There some truth in both sides.
If you love each other then get married.
Why not find a church and start going and begin to build your lives according to God?
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Taking the time to pray? Christ is the answer in times of need
https://christianforums.net/threads/psalm-70-1-save-me-o-god-lord-help-me-now.108509/
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Tired of all the political strife and infighting?
Find out how Christians are supposed to act in the following study
https://christianforums.net/threads/charismatic-bible-studies-1-peter-2-11-17.109823/
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Depending upon the Holy Spirit for all you do?
Read through the following study by Tenchi for more on this topic
https://christianforums.net/threads/without-the-holy-spirit-we-can-do-nothing.109419/
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How are famous preachers sometimes effected by sin?
Join Sola Scriptura for a discussion on the subject
https://christianforums.net/threads/anointed-preaching-teaching.109331/#post-1912042
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Been having a major disagreement with boyfriend and needing some insight and/or advice.
- Thread starter itsabeautifulday
- Start date
There some truth in both sides.
If you love each other then get married.
Why not find a church and start going and begin to build your lives according to God?
Marriage is more than just consensual sexual relations between one man and one woman. There's also a personal relationship involved and one that is cooperative, open, honest and binding and not just until one gets bored or something.
He (Jesus) answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Matthew 19:4-6 NKJV
Scripture often equates the relationship between Israel and God's Church as a husband-wife relationship.
“Behold, the days are coming, says the Lord, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah— not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt, My covenant which they broke, though I was a husband to them, says the Lord. But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the Lord: I will put My law in their minds, and write it on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people."
Jeremiah 31:31-33 NKJV
Then the disciples of John came to Him, saying, “Why do we and the Pharisees fast often, but Your disciples do not fast?” And Jesus said to them, “Can the friends of the bridegroom mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them?"
Matthew 9:14-15 NKJV
Then one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls filled with the seven last plagues came to me and talked with me, saying, “Come, I will show you the bride, the Lamb’s wife.” And he carried me away in the Spirit to a great and high mountain, and showed me the great city, the holy Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God, having the glory of God. Her light was like a most precious stone, like a jasper stone, clear as crystal.
But I saw no temple in it, for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple. The city had no need of the sun or of the moon to shine in it, for the glory of God illuminated it. The Lamb is its light. And the nations of those who are saved shall walk in its light, and the kings of the earth bring their glory and honor into it. Its gates shall not be shut at all by day (there shall be no night there). And they shall bring the glory and the honor of the nations into it. But there shall by no means enter it anything that defiles, or causes an abomination or a lie, but only those who are written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.
Revelation 21:9-11, 22-27 NKJV
He (Jesus) answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Matthew 19:4-6 NKJV
Scripture often equates the relationship between Israel and God's Church as a husband-wife relationship.
“Behold, the days are coming, says the Lord, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah— not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt, My covenant which they broke, though I was a husband to them, says the Lord. But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the Lord: I will put My law in their minds, and write it on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people."
Jeremiah 31:31-33 NKJV
Then the disciples of John came to Him, saying, “Why do we and the Pharisees fast often, but Your disciples do not fast?” And Jesus said to them, “Can the friends of the bridegroom mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them?"
Matthew 9:14-15 NKJV
Then one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls filled with the seven last plagues came to me and talked with me, saying, “Come, I will show you the bride, the Lamb’s wife.” And he carried me away in the Spirit to a great and high mountain, and showed me the great city, the holy Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God, having the glory of God. Her light was like a most precious stone, like a jasper stone, clear as crystal.
But I saw no temple in it, for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple. The city had no need of the sun or of the moon to shine in it, for the glory of God illuminated it. The Lamb is its light. And the nations of those who are saved shall walk in its light, and the kings of the earth bring their glory and honor into it. Its gates shall not be shut at all by day (there shall be no night there). And they shall bring the glory and the honor of the nations into it. But there shall by no means enter it anything that defiles, or causes an abomination or a lie, but only those who are written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.
Revelation 21:9-11, 22-27 NKJV
I think everyone needs to back up a little, and consider the facts on the ground, and stop being emotionally involved as to what sexual congress between two unmarried parties equates to.
