Disciplining a 1 year old.

[Tatty]

Hello all
apologies for cutting in mid-thread.
Very good advice has been given already. I'd just like to add that I strongly believe that one should never discipline (i.e. give a swat) with an object because it implies that there's something wrong about it when one doesn't use one's hand -like literally distancing oneself from the act. But it should be the loving hand that does all the parenting -caressing, comforting, feeding, dressing, leading along the road,... and disciplining!
[I confirm what has been said before that the swat is a response to rebellion and not a all-time means of discipline.]
Another thing is that I am totally against spanking on the bottom -as this can be shaming the child which is very bad.
I give my son a swat on the back of his hand if he doesn't stop the unwanted behaviour after exhausting the other means of discipline -and I'm glad that this is hardly ever necessary.
Best regards.
Anna

 

[Nick]

Another thing is that I am totally against spanking on the bottom -as this can be shaming the child which is very bad.

IMO shame/embarrassment is the idea, not the pain. What do you hope to gain if no embarrasssment is not given - pain?

 

[Danus]

Another thing is that I am totally against spanking on the bottom -as this can be shaming the child which is very bad.

IMO shame/embarrassment is the idea, not the pain. What do you hope to gain if no embarrasssment is not given - pain?

I'm thinking only the child's "attention". However, what will "inflicting" Shame, Embarrassment, or Pain in punishing a child gain?

When I go into my child's room to wrap up a discussion about their behavior, they both hide their face from me.
My youngest looks at the floor, my oldest hides beneath her covers or comforter. They do this not out of disrespect to me, or my authority as their father, but out of full respect of me, not "for" me, but "of" me.
They know what I stand for. Some parents demand their children to look them in the eye thinking that would be more respectful, but I don't. They know what they've done, just as Adam knew what he'd done.....and hid for the same reasons.
Guilt, shame and embarrassment are not things you can force anyone to have, they are what one feels only when they know what they have done, rather than the punishment for what they have done.

 

[jasoncran]

some parents use excerises to punish children ie ride the harley.

what do you all say.

 

[Danus]

some parents use excerises to punish children ie ride the harley.

what do you all say.

Well, as a father of girls I've been thinking of just showing up at their school wearing khaki shorts, dress socks, sandels and a sleeveless t-shirt...hows that for punishment? What the heck is riding the harley, or do I want to know?

 

[Nick]

Another thing is that I am totally against spanking on the bottom -as this can be shaming the child which is very bad.

IMO shame/embarrassment is the idea, not the pain. What do you hope to gain if no embarrasssment is not given - pain?

I'm thinking only the child's "attention". However, what will "inflicting" Shame, Embarrassment, or Pain in punishing a child gain?

When I go into my child's room to wrap up a discussion about their behavior, they both hide their face from me.
My youngest looks at the floor, my oldest hides beneath her covers or comforter. They do this not out of disrespect to me, or my authority as their father, but out of full respect of me, not "for" me, but "of" me.
They know what I stand for. Some parents demand their children to look them in the eye thinking that would be more respectful, but I don't. They know what they've done, just as Adam knew what he'd done.....and hid for the same reasons.
Guilt, shame and embarrassment are not things you can force anyone to have, they are what one feels only when they know what they have done, rather than the punishment for what they have done.

It sounds like you've got your childrens' respect. That's what I would aim for as well. The smacking or whatever should only be done in more exteme circumstancs, and to make them feel as though they've done wrong, but are still loved, and the discipline is done in a loving way, aimed at correctng bad behaviour. I would agree with your last paragraph as well, and I agree that a different tactic should be considered from child to child, but all I'm saying is that I support the smacking in certain circumstances as a means of discipline.

 

[jasoncran]

some parents use excerises to punish children ie ride the harley.

what do you all say.

Well, as a father of girls I've been thinking of just showing up at their school wearing khaki shorts, dress socks, sandels and a sleeveless t-shirt...hows that for punishment? What the heck is riding the harley, or do I want to know?

it's also knows as the iron chair, squat near a wall with out touching it, and ensure the thighs are parrelel to the floor, and place arms out in front with palms down and at shoulder level, and hold this position.

one minute you will beg for mercy, and no bruising or striking is involved.

it used on the military basic trainees. i have been subjected to that. some parents use that.

 

[Danus]

some parents use excerises to punish children ie ride the harley.

what do you all say.

Well, as a father of girls I've been thinking of just showing up at their school wearing khaki shorts, dress socks, sandels and a sleeveless t-shirt...hows that for punishment? What the heck is riding the harley, or do I want to know?

it's also knows as the iron chair, squat near a wall with out touching it, and ensure the thighs are parrelel to the floor, and place arms out in front with palms down and at shoulder level, and hold this position.

one minute you will beg for mercy, and no bruising or striking is involved.

it used on the military basic trainees. i have been subjected to that. some parents use that.

Ahhh I like this idea...

 

[jasoncran]

works very well, the person who told me the name was punished that way alot. so she uses it on her kids.

i will that she also had the child give the hog gas! and kick start it too.

 

[kismetshaloam]

I would argue that at one they won't understand most of the punishments and you have to do your best to expose them to the right behavior. If you raise them on punishment, they will also parent that way though and often times children who feel their parents over reacted or punished them harshly as a child will parent that way. I'd say it's a double edge sword. According to Reggio-Emilia philosophy, which is the one that defined my middle school, and one I agree with- that developmentally apropiate learning is crucial. Children won't learn when they aren't ready, and I'd argue that you may need to wait till he is two or three before you try to really make him understand his actions. He just won't before then. I mean touching the stove, running in front of the car- I personally believe that that young it's a good thing to associate that with bad such as being told no or time out- because safety is very important. I babysit my cousins and and work with kids- and for things safety wise, I tell them no or pick them up and move them away from dangerous things. I also start telling them no when they head over to something dangerous, so they start connecting dangerous things with no. YOu also don't want to scare them,since one day those things will be less dangerous i.e they will learn to cook, to drive, to climb that tree that's too high today.