Is Spanking Considered Abuse?

[HeIsRisen2018]

To spank or not to spank that is the question. I'm basically asking this question to everybody out there. Whether you're a parent or would like to become a parent in the future, do you believe in spanking a child as discipline? I personally believe that although spanking doesn't work for everybody spanking a child is sometimes required. Not enough to actually beat them or hurt them, but a swat on the behind for trying to run out into the middle of the street is doing it out of love for the child in my mind. (that's what my mother did to me when I tried that as a kid) It means that you love your child enough to make sure he or she never does it again. However, you should also really explain to your child why they got a spanking in that situation and really explain to them about the importance of safety and that they should always hold your hand (if they are very young) and look both ways before crossing the street. Now mind you I don't think that spank your child every time they talk back to you or refuse to clean their room. It definitely should not be overused. A good timeout is also very good discipline as it allows the child to stop and think about what they did wrong. So, what are your opinions on spanking? I'm not talking about taking a belt to the child either. I think a nice little swat on the behind every now then isn't that big of a deal. It's when it's constant and overdone that it starts to become abuse.

 

[brujaq]

I whipped my sons with a belt, I do not believe in ''time out'' .. I did not argue with my kids once I said .... Proverbs 23:13-14 .. I've never whipped my kids when they weren't back up in my lap minutes later, it was done and over but the lesson remains ..

 

[for_his_glory]

I never had any kids, but I was one who was abused along with my siblings. Not to the extent of ER visits, but pretty good beatings. There is a big different between beating with a belt for discipline and being abused by the force and time the belt is used. I was on the force and time end of that belt my dad used when we were kids. When they passed that law that no child is allowed to be spanked is when the child grew against their parents and teachers and decided they can get away with anything now a days as there is no structure in the family. Look at all the bulling that goes on now more severe then before. I believe a few swats for discipline is necessary in a young child's life as when it is explained why then they hopefully will learn from it. Family values have changed so much throughout the last couple decades. Spare the rod, spoil the child is now the norm.

 

[Knotical]

Spanking is only abuse when you are doing it to injure the child. But if it is being used for discipline, and you are employing proper restraint, it is not abuse. We do spank, and we determine the number of swats by the child's age plus one. If they do something that is a chronic issue we will multiply the swats with severity, but we do not employ time-outs, or grounding as that can only breed resentment. If spanking is used properly the discipline session is over quickly, and if they have sinned against someone we have them sincerely ask for forgiveness, they hug it out, and it is over. We do not ridicule, or shame, our kids, as that will also breed resentment.

The major point to consider here is to never strike your child out of anger. So, if you need to take a moment to calm down before administering a spanking then do so.

 

[Mike]

I spanked our children and always tried to adhere to the advice of Dr. James Dobson. Never spank while you are angry. That's where things can go south and result in abuse. Let yourself cool down first. Take the child, explain what they did wrong and why they are getting a spanking. When it's over, hug them and tell them you had to do this, but you love them as much as ever. You never want a child to feel beaten and unloved.

 

[Luminous_Rose]

I know this is a few months old, but I'll respond anyway.

I have bad experiences with being spanked. I remember being spanked with a belt, a hanger, the bottom of a shoe...it was terrifying. I remember my parents (one of my parents more than thr other) doing it mostly out of anger. I remember if we covered our bottoms while about to be spanked, we would get our hands smacked to....the hanger hurt the most for this. It felt like my parents go to solution. I remember being afraid, locking my door, and hiding under my bed. I would be more prone to anger than not. My husband grew up in an abusive household where he was beaten needlessly for things that were not his fault. Because of this spanking is an idea we struggle a lot with.

So, we made some rules for ourselves. If we decide to spank, we will not do it while angry and if we feel angry, we step back and cool off. We do not accompany spanking with yelling, screaming, or other actionsbthat will scare or confuse a child. We won't use anything but our bare hands while calm so we don't get carried away. Make sure the child is taken aside so they are not embarrassed in front of others. Explain the why, spank them, and let them know they are loved and that the punishment is over. It is not a go to solution for discipline.

Is there a time and a place for spanking? Most definitely! Is it a punishment for every wrong a child does? No.

