Divorce And Remarriage

[Edward]

A lot of times these men are very,very controlling and do not even want the woman out of the house or to socialize with anyone.

Hey were you just looking out the window? Don't you be looking out the window now...

 

[Edward]

Who'd want to beat on their wife anyway? That's nuts. That's my wife, I love her. Guys who beat on their wife have some sort of inferiority complex.

Even a high spirited girl. So what? That's cool in a girl. Girls who are all low spirited and are scared to say no to a man are boring. Let's wrestle!

View attachment 5363

 

[TOG]

So what does the Lord expect a married woman to do who is getting beat on by her husband ? Is she to stay and try to work it out, or is she supposed to divorce the guy ? Is that excepted ?

First of all, God wants the man to stop beating his wife. But supposing he doesn't, there are other options besides divorce. Here in the west, beating your wife is illegal. She could call the police. She could also separate from him, either officially or just by moving away from him (or forcing him to move), without a divorce.

The TOG​

 

[Kathi]

What do you mean? The women who hold themselves in subjection to their husband, or the women who get beat on and stay with their husband? To get beat on and stay is not her self esteem problem, it's his. She may just hold God in higher esteem than herself (which would be correct).

I'm not saying that a woman should get beat on and stay, just that it's not so easy and cut and dried to just leave if she's not happy with the situation...and remain scriptural and honorable in Gods eyes. There's more to it than that. The women who leave at the drop of a hat in todays world are misguided and probably have a pride problem.

Yeah, women have the short end of the stick in this life, that's true and I see that, but that's not a blank check for the women to sin and justify it.

If she thinks she deserves the beatings then there is a problem.If he has told her that she is the cause of all of it and she believes that.....there is a problem.God does not want that woman to stay with an abuser and have him hurt her.God wants us to live in peace.If that woman is staying and being abused because the Bible says that God hates divorce the Bible has a lot to say about how a man is to treat his wife.
The man is wrong.She needs to know that.It is not her fault.The Bible says that there are two reasons for divorce.But then again a man or woman can leave their spouse for stupid reasons.Being abused is a very good reason to get the heck out of there and find safety.There are legal separations if that is the route that she wants to take.

 

[reba]

Lewis did you see this reply...http://christianforums.net/Fellowsh...orce-and-remarriage.56692/page-3#post-1011535

 

[Kathi]

Hey were you just looking out the window? Don't you be looking out the window now...

hu?? did you just fall off the chair?

 

[Malachi]

I can't see where God would not approve of you divorcing this guy. Now yes God hates divorce but He did allow it in the OT

Lewis,

God allowed divorce under the Law of Moses because of the hardness of men's hearts. But the Lord Jesus Christ laid down the Law of Christ, and under the New Testament, He gave just one reason for divorce.

As I have pointed out above, an abused wife can take certain steps to protect herself. But the key issue is that she is trusting God and trusting His Word. Today, Christians are trying to find humanistic reasons for separation and divorce, but God can relieve the oppressed by His own mighty power as long as we make a genuine attempt to follow His Word. God relieved Abigail of a churlish husband because she was faithful.

 

[Kathi]

Lewis,

God allowed divorce under the Law of Moses because of the hardness of men's hearts. But the Lord Jesus Christ laid down the Law of Christ, and under the New Testament, He gave just one reason for divorce.

As I have pointed out above, an abused wife can take certain steps to protect herself. But the key issue is that she is trusting God and trusting His Word. Today, Christians are trying to find humanistic reasons for separation and divorce, but God can relieve the oppressed by His own mighty power as long as we make a genuine attempt to follow His Word. God relieved Abigail of a churlish husband because she was faithful.

Actually there are two biblical reasons for divorce.

 

[reba]

1 Corinthians 7:15 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.

This one says to me if the non believing spouse divorces the believing spouse .. the believing spouse is free.. I do not see the believing spouse 'getting' the divorce

 

[Kathi]

The Bible gives two acceptable reasons for divorce: the first is abandonment of a Christian by an unbelieving spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15), and the second is adultery (Matthew 5:32). Although God allows divorce in these circumstances, He does not command it. It is far better, in the case of infidelity, for two Bible-believing Christians to reconcile, extending the forgiveness and love that God freely gives us. However, in abusive situations, the circumstances are far different. While reconciliation with an abusive partner would be wonderful, it depends completely on the abuser proving his or her reliability, which could take years—if it happens at all—never on the abused party.

