Love Your Neighbor as Yourself?

[WIP]

18 You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.
Leviticus 19:18 NKJV

16 Now behold, one came and said to Him, “Good Teacher, what good thing shall I do that I may have eternal life?”
17 So He said to him, “Why do you call Me good? No one is good but One, that is, God. But if you want to enter into life, keep the commandments.”
18 He said to Him, “Which ones?” Jesus said, “‘You shall not murder,’ ‘You shall not commit adultery,’ ‘You shall not steal,’ ‘You shall not bear false witness,’
19 ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ and, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”
Matthew 19:16-19 NKJV

The phrase, "Love your neighbor as yourself" is repeated also in the following places.
Matthew 22:39
Mark 12:31
Romans 13:9
Galatians 5:14
James 2:8

A question I have about this is, what if one doesn't love himself/herself? There are people that do not like themselves very much. They may even go so far as to hate themselves. How do we reconcile this with Jesus' command to love our neighbors as ourselves?

 

[Christ_empowered]

Self love can be warped by the usual suspects…sin Satan self and the world. But self love is present even if it is in distorted form.

So…and I’m stealing this from catholic material…as one grows in Christ proper and appropriate self love helps guide one’s actions.

 

[Tenchi]

18 You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.
Leviticus 19:18 NKJV

16 Now behold, one came and said to Him, “Good Teacher, what good thing shall I do that I may have eternal life?”
17 So He said to him, “Why do you call Me good? No one is good but One, that is, God. But if you want to enter into life, keep the commandments.”
18 He said to Him, “Which ones?” Jesus said, “‘You shall not murder,’ ‘You shall not commit adultery,’ ‘You shall not steal,’ ‘You shall not bear false witness,’
19 ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ and, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”
Matthew 19:16-19 NKJV

The phrase, "Love your neighbor as yourself" is repeated also in the following places.
Matthew 22:39
Mark 12:31
Romans 13:9
Galatians 5:14
James 2:8

A question I have about this is, what if one doesn't love himself/herself? There are people that do not like themselves very much. They may even go so far as to hate themselves. How do we reconcile this with Jesus' command to love our neighbors as ourselves?

Ephesians 5:29 (NASB)
29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,

What part of a man who hates himself is doing the hating? Well, the man himself, his ego, or "Id," is doing the hating. Why does he hate himself? I don't mean the particular circumstance (he thinks his nose is too big, or he can't attract a mate, or he lacks physical or intellectual talents, etc.) that has provoked self-hatred, but what is it about the basic nature of the man that causes him to hate himself at all? Why does a guy stare at himself in the mirror and despise what he sees? Is it meekness and humility that produces such a response? No. Is it contentment, born of submission to God's creative will in making the man as he is, that causes a man to hate who he sees in the mirror? No. Is it divine wisdom and hope in an eternal glorified body that sours the man as he looks at his less-than-ideal physical form? No. It's human vanity, human pride, that makes him unhappy with who God has made him to be.

The terrible secret of the self-esteem movement is that the man who hates himself is actually the man who loves himself too much. It is because his vanity desires more and better concerning himself, because he wants to esteem himself more, not less, to inflate his pride, that the man is deeply unhappy with who he is. Were he settled contentedly in who God made him to be, in humility accepting God's will that he be short and husky, or tall and gangly, or possessing brown eyes instead of blue, or whatever, the man would not despise the man he sees in the mirror. Such a man is not obsessed with wishing he were more or better than he is, but takes fulfillment and joy, not in himself, but in knowing his Maker and walking with Him throughout every day, content no matter who finds him attractive, no matter how smart others believe him to be, no matter how untalented he may be, because his life is anchored in Christ, finding its meaning and value in him, not the world's impossible, shifting standards of beauty, and achievement, and success.

It is a lie, actually, that one cannot properly love others 'til one loves oneself. In truth, the more a person is caught up with self-love (aka - pride), the less room they have for others in their life, whether that self-love expresses itself in a dissatisfied and isolating self-loathing, or a vain, narcissistic, self-appreciation. And so, the Bible nowhere enjoins born-again believers to expand their self-love; it only commands them to love others self-sacrificially, dying to themselves that the life of Christ might flourish in them.

