My mother is a spiteful woman

[Michellay]

perhaps ,she is sick of the games ,my,wife's mother ,in particular has never been one and my,wife feels like this.some people are cruel,mean and shouldn't have had kids and God saw you were birthed by those ,and you,have these mixed feelings ,sometimes the anger needs to be vented .

I,feel this way about the older step child whom shafted me and her own kids. yet ismt all there.i don't expect agreement but understanding of why we DO have broken families and How some are saved but have a long road and change that must be a path only those who have trodded down can advise .my battle isn't,just ptsd .my,wife and myself are very broken .my,wife can be verbally,abusive and her kids have had these issues with her.I,have had mediate this.her youngest has kept a difficult relationship there intact and its not a bed of roses nor hallmark mother and daughter type of stuff.

I definitely feel the need to vent, especially feeling so alone in this. It’s rough dealing with verbally abusive people. I think it’s just as bad as physical abuse because it does wound us.

 

[Michellay]

Michelina, dear Sister !
You need help. You can't go on indefinitely alone. I feel so much for you. Fibromalgia is bad enough to cope with when you haven't got all this stress added on.
Have you got sisters who could help? I'm praying The Lord will open a door for you, that your mother will agree to having some home care.
I'm worried about your emotional health too. We can only take so much abuse before it affects us.
I know you are a strong lady but please see a doctor if you feel the need. You must be exhausted. praying for you.

Thank you for understanding. The stress definitely sets off my fibromyalgia, leading to anxiety, joint pain and brain fog. My sister doesn’t help. She keeps her distance. She limits her time on the phone with my mother because she can’t deal when my mother starts talking koo koo.

My emotional health is in a struggle, although I’ve been strong, but it is affecting my prayer life. I do keep reading God’s word though, but my focus winds up getting very scattered because I become overwhelmed with all the responsibilities I have.

A little over a year ago, I finally had a rheumatologist confirm my fibromyalgia. I eat healthy and exercise, but my sleep cycle is way off. When I wake up it takes me hours to get my priorities straight because of the brain fog. Then I finally get into a momentum, but it’s too late because so much of the day has gone by. Things get done late and then my mind is racing at night. I get enough sleep, I just don’t feel rested when I wake up so it takes me hours to catch up with things I need to do.

 

[Pipiripi]

You ar

I definitely feel the need to vent, especially feeling so alone in this. It’s rough dealing with verbally abusive people. I think it’s just as bad as physical abuse because it does wound us.

You are never alone, Jesus is always next to you. We are living in the end times of this world. Just thinking in your new home in heaven, were there is live forever.

 

[Tessa]

Thank you for understanding. The stress definitely sets off my fibromyalgia, leading to anxiety, joint pain and brain fog. My sister doesn’t help. She keeps her distance. She limits her time on the phone with my mother because she can’t deal when my mother starts talking koo koo.

My emotional health is in a struggle, although I’ve been strong, but it is affecting my prayer life. I do keep reading God’s word though, but my focus winds up getting very scattered because I become overwhelmed with all the responsibilities I have.

A little over a year ago, I finally had a rheumatologist confirm my fibromyalgia. I eat healthy and exercise, but my sleep cycle is way off. When I wake up it takes me hours to get my priorities straight because of the brain fog. Then I finally get into a momentum, but it’s too late because so much of the day has gone by. Things get done late and then my mind is racing at night. I get enough sleep, I just don’t feel rested when I wake up so it takes me hours to catch up with things I need to do.

Michelina, has your mother got a friend she is close to? Somebody you could ask to talk to her, and make her see that you are not well too, and need help with the house and the care you give.
Anyone who can make her see clearly what is happening.
If not how would she react if you just went ahead and got somebody in to help?
You need a break and you need help ad well. Waking up tired makes you feel a wreck.
Do you have pain killers when the fibromyalgia strikes?
As far as your prayer life is concerned, God knows only too well what you are going through. It may not feel like it but The Lord has not left you. Just cry out to Him.
Just read what bits of your bible you can. I sometimes find I have a better sleep if I listen to a hymn.
Keep on clinging on, a breakthrough will come. I'm praying for you.

 

[Michellay]

Michelina, has your mother got a friend she is close to? Somebody you could ask to talk to her, and make her see that you are not well too, and need help with the house and the care you give.
Anyone who can make her see clearly what is happening.

Unfortunately no. I mean she has friends, but they seem a bit off themselves. Except for this one couple, but I feel pretty awkward having this conversation with them. She doesn’t really see her friends a lot though, especially during COVID. She always isolated herself, but now it’s even worse.

