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[__ Prayer __] Need to ask for prayers again

Thank you, Edward!

Edward said:
There's a lot of love for you here on this board, even if you may not have much in the neighborhood that you can see.
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:love2 I love you guys and gals, too!

The "that you can see" part of your sentence is probably the real problem. I'm thinking that I'm probably very unable to experience friendship and love because something inside me is assuming noone could ever like me. So I never really trust anyone, and thus can't get close to anyone.
 
Claudya said:
Thank you, Edward!

Edward said:
There's a lot of love for you here on this board, even if you may not have much in the neighborhood that you can see.
Click to expand...

:love2 I love you guys and gals, too!

The "that you can see" part of your sentence is probably the real problem. I'm thinking that I'm probably very unable to experience friendship and love because something inside me is assuming noone could ever like me. So I never really trust anyone, and thus can't get close to anyone.
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Claudya:

Stop navel gazing! :) (The only reason to navel gaze would be if there's a barbell there.)

Instead, how about reading John's First Epistle, which talks about God's wondrous initiative of love to sinners.
 
farouk said:
Stop navel gazing!
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Hehe I would love to. It's just that whenever I make an argumentation that putting myself first is not the purpose of life I receive a lot of opposition (I'm the only christian in there, staff and patients included).
Anyway, the reason I am in an outpatient hospital is that I don't wanna be the sick person 24/7 and take care of other things (like other people or God's kingdom) at least some time of the day.

But on the other hand, if someone keep stumbling and failing over and over again and again, up to the point that their faith life is instable and shallow they should maybe take some time to look at what's wrong with them, hoping to possibly change it.
For example, for a person suffering from heavy depressions reading about God's love would be meaningless because they have become blind to love, love doesn't mean anything to them, so the Bible words wouldn't be more than meaningless phrases or theoretical philosophy at best. So for a person suffering from depression some navel gazing would be unavoidable to determine how they can improve their condition.
Although I don't really suffer from depressions (but most likely from some form of this) it's similar. Many days I'm too restless/angry/bored/excited or whatever to focus on reading a full bible chapter. So maybe taking care of my mental stuff could make me a better servant of our Master. Because that's what I acually want.
Believe me I have tried to go without therapy, or with as little therapy as possible, because I just didn't want to be the disturbed kind of person. But that strategy hasn't gotten me anywhere. So I need to figure out what's wrong with me and how to adapt (or, if possible, heal). It's not navel gazing, it's problem solving.
 
You remain in my prayers, Claudya.

Eugene had a great idea with the notepad & pen. Writing notes is great!

Having the notepad & pen is also a fine start to writing your feelings in form of poetry. Whatever style you prefer. If you see a breath-taking sunset, write about it. When your friend asks you for coffee, write about the smile on his/her face or the way he/she is focused when listening to your replies in conversation.

You have a beautiful way of expressing yourself here. I can sense the inner glow within you, the joy that comes across when reading many of your posts. Writing seems to be one of your talents. (So please give it some thought.)

Blessings!
 
Claudya, I don't know what to say. Before reading this thread I had no idea, and to me you have always been a beautiful person, and a blessing here at CFnet. You are in my prayers. :pray

Pity I took my Europe trip two years ago. It would have been worth the detour from Bayern.
 
Claudya, I was diagnosed with Bordeline Personality Disorder. I'm pretty much cured now. I went to something called Dialectical Behavior Therapy for it. You should look it up, it really helps. If you can't I can tell you about it.
 
Claudya said:
Hey people,

I'm feeling very terrible. I'm not good with words right now, so I'm just gonna write the way stuff comes into my mind.
The problem is that something is profoundly wrong with me. While my intellect and my body are fine, my soul is totally messed up. I have no feeling for who I am. Seriously, I have no idea who I am. And I feel entirely worthless. There is just an ugly hole where my soul should be. Looking into myself is so disgusting, and that's why I have no idea who I am because I just don't want to be *me*.
I feel so loathsome that I can't imagine anyone would want to be around me. Whenever someone shows interest in me I back off because I don't want them to be disgusted of me. And because I am so busy feeling loathsome I am too self absorbed to really see other people and their needs, so I'm actually really narcissistic, just in a negative way. On the other hand I crave for everyone to love me unconditionally. I want to be able to perceive the needs of other and identify with their problems and their needs and bond with them and help them with their problems but I lack the social skills to do that. So no matter how many people I talk to every day I can never bond with them. I have no idea how to make them trust me and open their hearts to me.
I'll always be lonely in my heart because I can't bond with anyone. Because all I can think of when someone is talking to me is how disgusting and worthless they must find me. So I run away from them before they tell me that they find me disgusting.

I'm so messes up inside and I see no hope I'll ever get better. It's so hopeless, I'm too messed up. Maybe I don't even have a soul at all. I'm suffering so much, I'm just thinking about killing myself. I've been praying to God for my death many times.