Once a separation has been enforced, the abuser has the responsibility to seek help. First and foremost, he should seek God. “For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And the door is opened to everyone who knocks” (Matthew 7:8). No one has more power to heal individuals and relationships than God. He must be the Lord of our lives, the Master of our assets, and the Head of our households. Psychological aid and legal limitations on an abuser are also appropriate and important to his or her process of change.

If it is determined that the abuser has truly changed, the relationship may be resumed, but with much caution. Both husband and wife must commit themselves to God and then develop a relationship with Him through His Son, Jesus Christ. “And this is the way to have eternal life—to know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, the one you sent to earth” (John 17:3). This commitment to God should be accompanied by intensive counseling from a trusted and well-equipped pastor or believing licensed counselor, first individually, then as a couple, and finally for the entire family to help heal the trauma all have endured. Change is possible for people who truly repent and humbly surrender to the Lord (2 Corinthians 3:18).

There are a number of “red flags” to look for before entering a permanent relationship. Unfortunately, these indicators may not be visible until after a marriage takes place, since many abusers are highly skilled at hiding their true natures. However, a short list to look out for includes irrational jealousy, the need to be in control, a quick temper, cruelty toward animals, attempts to isolate the other person from his or her friends and family, drug or alcohol abuse, and disrespect for boundaries, privacy, personal space, or moral values. If you believe you may be entering a relationship with someone who evinces these qualities, please seek the advice of someone familiar with abusive situations such as a counselor or trusted friend.

If you are in an abusive situation right now, whether the abuser is a spouse, parent, child, caretaker, teacher, relative, or anyone else in your life, please know that God never wants you to remain in a physically or psychologically damaging situation. Find someone who will help you develop a plan to leave the situation safely, and involve government authorities immediately. God has put these resources at our disposal, and we have a responsibility to use them.

Read more:http://www.gotquestions.org/abuse-divorce.html#ixzz3JSBxFaqO

 

[for_his_glory]

Yes I have, did that many times about that. But you know when a person dies you start thinking about everything. Joyce was a very sweet Jesus loving human being. And her death hurts, and even though she died Friday night I am just discussing this on the board today.

Lewis I pray the peace of God gives you comfort in knowing you have repented and the sin is remembered no more by God and to be happy in the sense that since she knew Jesus she will be with Him when He returns. It does stir the memories in us and can bring up old hurts, but I pray you rise above this.

 

[Kathi]

The Bible gives two acceptable reasons for divorce: the first is abandonment of a Christian by an unbelieving spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15), and the second is adultery (Matthew 5:32). Although God allows divorce in these circumstances, He does not command it. It is far better, in the case of infidelity, for two Bible-believing Christians to reconcile, extending the forgiveness and love that God freely gives us. However, in abusive situations, the circumstances are far different. While reconciliation with an abusive partner would be wonderful, it depends completely on the abuser proving his or her reliability, which could take years—if it happens at all—never on the abused party.

Once a separation has been enforced, the abuser has the responsibility to seek help. First and foremost, he should seek God. “For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And the door is opened to everyone who knocks” (Matthew 7:8). No one has more power to heal individuals and relationships than God. He must be the Lord of our lives, the Master of our assets, and the Head of our households. Psychological aid and legal limitations on an abuser are also appropriate and important to his or her process of change.

If it is determined that the abuser has truly changed, the relationship may be resumed, but with much caution. Both husband and wife must commit themselves to God and then develop a relationship with Him through His Son, Jesus Christ. “And this is the way to have eternal life—to know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, the one you sent to earth” (John 17:3). This commitment to God should be accompanied by intensive counseling from a trusted and well-equipped pastor or believing licensed counselor, first individually, then as a couple, and finally for the entire family to help heal the trauma all have endured. Change is possible for people who truly repent and humbly surrender to the Lord (2 Corinthians 3:18).

There are a number of “red flags” to look for before entering a permanent relationship. Unfortunately, these indicators may not be visible until after a marriage takes place, since many abusers are highly skilled at hiding their true natures. However, a short list to look out for includes irrational jealousy, the need to be in control, a quick temper, cruelty toward animals, attempts to isolate the other person from his or her friends and family, drug or alcohol abuse, and disrespect for boundaries, privacy, personal space, or moral values. If you believe you may be entering a relationship with someone who evinces these qualities, please seek the advice of someone familiar with abusive situations such as a counselor or trusted friend.

