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How to become a submissive wife?

Cturtle

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I really appreciate your obvious Love and respect for your husband, and father. You may have had some difficulties with arguing or being stubborn, but you are very well rounded for someone who has been through all of the things that you have! You truly are becoming the wife, and woman that God wants you to be.
My situation it a tad different, but i can definitely relate to all of what you have said.
I also was curious about what you don't agree with, but I trust that you are in good hands with ezra!
Much blessings and peace to you!
 
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I really appreciate your obvious Love and respect for your husband, and father. You may have had some difficulties with arguing or being stubborn, but you are very well rounded for someone who has been through all of the things that you have! You truly are becoming the wife, and woman that God wants you to be.
My situation it a tad different, but i can definitely relate to all of what you have said.
I also was curious about what you don't agree with, but I trust that you are in good hands with ezra!
Much blessings and peace to you!

I think stubbornness can be good in some cases. Stubborn people are not easily swayed or influenced.
Now I am stubborn about being a good partner to my husband just as he is to me. Does that count? :lol
I can appreciate that people may be curious about what Christian beliefs I don't agree with.
I just don't want to seem as if I am making negative comments about Christianity on this forum.
 

Cturtle

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I think stubbornness can be good in some cases. Stubborn people are not easily swayed or influenced.
Now I am stubborn about being a good partner to my husband just as he is to me. Does that count? :lol
I can appreciate that people may be curious about what Christian beliefs I don't agree with.
I just don't want to seem as if I am making negative comments about Christianity on this forum.

Oh I am sure if you have read thing on this forum...you won't offend anyone :) blessings! And yes you have good stubbornness now, and that counts i'm sure! ha ha!
 
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Why are you projecting your difficulties with your ex wife on a random stranger?

I haven't. I have said, "Perhaps your marriage is not like mine." I was wondering how it was different, eg: doing 'compare' and 'contrast' for I certainly wouldn't want to give you advice which encourages you to duplicate what I went through in your own marriage.

:erm I'm sorry that some things that I said reminded you of her. You are obviously triggered but that isn't my problem. While we're on the subject of your ex wife, if she also thought you were calling her dumb, then clearly I am not the only person who feels that you are condescending. You may not actually say that other people are dumb but you certainly insinuate it with the way that you speak or write in this case.

Yes, I'm clearly triggered. On the other hand, when I propose something to talk about which requires some intelligence; Most women I've encountered online, don't make accusations against me that I'm treating them as if they are 'dumb' -- but usually they just take what I say at face value, discuss it's meaning, and eventually we become good friends. The fact that you act differently makes me wonder if I'm perhaps, not the only person triggered here ?

When I mentioned a "pseudo man", I was clearly speaking of my abusive ex. :squintI don't know how you arrived at the conclusion that I was talking about my father.

I didn't see anything about an abusive ex in your original post, and if you mentioned you had one later -- I must have been tired and missed it; I saw you talk about an abusive mother -- and a father whom you called "sweet" -- but then you qualified that in a strange way by saying he was 'emasculated'. So, you brought your father's present mental state into question as a 'man'. I did a dictionary look up because you were using big flashy words, and what I found is that; An emasculated man, is by definition -- a man deprived of his identity ; and I note that lacking a proper identity or being a weak substitute is exactly what 'pseudo' means; eg: a "pseudo-man" is a man who is lacking or deprived of a real identity ; eg: that would technically include your father based on my reading of your opening post.

If this is not what you meant, then you clearly have NOT explained what 'psuedo' means in your mind. It's certainly NOT what I think it means, knowing it's Greek history. Perhaps you just meant it as a pejorative, and didn't really mean the confusing thing you actually said ?? eg: it was just emotional 'name calling' ?? ( Let's clear the air -- communicate well, rather than just expecting GOOOOOD and dramatic communication...).

Even considering this new information (to me) about your ex, I doubt even he is a 'pseudo' man (unless he was successfully emasculated by someone abusive, and I have no idea who did it to him...) but I think he is one who perhaps you consider 'wicked' or 'cruel'. He may be a very sinful man, and your father a saint -- but that doesn't make hurtful name calling in a christian forum without at least explaining what a "real" man is, my fault. I'm just asking you to be clear about what you are saying and avoid name calling and pejoratives on a Christian Forum.