Sorry for writing all this bull****, it's probably not making any sense at all, and I can't see my keyboard anyway because of all the tears in my eyes.

Would appreciate prayers. Or advise. Or kind words. Anything.
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Wow...you sound just like I use to be. I had even attempted to take my life a couple of times. There is hope in "Him". He loves you way beyond you can even imagine. He has a purpose and plan for you. And for "good"!
Just promise me that you will seek the Lord your God with all your heart...love, love, and love...even yourself. As you do this...I will be praying for you. Hugs to you sister...
:pray
 
Just normal I guess.

Romans 7:25
25 I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.

Paul just realized that the carnal, fleshly, human, part of him was messed up. A daily battle goes on in the man / female / carnal part of us. The wonderful thing is the spirit of our mind is the greater force. That veil is torn in us, and the spirit reaches out to touch the carnal nature. When he knocks at the door and we open the door he enters.

I would be hard pressed to accurately define body, soul, spirit. Part of us is in good shape and the other part suffers. If this is not true then we need to black out Romans 7:25.

Gravity tries to sink ships. The soul (mind, will, emotions ?) has to be trained.
Bouyancy allows ships to float, carry cargo. The tiny space the Spirit lives is the greater force.

Feed my sheep.

I am a jerk from Mississippi. I have no letters after my name to qualify my comments. Just bail the boat and depend on the greater force.

eddif
 
Claudya,

Just hoping you are doing well!

I just realize how I wrote my previous post...it is not in my heart that you would "promise" me anything. Forgive me. :pray
But I just came back just to let you know that I have been praying for you anyway, unconditionally, sister.
I will continue, not because of what you do or don't do.

But I would love to leave you with scripture, which was really on my mind when I wrote that previous post---(red is Jesus' words):

Luk 10:25 And, behold, a certain lawyer stood up, and tempted him, saying, Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?
Luk 10:26 He said unto him, What is written in the law? how readest thou?
Luk 10:27 And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.
Luk 10:28 And he said unto him, Thou hast answered right: this do, and thou shalt live.

And as we do that, follow peace, stand in our faith in Jesus...the rest comes to us by Him that is faithful and will perform it until the day He returns. Keep on trusting Him, sister.

I pray blessings on you, and all others needing prayer.

:amen
 
Thank you for your prayers. I'll care to write a longer answer tomorrow, but right now I can't because I'm visiting with my parents and my father is so paranoid about malware he won't even have flash player on his computer, so I guess he wouldn't approve of me writing in a message board. :) So, like I said, thanks for your prayers. On top of my mental health issues I have been starting to go through a faith crisis this week as well . During the entire tuesday afternoon I was heartbroken and in tears about no longer being able to believe in God's existence. Tried to talk to my pastor but he was of no help at all. I desire so much to believe in Him and to dedicate myself to following Him, but there are so many philosophical and logical problems with the concept of God it's impossible to honestly believe He exists outside of human thinking. And it's hard to find someone to talk to about that. Where I live most people consider the question about whether there's a God either irrelevant, or answered, so I feel very alone with that question. So I said a very honest prayer begging God, if He exists and can hear me, to show me His existence in a way I cannot argue against, and now I'll be waiting for an answer. I don't wanna pray any more, because continuous prayer would put me at risk of fooling myself. I'm really glad this forum is back online, it's great to have somewhere to write all this stuff down.
 
Claudya said:
I desire so much to believe in Him and to dedicate myself to following Him, but there are so many philosophical and logical problems with the concept of God it's impossible to honestly believe He exists outside of human thinking
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Do you believe all your thoughts are your own?? imho
satan, the deceiver will put thoughts in our heads, as well. If this is the case, I wouldn't put up with it. Rebuke him, you don't have to listen to that scumbag.
Rebuke him again if need be,
then talk the Lord and praise Him and worship Him. Listen to some good Christian music, something that SCREAMS, " I AM A CHILD OF GOD".

You have too much to offer the hurting to let go. You are tough and smart, stand up and fight girl!
 
I'm new here but wanted to respond to your post. I was once in your situation. I even took pills and tried to kill myself. I didn't know the Lord at that time. That is NOT what HE wants for us. He has a plan for each of us. We need to stop and listen to Him. Sometimes we are so busy being noisy in ourselves that we don't hear Him. Take time to listen. He loves you and you are worth more than anything in the universe. How do I know this? Jesus died a horrible death just for you, and me, and all who seek after Him.
I'm praying for you dear one.
 