If not how would she react if you just went ahead and got somebody in to help?
You need a break and you need help ad well. Waking up tired makes you feel a wreck.
Do you have pain killers when the fibromyalgia strikes?

Cleaning isn't really the problem. It’s cleaning around all the clutter she caused and she goes absolutely ballistic if you start talking about sorting through her clutter and getting rid of stuff. I have been successful in convincing her to get rid of some things, but then she starts to notice that she’s letting go of stuff and she wants to stop it all and starts to hoard again. I’ve had a cleaning lady here and when I started using her two years ago it was like pulling teeth trying to convince my mother to agree to where I finally had to tell her that this is going to happen whether you like it or not. So she didn’t argue with me anymore. I have to get the cleaning lady here again soon, because now that I’m back at work part time, I just don’t have the energy to do a thorough house cleaning the way I like.

I have ibuprofen 800 and it works, but it’s the joint stiffness and muscle spasms that are the major issue. I have a physical job and I have to stay in shape as a requirement if I want to be successful. I’m a personal trainer, so I can demonstrate exercises fine, but I have to continue to look the part. I haven’t worked out for 2 weeks because of the stress and it’s effecting my mood mostly.

As far as your prayer life is concerned, God knows only too well what you are going through. It may not feel like it but The Lord has not left you. Just cry out to Him.
Just read what bits of your bible you can. I sometimes find I have a better sleep if I listen to a hymn.
Keep on clinging on, a breakthrough will come. I'm praying for you.

Thank you so much for your prayers. I know that God is blessing me because I have been more obedient to him than ever now, but Satan wants to come and destroy everything.
Yes it sometimes looks like God has left but that’s exactly what satan wants me to think.

 

[Tessa]

Unfortunately no. I mean she has friends, but they seem a bit off themselves. Except for this one couple, but I feel pretty awkward having this conversation with them. She doesn’t really see her friends a lot though, especially during COVID. She always isolated herself, but now it’s even worse.


Cleaning isn't really the problem. It’s cleaning around all the clutter she caused and she goes absolutely ballistic if you start talking about sorting through her clutter and getting rid of stuff. I have been successful in convincing her to get rid of some things, but then she starts to notice that she’s letting go of stuff and she wants to stop it all and starts to hoard again. I’ve had a cleaning lady here and when I started using her two years ago it was like pulling teeth trying to convince my mother to agree to where I finally had to tell her that this is going to happen whether you like it or not. So she didn’t argue with me anymore. I have to get the cleaning lady here again soon, because now that I’m back at work part time, I just don’t have the energy to do a thorough house cleaning the way I like.

I have ibuprofen 800 and it works, but it’s the joint stiffness and muscle spasms that are the major issue. I have a physical job and I have to stay in shape as a requirement if I want to be successful. I’m a personal trainer, so I can demonstrate exercises fine, but I have to continue to look the part. I haven’t worked out for 2 weeks because of the stress and it’s effecting my mood mostly.



Thank you so much for your prayers. I know that God is blessing me because I have been more obedient to him than ever now, but Satan wants to come and destroy everything.
Yes it sometimes looks like God has left but that’s exactly what satan wants me to think.

That's the friend idea out of the window then. Amidst everything you're going through I completely forgot about COVID.

Perhaps if you mention about a carer and say it is going to happen whether you like it or not, it might work again ????

Yes that is a strenuous job. I have a very strong feeling you will be a great success.

You are an inspiration you have a great faith. Satan is not pleased but we know he can't win. Tell him to buzz off

 

[Luminous_Rose]

I’ve been trying to fix the house up so I can bring family around my mother. She needs this so she doesn’t spend her last years in isolation. She should be ever so grateful to me (pats self on back) for all I’m doing. Even though I’m living rent free, I earn my share by all I do and then some (I should be getting paid let alone pay) because I pick up the slack. She does absolutely nothing. Free rent. Wow! Big deal. I’m supposed to be her daughter and I can’t afford to give her rent. Not my problem. She’s extremely selfish.

She let all her medications run out and instead of being ruthless and letting her die, I served God by convincing her to go to the ER to get prescriptions for her meds. Then I even went to the pharmacy to pick them up. Not one thank you left that old witch’s mouth. The next day I tried to make an appointment for her to get her bloodwork done. It’s been over a year. She wanted to be picky about which area she wanted to go. This is not Burger King, have it your way. Wherever we go, there needs to be parking so it’s more convenient for me. She started a big argument and called the police on me because in her feelings, I was being disrespectful to her. Like whatever lady.