I had to laugh when you mentioned being submissive during marital difficulties. I'll have you know that my husband lost his job right after he proposed to me. We eloped because even though we couldn't afford the wedding we wanted, we just wanted to be husband and wife. People were telling me to leave my husband just because he didn't have any money but I stayed and supported him emotionally until he found work again. We slept in a tiny double bed because we couldn't afford a larger one. We had a portable closet because our first apartment had no storage and we couldn't afford to buy furniture. I am glad that we had that challenge before marriage because it only strengthened us as a couple.

Starting with nothing is quite a bit different than having gotten something you love very much and then having to let it go.
If you get a lot of things, and then loose them in a few years -- I'll still be interested in seeing how your submission turns out. Again, it may be that your marriage is not like mine ... but My ex, and I, were also very poor when we first started marriage; so, just to be clear your anecdotes are only increasing the number of points of agreement I see with my past experience not decreasing it.

If you're intentionally trying to mock my experience into a nonsequiter. eg: "I'll have you know...." conveys a very self-righteous tone of correction; highly dramatic -- Just note that, to me, the sheer IRONY of the anecdote is totally eclipsing any correction you could possibly hope to be making. We too lived in an apartment, with racial mixed marriages in all the adjoining rooms...

Many women laugh at me because we live in an apartment but that doesn't sway me from staying with my husband. Besides, those women are either unhappily single or with men who treat them poorly despite being well off.

How terribly odd! I have friends who live in apartments -- and I've never seen anyone laugh at them for it, and they, themselves, don't go around complaining that women laugh at them ... so I can't relate to what you're saying. This is the first major difference I've noted between your experience and mine; but then again -- we got laughed at later because of the ridiculous things my wife would say in public to humiliate me. On the other hand, since the divorce, I've appreciated the few apologies I've gotten once people realized the drama and the reality of the situation were two totally different things entirely.

We are enjoying far better financial circumstances now and quite frankly, I believe that both of us deserve to enjoy our extra income as we see fit. Moving to a house in the country will give my husband a much shorter commute, which will in turn make him much happier in the long run. It will also be much quieter and my husband has said he is tired of the noisy city we live in.

And again, I say I wish you the best. I'll even pray for you to Jesus in the hope that he'll strengthen your bond more.

Please take your obvious grief over your failed marriage elsewhere, instead of projecting your pain on others just because you still have much healing to do. Not every woman who decides to become submissive is automatically following the same ill fated path as your ex wife.

I have friends (even on this site) who are Christian submissive wives and they are not at all like my ex-wife, nor even following a similar (if not the same) path. You're jumping to unwarranted conclusions about my perspective or how my ex-wife figures into the dialog we're having.

Since you are projecting, the only person who is being manipulative here is you. Comparing your marriage to mine just because of some "earmarks" is ridiculous and solves nothing.

It's normal to compare and comparing is not the same as projecting. I think the best advice comes from understanding where the differences actually are, so as not to misapply information ; that's how problems are 'solved' -- but often I find people don't actually want to solve problems, they want to vent emotions. I'm not sure which you really want to do.

Judging by your posts directed at me, I don't believe that there is much to be gained from continuing our discussion. Take care!

I don't know if there is or isn't; but I do know that you're making a lot of snap judgments that come across as very angry.
If you don't want more conversation, you needn't reply; I'll respect the silence -- but not underhanded jabs and manipulations.

May the Lord find a way to bless you, this day, and may his face shine upon you and grant you his peace.
 
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So I had an little tiff with the hubby last night. He came home and I noticed that his chest hair was sticking out of his sweater in an unattractive way. I asked my husband if he would snip those hairs and he refused. I told my husband that the hairs didn't look very nice and offered to snip them for him. He still said no and added: "I just came home and you're nitpicking me already." When my husband said that, I realized that I was probably not speaking to him in a respectful manner. We are normally honest with each other when it comes to our appearance. However, there are ways to get our opinions across without sounding mean or bossy.

Yesterday my husband sent me his usual "I love you" text and thanked me for doing laundry and cooking dinner the previous night. I responded that he doesn't need to thank me for doing my job. I firmly believe that spouses who do not work outside the home need to work within it. Since I am not contributing financially, I need to contribute in other ways such as doing chores. My husband told me that he will never take what I do for granted and that is why he says thanks.
 