If you are in an abusive situation right now, whether the abuser is a spouse, parent, child, caretaker, teacher, relative, or anyone else in your life, please know that God never wants you to remain in a physically or psychologically damaging situation. Find someone who will help you develop a plan to leave the situation safely, and involve government authorities immediately. God has put these resources at our disposal, and we have a responsibility to use them.

Read more:http://www.gotquestions.org/abuse-divorce.html#ixzz3JSBxFaqO

This is very true.I dated my second husband for 5 years.He could have won an academy award.I really did not know what I was getting into until a couple months after we were married then I wanted to say "I want a refund".

 

[for_his_glory]

Does God permit divorce; no he does not for what God has joined together as one flesh let no man separate it, Matthew 19:6, but, not every relationship was joined together by God, but was founded on lust leading one to think it was love. 1 Corinthians 7:10, Jesus commands the woman not to leave her husband and if she does she should remain unmarried, but in Malachi 2:10-16 the treachery that man commits against a woman which leads him to have an affair outside of the marriage or abuses the wife whether it be physical or emotional gives place to what was said by Moses in Deuteronomy 24:1-4 that if a woman is no longer pleasing to her husband then the husband should give his wife a written bill of divorcement and send her out of the house and this gives the woman the right to marry again, but she can never go back to her former husband if that marriage does not work out or her husband dies for now she is defiled to be with her first husband and this is an abomination to God.

 

[Malachi]

1 Corinthians 7:15 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.

This one says to me if the non believing spouse divorces the believing spouse .. the believing spouse is free.. I do not see the believing spouse 'getting' the divorce

Reba,

Thanks for bringing that necessary clarification to light. Which brings us back to the words of Christ.

Believers should ask themselves "Why does God insist on a permanent, monogamous, heterosexual union, until death? Is there a higher spiritual truth that is upheld?" And the answer is that Christian marriage symbolizes the eternal union between Christ and "the Lamb's wife" -- the Church. God calls marriage becoming "one flesh" (one body), just as Christ has one Body and He is the Head. Paul calls this a " GREAT mystery" (Eph 5:32). We should all go back to Ephesians 5:21-33 and meditate on that teaching, since it is very relevant to this discussion.

 

[Kathi]

Does God permit divorce; no he does not for what God has joined together as one flesh let no man separate it, Matthew 19:6, but, not every relationship was joined together by God, but was founded on lust leading one to think it was love. 1 Corinthians 7:10, Jesus commands the woman not to leave her husband and if she does she should remain unmarried, but in Malachi 2:10-16 the treachery that man commits against a woman which leads him to have an affair outside of the marriage or abuses the wife whether it be physical or emotional gives place to what was said by Moses in Deuteronomy 24:1-4 that if a woman is no longer pleasing to her husband then the husband should give his wife a written bill of divorcement and send her out of the house and this gives the woman the right to marry again, but she can never go back to her former husband if that marriage does not work out or her husband dies for now she is defiled to be with her first husband and this is an abomination to God.

You should never marry unevenly yolked.You should allow God go bring you a marriage partner.Be a good judge of character which I have not always been.Don't trust anyone until you get to know them very,very well.

 

[for_his_glory]

Thanks Kathi.

Now if you have a man beating on you all the time. That has to be grounds for a divorce. Now does speak about men beating on women in the Bible. I am trying to remember where it is at
Malachi 2:14-16

Lewis that is a good scripture I used in my last divorce and also confirmed to me in Deuteronomy 24:1-4. Long story short didn't know husband was and alcoholic and a coke user before we got married as he hid it well. The day we got married his physical and mental abuse started. I stuck it out for two years praying for him, taking him to church a few times and even leaving him once and coming back to him. Got to the point he would have killed me of I would have stayed. Had no money, no car, no friends, no family as he took all of that away from me making me basically a prisoner in my own home. Cried out to God and God provided me a way out financially, believe it or not, through my now ex as we went to the bank and opened a checking account in both our names, which he would have never done if he was thinking clearly. $300.00 in the bank. Next day he went to work I called the airline $300.00 for the plane ticket back home to PA. I was out of there before he even got home as I knew it was of God for me to leave as like I said he would have never opened a joint account. I tried everything I could do through God to make it work, but it just wasn't meant to be. Praise the Lord I have a wonderful caring loving husband now that loves the Lord and we have been married almost 17 years now.