Matthew 10:38-39 (NASB)
38 "And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me.
39 "He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.

Matthew 16:24-26 (NASB)
24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.
25 "For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.
26 "For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?

John 12:24-25 (NASB)
24 "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.
25 "He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal.

Galatians 2:20 (NASB)
20 "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

The command of God's word to the born-again believer is to live a life of radical self-abandonment, of death to Self, replaced by the life and love of Jesus, not a pursuit of greater and greater Self-love. The self-esteem movement locates the Christian's capacity to love within themselves, you see, not Christ, in a human reservoir of self-love rather than the endless ocean of God's self-sacrificing love. But God calls His children to express His love, not their own, to be a conduit of the infinite, holy love of the Holy Spirit who is within them (1 Corinthians 6:19-20; 1 John 4:13; Romans 8:9-15), not to generate a love for others from an excess of self-love.

Romans 5:5 (NASB)
5 ...the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Galatians 5:22 (NASB)
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love...

2 Corinthians 5:14 (NASB)
14 For the love of Christ controls us...

Ephesians 3:19 (NASB)
19 ...know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.

2 Thessalonians 3:5 (NASB)
5 May the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ.

 

[WIP]

Ephesians 5:29 (NASB)
29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,

What part of a man who hates himself is doing the hating? Well, the man himself, his ego, or "Id," is doing the hating. Why does he hate himself? I don't mean the particular circumstance (he thinks his nose is too big, or he can't attract a mate, or he lacks physical or intellectual talents, etc.) that has provoked self-hatred, but what is it about the basic nature of the man that causes him to hate himself at all? Why does a guy stare at himself in the mirror and despise what he sees? Is it meekness and humility that produces such a response? No. Is it contentment, born of submission to God's creative will in making the man as he is, that causes a man to hate who he sees in the mirror? No. Is it divine wisdom and hope in an eternal glorified body that sours the man as he looks at his less-than-ideal physical form? No. It's human vanity, human pride, that makes him unhappy with who God has made him to be.

The terrible secret of the self-esteem movement is that the man who hates himself is actually the man who loves himself too much. It is because his vanity desires more and better concerning himself, because he wants to esteem himself more, not less, to inflate his pride, that the man is deeply unhappy with who he is. Were he settled contentedly in who God made him to be, in humility accepting God's will that he be short and husky, or tall and gangly, or possessing brown eyes instead of blue, or whatever, the man would not despise the man he sees in the mirror. Such a man is not obsessed with wishing he were more or better than he is, but takes fulfillment and joy, not in himself, but in knowing his Maker and walking with Him throughout every day, content no matter who finds him attractive, no matter how smart others believe him to be, no matter how untalented he may be, because his life is anchored in Christ, finding its meaning and value in him, not the world's impossible, shifting standards of beauty, and achievement, and success.

It is a lie, actually, that one cannot properly love others 'til one loves oneself. In truth, the more a person is caught up with self-love (aka - pride), the less room they have for others in their life, whether that self-love expresses itself in a dissatisfied and isolating self-loathing, or a vain, narcissistic, self-appreciation. And so, the Bible nowhere enjoins born-again believers to expand their self-love; it only commands them to love others self-sacrificially, dying to themselves that the life of Christ might flourish in them.

Matthew 10:38-39 (NASB)
38 "And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me.
39 "He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.

Matthew 16:24-26 (NASB)
24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.
25 "For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.
26 "For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?

John 12:24-25 (NASB)
24 "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.
25 "He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal.

Galatians 2:20 (NASB)
20 "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

The command of God's word to the born-again believer is to live a life of radical self-abandonment, of death to Self, replaced by the life and love of Jesus, not a pursuit of greater and greater Self-love. The self-esteem movement locates the Christian's capacity to love within themselves, you see, not Christ, in a human reservoir of self-love rather than the endless ocean of God's self-sacrificing love. But God calls His children to express His love, not their own, to be a conduit of the infinite, holy love of the Holy Spirit who is within them (1 Corinthians 6:19-20; 1 John 4:13; Romans 8:9-15), not to generate a love for others from an excess of self-love.