What Yeshua permitted or did not permit as viable grounds for divorce is not relevant in this particular case. What was considered marriage in Yeshua's time is.
Biblical marriage involves a contract that specifies details as to how the wife is to be treated by her husband. Primarily, this was to ensure her financial safety in the event of divorce, such as the return of dower property, and certain guarantees of maintainance while married (ie food and clothing); this contract is then validated publically by a marriage ceremony, involving public statements of the man taking the wife, and the woman consenting to be taken.
No contract was made (whether written or verbally before witnesses in their congregation), and no marital vows were taken, civilly, or within their congregation.
1) Both persons involved fornicated, they did not promise to marry, announce a betrothal, or give vows to one another.
2) Both parties lived in sin with one another. One party repented of the sin, and withdrew from the illicit relationship.
3) The other party is claiming marital rights that would not have been granted in Yeshua's time, and are not legal now.
Marriage is a covenant. There is no covenant here, as no promises have been made and witnessed.
If they are both committed believers in Yeshua, and wish to continue a relationship, they should get counseling on the practical realities of marriage OUTSIDE of their congregation, and not be pressured into formalizing what was obviously a major misstep in their lives. This is a problem that requires a practical solution, and not a religious one, as religion has obviously not been the prime mover in the previous cohabitation. Lust has been, and secular world views that we are all submerged in. Simply going to one's pastor or congregational leader for his viewpoint of how best to solve a situation involving blatant sexual sin under the guise of what is effectively a pre-marital counseling session (pre-cana conferance) is asking for trouble, because judgement will enter into to how not the man is judged, but the woman is, and what her duties are, as opposed to what the man's obligations are biblically.
The young woman is asking for advice on how to proceed, not to be told she has to marry a man who obviously does not value her.
Slapping a requirement on either party to continue a relationship that was begun in sin will not make it a workable reality.
What Yeshua permitted or did not permit as viable grounds for divorce is not relevant in this particular case. What was considered marriage in Yeshua's time is.
Biblical marriage involves a contract that specifies details as to how the wife is to be treated by her husband. Primarily, this was to ensure her financial safety in the event of divorce, such as the return of dower property, and certain guarantees of maintainance while married (ie food and clothing); this contract is then validated publically by a marriage ceremony, involving public statements of the man taking the wife, and the woman consenting to be taken.
No contract was made (whether written or verbally before witnesses in their congregation), and no marital vows were taken, civilly, or within their congregation.
1) Both persons involved fornicated, they did not promise to marry, announce a betrothal, or give vows to one another.
2) Both parties lived in sin with one another. One party repented of the sin, and withdrew from the illicit relationship.
3) The other party is claiming marital rights that would not have been granted in Yeshua's time, and are not legal now.
Marriage is a covenant. There is no covenant here, as no promises have been made and witnessed.
If they are both committed believers in Yeshua, and wish to continue a relationship, they should get counseling on the practical realities of marriage OUTSIDE of their congregation, and not be pressured into formalizing what was obviously a major misstep in their lives. This is a problem that requires a practical solution, and not a religious one, as religion has obviously not been the prime mover in the previous cohabitation. Lust has been, and secular world views that we are all submerged in. Simply going to one's pastor or congregational leader for his viewpoint of how best to solve a situation involving blatant sexual sin under the guise of what is effectively a pre-marital counseling session (pre-cana conferance) is asking for trouble, because judgement will enter into to how not the man is judged, but the woman is, and what her duties are, as opposed to what the man's obligations are biblically.
The young woman is asking for advice on how to proceed, not to be told she has to marry a man who obviously does not value her.
Slapping a requirement on either party to continue a relationship that was begun in sin will not make it a workable reality.
Sorry but your biblical understanding of marriage is flawed.Just giving my Biblical understanding and not justifying anything.
Please show me where this is flawed by using scripture about marriage like I did.
Adam and Eve, in Genesis. God said a man will leave his parents and join with his wife. this is not a casual shacking up but a permanent union.
This is seen in the many marriages through the bible. Jacob Leah and Rachel for whom there was a week of celebration for the marriage, Isaac and Rebekah.
In every case there was a formal request, and a bride price.
By Moses's day there was a need for a formal letter of divorce, this indicates that marriage was far more than just moving in together, society knew who was married to who and divorce was a serious matter.