So she basically gave me a hard time. Now I think I should just let her die next time she needs me and hopefully she won’t be spiteful so I can get all her money and the apartment so I can live my life peacefully. Seriously, I’m praying that she won’t be spiteful.

To me, it sounds like there's a lot more going on here than picking up the slack, scheduling appointments, and having the police called on you. I am guessing this goes way back. If that's the case then, I understand why you're so frustrated after holding it in all these years and it's at a boiling point. If that's not the case then maybe she's frustrated that she's growing older and upset about losing some of her independence?

It kind of reminds me of my husband's abusive mother (who is no longer living). I remember my husband's father saying, "Mom's just not herself. She sleeps so much, she hardly makes meals, it's hard for her to do laundry. She's getting old, son. She really needs help." I remember my husband dropping his job and we moved in with his folks to help. We got the "free" rent. I remember my husband offering his mom help here and there and it wasn't even a week before my husband said, "I'm trying to help you. Dad said you needed some help around the house. I'm here to help!" She looked at him and said, "So that's your excuse for getting fired at your job?!" We decided we weren't wanted there and we left. His family was abusive and even if you were trying hard to do something nice for them they would always find a way to throw it back in your face. They always found a way to take advantage.

Free rent kind of is a big deal these days considering that here in the big city $1,200 a month is considered "low". In the smaller towns, you can probably find something for $600 - $800/mo. She doesn't exactly "owe" you free rent because you are her daughter. Some parents have their children pay rent to teach them responsibility, but I haven't heard of that many of these cases. I don't think most parents charge their kids rent. It's good that you do stuff around the house, though, and that seems like it is a fair trade for rent.

My husband's family has threatened to sue him, take him to court, call the police on him, etc. There was no joy in that house.

It finally came to a point after about 5 years of coming back on and off trying to help and whatever that my husband set his foot down. He said, "This is enough. If you don't need or want our help we will go. This time, we are not coming back. We have tried many times to help, to get along, and we are only treated with disrespect." They looked so shocked and begged and cried for us to stay yet again.

We've never been back as we said.

You, too, need to ask yourself what to do. I mean, neither of his parents was so disabled or anything that they couldn't take care of themselves. Some people who have narcissistic parents that end up with the responsibility of caring for a parent usually end up choosing a home if they need around the clock care or they talk to volunteers that look to help the elderly with washing clothes, running errands, etc. one a week. There are usually local services that will call them once a week to check in, make sure they're okay. There are some non-medical care professional services out there that can do basic things like hand them their pill pack, make them meals, do some chores, etc. and it's usually once or twice a week. Would any of these options be feasible for your mother? That way you can still make sure she gets the care she needs without being there and taking her verbal abuse? Maybe some time apart would do you both some good?

 

[Pipiripi]

To me, it sounds like there's a lot more going on here than picking up the slack, scheduling appointments, and having the police called on you. I am guessing this goes way back. If that's the case then, I understand why you're so frustrated after holding it in all these years and it's at a boiling point. If that's not the case then maybe she's frustrated that she's growing older and upset about losing some of her independence?

It kind of reminds me of my husband's abusive mother (who is no longer living). I remember my husband's father saying, "Mom's just not herself. She sleeps so much, she hardly makes meals, it's hard for her to do laundry. She's getting old, son. She really needs help." I remember my husband dropping his job and we moved in with his folks to help. We got the "free" rent. I remember my husband offering his mom help here and there and it wasn't even a week before my husband said, "I'm trying to help you. Dad said you needed some help around the house. I'm here to help!" She looked at him and said, "So that's your excuse for getting fired at your job?!" We decided we weren't wanted there and we left. His family was abusive and even if you were trying hard to do something nice for them they would always find a way to throw it back in your face. They always found a way to take advantage.

Free rent kind of is a big deal these days considering that here in the big city $1,200 a month is considered "low". In the smaller towns, you can probably find something for $600 - $800/mo. She doesn't exactly "owe" you free rent because you are her daughter. Some parents have their children pay rent to teach them responsibility, but I haven't heard of that many of these cases. I don't think most parents charge their kids rent. It's good that you do stuff around the house, though, and that seems like it is a fair trade for rent.

My husband's family has threatened to sue him, take him to court, call the police on him, etc. There was no joy in that house.

