My mother is a spiteful woman

[Michellay]

I’ve been trying to fix the house up so I can bring family around my mother. She needs this so she doesn’t spend her last years in isolation. She should be ever so grateful to me (pats self on back) for all I’m doing. Even though I’m living rent free, I earn my share by all I do and then some (I should be getting paid let alone pay) because I pick up the slack. She does absolutely nothing. Free rent. Wow! Big deal. I’m supposed to be her daughter and I can’t afford to give her rent. Not my problem. She’s extremely selfish.

She let all her medications run out and instead of being ruthless and letting her die, I served God by convincing her to go to the ER to get prescriptions for her meds. Then I even went to the pharmacy to pick them up. Not one thank you left that old witch’s mouth. The next day I tried to make an appointment for her to get her bloodwork done. It’s been over a year. She wanted to be picky about which area she wanted to go. This is not Burger King, have it your way. Wherever we go, there needs to be parking so it’s more convenient for me. She started a big argument and called the police on me because in her feelings, I was being disrespectful to her. Like whatever lady.

So she basically gave me a hard time. Now I think I should just let her die next time she needs me and hopefully she won’t be spiteful so I can get all her money and the apartment so I can live my life peacefully. Seriously, I’m praying that she won’t be spiteful.

 

[jasonc]

I’ve been trying to fix the house up so I can bring family around my mother. She needs this so she doesn’t spend her last years in isolation. She should be ever so grateful to me (pats self on back) for all I’m doing. Even though I’m living rent free, I earn my share by all I do and then some (I should be getting paid let alone pay) because I pick up the slack. She does absolutely nothing. Free rent. Wow! Big deal. I’m supposed to be her daughter and I can’t afford to give her rent. Not my problem. She’s extremely selfish.

She let all her medications run out and instead of being ruthless and letting her die, I served God by convincing her to go to the ER to get prescriptions for her meds. Then I even went to the pharmacy to pick them up. Not one thank you left that old witch’s mouth. The next day I tried to make an appointment for her to get her bloodwork done. It’s been over a year. She wanted to be picky about which area she wanted to go. This is not Burger King, have it your way. Wherever we go, there needs to be parking so it’s more convenient for me. She started a big argument and called the police on me because in her feelings, I was being disrespectful to her. Like whatever lady.

So she basically gave me a hard time. Now I think I should just let her die next time she needs me and hopefully she won’t be spiteful so I can get all her money and the apartment so I can live my life peacefully. Seriously, I’m praying that she won’t be spiteful.

oh ,I relate in,some ways .

 

[Michellay]

oh ,I relate in,some ways .

I’m really torn on what to do. Every time I do something to help her, she twists it and says I’m trying to control her and that it only benefits me.

 

[for_his_glory]

God is pleased for what you are doing for your mother and He knows your difficulties with her. A thank you is nice to hear, but yet not necessary when it comes to helping others as we really do not need the recognition for what we do for others as our rewards are stored up in heaven. She seems to have somewhat lost her mental compacity to take care of her needs, especially her medical needs, but yet tries to hold on to whatever independence she has left and resents anyone helping her as she sees it as being controlled by others. My mother is somewhat the same way as she tries to hold onto her independence even though she really needs to be in assisted living.

As far as it goes with her meds and any appointments she needs to keep let her be in control in where she wants to go when it comes to blood work or any other appointments she needs to go to even if it is inconvenient to you. This will keep peace between the two of you. Just make sure she has her meds and suggest to her she needs to get refills when she gets low on them. It's not always easy, but just love her and try to do the best you can for her and give her the sense that she is in control over her life.

 

[Michellay]

God is pleased for what you are doing for your mother and He knows your difficulties with her. A thank you is nice to hear, but yet not necessary when it comes to helping others as we really do not need the recognition for what we do for others as our rewards are stored up in heaven. She seems to have somewhat lost her mental compacity to take care of her needs, especially her medical needs, but yet tries to hold on to whatever independence she has left and resents anyone helping her as she sees it as being controlled by others. My mother is somewhat the same way as she tries to hold onto her independence even though she really needs to be in assisted living.

As far as it goes with her meds and any appointments she needs to keep let her be in control in where she wants to go when it comes to blood work or any other appointments she needs to go to even if it is inconvenient to you. This will keep peace between the two of you. Just make sure she has her meds and suggest to her she needs to get refills when she gets low on them. It's not always easy, but just love her and try to do the best you can for her and give her the sense that she is in control over her life.

Honestly, I do not love her and I can’t wait till she dies so I can get the apartment and money and live happily ever after

 

[jasonc]

Honestly, I do not love her and I can’t wait till she dies so I can get the apartment and money and live happily ever after

honest answer there ,I,would be remiss if i didn't feel the same about a step child

 

[humble soul]

Honestly, I do not love her and I can’t wait till she dies so I can get the apartment and money and live happily ever after

How do you expect anyone, let alone Christians, to respond to that?
I do admire your honestly as well. But I hope you are being satirical. Because if you are totally 100% serious, your mind set needs some very deep reflection. I'm not judging you. I am responding to what you have written in this post. I suggest you need to think about what real happiness is.

 

[Michellay]

How do you expect anyone, let alone Christians, to respond to that?
I do admire your honestly as well. But I hope you are being satirical. Because if you are totally 100% serious, your mind set needs some very deep reflection. I'm not judging you. I am responding to what you have written in this post. I suggest you need to think about what real happiness is.

I expect to be validated and that’s all I care aboit

 

[Michellay]

How do you expect anyone, let alone Christians, to respond to that?
I do admire your honestly as well. But I hope you are being satirical. Because if you are totally 100% serious, your mind set needs some very deep reflection. I'm not judging you. I am responding to what you have written in this post. I suggest you need to think about what real happiness is.