Claudya said:
Thank you for your prayers. I'll care to write a longer answer tomorrow, but right now I can't because I'm visiting with my parents and my father is so paranoid about malware he won't even have flash player on his computer, so I guess he wouldn't approve of me writing in a message board. :) So, like I said, thanks for your prayers. On top of my mental health issues I have been starting to go through a faith crisis this week as well . During the entire tuesday afternoon I was heartbroken and in tears about no longer being able to believe in God's existence. Tried to talk to my pastor but he was of no help at all. I desire so much to believe in Him and to dedicate myself to following Him, but there are so many philosophical and logical problems with the concept of God it's impossible to honestly believe He exists outside of human thinking. And it's hard to find someone to talk to about that. Where I live most people consider the question about whether there's a God either irrelevant, or answered, so I feel very alone with that question. So I said a very honest prayer begging God, if He exists and can hear me, to show me His existence in a way I cannot argue against, and now I'll be waiting for an answer. I don't wanna pray any more, because continuous prayer would put me at risk of fooling myself. I'm really glad this forum is back online, it's great to have somewhere to write all this stuff down.
Click to expand...

Claudya, Jesus loves you.
And me too.
 
allenwynne said:
Claudya, Jesus loves you.
And me too.
Click to expand...

Hm, maybe that's why you've been responding to all those old threads of mine?
Thank you very much for your kind words. :hug

At the moment I'm doing a bit better emotionally, but I still struggle with so many things. Personality disorders are nasty, they interfer with all parts of life, especially with those you care about. And you can't realisitcally hope to ever get rid of them completely, because you can't get rid of your personality.

I've been wanting to update this thread and continually ask for prayer but sometimes it's really hard to write about such personal stuff. And in a foreign language.
 
Claudya said:
Hm, maybe that's why you've been responding to all those old threads of mine?
Thank you very much for your kind words. :hug

At the moment I'm doing a bit better emotionally, but I still struggle with so many things. Personality disorders are nasty, they interfer with all parts of life, especially with those you care about. And you can't realisitcally hope to ever get rid of them completely, because you can't get rid of your personality.

I've been wanting to update this thread and continually ask for prayer but sometimes it's really hard to write about such personal stuff. And in a foreign language.
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Go for it Claudya, we all love you.
 
You continue in my prayers, Claudya.

We each are faced with a struggle or struggles of some nature. In 1970, singer Lynn Anderson sang "Never Promised You a Rose Garden." Beautiful song, written by Joe South. I was in high school at the time, but the lyrics reminded me that we each are not promised that life will be a rose garden (i.e. tranquil, breath-taking). We have our moments of tranquility and breath-taking; some of those moments last longer than others. The challenges we face should make us appreciate & enjoy those 'rose garden' moments. Whether we do or no, that's personal choice.

Still, our Lord loves us dearly...and His so-warm & amazing regard for us is definitely a 'rose garden' moment that lasts forever!

God bless you!
 
I don't expect a rose garden, and a life without challenges would be very boring and unfulfilling on the long run.
However, I'm in a state that I'm not able to face any challenge. For example, I've been afraid to log into facebook for several months. I'm largely unable to write emails. Trying to find a job is out of reach for me because even the mere thought scares me. The slightest failure or mistake or criticism is likely to make me cut my self or attack somebody. Maintaining a friendship is extremely hard for me because I'm so scared of rejection that I see rejection in everything somebody does. I feel thoroughly unlovable so I'm convinced that everyone that claims to like me is either lying, or totally mistaken and will soon discover their error and abandon me, so I see signs of rejection and abandonment in everything everyone does. Most days I'm pretty sure even God hates me. Maybe He just tolerates me because He has promised to save everyone that asks Him to be saved, so He has to stick to His word although He's annoyed and disgusted of me. The idea that God actually loves me is blasphemous. He loves all the real humans, but not a disgusting pile of dirt who is masquerading as a human.
 
Claudya God knows this He knows how you feel.... and you not the first of His to feel this way...


Psa 6:2 Have mercy upon me, O LORD; for I am weak: O LORD, heal me; for my bones are vexed.
Psa 6:3 My soul is also sore vexed: but thou, O LORD, how long?
Psa 6:4 Return, O LORD, deliver my soul: oh save me for thy mercies' sake.
Psa 6:5 For in death there is no remembrance of thee: in the grave who shall give thee thanks?
Psa 6:6 I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears.
Psa 6:7 Mine eye is consumed because of grief; it waxeth old because of all mine enemies.
Psa 6:8 Depart from me, all ye workers of iniquity; for the LORD hath heard the voice of my weeping.
Psa 6:9 The LORD hath heard my supplication; the LORD will receive my prayer.
Psa 6:10 Let all mine enemies be ashamed and sore vexed: let them return and be ashamed suddenly.

I am sure you know in your head those are lies from satan... our feelings come from the heart.... When God saves us He saves all of us including our hearts.

Yes for sure Claudya you are lifted up to the Lord in prayer...
 
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