 

[Razeontherock]

While I strongly agree with the spirit of what's being said by everyone here, there are situations in the US of parents facing 15 years in prison for leaving a bruise on their child that was gone in a week.

 

[Hermit]

As a child I have been regularly physically abused by alcoholic father. At times I should have been hospitalized, but it was hush hush then. I was single child. Could not understand spanking long after the fact. My mother did not spank me, but dobbed me in to father, which I pleaded her to not do, but still did. Cannot understand that either.

My grandmother would smack me 'once' with wooden spoon on hand at the time of the fact. This I understood, and avoided making self-centred mistakes in front of her. However, my grandfather never smacked me, but explained my errors and gave good practical reasons or stories for doing things better. I learnt a lot from Opa, he was wise and loving. He knew how to be with me at my level and always knew how to get the message across. He often used surprising humour which I never forgot. For instance, he gave me some paint brushes that had Japanese symbols on them. I showed them to him, and he pretended to read them in Japanese. I was surprised and asked what that meant. He reread it in English and said: "wash brushes after use".

The point is, I believe it is best for a parent to stop thinking that children ought to think and behave like adults, and to start being a wise and caring friend. In this way, parents will always be seen as someone you can freely talk with.

 

[Stringfellow_Hawke]

I have every intention of spanking my daughter. However, I may be more sparingly about it than my parents were. I came to this realization a while back. Mine used the belt on me. One day, I accidentally hit myself with my belt (don't ask lol) and it actually stung a little. So I very easily did it a couple times on my leg and despite how easy those hits were, it still left red marks. I ruled the belt out after that. Not because I don't agree, but because I'm afraid I'll do it too hard. I'll probably just use bare hand.

 

[Knotical]

I have every intention of spanking my daughter. However, I may be more sparingly about it than my parents were. I came to this realization a while back. Mine used the belt on me. One day, I accidentally hit myself with my belt (don't ask lol) and it actually stung a little. So I very easily did it a couple times on my leg and despite how easy those hits were, it still left red marks. I ruled the belt out after that. Not because I don't agree, but because I'm afraid I'll do it too hard. I'll probably just use bare hand.

We use a plastic spoon. It gets the point across, but does not leave a mark. I have used my hand, but many times it will not be as effective, plus by using something else you disassociate the discipline from you to the actual implement being used.

Not sure if you have heard of it but Michael Pearl wrote a book: How to Train Up a Child. It is a bit controversial, but it certainly has some good points about proper discipline.

 

[Who Me]

I don't think that there is a 'One punishment that fits all situations'.
Certainly with small children, everything is immediate, they struggle to understand the concept of later.
For them a firm No, don't do that. Repeated with a warning do that again and I'll smack you. However threats/promises of rewards MUST be carried out.

Nothing screws up a child like uncetainty. What was wrong yesterday must be wrong today and tomorrow.

|So warn and explain, tell them not to do something and why. Don't pull your sisters hair, you are hurting her.

As they get older or undertand more time out on the naughty step is an effective punishment.

Please note there are many ways of abusing children.
It is not just physical beating, there is the emotional abuse and intellectual abuse that cause real hurt and life long harm.

The key is to always punish in love. You are not smacking because you are cross, but because that behaviour is wrong, or dangerous.

Don't just do what my parents did, examine ones reasons and the results.

 

[Edward]

My parents always used a switch or a belt on us and we turned out ok. I remember my dad decking me with his fist one time for saying something off color to my mom. Looking back, I asked for it and have no regrets. It taught me to show respect to my mom and girls in general.

 

[for_his_glory]

Back in the 50's through the seventies when I was a kid no meant no. If you got out of line you knew there were consequences for your action. Dad used a belt and Mom used a paddle. You learned real quick back then to behave yourself and listen to your parents. Now with the no spanking law it's like kids gone wild. Yes, there is abuse in some discipline that should not be as well I know, but yet a good spanking reminds a child what to expect when they do things they know is wrong.

 

[JohnDB]

I used an increasing levels of punishments and rewards for discipline with my son.