Romans 5:5 (NASB)
5 ...the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Galatians 5:22 (NASB)
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love...

2 Corinthians 5:14 (NASB)
14 For the love of Christ controls us...

Ephesians 3:19 (NASB)
19 ...know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.

2 Thessalonians 3:5 (NASB)
5 May the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ.

I'm not speaking about self-love as in pride. I don't think that is what Jesus spoke of when He said (paraphrased), "The second is like the first, love your neighbor as yourself." One of the thoughts that came to my mind is how there are mental health clinics and such that are filled with people that are struggling with accepting and loving themselves.

 

[Who Me]

There are people that do not like themselves very much. They may even go so far as to hate themselves. How do we reconcile this with Jesus' command to love our neighbors as ourselves?

There are people with all sorts of mental illnesses. Jesus's commands are intended for the sane and not as an excuse for the masochist to endulge in sadistic behaviour.

 

[Tenchi]

I'm not speaking about self-love as in pride. I don't think that is what Jesus spoke of when He said (paraphrased), "The second is like the first, love your neighbor as yourself." One of the thoughts that came to my mind is how there are mental health clinics and such that are filled with people that are struggling with accepting and loving themselves.

Yes, there are. But they are all victims of a worldly self-preoccupation that the "love your neighbor" command of Christ, helps to dissolve. The more you're busy loving others, the less occupied with yourself you tend to be.

Anyway, we all have a natural self-love, an innate and powerful interest in our own well-being, that prompts us to care for ourselves, to work to meet our own needs, and to go beyond and seek comfort, and ease and material abundance. Unconstrained by our Maker, this natural self-love over time becomes darkly ingrown and destructive, inevitably warped by our sin-nature. When God commands us to love others as we love ourselves, He is telling us to orient this natural and powerful interest in our own well-being upon others. Read the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5-7, or consider Paul's words:

Philippians 2:3-4 (NASB)
3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;
4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

Neither Paul nor Christ are urging Christians to love themselves more but to love others more - as much, at least, as they naturally seek their own well-being.

 

[donadams]

In praise of the golden rule!

 

[for_his_glory]

As well I know that self esteem is a hard issue to deal with trying to love yourself. When that love is mentally beaten out of you making you feel worthless then it causes depression and anxiety that even goes as far as contemplating suicide as many do kill themselves without seeking the help they needed. I fought that battle for many years until I had to get to the place where enough was enough and I really did not want to commit suicide. It was easy to love others and even forgive others, but to love myself was not happening. I knew I had to lay this burden down at the feet of Jesus as being a Christian I knew He would help me in time of need and I could not take care of this all by myself.

I even went to my former Pastor and all he did was tell me I was a strong person and could handle this myself. I'm a suppressor holding things in not wanting to burden others with my feelings as I wasn't looking for sympathy, but for help in my time of need. God will never leave you or forsake you, but sits patiently waiting for you to come to Him. Now I can love everyone with the love that Christ has given me.

 

[Tenchi]

As well I know that self esteem is a hard issue to deal with trying to love yourself. When that love is mentally beaten out of you making you feel worthless then it causes depression and anxiety that even goes as far as contemplating suicide as many do kill themselves without seeking the help they needed.

It's only because we love ourselves that being told we are stupid, or worthless, or ugly, or whatever, wounds us. If we truly did not care about ourselves, if we did not desire praise, and to be valued and accepted, the abusive, cruel words of others would have no effect upon us. But, because we do love ourselves, those hard words and harsh treatment we endure from others drive us to despondency and self-loathing. Rather than these feelings being tokens of low self-esteem, then, they are actually indicators of our self-love, of our vanity dissatisfied - so dissatisfied, in fact, that everything else darkness in our lives as a result. We want desperately to be held high, to be lauded and applauded, and if we aren't, well, then we will grow sour and unhappy - even to the point of suicide. This is the terrible and destructive deception of Self-love.

God calls us to a very different manner of living:

Matthew 16:24-25 (NASB)
24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.
25 "For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.

