As I try to hold on to the verse "be anxious for nothing," I could use a lot of prayer in a few areas of my life.
I am going through a divorce. It was a treacherous marriage for two years, I endured the worst verbal abuse I'd ever taken in my life. I don't want to go back to my marriage, nothing in me wants to go back. There was nothing positive to hold onto. In fact, it was stupid to get married in the first place. If I got into the story of how that happened, you'd understand why. If I could take it all back, I would. I would rewind a few years, and never meet the person. It was a long two years, where nothing went right.
My heart breaks over this divorce because of the guilt and shame that I feel about it, knowing God hates divorce. Not that I feel I'm unforgivable, but I'm still ashamed of myself for jumping into a marriage I had no business being in (even went against counsel to do it), and now I am a Christian getting a divorce.
This is literally happening at the same time I began a new career. In my new line of work, I am paid commission only. Yes, there is potential to make a lot of money in this field. But being brand new, I'm just struggling to get clients, and am having to live on credit cards. These credits cards are all very close to their limits. I've spoken with my landlord who, thankfully, is understanding and lenient, knowing that once I get a paycheck I'll have no problem catching up on my rent, and even paying for future rent in advance.
But this is scary. I have to eat, have to pay for gas, need a cell phone to do my job. Bank account is dwindling to nothing, and credit cards are nearing their limits. Where will the money come from? How will I catch up again? I have clients that I'm working with, but they've been dragging their feet for a couple months now. They all seem convinced they want to make a move, but they're in no hurry to do so, often being indecisive about exactly what to do or where to go. Meanwhile, I'm floundering.
I hate to ask what I will eat or what I will wear, I truly have a heart to seek God's Kingdom first, and I am fully aware that God would only allow me to flounder for a greater purpose than I'm able to see right now. But this has increasingly become more of a battle for me after every trip to the grocery store or gas station, or when I get the latest cell phone bill. Each day brings me closer to being as flat-broke as I could be, and I'm already in debt as a result of trying to survive and start a new career (the expenses for which come out of my own pocket).
I pray everyday that if I'm missing a message here, that God would give me ears to hear and eyes to see. It's been a plethora of discomfort for the past few years, and now I really feel like life is upside-down and I am hanging on by a fingernail. I can plainly see where breakthrough COULD come from, but every time I think I'm getting closer to it, it feels farther away. Terribly discouraging. I've been in prayer, been asking others to pray, and been in the Word. I believe something will come through.
It's just really scary right now. I've reached my own personal fiscal cliff, and if I go over, I won't have the means to continue my career, I'd have to move back in with my parents at 29 years old for the first time since 18, and my debt will go into collections, setting me up for years of trying to restore my credit (after I just spent years restoring it after some screw-ups when I was 20).
I know God can totally come through here. I'm just getting more anxious by the day now... knowing that I'm not supposed to get anxious.
I am going through a divorce. It was a treacherous marriage for two years, I endured the worst verbal abuse I'd ever taken in my life. I don't want to go back to my marriage, nothing in me wants to go back. There was nothing positive to hold onto. In fact, it was stupid to get married in the first place. If I got into the story of how that happened, you'd understand why. If I could take it all back, I would. I would rewind a few years, and never meet the person. It was a long two years, where nothing went right.
My heart breaks over this divorce because of the guilt and shame that I feel about it, knowing God hates divorce. Not that I feel I'm unforgivable, but I'm still ashamed of myself for jumping into a marriage I had no business being in (even went against counsel to do it), and now I am a Christian getting a divorce.
This is literally happening at the same time I began a new career. In my new line of work, I am paid commission only. Yes, there is potential to make a lot of money in this field. But being brand new, I'm just struggling to get clients, and am having to live on credit cards. These credits cards are all very close to their limits. I've spoken with my landlord who, thankfully, is understanding and lenient, knowing that once I get a paycheck I'll have no problem catching up on my rent, and even paying for future rent in advance.
But this is scary. I have to eat, have to pay for gas, need a cell phone to do my job. Bank account is dwindling to nothing, and credit cards are nearing their limits. Where will the money come from? How will I catch up again? I have clients that I'm working with, but they've been dragging their feet for a couple months now. They all seem convinced they want to make a move, but they're in no hurry to do so, often being indecisive about exactly what to do or where to go. Meanwhile, I'm floundering.
I hate to ask what I will eat or what I will wear, I truly have a heart to seek God's Kingdom first, and I am fully aware that God would only allow me to flounder for a greater purpose than I'm able to see right now. But this has increasingly become more of a battle for me after every trip to the grocery store or gas station, or when I get the latest cell phone bill. Each day brings me closer to being as flat-broke as I could be, and I'm already in debt as a result of trying to survive and start a new career (the expenses for which come out of my own pocket).
I pray everyday that if I'm missing a message here, that God would give me ears to hear and eyes to see. It's been a plethora of discomfort for the past few years, and now I really feel like life is upside-down and I am hanging on by a fingernail. I can plainly see where breakthrough COULD come from, but every time I think I'm getting closer to it, it feels farther away. Terribly discouraging. I've been in prayer, been asking others to pray, and been in the Word. I believe something will come through.
It's just really scary right now. I've reached my own personal fiscal cliff, and if I go over, I won't have the means to continue my career, I'd have to move back in with my parents at 29 years old for the first time since 18, and my debt will go into collections, setting me up for years of trying to restore my credit (after I just spent years restoring it after some screw-ups when I was 20).
I know God can totally come through here. I'm just getting more anxious by the day now... knowing that I'm not supposed to get anxious.
Hi, Deborah13, 