Yes there was no marriage certificate, but there was a recognition by those arround that a marriage had taken place and been celebrated.
By Jesus's day it was an establish custom of having a celebration when two people got married.
I never said otherwise.
Prycejosh1987
Member
Men want sex its in our nature. Women want it too but they are modest in their approach. I would say learn to connect without sex. sexual activity is sexual immorality, but kissing is okay if you are not tempted, which is rare. Stay away from what you cannot handle. Just hug until you get married.
Tenchi
Member
So, first off, God makes it really clear in His word that marriage is His institution. He created the marriage union of man and woman so that, if He's not the Center and Bedrock of that marriage, it's never the awesome thing it could be. Mostly, marriages that rest on some other foundation don't last long, or they're only "good" in fits and starts, much of the time filled with argument, resentment and infidelity of emotion, and imagination, if not in body. The peace, joy, love and contentment of God never fills these marriages.
Second, neither of you sound like you've been taking God very seriously. But until you both do, marriage is going to be a REALLY bad idea - especially in the current western culture that's saturated with infidelity, hyper-sexuality, porn, perversion, etc. The culture is increasingly not merely stacked against good marriages but actively antagonistic to them. And so, if God isn't the Root of your marriage, it's very unlikely to endure, or, if it endures, to do so in a way that brings to you the joy, inner growth, wisdom and peace that it's supposed to.
I don't know what lies, exactly, you've managed to tell yourself about your boyfriend that permit you to remain with him, but as a guy, let me tell you that his actions so far mark him as VERY bad marriage material. I expect having given yourself to him has created illegitimate but nonetheless strong bonds to him that make the lies easier to swallow. In any case, whatever Scripture he throws at you, it's plain as day he doesn't have any real interest in it except as a tool to manipulate you into sin. There's another person who's been around for millennia tempting folk who uses the Bible this way....
You want to know if your boyfriend really loves you - and loves God? Here's a simple way to tell:
Love can't wait to give, but lust can't wait to get.
If your boyfriend really loves you, he'll be glad to wait on having sex with you, knowing that doing so is very important to you (as it ought to be to him, too). He'll put you before his sexual urges, as love would prompt him naturally to do. But if he's only in lust with you, which is to say, he's in love with himself and wants to use you to satisfy himself, well, he'll do just as he's doing, disrespecting your choice to do things God's way (and disrespecting God, too, at the same time) pressing you to return to sexual sin with him. Such a self-centered man is the very worst sort of man to marry!
Having sex doesn't marry you to each other. I know of young men whose first sexual encounter was with a prostitute. Are they married to her, then, in God's eyes? What of all the other fellows she's bedded? Is she wife to hundreds of men at once? Obviously not.
Consider the first marriage. What was it that married Adam to Eve? Sex? No. Adam was husband to Eve before they'd had sex. How? By God giving Eve to Adam as his wife.
The same was true with Isaac who was given Rebekah as his wife by her father (Genesis 24). When she arrived at Isaac's dwelling place, it was as his wife, given to him as such, and so they immediately had sexual relations, no ceremony, or signed papers, or whatever.
Exodus 22:16-17
16 “If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed and lies with her, he shall give the bride-price for her and make her his wife.
17 If her father utterly refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money equal to the bride-price for virgins.
In ancient Israel, under the law of God given to Moses, a man who'd had sexual relations with an unbetrothed woman had to make her his wife (which, of course, clearly implied she wasn't his wife merely by the sexual act) because, if he didn't, no other man would marry her. She was "used goods" as a deflowered woman, a shame to her family also, and such women would often end up destitute if the man who'd taken her sexually didn't marry her. So, in ancient Israel, he was obliged to do so (or pay a dowry, at least), by law unable to "love 'em and leave 'em" with impunity, as happens now so freely.
Note, though, the second verse in the quotation above. It, too, clearly indicates that the "deflowered" gal wasn't married simply by having been seduced into sex. No, if her father wasn't willing to give his daughter to the man who'd taken her sexually as his wife, she remained unmarried.
So, refuse the twisting of Scripture your boyfriend is doing to get you back in the sack. He doesn't know God's word and obviously cares little for it (which should be a BIG red flag for you).
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