It finally came to a point after about 5 years of coming back on and off trying to help and whatever that my husband set his foot down. He said, "This is enough. If you don't need or want our help we will go. This time, we are not coming back. We have tried many times to help, to get along, and we are only treated with disrespect." They looked so shocked and begged and cried for us to stay yet again.

We've never been back as we said.

You, too, need to ask yourself what to do. I mean, neither of his parents was so disabled or anything that they couldn't take care of themselves. Some people who have narcissistic parents that end up with the responsibility of caring for a parent usually end up choosing a home if they need around the clock care or they talk to volunteers that look to help the elderly with washing clothes, running errands, etc. one a week. There are usually local services that will call them once a week to check in, make sure they're okay. There are some non-medical care professional services out there that can do basic things like hand them their pill pack, make them meals, do some chores, etc. and it's usually once or twice a week. Would any of these options be feasible for your mother? That way you can still make sure she gets the care she needs without being there and taking her verbal abuse? Maybe some time apart would do you both some good?

For me as a Christian and a moderator, is time to go back and ask for forgiveness of your sin. That's why the devil don't like people to keep the 10 Commandments. Because there is one Command that bless if you honour your mother and your father. Read the 10 Commandments. Bless

 

[Luminous_Rose]

For me as a Christian and a moderator, is time to go back and ask for forgiveness of your sin. That's why the devil don't like people to keep the 10 Commandments. Because there is one Command that bless if you honour your mother and your father. Read the 10 Commandments. Bless

I'm a little confused about your post. Did you mean me as a moderator should ask for forgiveness? Just trying to clarify. I'm thinking about the whole "forgiveness of your sin" thing you have mentioned, but I don't see how we have sinned here. Where in my post shows that I have sinned? I don't think I'm understanding.

 

[humble soul]

Cleaning isn't really the problem. It’s cleaning around all the clutter she caused and she goes absolutely ballistic if you start talking about sorting through her clutter and getting rid of stuff

Clutter and hoarding. It's a mental Illness. Very difficult to deal with. If I were you, I would have to leave. I couldn't stand it.

 

[Tessa]

For me as a Christian and a moderator, is time to go back and ask for forgiveness of your sin. That's why the devil don't like people to keep the 10 Commandments. Because there is one Command that bless if you honour your mother and your father. Read the 10 Commandments. Bless

We are not here to judge, we are to support and love each other.
If our help is not accepted there isn't much we can do. There were times when Jesus had to walk away.

 

[Pipiripi]

We are not here to judge, we are to support and love each other.
If our help is not accepted there isn't much we can do. There were times when Jesus had to walk away.

I am helping you, why so rude? The word judge is not for true Christians. If I'm wrong don't you help me to find the right path? Or you are going to think that I said not judge me? Jesus is judging me already.

 

[Pipiripi]

Clutter and hoarding. It's a mental Illness. Very difficult to deal with. If I were you, I would have to leave. I couldn't stand it.

Never leave, your recompense is in heaven, not here on earth. Here you get blessing. But in heaven you have already your house and your crown and your white dress waiting for you. Remember Matthew 25:31-46.

 

[humble soul]

Never leave, your recompense is in heaven, not here on earth. Here you get blessing. But in heaven you have already your house and your crown and your white dress waiting for you. Remember Matthew 25:31-46.

Sounds good. But actually unrealistic.

 

[Pipiripi]

I'm a little confused about your post. Did you mean me as a moderator should ask for forgiveness? Just trying to clarify. I'm thinking about the whole "forgiveness of your sin" thing you have mentioned, but I don't see how we have sinned here. Where in my post shows that I have sinned? I don't think I'm understanding.

You don't have to understand it. Read what you have wrote in the post 49. That you never has go back.

 

[Pipiripi]

Sounds good. But actually unrealistic.

I understand you, because you don't know what God already have prepared for the saints. If someone is still sinning he/she is not a saint.

 

[humble soul]

I understand you, because you don't know what God already have prepared for the saints. If someone is still sinning he/she is not a saint.

I'm no saint.

 

[JLB]

I definitely feel the need to vent, especially feeling so alone in this. It’s rough dealing with verbally abusive people. I think it’s just as bad as physical abuse because it does wound us.

You can vent. Dont hold in your frustration. No one knows how helpless and frustrated this can be until they have gone through it.

JLB

 

[Pipiripi]

I'm no saint.

Only saints enter God's kingdom, tried to be one. Revelation 22:11

 

[humble soul]

Only saints enter God's kingdom, tried to be one. Revelation 22:11

I'm not quite ready to enter Heaven yet.