Why are you projecting your difficulties with your ex wife on a random stranger?
I haven't. I have said, "Perhaps your marriage is not like mine." I was wondering how it was different, eg: doing 'compare' and 'contrast' for I certainly wouldn't want to give you advice which encourages you to duplicate what I went through in your own marriage.
:erm I'm sorry that some things that I said reminded you of her. You are obviously triggered but that isn't my problem. While we're on the subject of your ex wife, if she also thought you were calling her dumb, then clearly I am not the only person who feels that you are condescending. You may not actually say that other people are dumb but you certainly insinuate it with the way that you speak or write in this case.
Yes, I'm clearly triggered. On the other hand, when I propose something to talk about which requires some intelligence; Most women I've encountered online, don't make accusations against me that I'm treating them as if they are 'dumb' -- but usually they just take what I say at face value, discuss it's meaning, and eventually we become good friends. The fact that you act differently makes me wonder if I'm perhaps, not the only person triggered here ?
When I mentioned a "pseudo man", I was
clearly speaking of my abusive ex.
I don't know how you arrived at the conclusion that I was talking about my father.
I didn't see anything about an abusive ex in your original post, and if you mentioned you had one later -- I must have been tired and missed it; I saw you talk about an abusive mother -- and a father whom you called "sweet" -- but then you qualified that in a strange way by saying he was 'emasculated'. So, you brought your father's present mental state into question as a 'man'. I did a dictionary look up because you were using big flashy words, and what I found is that; An emasculated man, is by definition -- a man deprived of his identity ; and I note that lacking a proper identity or being a weak substitute is exactly what 'pseudo' means; eg: a "pseudo-man" is a man who is lacking or deprived of a real identity ; eg: that would technically include your father based on my reading of your opening post.
If this is not what you meant, then you clearly have NOT explained what 'psuedo' means in your mind. It's certainly NOT what I think it means, knowing it's Greek history. Perhaps you just meant it as a pejorative, and didn't really mean the confusing thing you actually said ?? eg: it was just emotional 'name calling' ?? ( Let's clear the air -- communicate well, rather than just expecting GOOOOOD and dramatic communication...).
Even considering this new information (to me) about your ex, I doubt even he is a 'pseudo' man (unless he was successfully emasculated by someone abusive, and I have no idea who did it to him...) but I think he is one who perhaps you consider 'wicked' or 'cruel'. He may be a very sinful man, and your father a saint -- but that doesn't make hurtful name calling in a christian forum without at least explaining what a "real" man is, my fault. I'm just asking you to be clear about what you are saying and avoid name calling and pejoratives on a Christian Forum.
I had to laugh when you mentioned being submissive during marital difficulties. I'll have you know that my husband lost his job right after he proposed to me. We eloped because even though we couldn't afford the wedding we wanted, we just wanted to be husband and wife. People were telling me to leave my husband just because he didn't have any money but I stayed and supported him emotionally until he found work again. We slept in a tiny double bed because we couldn't afford a larger one. We had a portable closet because our first apartment had no storage and we couldn't afford to buy furniture. I am glad that we had that challenge before marriage because it only strengthened us as a couple.
Starting with nothing is quite a bit different than having gotten something you love very much and then having to let it go.
If you get a lot of things, and then loose them in a few years -- I'll still be interested in seeing how your submission turns out. Again, it may be that your marriage is not like mine ... but My ex, and I, were also very poor when we first started marriage; so, just to be clear your anecdotes are only increasing the number of points of agreement I see with my past experience not decreasing it.
If you're intentionally trying to mock my experience into a nonsequiter. eg: "I'll have you know...." conveys a very self-righteous tone of correction; highly dramatic -- Just note that, to me, the sheer IRONY of the anecdote is totally eclipsing any correction you could possibly hope to be making. We too lived in an apartment, with racial mixed marriages in all the adjoining rooms...
Many women laugh at me because we live in an apartment but that doesn't sway me from staying with my husband. Besides, those women are either unhappily single or with men who treat them poorly despite being well off.
How terribly odd! I have friends who live in apartments -- and I've never seen anyone laugh at them for it, and they, themselves, don't go around complaining that women laugh at them ... so I can't relate to what you're saying. This is the first major difference I've noted between your experience and mine; but then again -- we got laughed at later because of the ridiculous things my wife would say in public to humiliate me. On the other hand, since the divorce, I've appreciated the few apologies I've gotten once people realized the drama and the reality of the situation were two totally different things entirely.
We are enjoying far better financial circumstances now and quite frankly, I believe that both of us deserve to enjoy our extra income as we see fit. Moving to a house in the country will give my husband a much shorter commute, which will in turn make him much happier in the long run. It will also be much quieter and my husband has said he is tired of the noisy city we live in.
And again, I say I wish you the best. I'll even pray for you to Jesus in the hope that he'll strengthen your bond more.
Please take your obvious grief over your failed marriage elsewhere, instead of projecting your pain on others just because you still have much healing to do. Not every woman who decides to become submissive is automatically following the same ill fated path as your ex wife.
I have friends (even on this site) who are Christian submissive wives and they are not at all like my ex-wife, nor even following a similar (if not the same) path. You're jumping to unwarranted conclusions about my perspective or how my ex-wife figures into the dialog we're having.
Since you are projecting, the only person who is being manipulative here is you. Comparing your marriage to mine just because of some "earmarks" is ridiculous and solves nothing.
It's normal to compare and comparing is not the same as projecting. I think the best advice comes from understanding where the differences actually are, so as not to misapply information ; that's how problems are 'solved' -- but often I find people don't actually want to solve problems, they want to vent emotions. I'm not sure which you really want to do.
Judging by your posts directed at me, I don't believe that there is much to be gained from continuing our discussion. Take care!
I don't know if there is or isn't; but I do know that you're making a lot of snap judgments that come across as very angry.
If you don't want more conversation, you needn't reply; I'll respect the silence -- but not underhanded jabs and manipulations.
May the Lord find a way to bless you, this day, and may his face shine upon you and grant you his peace.
blessings! And yes you have good stubbornness now, and that counts i'm sure! ha ha!
He texted me and said I'm an amazing nurse.