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Cturtle

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So I had an little tiff with the hubby last night. He came home and I noticed that his chest hair was sticking out of his sweater in an unattractive way. I asked my husband if he would snip those hairs and he refused. I told my husband that the hairs didn't look very nice and offered to snip them for him. He still said no and added: "I just came home and you're nitpicking me already." When my husband said that, I realized that I was probably not speaking to him in a respectful manner. We are normally honest with each other when it comes to our appearance. However, there are ways to get our opinions across without sounding mean or bossy.

Yesterday my husband sent me his usual "I love you" text and thanked me for doing laundry and cooking dinner the previous night. I responded that he doesn't need to thank me for doing my job. I firmly believe that spouses who do not work outside the home need to work within it. Since I am not contributing financially, I need to contribute in other ways such as doing chores. My husband told me that he will never take what I do for granted and that is why he says thanks.

I fully agree that as we don't work outside the home, we should be working inside the home, but i can also tell you that i am grateful that your husband says the he will always say thanks, cuz when we do not feel as if they appreciate us or what we do, it opens the door for the devil to come in and play with our thoughts and emotions. He puts little things like he doesn't appreciate you, and if we are not careful, we could grab ahold of it and allow it to cause hurt, and a wall, thus possibly resulting in a fight or what have you. This is the time when you get to learn how to be ok with being appreciated.
For me it sometimes is difficult, as much as i want to be appreciated and loved, it's hard to accept that it is real and i deserve it. I know that God loves us unconditionally, but somewhere in my mind, growing up i don't think that i knew that love is supposed to be unconditional, so deserving it is where my mind goes. Now i just have to learn how to accept true, unconditional love. Although as i am typing i can hear God saying, there is no learn, it's just do. Accept it by faith.

But i am still very proud of your willingness to be a woman, who is different than the world is!
Many blessings to you!!
 
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Cturtle, I certainly have a lot of work to do when it comes to accepting love and appreciation.

My husband has had to tell me to graciously accept gifts from him instead of saying that he shouldn't have "wasted" the money.
I tried a new recipe for a white wine sauce to go with salmon. My husband loved it and thanked me again. This time, I just smiled and said he was welcome instead of trying to dissuade him.

I need to pray and ask God to help me raise my self esteem. When I love myself more, it will be easier for me to accept love from others.
 

Cturtle

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Jan 22, 2015
Cturtle, I certainly have a lot of work to do when it comes to accepting love and appreciation.

My husband has had to tell me to graciously accept gifts from him instead of saying that he shouldn't have "wasted" the money.
I tried a new recipe for a white wine sauce to go with salmon. My husband loved it and thanked me again. This time, I just smiled and said he was welcome instead of trying to dissuade him.

I need to pray and ask God to help me raise my self esteem. When I love myself more, it will be easier for me to accept love from others.

Blessings and peace to you!
All of us have been through things that affect how we view things, or what we can accept. But today you have put one foot in front of the other, and are one step closer to being able to be free from the unworthiness that you feel. It will get easier as time goes by.

As for your self esteem, that has to come from God. He should be your source, not yourself. You see when we can accept that God loves us, and our total trust is in God, then everything else falls into the right place, because we know that no matter what is happening that, He always has our best interests in mind. The meaning for grace is God's overwhelming desire to treat us as if sin never happened. When we can accept His grace and love our esteem is then where it needs to be, in Him. God gave me a verse and i want to share it with you......1 Peter 5:12b "My purpose in writing is to encourage you and assure you that what you are experiencing is truly part of God's grace for you. Stand firm in this grace."

God sent you a good man. His purpose was to show you how to receive Love. Everything that you are doing, is opening up the door to God, to make Himself larger, and larger in your life. And as you are able to accept the good it will help you to forget the bad.

Way to go!! Keep up the good work! Many blessings of love, peace and joy to you and your husband!
 
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God is good indeed. I believe He brought my husband to me; we met in such a random way and we have been through similar struggles.
Thanks so much for the verse; it really hit home. I know that when I asked God to take some of the pain away, He slowly started to remove it from my soul. I'm not nearly as hotheaded as I used to be and I have become more assertive about keeping negative influences out of my life.

My PTSD makes it hard for me to trust people. I find myself becoming anxious about depending on my husband, because I have been with men who played on my vulnerabilities and used them to hurt me. To my husband's credit, we have been together for almost 8 years and he has NEVER thrown anything in my face. He also isn't a controlling jerk who tries to force me into doing things.
 