Colossians 3:3-14 (NASB)
3 For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.
4 When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory.
5 Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry.
6 For it is because of these things that the wrath of God will come upon the sons of disobedience,
7 and in them you also once walked, when you were living in them.
8 But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth.
9 Do not lie to one another, since you laid aside the old self with its evil practices,
10 and have put on the new self who is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the One who created him—
11 a renewal in which there is no distinction between Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave and freeman, but Christ is all, and in all.
12 So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience;
13 bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.
14 Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NASB)
4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,
5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails...

So long as we are limping about, our egos bruised and hurting, our dissatisfied Self-love driving us into self-hatred and depression, we cannot be filled with the love of God that comes, not from an inflated self-esteem, but from Him, from His Spirit (Romans 5:5), and so cannot enjoy God and serve others as we ought. God's love requires the death of our Self-love, not its increase.

 

[Hopeful]

18 You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.
Leviticus 19:18 NKJV

16 Now behold, one came and said to Him, “Good Teacher, what good thing shall I do that I may have eternal life?”
17 So He said to him, “Why do you call Me good? No one is good but One, that is, God. But if you want to enter into life, keep the commandments.”
18 He said to Him, “Which ones?” Jesus said, “‘You shall not murder,’ ‘You shall not commit adultery,’ ‘You shall not steal,’ ‘You shall not bear false witness,’
19 ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ and, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”
Matthew 19:16-19 NKJV

The phrase, "Love your neighbor as yourself" is repeated also in the following places.
Matthew 22:39
Mark 12:31
Romans 13:9
Galatians 5:14
James 2:8

A question I have about this is, what if one doesn't love himself/herself? There are people that do not like themselves very much. They may even go so far as to hate themselves. How do we reconcile this with Jesus' command to love our neighbors as ourselves?

The people who really don't love themselves kill themselves.

 

[Hopeful]

Yes, there are. But they are all victims of a worldly self-preoccupation that the "love your neighbor" command of Christ, helps to dissolve. The more you're busy loving others, the less occupied with yourself you tend to be.

Anyway, we all have a natural self-love, an innate and powerful interest in our own well-being, that prompts us to care for ourselves, to work to meet our own needs, and to go beyond and seek comfort, and ease and material abundance. Unconstrained by our Maker, this natural self-love over time becomes darkly ingrown and destructive, inevitably warped by our sin-nature. When God commands us to love others as we love ourselves, He is telling us to orient this natural and powerful interest in our own well-being upon others. Read the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5-7, or consider Paul's words:

Philippians 2:3-4 (NASB)
3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;
4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

Neither Paul nor Christ are urging Christians to love themselves more but to love others more - as much, at least, as they naturally seek their own well-being.

Do you see the difference between "love your neighbor" and "idolize your neighbor"?
One is based on true love, while the other is based on idolatry.

 

[Tenchi]

Do you see the difference between "love your neighbor" and "idolize your neighbor"?

There is a rather obvious difference. Why do you ask?

One is based on true love, while the other is based on idolatry.

Yes, and? What's this got to do with anything I wrote?

 

[for_his_glory]

It's only because we love ourselves that being told we are stupid, or worthless, or ugly, or whatever, wounds us. If we truly did not care about ourselves, if we did not desire praise, and to be valued and accepted, the abusive, cruel words of others would have no effect upon us. But, because we do love ourselves, those hard words and harsh treatment we endure from others drive us to despondency and self-loathing. Rather than these feelings being tokens of low self-esteem, then, they are actually indicators of our self-love, of our vanity dissatisfied - so dissatisfied, in fact, that everything else darkness in our lives as a result. We want desperately to be held high, to be lauded and applauded, and if we aren't, well, then we will grow sour and unhappy - even to the point of suicide. This is the terrible and destructive deception of Self-love.

Have you ever been physically and mentally broken down by others? If not then you have no clue what it means to lose your self-esteem. It has nothing to do with wanting any praise or to be valued by anyone, but that you are left feeling worthless by the abuse of others. I'm talking about years of physical and mental abuse. Unless one has gone through it then they have no understanding of what another feels.

James 2:15 If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food,
James 2:16 And one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit?

 

[Tenchi]

Have you ever been physically and mentally broken down by others? If not then you have no clue what it means to lose your self-esteem.