Here's my of advice:

Before ever getting married take time to really know each other and establish a friendship that consist of trust and belief in each other. Allow Christ to be the center of your friendship and this will allow you to begin a marriage that is totally Christ centered. Always resolve your problems with the Holy Ghost guidance through the word and you will always have a good marriage. Always be opened and honest with each other for this builds trust in the relationship, but if that trust is broken there is no relationship. Love each other unconditionally as Christ loves us and forgives us our faults. As long as we live in this flesh we will sin at times, but when you acknowledge those sins and ask for forgiveness God will always forgive us. Always be ready to forgive each other seventy times seven, Matthew 22:21,22, and not only forgive, but forget the sin as God remembers our sins no more when we repent of them. The outside appearance will always change and beauty may fade, but it is the heart of the person we are to love and the heart will never change as long as the love of Christ dwells within it.

 

[for_his_glory]

I agree with the teaching Malachi ... Yet odds are she will then get the beating of all beatings... Get accuse of sleeping with the pastor/decon get told to stay away from that church or it will be worse....

Actually Reba, that happened to me as I went to talk to the Pastor and was accused of sleeping with him and got beat up for it and was not allowed to go back to Church again. Every time he cheated on me I got beat up as he thought I was sleeping around on him, but he kept me a prisoner at home. Took me back and forth to work and when I was home he would call me throughout his shift. When could I have ever had a chance to even if I wanted to even though I never would have.

 

[Kathi]

Lewis that is a good scripture I used in my last divorce and also confirmed to me in Deuteronomy 24:1-4. Long story short didn't know husband was and alcoholic and a coke user before we got married as he hid it well. The day we got married his physical and mental abuse started. I stuck it out for two years praying for him, taking him to church a few times and even leaving him once and coming back to him. Got to the point he would have killed me of I would have stayed. Had no money, no car, no friends, no family as he took all of that away from me making me basically a prisoner in my own home. Cried out to God and God provided me a way out financially, believe it or not, through my now ex as we went to the bank and opened a checking account in both our names, which he would have never done if he was thinking clearly. $300.00 in the bank. Next day he went to work I called the airline $300.00 for the plane ticket back home to PA. I was out of there before he even got home as I knew it was of God for me to leave as like I said he would have never opened a joint account. I tried everything I could do through God to make it work, but it just wasn't meant to be. Praise the Lord I have a wonderful caring loving husband now that loves the Lord and we have been married almost 17 years now.

Here's my of advice:

Before ever getting married take time to really know each other and establish a friendship that consist of trust and belief in each other. Allow Christ to be the center of your friendship and this will allow you to begin a marriage that is totally Christ centered. Always resolve your problems with the Holy Ghost guidance through the word and you will always have a good marriage. Always be opened and honest with each other for this builds trust in the relationship, but if that trust is broken there is no relationship. Love each other unconditionally as Christ loves us and forgives us our faults. As long as we live in this flesh we will sin at times, but when you acknowledge those sins and ask for forgiveness God will always forgive us. Always be ready to forgive each other seventy times seven, Matthew 22:21,22, and not only forgive, but forget the sin as God remembers our sins no more when we repent of them. The outside appearance will always change and beauty may fade, but it is the heart of the person we are to love and the heart will never change as long as the love of Christ dwells within it.

A couple of family members would say "You know it is wrong to get a divorce God will get you through this".Bad advise.You know how living in an abusive home can damage your children?I held out for 25 years of hell.He had the girlfriend for a couple of years which I found out about at the very end.In fact I found out he had several girlfriends.The wife is the last to know.I did not shed a tear when that was over.I was relieved and I felt peace.He was a very wealthy man and OH BOY did I struggle financially even though I had a small inheritance.He told me that he hoped I ended up homeless and on the street.God has Blessed me.

 

[for_his_glory]

First of all, God wants the man to stop beating his wife. But supposing he doesn't, there are other options besides divorce. Here in the west, beating your wife is illegal. She could call the police. She could also separate from him, either officially or just by moving away from him (or forcing him to move), without a divorce.

The TOG​

even if I did move out he would have hunted me down as that was the kind of guy he was.
But what if she wants to get married again or is she suppose to be unhappy the rest of her life. If I would have put my last husband in jail when he got out he would have hunted me down and killed me.

 

[Kathi]

Actually Reba, that happened to me as I went to talk to the Pastor and was accused of sleeping with him and got beat up for it and was not allowed to go back to Church again. Every time he cheated on me I got beat up as he thought I was sleeping around on him, but he kept me a prisoner at home. Took me back and forth to work and when I was home he would call me throughout his shift. When could I have ever had a chance to even if I wanted to even though I never would have.

I am sorry that is really rough.