For me...It started with the desire to live in complete obedience to God, but not knowing how.
God brought me into contact with a church where they didn't commit sin, and they showed me all I needed to know to follow suit.
Repentance from sin can and should be permanent.
Baptism in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of past sins, at the same time accomplishing my immersion into Christ and into his death, burial, and resurrection. My "being raised with Christ to walk in newness of life" provided my rebirth.
My water baptism into Christ's sufferings allowed my contact with His sanctifying blood.
Reception of the gift of the Holy Ghost, (accompanied by a sound from heaven and a vision).
The gift of tongues.
Growth in grace and knowledge followed, but daily prayer time set aside for Him helped foster good habits. Like avoiding the places that served only my now dead "flesh".
And carrying my bible nearly everywhere, especially when I went to fast food places for breakfast, lunch, or supper.
Avoiding the people who only wished my failure.
Distancing myself from the things that would have resulted in my eventual destruction, like cigarettes, pot, cocaine, acid, peyote, mescaline, booze, porn, dirty movies and books, etc.
I learned that the things of the flesh cannot reside by those that walk in the Spirit.
And reading!
Oh how I love the scriptures!
I make time to read at least three times a day nearly every day.
It has all resulted in almost thirteen years without sin, to the glory of God.
I am sure I have omitted some things from my "how to" list, so I will be happy to answer any questions my post may generate.
The big question here is, are you wanting to improve yourself because the church requires it of you? And do you think that Jesus requires anything of you to earn His love for you?
The Scripture says, "Even while we were yet sinners, Jesus loved us and gave Himself for us." So, when did Jesus start loving you, and is He loving you more because you are trying to be a holy person? Isn't that doing stuff to try and earn His love?
If His love is freely given to you, and you are trying to earn it, wouldn't that be insulting Him?
Do you know who Jesus really is?
Are you going to rest in the love of Jesus for you and allow Him to work His will in you, or are you going to be a "churchianity" person and do what the religious organization expects of you?
Here's what "churchianity" expects of you:
You should be baptised in water
You should speak in tongues
You should give up cigarettes, and every other "work of the flesh" you mentioned.
You should stop sinning permanently
You should spend a specified time in prayer
You should carry your Bible around everywhere
In other words, you are obligated to do this list of works otherwise Jesus will stop loving you. The reality is that if you do not comply with these "shoulds" then you could be "punished" by those who think they have authority in your church and be relegated to the group that needs to be "spiritually re-educated" by intensive counselling. If you decide not to play the "churchianity" game, they could require you to leave the church, and then you could lose all the friendships you made there, because they would treat you as persona non grata.
So, my question is: Are you walking in the churchianity game or walking in the Spirit? Who are you pleasing? Your church friends and mentors or Jesus?
Did you know that Jesus loved you before you starting trying to be a good church-going Christian, and He hasn't started loving you more as a result of you trying to comply with the rules given to you by your church mentors.
What would happen to you if you decide to stop playing the church game? Would you be subject to general disapproval by others in the church? I would expect so. This would be an important clue that you are more concerned with pleasing others in your church than you are of pleasing Jesus, seeing that Jesus is already pleased with you because you received Him as Saviour right at the start.
So, just being yourself, and stop trying to be better than you are, and getting to know the Jesus of the Gospels to find out who He really is, will bring you into fellowship with Him, and allow Him to perform His workmanship in you, which will enhance your growth in grace much more effectively than you trying to do it of yourself just to please a group of church people.