I wish I knew what to say, Alex. Once again, I wish you all the best.
If you're interested, here are a few more sites with various articles relating to Christianity and apologetics:
Christiananswers.net
Leadership University
Ravi Zacharis (He's an apologist and speaks on some of the issues you are pondering.)
As for the term God-fearing, the way I'd explain it is...you fear God like you'd fear a parent. A parent will punish you if you deserve it, but they do it out of love. (A good parent, anyway.) If you do something wrong, you fear what your parent will do to punish you.
Again, I'd like to let you know that the answers are there. Even though there are so many different views on doctrine.
Even doing a Google search on a specific issue is helpful, and will pull up articles from both sides. (Although you may have to play with the wording a bit.)
For the record...I do believe that God is all-powerful. Christianity wouldn't make a lot of sense otherwise. If there is someone more powerful than God, then likely I am headed for trouble.
So it would seem there are problems with the logistics either way. TBH, I am convinced that every point of view contains some flawed logic.
Speaking of that, I know of a guy on another site who does some stuff on apologetics and sometimes points out some logical flaws in Atheism. (His stuff goes over my head sometimes.)
Here he is, if you're interested.
Also, the book I mentioned earlier--
The Hiding Place, by Corrie Ten Boom--really is an interesting read. (And the account is a true one.)
And I can name one miracle she mentioned--while in the concentration camps, she got a hold of some vitamin tablets and gave them to her sister, who was ill. I think she also shared them with other people as well, and was afraid they'd run out.
They lasted as long as they needed them--which was a pretty long time, if I remember correctly. When they were able to get a new bottle of the vitamins, the one they already had suddenly ran out.
It's been a while since I read the book, but I'd encourage you to read it.