This is silly. I know nothing of what it is to nearly die of a heroin overdose but that doesn't keep me from understanding something of the nature of addiction, and the danger of heroin, and the degradation of the addict to this drug. I've never suffered menstruation, or menopause, or pregnancy and never will, being a man. But that doesn't prevent me from understanding the essential humanness of women, which I share with them as a human male. In the same way, it doesn't follow that a person who has not suffered severe mental and physical abuse can know nothing of what it is to suffer from these things. No one who has lived, say, thirty years of life has done so utterly free of suffering. Many by that age have endured enormous hurt of various kinds, though not necessarily from physical and mental abuse at the hands of another. From their own experiences of pain they can understand much, if not all, of what another has suffered, though the suffering of the other person differs from their own. And so, the "You can't know my pain!" attempt to isolate and elevate one's suffering just doesn't fly. Suffering is common to all.

My own story includes a childhood dealing with a manic-depressive mother who had profound anger issues and narcissistic tendencies. It was very...frightening as a child to be around someone who was a delightful angel at one moment and then, seconds later, a purple-faced demon raging and slapping at you. In her fits of rage, my mother would say things that...hurt. Many times. Add to her hard words out-of-control "discipline" and the effect upon me and my siblings has been deep and lasting. Only by God's grace have we been able to win free of much of what was stamped upon us as little children terrified of their mother. It's from this history, in part, that I write what I have in this thread.

It has nothing to do with wanting any praise or to be valued by anyone, but that you are left feeling worthless by the abuse of others.

Why should you feel worthless? Why does their abuse of you have this effect? If you desire neither the praise of others nor to be valued by them, why should their abuse of you diminish your love of your Self? Only if you wish to be esteemed more does being esteemed less make you feel worthless.

One of the wonderful things about being a child of God is that you can find your worth, your value, in Him. More than this, you can be sure that your Heavenly Father doesn't vacillate in His love and faithfulness to His children. As the born-again believer surrenders him/herself to God, dying to themselves daily by the power of the Spirit, they find liberty and new life in Christ, free from the need to be esteemed by others, content to be who God has made them to be.

I'm talking about years of physical and mental abuse. Unless one has gone through it then they have no understanding of what another feels.

How quick we are to make our suffering bigger and more significant than the next person's! "No one has suffered as I have," we tell ourselves. "My pain is special. It's so awful only I can understand it." By this means, we justify holding on to our pain, cherishing it, even, and making our pain a central part of our identity. Doing so is to come into permanent bondage to the past, however, to be trapped by suffering that happened long ago.

James 2:15 If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food,
James 2:16 And one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit?

Freedom from Self-love is freedom unto peace, joy and rest in Christ. Until a man dies to himself, he cannot live deeply and joyfully in the abundant life that can be his as a "new creature in Christ," set at liberty from the past. I can only show you the way; I can't make you walk in it. But I have offered to you real freedom from your past pain. Will you take it? Or have you come to cherish your pain too much?

 

[for_his_glory]

This is silly. I know nothing of what it is to nearly die of a heroin overdose but that doesn't keep me from understanding something of the nature of addiction, and the danger of heroin, and the degradation of the addict to this drug. I've never suffered menstruation, or menopause, or pregnancy and never will, being a man. But that doesn't prevent me from understanding the essential humanness of women, which I share with them as a human male. In the same way, it doesn't follow that a person who has not suffered severe mental and physical abuse can know nothing of what it is to suffer from these things. No one who has lived, say, thirty years of life has done so utterly free of suffering. Many by that age have endured enormous hurt of various kinds, though not necessarily from physical and mental abuse at the hands of another. From their own experiences of pain they can understand much, if not all, of what another has suffered, though the suffering of the other person differs from their own. And so, the "You can't know my pain!" attempt to isolate and elevate one's suffering just doesn't fly. Suffering is common to all.

My own story includes a childhood dealing with a manic-depressive mother who had profound anger issues and narcissistic tendencies. It was very...frightening as a child to be around someone who was a delightful angel at one moment and then, seconds later, a purple-faced demon raging and slapping at you. In her fits of rage, my mother would say things that...hurt. Many times. Add to her hard words out-of-control "discipline" and the effect upon me and my siblings has been deep and lasting. Only by God's grace have we been able to win free of much of what was stamped upon us as little children terrified of their mother. It's from this history, in part, that I write what I have in this thread.



