you, but I know exactly how you feel.

I'm a 26 year old female, and I have yet to have found anyone that I would even consider having a serious relationship with since I was engaged almost 7 years ago. For the last couple years, I've been trying to find a guy because I want to get married. I'm feeling like my biological clock is ticking and if I want to have children, I need to find a good Christian man soon. However, I would rather never have children than settle for someone who is not God's choice for me. If I end up finding a guy in my 40's, then so be it, or if I never find anyone, so be it.

I pray to God to please help me find a good man who will treat me like an equal and help me grow in the Lord. It's hard for us women as well. I read the bible a lot to try to communicate with God. I know he has a plan for me, but at this moment I don't know what it is.

I haven't done much looking because I am hoping that when it happens, it happens on God's time, not my own time. I want to be an infinity percent sure that who I marry is the one that God has chosen for me.

It may seem hard, but here is are some of my rules when looking for a mate and I think it should be something that all Christians practice when they are looking for a mate.

Here it is: you need to go where there are other Christians. Then you need to go to a singles bible study. Then you don't look at the girls there as potential mates, but as just friends. If you want to be successful in finding someone, you need to be friends with the person first, and get to know them. Most of the worlds divorce rates are because of a few things. People marry too young, they don't get to know each other, or they marry the person who they think is their dream mate and when you start living together after marriage you start to not like the person you thought you married.

I don't condone pre-marital living together, but when I was engaged to the one who I thought could be my future spouse, I had him come stay with me at my parents house and we slept in separate rooms. We did this several times, and I started to see what it was going to be like living with him. It's not the same as being alone with the person, but at least you can get an idea and you're not breaking any of Gods laws because you're in separate rooms and you have your parents there to "chaperoned" so to speak. Some parents might not be willing to do that because they might think it is too close to resembling living together, but if you're not having sex, and you're not sleeping in the same room, I don't see the harm.

After my ex had come to stay with us, after a few visits, I started to not like how he really was. He started treating me poorly when my parents weren't around, and I realized that we also didn't get along in a simulated living situation.

I would only try having someone come stay with you at your parents house if you are more than just friends. If you get to know someone and you like them, take her out on dates. Then you can try the weekend visits and see if you get along the same as you did when you were just meeting up for coffee, or hanging out.

There are a lot of people in general and not just girls, but guys too who are wolves wearing sheep's clothing. That is why I recommend getting to know someone the best you can and have conversations with them about the bible. If they can't name scripture off the top of their head, but know what you're talking about that should be good enough. I have a very bad memory and I can't remember scriptures very well. I can talk about the bible and what it says and to back up my opinions I usually find the verses I'm talking about and prove to the other person that I know the bible.

I've been frustrated before, and recently almost succumbed to going out with a guy who isn't even a Christian to see if I like him. I decided not to though because I made two vows to God, and one of them is that I wouldn't go out with men who are of the world.

I hope some of this helps! Don't rely on college to find a girl, and if you go to church and the college girls there don't meet your standards, try going to another church until you find someone who meets your criteria.

Sorry for the insanely long message! :shocked!

-Riniel

i just want you to know that , you're words are strirring me...

 

[SMOOCH]

What's up with all the college-age Christian girls? I don't know if it's just me, but there are a lot of women AND men who simply do not know scripture. Also, I've heard so many times that you should not bother dating unless marriage is somewhere in the picture - which makes sense. With that said, it's not even the fact that so many people still casually date or treat each other like the lost in the world, but that so many people in american churches are carnal. This really bothers me. I'm nowhere near perfect, but at least I make an effort to conform myself to the word each and every day. Some of these people, they just wallow around in carnality. I'm sorry, but I cannot be in a relationship with someone who simply goes to church on Sunday and acts like the rest of the world the other six days of the week.

When I started college I joined the campus christian group and met alot of young strong christians of both sexes.. you should try to join a christian group at a local church or campus you'd be surprised

 

[Dirt]

Gosh, I'm reading all of these people in their mid-20's ready to give up and I'm here at 32 in the same situation. Patience is a virtue I was blessed with and I've made many mistakes along the way, but I'm definitely feeling the frustration of this subject matter. Seems even the Christian girls I come in contact with have no interest, even though we make great friends...or, we're just simply incompatible, or they just take Christianity so liberally that it makes it worse than being a non-Christian..beyond frustrating..

 

[ColdBlooded]

Because you're not looking for average people. You seek the very devout who adhere to every word of the Bible. That's not a bad thing, but perhaps a person who loves you and is a good person on their own merit isn't a terrible option

Christians don't have a monopoly on being good people or moral fibre.