Btw, I’m a Christian. How you doin

 

[humble soul]

I expect to be validated and that’s all I care aboit

Ok imagine a friend has just shared what you shared with us. How would you respond to them? You can choose to ignore this but my purpose is to see from our point of view, as readers.

 

[humble soul]

A Bible verse might be appropriate to help here. One that shows the folly of the mindset you expressed in looking forward to your mother not being on the scene anymore.
I would say any patience you show now, would have future benefit.

 

[Michellay]

Ok imagine a friend has just shared what you shared with us. How would you respond to them? You can choose to ignore this but my purpose is to see from our point of view, as readers.

I would ask them to tell me about the relationship between the two of them. Basically, I’d have them expand so I could see where their feelings are coming from.

 

[Michellay]

A Bible verse might be appropriate to help here. One that shows the folly of the mindset you expressed in looking forward to your mother not being on the scene anymore.
I would say any patience you show now, would have future benefit.

I have definitely been patient. Some have suggested that I move out. That would be tough because I have fibromyalgia and my income fluctuates due to that. Secondly, if I were to move, she’s really be on her own because I would not be able to be there as much. She fell once and couldn’t even get to the phone to call me at work. It took her hours because she couldn’t get off the floor. Finally when she reached me I had to rush home and call 911. If she falls in the middle of the night making a trip to the bathroom there will be no one there to help her. If I suggest a home attendant she’ll really go out of her mind.

 

[humble soul]

I would ask them to tell me about the relationship between the two of them. Basically, I’d have them expand so I could see where their feelings are coming from.

That's good. Ok you've given us a glimpse into your mother's personality. Stingy and selfish. Does she have any redeeming features? Was she a career woman ? Determined?
When exactly did your relationship breakdown? Was it better before you moved in with her?
What kindness has she shown you? Any? Was she treated well by her husband? Did she suffer any trauma?
What would it take for you to forgive at least some of her bad behaviours?

 

[JLB]

I’ve been trying to fix the house up so I can bring family around my mother. She needs this so she doesn’t spend her last years in isolation. She should be ever so grateful to me (pats self on back) for all I’m doing. Even though I’m living rent free, I earn my share by all I do and then some (I should be getting paid let alone pay) because I pick up the slack. She does absolutely nothing. Free rent. Wow! Big deal. I’m supposed to be her daughter and I can’t afford to give her rent. Not my problem. She’s extremely selfish.

She let all her medications run out and instead of being ruthless and letting her die, I served God by convincing her to go to the ER to get prescriptions for her meds. Then I even went to the pharmacy to pick them up. Not one thank you left that old witch’s mouth. The next day I tried to make an appointment for her to get her bloodwork done. It’s been over a year. She wanted to be picky about which area she wanted to go. This is not Burger King, have it your way. Wherever we go, there needs to be parking so it’s more convenient for me. She started a big argument and called the police on me because in her feelings, I was being disrespectful to her. Like whatever lady.

So she basically gave me a hard time. Now I think I should just let her die next time she needs me and hopefully she won’t be spiteful so I can get all her money and the apartment so I can live my life peacefully. Seriously, I’m praying that she won’t be spiteful.

Being a caretaker of an elderly parent, especially one who is not saved, can be a thankless job. I pray that God gives you patience and grace to be a light to her in her final years.




JLB

 

[Michellay]

She was a hard worker at one point, but now she has turned into a lazy and sloppy person. She let herself go and gained about 70 pounds. She makes it difficult for me to clean the house because she makes such a big mess. My grandma kept her house clean until her last days even though she developed Alzheimer’s.

To be honest, my mother was extremely stingy with kindness. If have received way more kindness from others.

My father was not good to my mother. He wasn’t loyal.

I’ve forgiven her before, but she keeps rehashing old things. Calls me the W word, S word like she always did, instead of having a discussion. My feelings never mattered and they still don’t. So, forgiveness is extremely challenging here when the same behaviors are repeated, and those were just a few among the many.

 

[Michellay]

Being a caretaker of an elderly parent, especially one who is not saved, can be a thankless job. I pray that God gives you patience and grace to be a light to her in her final years.




JLB

Thank you. I really appreciate that.
She’s very hateful though.

 

[humble soul]

She was a hard worker at one point, but now she has turned into a lazy and sloppy person. She let herself go and gained about 70 pounds. She makes it difficult for me to clean the house because she makes such a big mess. My grandma kept her house clean until her last days even though she developed Alzheimer’s.

To be honest, my mother was extremely stingy with kindness. If have received way more kindness from others.

My father was not good to my mother. He wasn’t loyal.

I’ve forgiven her before, but she keeps rehashing old things. Calls me the W word, S word like she always did, instead of having a discussion. My feelings never mattered and they still don’t. So, forgiveness is extremely challenging here when the same behaviors are repeated, and those were just a few among the many.

That's a great post right there. I'm definitely starting to feel more empathy for you now. And sympathy.

 

[Michellay]

That's a great post right there. I'm definitely starting to feel more empathy for you now. And sympathy.

I appreciate the empathy. Sometimes I wonder if she will ever get saved. I know that the Word of God can pass through any form of dementia if the heart is willing, but anytime I’ve discussed God’s Word with her it’s either in one ear and out the other or she wants to argue.

 

[humble soul]

If I can just mention my own mother. She had 7 kids and spent much of her life slaving to raise us. But she had a loyal, loving husband, my father. So she had no bitterness I'm aware of. I'm just saying that a disloyal husband may contribute to some of your mothers' bad behaviours.