Why should you feel worthless? Why does their abuse of you have this effect? If you desire neither the praise of others nor to be valued by them, why should their abuse of you diminish your love of your Self? Only if you wish to be esteemed more does being esteemed less make you feel worthless.

One of the wonderful things about being a child of God is that you can find your worth, your value, in Him. More than this, you can be sure that your Heavenly Father doesn't vacillate in His love and faithfulness to His children. As the born-again believer surrenders him/herself to God, dying to themselves daily by the power of the Spirit, they find liberty and new life in Christ, free from the need to be esteemed by others, content to be who God has made them to be.



How quick we are to make our suffering bigger and more significant than the next person's! "No one has suffered as I have," we tell ourselves. "My pain is special. It's so awful only I can understand it." By this means, we justify holding on to our pain, cherishing it, even, and making our pain a central part of our identity. Doing so is to come into permanent bondage to the past, however, to be trapped by suffering that happened long ago.



Freedom from Self-love is freedom unto peace, joy and rest in Christ. Until a man dies to himself, he cannot live deeply and joyfully in the abundant life that can be his as a "new creature in Christ," set at liberty from the past. I can only show you the way; I can't make you walk in it. But I have offered to you real freedom from your past pain. Will you take it? Or have you come to cherish your pain too much?

There is nothing silly about this as everyone deals with the abuse in their own individual ways within their own emotions just as you have shown here in your post. It takes longer for some people to deal with it and get over it and just putting it in a box is not helping one, but just pushing it back into the closet, but yet knowing it is still there. One wants to get rid of it all together never to think about it again asking for help to move past it with the help and support of others.

Not everyone has that support system as in being able to talk to others or how to express themselves because they do not want a pity party or to just hear others say I know how you feel and you are in my prayers, but yet they have no clue how another feels. Prayers are good, but also is the type of counseling one needs to help them sort out everything that helps them to love themselves again and to move on being happy again.

Maybe it was easy for you to deal with your past abuse, but not so with others.

 

[Tenchi]

There is nothing silly about this as everyone deals with the abuse in their own individual ways within their own emotions just as you have shown here in your post.

I'm not sure what you thought I was referring to when I wrote, "This is silly" but I wasn't referring to dealing with the fallout of past hurts. What, in my view, is silly, as I'd hoped would be clear by my comments, is the idea that no one can understand what you're dealing with who hasn't suffered in the way you have. Dealing with abuse of the past is not silly but holding that only you can understand your pain is.

Humans may have a myriad of ways of dealing with past hurts but God has only one way: submission to Himself. By God's route, we travel out of the past into a future shaped and controlled by Him, free of the binding effects of the abuse we may have endured.

It takes longer for some people to deal with it and get over it and just putting it in a box is not helping one, but just pushing it back into the closet, but yet knowing it is still there.

No one is suggesting you hide your hurt away. Instead, God invites you to give it up to Him, to give yourself up to Him, and find your identity and purpose in Christ, liberated from the chains of past abuse. Don't put your hurts in a closet; place them all on the altar of sacrifice to God, refusing to return to, and rehearse, them, instead fixing your eyes upon Jesus, being conformed to him by the Holy Spirit and forever set free from what others did to you years ago.

One wants to get rid of it all together never to think about it again asking for help to move past it with the help and support of others.

Moving beyond past abuse is an act of your will, a conscious choice you make to look at Jesus whenever you want to rehearse the pain of the past, submitting to his will and way - and staying submitted - whenever the impulse to stroke your hurts rises up within you.

Hebrews 12:2-4 (NASB)
2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
3 For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
4 You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin;

2 Corinthians 3:17-18 (NASB)
17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.
18 But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.

If you'll follow God's route to freedom from pain of the past, you'll discover help you cannot find from any other. God is far more powerful, more insightful, more true, than any counselor or support group. If you will let Him set you free, you will be free indeed!