On the punishments side, of course it included spanking. (Palms only, no instruments were needed). Spankings were the most severe punishment given. And it was an automatic response for blatant defiance.

But I usually didn't have to go there often. It (I feel) was a result of "no" meaning no and "yes" meaning yes. "No" never once meant that it was acceptable to beg harder and possibly get what you wanted. That sort of behavior was punished. (And it was tested from time to time)

But it also left no room for doubt that when I said," I love you" that same amount of finality and end of discussion was realized. (And it was said often...as well as praise for positive actions)

Which left an impression on him. For whatever reason he seems to this day to have focused on the few times he got spanked. (Which was always more about ceremony than severity and he might have gotten one about every 9 months or so)
All of this focus about a fear he claims to have held doesn't hold true. Especially in light of the many hugs daily and kisses and treats regularly heaped upon him to the point of spoiling the child rotten. (But he was a rather well behaved child)

It doesn't make sense to me...but then again I didn't have the same experience as a child.

 

[HeIsRisen2018]

Boy I watched this last night on YouTube and one thing for sure is that this topic would NOT be brought up on any cartoon today.

 

[Corn Pop]

I never learnt a lesson from spankings so it doesn't work. There are other ways to discipline like physical training, groundings, and other things that equally don't work.

Education, it's probably the only thing that does work. It's all in the mind.

Its like the law. Every law has a penalty attached, that's why it's called a law, if there was no penalty it would not be a law, yet the penalty doesn't solve the problem as the law has already been broken.

 

[WIP]

I never learnt a lesson from spankings so it doesn't work. There are other ways to discipline like physical training, groundings, and other things that equally don't work.

Education, it's probably the only thing that does work. It's all in the mind.

Its like the law. Every law has a penalty attached, that's why it's called a law, if there was no penalty it would not be a law, yet the penalty doesn't solve the problem as the law has already been broken.

I never learnt a lesson from spankings so it doesn't work. There are other ways to discipline like physical training, groundings, and other things that equally don't work.

Education, it's probably the only thing that does work. It's all in the mind.

Its like the law. Every law has a penalty attached, that's why it's called a law, if there was no penalty it would not be a law, yet the penalty doesn't solve the problem as the law has already been broken.

Oh...I don't know. What spankings taught me was that inappropriate behavior came with undesirable consequences. As a result, I learned to avoid those consequences and I learned to take responsibility for misbehavior. Did it stop me from misbehaving all the time? No but when I do get caught I am ready to accept those consequences. Seems that in today's society this is not always the case. Instead, today it's more about how can I manipulate the rules to get away with misbehavior.

 

[Book Keeper]

I grew up in a strict, military household. As my parents were forced to work when I was very young, my grandparents raised me.
My upbringing was a tough lesson in respect and discipline; I was given times to adhere to, I wasn't allowed to leave the dinner table until my Grandfather had finished, I was restricted to one hour of television after school etc.

If I stepped out of line, I received some punishment (not always spanking). I remember back-chatting my Grandma one day; my Grandad dropped me like a sack of spuds - nearly knocked me clean out. I can inform you that I never did it again! Goodness, over the years I've been hit with shoes, books, belts, plates etc.

As a strict military upbringing, it enforced my own discipline and respect; its always served me well.

 

[HeIsRisen2018]

I grew up in a strict, military household. As my parents were forced to work when I was very young, my grandparents raised me.
My upbringing was a tough lesson in respect and discipline; I was given times to adhere to, I wasn't allowed to leave the dinner table until my Grandfather had finished, I was restricted to one hour of television after school etc.

If I stepped out of line, I received some punishment (not always spanking). I remember back-chatting my Grandma one day; my Grandad dropped me like a bag of spuds - nearly knocked me clean out. I can inform you that I never did it again! Goodness, over the years I've been hit with shoes, books, belts, plates etc.

As a strict military upbringing, it enforced my own discipline and respect; its always served me well.

That is a bit harsh, much more harder discipline that I ever received, but you turned out to be a great and wonderful person from what I can tell. What do you mean by your grandfather "dropping" you though. Did he literally drop you or is that a British term for something else?

 

[Book Keeper]

Definition to sack of spuds here; I forget that these phrases are local and not international.