18 You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.
Leviticus 19:18 NKJV
16 Now behold, one came and said to Him, “Good Teacher, what good thing shall I do that I may have eternal life?”
17 So He said to him, “Why do you call Me good? No one is good but One, that is, God. But if you want to enter into life, keep the commandments.”
18 He said to Him, “Which ones?” Jesus said, “‘You shall not murder,’ ‘You shall not commit adultery,’ ‘You shall not steal,’ ‘You shall not bear false witness,’
19 ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ and, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”
Matthew 19:16-19 NKJV
The phrase, "Love your neighbor as yourself" is repeated also in the following places.
Matthew 22:39
Mark 12:31
Romans 13:9
Galatians 5:14
James 2:8
A question I have about this is, what if one doesn't love himself/herself? There are people that do not like themselves very much. They may even go so far as to hate themselves. How do we reconcile this with Jesus' command to love our neighbors as ourselves?
Ephesians 5:29 (NASB)
29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,
What part of a man who hates himself is doing the hating? Well, the man himself, his ego, or "Id," is doing the hating. Why does he hate himself? I don't mean the particular circumstance (he thinks his nose is too big, or he can't attract a mate, or he lacks physical or intellectual talents, etc.) that has provoked self-hatred, but what is it about the basic nature of the man that causes him to hate himself at all? Why does a guy stare at himself in the mirror and despise what he sees? Is it
meekness and humility that produces such a response? No. Is it
contentment, born of submission to God's creative will in making the man as he is, that causes a man to hate who he sees in the mirror? No. Is it divine wisdom and hope in an eternal glorified body that sours the man as he looks at his less-than-ideal physical form? No. It's human
vanity, human
pride, that makes him unhappy with who God has made him to be.
The terrible secret of the self-esteem movement is that the man who hates himself is actually the man who loves himself too much. It is because his
vanity desires more and better concerning himself, because he wants to esteem himself more, not less, to inflate his pride, that the man is deeply unhappy with who he is. Were he settled contentedly in who God made him to be, in humility accepting God's will that he be short and husky, or tall and gangly, or possessing brown eyes instead of blue, or whatever, the man would not despise the man he sees in the mirror. Such a man is not obsessed with wishing he were more or better than he is, but takes fulfillment and joy, not in
himself, but in knowing his Maker and walking with Him throughout every day, content no matter who finds him attractive, no matter how smart others believe him to be, no matter how untalented he may be, because his life is anchored
in Christ, finding its meaning and value
in him, not the world's impossible, shifting standards of beauty, and achievement, and success.
It is a lie, actually, that one cannot properly love others 'til one loves oneself. In truth, the more a person is caught up with self-love (aka - pride), the less room they have for others in their life, whether that self-love expresses itself in a dissatisfied and isolating self-loathing, or a vain, narcissistic, self-appreciation. And so, the Bible nowhere enjoins born-again believers to
expand their self-love; it only commands them to love others
self-sacrificially, dying to themselves that
the life of Christ might flourish in them.
Matthew 10:38-39 (NASB)
38 "And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me.
39 "He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.
Matthew 16:24-26 (NASB)
24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.
25 "For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.
26 "For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?
John 12:24-25 (NASB)
24 "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.
25 "He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal.
Galatians 2:20 (NASB)
20 "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.
The command of God's word to the born-again believer is to live a life of radical
self-abandonment, of death to Self, replaced by the life and love
of Jesus, not a pursuit of greater and greater Self-love. The self-esteem movement locates the Christian's capacity to love within themselves, you see, not Christ, in a human reservoir of self-love rather than the endless ocean of God's
self-sacrificing love. But God calls His children to express
His love, not their own, to be a conduit of the infinite, holy love
of the Holy Spirit who is within them (
1 Corinthians 6:19-20; 1 John 4:13; Romans 8:9-15), not to generate a love for others from an excess of self-love.
Romans 5:5 (NASB)
5 ...the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
Galatians 5:22 (NASB)
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love...
2 Corinthians 5:14 (NASB)
14 For the love of Christ controls us...
Ephesians 3:19 (NASB)
19 ...know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.
2 Thessalonians 3:5 (NASB)
5 May the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ.