[__ Prayer __] life is hard and other startling revelations

[Christ_empowered]

I'm just now checking into reality after at least 11 years out in la la land. I had a terrible HS experience. I was self-destructive because of all sorts of problems--stress at home, stress at school, too effeminate, so on and so forth--and...well, I more or less threw my life away at 19. Too many pills, too much promiscuity, too many cigarettes, blah blah blah.. And now...

...I'm 30. People around here assumed that I'd be dead by 23. That's what some local docs said would happen, because of the damage to my body from all the abuse. I am: healthy, surprisingly well preserved (I actually look a tad bit younger than 30), and intelligent enough to benefit from college-level instruction.

Now, here's the thing...I was an immature, socially isolated and socially awkward teenager. I didn't "get it," if you that makes sense...life didn't make sense to me. My parents were busy all the time, but I got what I needed and then some. I didn't realize what life was about, what it takes to survive in these United States, until...well, now. Now, its starting to dawn on me.

And I don't quite understand why The Lord has been so good to me. I'm also wondering what kind of job I'm supposed to have, or if I'll ever have a job (right now, I collect disability and my newly somewhat affluent people take care of me). I'm doing surprisingly well in school. I enjoy reading, taking in new material, applying new knowledge. Weirdly enough, I think The Lord has blessed me with things I didn't have before this started. Like a good writing style, social skills, growing empathy and compassion, and...faith, hope, and love, basically.

I hope I can get a job, one day. I was thinking counseling, but...sometimes...I don't know if I want to be part of mental health. Then again, there is no perfect job waiting for me. There are just jobs, some will fit me, some won't. But will I ever have/get one? Now that's a good question, especially in this economy.

So, yeah...again: Praise! The Lord has brought me this far. And...Praise! I'm taking life more seriously, not just floating through in a Klonopin-infused haze. And...for those of you who follow these posts that, ideally, would be in a journal...keep me up in prayer

Thanks.

 

[Eugene]

Got you covered before the throne of grace to find help in your time of need. Heb 4:16.

 

[AirDancer]

Stand firm in your faith, my friend Christ_empowered ! Our Lord wouldn't have brought you this far if He didn't have plans for you.