Cturtle

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Jan 22, 2015
God is good indeed. I believe He brought my husband to me; we met in such a random way and we have been through similar struggles.
Thanks so much for the verse; it really hit home. I know that when I asked God to take some of the pain away, He slowly started to remove it from my soul. I'm not nearly as hotheaded as I used to be and I have become more assertive about keeping negative influences out of my life.

My PTSD makes it hard for me to trust people. I find myself becoming anxious about depending on my husband, because I have been with men who played on my vulnerabilities and used them to hurt me. To my husband's credit, we have been together for almost 8 years and he has NEVER thrown anything in my face. He also isn't a controlling jerk who tries to force me into doing things.

I know that trust can be difficult. My fiancè had come a long way, due to things from his past. And like you, we met in a way that no one would have ever guessed.
As you build your trust in God, i can assure you that the anxiety will go away, because anxiety is not of God. His desire is that we completely trust Him, knowing that It brings total peace.
You and your husband are constantly in my prayers!
 
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My poor husband is sick. He spent all of last night hacking up a lung and decided not to go into work today. I have asked him to take another day off if the coughing continues tonight. My husband is stubborn about going to the doctor but he will go if I insist on it. If he is still coughing all night, I am going a walk in clinic with him tomorrow. My husband has only been in bed for 30 mins and he is already coughing too much. :sad
 

Cturtle

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My poor husband is sick. He spent all of last night hacking up a lung and decided not to go into work today. I have asked him to take another day off if the coughing continues tonight. My husband is stubborn about going to the doctor but he will go if I insist on it. If he is still coughing all night, I am going a walk in clinic with him tomorrow. My husband has only been in bed for 30 mins and he is already coughing too much. :sad

Father we lift up Mrs. Submission's husband up to you and ask that You heal His lungs and help him to get a good nights rest. We thank You that no weapon formed against him shall prosper, and that Your love, grace, and mercy go before him and envelope him. Thank You for surrounding him with Your presence as he sleeps, because Your Word says that You watch over us as we sleep. We thank You Father that by the stripes that Jesus bore on His body for our healing, apply to him also! Thank You for a hedge of protection around him and that You are covering him with the shadow of You wing. In Jesus Mighty Name, i pray, Amen!
We will continue to pray. Many blessings of peace and comfort to you both!
 
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:amen:amen:amen
Thank you so much for that prayer! My husband managed to go to work today. He is still coughing a lot but now his nose is stuffy.
When I used the home remedy again tonight, my husband said "Awwww...you're taking care of me. You're such a sweet woman.":biggrin2
That made me happy because my husband and I baby each other when we are sick. Marriage is about give and take.
 

Cturtle

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:amen:amen:amen
Thank you so much for that prayer! My husband managed to go to work today. He is still coughing a lot but now his nose is stuffy.
When I used the home remedy again tonight, my husband said "Awwww...you're taking care of me. You're such a sweet woman.":biggrin2
That made me happy because my husband and I baby each other when we are sick. Marriage is about give and take.

That is so awesome! I will be continuing to pray for him, thanking God for restoring him quickly!

Marriage is about the greatist love walk ever! And walking it all of the time! Especially when strife is trying to get between us. Realizing that it really is not our spouse, but the devil who is causing things to seem one way or the other. Using our weaknesses against us. Have a peaceful night!
 
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Cturtle, your prayers have been answered. My husband has finally stopped coughing.:woot2 He texted me and said I'm an amazing nurse.
I never realized how much pleasure it would bring me to look after a man when he needs it. When I was a raging feminist, I swore I would never even marry or take a man's name, much less cook for him or look after him when he's sick.
 

Cturtle

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Cturtle, your prayers have been answered. My husband has finally stopped coughing.:woot2 He texted me and said I'm an amazing nurse.
I never realized how much pleasure it would bring me to look after a man when he needs it. When I was a raging feminist, I swore I would never even marry or take a man's name, much less cook for him or look after him when he's sick.

