These books you read are only the thoughts of those who wrote them without any proof because they refuse to believe in a supreme being of all of creation and only calling it myths. These are only their thoughts for they do not know the Lord. I have written two books, which I have never published, as one is all about Biblical teachings of Christ including history of the actual Empires, cultures and eras that have been proven within history and archeology findings.
Christianity has nothing to do with philosophy, but actualities as we become Christlike knowing for a fact He is very real to us, especially in the witness and testimonies that myself and others give just like the Prophets who walked in obedience to God and Disciples who literally walked with Jesus. None of us today knows what Jesus looks like, but we have seen His power, authority, miraculous miracles that are brought about through prayer and know the promises of God are yea and amen.
We speak of what we know, what we have seen and what we have heard, not by man, but by God's very Spirit revealing Himself to us not only by His word, but by His power and glory in our lives. I don't know how many times I walked away from Him thinking He was not real because I went through so many bad things in my life and why would a good God let bad things happen to me. It took me many years to understand why I had to go through these bad things, but found out why as it brought me back to God as I literally cried out to Him and gave Him the time to talk to me. I only gave you a small part of my testimony in PM, but there is so much more to it.
Am I perfect, no, but being perfected everyday. Do I still go through trails and tribulations, yes, but God walks with me through them all as He gives me the victory through Christ who overcame the world for us that we can live a life that is pleasing to Him.
I pray you do not completely shut your heart up to Him, but to keep on seeking, questioning and reading His word as you do have the word of God, but not in your heart yet.