Matthew 11:28-30 (NASB)
28 "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.
29 "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.
30 "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

Not everyone has that support system as in being able to talk to others or how to express themselves because they do not want a pity party or to just hear others say I know how you feel and you are in my prayers, but yet they have no clue how another feels.

It's not important that others "feel your pain." What is important is the truth that will set you free, God's truth, the power and light of which breaks the chains of the past and changes you, making you "a vessel sanctified and fit for the Master's use." (2 Timothy 2:21)

Prayers are good, but also is the type of counseling one needs to help them sort out everything that helps them to love themselves again and to move on being happy again.

Well, as I've explained, the emotional hurt people feel when others don't treat them right, when others criticize and deride them, is the response of Self arising from it's constant, deep desire to serve itself, to love itself. God's way to make you joyful and at rest no matter what happens is to turn you away from you, from your thinking, your desires, your Self, and settle you in Himself, in all the incredibly good things He is. So long as you chase after making yourself better rather than taking on the new life in Christ, you will forever labor under the selfishness and sensitivity of your natural Self, keeping fresh and large the hurts of the past.

Galatians 2:20 (NASB)
20 "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

Romans 12:1-2 (NASB)
1 Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.
2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

Luke 4:18 (NASB)
18 "The Spirit of Lord is upon me, because he anointed me to preach the Gospel to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives, and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free those who are oppressed,

 

[for_his_glory]

I'm not sure what you thought I was referring to when I wrote, "This is silly" but I wasn't referring to dealing with the fallout of past hurts. What, in my view, is silly, as I'd hoped would be clear by my comments, is the idea that no one can understand what you're dealing with who hasn't suffered in the way you have. Dealing with abuse of the past is not silly but holding that only you can understand your pain is.

Thank you for clarifying this.

 

[Christ_empowered]

A lot of what I consider abuse in my life came from the so called helping professions. Crazy making I’m telling you. And do…

One reason I value sound doctrine and a Christian worldview that consciously rejects the sugar coated poison of the helping professions is…

Omg unending nightmare until Jesus intervened.

Compared to the involuntary shock involuntary operations fraud and unending cruelty that supposedly helps somehow…

Jesus is correct His yoke is easy His burden is light…

 

[Dorothy Mae]

18 You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.
Leviticus 19:18 NKJV

16 Now behold, one came and said to Him, “Good Teacher, what good thing shall I do that I may have eternal life?”
17 So He said to him, “Why do you call Me good? No one is good but One, that is, God. But if you want to enter into life, keep the commandments.”
18 He said to Him, “Which ones?” Jesus said, “‘You shall not murder,’ ‘You shall not commit adultery,’ ‘You shall not steal,’ ‘You shall not bear false witness,’
19 ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ and, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”
Matthew 19:16-19 NKJV

The phrase, "Love your neighbor as yourself" is repeated also in the following places.
Matthew 22:39
Mark 12:31
Romans 13:9
Galatians 5:14
James 2:8

A question I have about this is, what if one doesn't love himself/herself? There are people that do not like themselves very much. They may even go so far as to hate themselves. How do we reconcile this with Jesus' command to love our neighbors as ourselves?

I think you’re confusing loving yourself with liking who you are or ho you’ve made yourself into. If someone near you:
made sure you got to eat food you liked, washed you, bought you clothes, made sure you were warm or cool during the seasons as needed, provided you with your favorite entertainment, groomed you, saw to it you had medical attention as needed, you would know they love you. Well, we constantly do this for ourselves. Ergo, we all love ourselves. We constantly ensure we are able to enjoy what we like as far as we can. Our problem is we don’t do this for others.

 

[WIP]

I think you’re confusing loving yourself with liking who you are or ho you’ve made yourself into. If someone near you:
made sure you got to eat food you liked, washed you, bought you clothes, made sure you were warm or cool during the seasons as needed, provided you with your favorite entertainment, groomed you, saw to it you had medical attention as needed, you would know they love you. Well, we constantly do this for ourselves. Ergo, we all love ourselves. We constantly ensure we are able to enjoy what we like as far as we can. Our problem is we don’t do this for others.

There are some that don't. There are some that take very poor care of themselves even to the point of hurting themselves.