Praise God!! God is showing Himself to you and your husband in a mighty way! Thanks for sharing your praise report! Ya know God is showing you how much He loves you, and wants (desires) to see you healed and whole. He gave you a gentle, yet strong man. One whom is gentle in manner, yet not passive so as to back down from what he believes, and wants. Someone whom you could allow yourself to love, and show kindness, and nuture to. God knows that your hearts desire, way underneath all that feminist stuff, was to love and be loved. The hurts and unforgiveness towards your past, caused you to build a wall around your heart, that only God, could break through, with the Love of Christ.
Keep up the good growing! I know that God is proud of you!
 
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Yesterday I found out that my husband was procrastinating with paying our combined cell phone, cable and internet bill. I was very angry because my husband's procrastination is my pet peeve and we have have discussed it ad nauseam. It isn't even as if he didn't have the money; he just did not pay it until I got a text message from the phone company. I told my husband that I would like to take over the bills if he is going to procrastinate because I don't need the stress of unpaid bill notices. I also said that I need to able to trust him and I cannot trust someone who does not follow through on obligations without being reminded like a child. My husband refused to allow me to take over the budget and apologized profusely for being irresponsible. Even though he pays the bills, I am very aware of our financial situation.

Submission means continuing to be that way even when it is hard. Even though I was still mad at my husband, I didn't bring up the issue again when he came home. He always likes to be affectionate after an argument and even though I didn't feel like hugging and kissing, I didn't push my husband away in anger even though I wanted to.

I'm ashamed that I raised my voice at my husband yesterday because I am trying not to be that kind of woman anymore. It is extremely difficult for me to be polite when my husband is acting like a child. We have been over his procrastination problem more than five times. I apologized for shouting and my husband said: "That's okay hon. I shouldn't have waited so long to pay the bill so I don't blame you for yelling." I also asked God for forgiveness and the ability to be patient with my husband.

My husband's cough has returned which means it wasn't really gone. The cough worsens at night. I have asked him to go to the doctor but he doesn't want to take another day off. He promised to see the doctor this weekend. I sincerely hope that my husband goes to the doctor because he is very stubborn when it comes to seeing a physician. I will remind him only once so that it doesn't seem like nagging.
 

Cturtle

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Yesterday I found out that my husband was procrastinating with paying our combined cell phone, cable and internet bill. I was very angry because my husband's procrastination is my pet peeve and we have have discussed it ad nauseam. It isn't even as if he didn't have the money; he just did not pay it until I got a text message from the phone company. I told my husband that I would like to take over the bills if he is going to procrastinate because I don't need the stress of unpaid bill notices. I also said that I need to able to trust him and I cannot trust someone who does not follow through on obligations without being reminded like a child. My husband refused to allow me to take over the budget and apologized profusely for being irresponsible. Even though he pays the bills, I am very aware of our financial situation.

Submission means continuing to be that way even when it is hard. Even though I was still mad at my husband, I didn't bring up the issue again when he came home. He always likes to be affectionate after an argument and even though I didn't feel like hugging and kissing, I didn't push my husband away in anger even though I wanted to.

I'm ashamed that I raised my voice at my husband yesterday because I am trying not to be that kind of woman anymore. It is extremely difficult for me to be polite when my husband is acting like a child. We have been over his procrastination problem more than five times. I apologized for shouting and my husband said: "That's okay hon. I shouldn't have waited so long to pay the bill so I don't blame you for yelling." I also asked God for forgiveness and the ability to be patient with my husband.

My husband's cough has returned which means it wasn't really gone. The cough worsens at night. I have asked him to go to the doctor but he doesn't want to take another day off. He promised to see the doctor this weekend. I sincerely hope that my husband goes to the doctor because he is very stubborn when it comes to seeing a physician. I will remind him only once so that it doesn't seem like nagging.

Your going to have times when you miss it. Forgive yourself and keep moving forward! When those times come that in your mind he is acting like a child, ask for God's grace to give you compassion for him. Placing within you a special grace for him. Was your mom this way? If so it's time to regroup, and change some things

Do the bills ever go unpaid to the point of shut off? If not then gently remind him that you got a text, or notice...and then let it go. Trust that accidents happen. Sometimes we get busy and just forget. Plus the devil knows that is one of your weaknesses, and as soon as you think that your doing good, he will pull the rug out from under you. And God will gently love you and tell you that you need more work in this area. Happens all of the time.

as far as the cough...just keep thanking God for healing it, and doing the home remedy, and trust that it's nothing to worry about. Trust your husband to know when he needs to see a doctor, plus you will be able to tell if it gets worse.
Much peace and joy to you!
 
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