[__ Prayer __] Need to ask for prayers again

[Claudya]

Very bad day. Lost control of myself at work. Got selfish, childish and abusive towards my boss and colleagues. Got aggressive agaist myself and harmed myself. Also lost control during karate practice and thus everyone in the group could see I'm crazy. Except most won't know it's an illness, they will only see a selfish and misbehaved person.

 

[Chopper]

Very bad day. Lost control of myself at work. Got selfish, childish and abusive towards my boss and colleagues. Got aggressive agaist myself and harmed myself. Also lost control during karate practice and thus everyone in the group could see I'm crazy. Except most won't know it's an illness, they will only see a selfish and misbehaved person.

Oh Claudya, I'm so sorry hon, can you pinpoint a time this morning or last night that things started to go wrong? Did something upset you, or I should say, what upset you, and when was it? Claudya, I care!

 

[Claudya]

Oh Claudya, I'm so sorry hon, can you pinpoint a time this morning or last night that things started to go wrong? Did something upset you, or I should say, what upset you, and when was it? Claudya, I care!

Thanks for your care. Also thanks for the earlier post you made in this thread, I've been thinking about it quite a bit. Your care is very appreciated.

I can't pinpoint when it started. I've already been struggling on monday. Sunday was alright, but saturday was bad, too. I'm guessing part of the recent stress I'm having is the new job and the sleep deprivation that comes with it. My emotional self-control is practically non-existant and neither is my self-esteem. So I'm behaving like an envious and self-centered 4 year old, every bit of frustration or (imagined) defeat or rejection make me snap. And it seems outside of my control to change it. I destroy everything that I begin and everything I care for but still can't change. Personality disorders are very persistant.

 

[Chopper]

Thanks for your care. Also thanks for the earlier post you made in this thread, I've been thinking about it quite a bit. Your care is very appreciated.

I can't pinpoint when it started. I've already been struggling on monday. Sunday was alright, but saturday was bad, too. I'm guessing part of the recent stress I'm having is the new job and the sleep deprivation that comes with it. My emotional self-control is practically non-existant and neither is my self-esteem. So I'm behaving like an envious and self-centered 4 year old, every bit of frustration or (imagined) defeat or rejection make me snap. And it seems outside of my control to change it. I destroy everything that I begin and everything I care for but still can't change. Personality disorders are very persistant.

Oh boy are you right, in that disorders are persistant! I soooooooooo much want to be someone that Jesus could use to help you.I am a ceritifed Christian counselor. I have a few people that I'm working with and I have room for you too. Would you like to start? We will correspond by email. I never charge for the folk I counsel, The Lord has gifted me and I gift those who need help.

I already love you, I know that you are a wonderful Lady, and you, me, and Jesus will get this demon out of your life for good. In the meantime, I'll speak to Jesus about you, and we will develop an plan.

 

[Angel]

Thanks for your care. Also thanks for the earlier post you made in this thread, I've been thinking about it quite a bit. Your care is very appreciated.

I can't pinpoint when it started. I've already been struggling on monday. Sunday was alright, but saturday was bad, too. I'm guessing part of the recent stress I'm having is the new job and the sleep deprivation that comes with it. My emotional self-control is practically non-existant and neither is my self-esteem. So I'm behaving like an envious and self-centered 4 year old, every bit of frustration or (imagined) defeat or rejection make me snap. And it seems outside of my control to change it. I destroy everything that I begin and everything I care for but still can't change. Personality disorders are very persistant.

Does German give aid to people who are mentally ill?
Like America gives Social Security Disability and foodstamps and such?
Can you attend therapies that address borderline?

 

[Claudya]

Does German give aid to people who are mentally ill?
Like America gives Social Security Disability and foodstamps and such?
Can you attend therapies that address borderline?

Yes it does, I've met poeple that are on disability because of borderline, but I'm probably not in a bad enough state to qualify for disability. I could easily get a partial disability recognition that'd help me get some payment if I weren't on unemployment welfare.
Honestly I wouldn't want to be on disability. I'm very certain I can get on my own feet financially within the next few years.
Btw, food stamps don't exist here. They only exist if food has to be rationed for everyone in times of a crisis, but not for welfare purposes. Even in a long term unemployment situation people get a monthly welfare pay and can buy food with cash or electronic cash or credit card (though most long term unemployed people won't have credit cards). In my opinion that's better than food stamps because you can still chose what to spend the money on; and I guess paying food with food stamps is kinda humiliating because everyonearound you in the supermarket will notice you're a welfare recipient, while noone has a way to tell I'm on welfare when I pay cash or EC like everyone else does.
(edit: just foud out that food stamps for welfare do exist here... some states hand out food stamps to refugee immigrants and asylum seekers.)

Sure I could atted a therapy. The problem is there is like noone specialised on borderline treatment in my town. The only institution that offers some borderline treatment has me on their waiting list and I'm hoping to start therapy within the next months. The problem is, they don't accept psychology students because some of the therapists working there are also university teachers and they don't want their roles confounded. Having a university exam at your therapist would be weird. So if I get accepted back to the university I might lose access to the only borderline therapy in my town. >_<
I could also get myself admitted to a hospital with a specalised borderline program. I would guess that would take three months of waiting for a spot, But that would put my life on a halt for several months. No studying, no church and no volunteering, no martial arts, no cf.net no seeing my friends, no work for a long time. I may feel horrible some days, but it's not bad enough to make me want to get admitted to a hospital.

 

[Edward]

Claudya, have you ever asked for healing or a laying on of hands at church for this? If not, I think you should. I (continue) to pray for you sister.

 

[Angel]

It's kind frustrating, isnt it?

 

[Claudya]

Claudya, have you ever asked for healing or a laying on of hands at church for this? If not, I think you should. I (continue) to pray for you sister.

Lot of people are praying for me in my church.
We don't really have healing services here and laying on hands isn't very usual when praying for someone (mostly because many people are a bit awkward about being touched by someone outside of their family or best friends). But I could ask for it I guess.
Since I view those things from a scientifically psychological point of view I never bothered to ask.

The thing is I believe I will not receive a spiritual kind of healing. May years ago I did pray for healing and actually got an answer, that was like God telling me that I have to work through those issues myself. Although I can of course ask for any kind of help from people and from Him and can be sure that He is with me, but the process of gaining sanity is just as important as the result of it, thus I shouldn't ask for a divine shortcut. It's hard to explain, but makes perfect sense to me.

 

[Claudya]

It's kind frustrating, isnt it?

Yeah sure. All the waiting for a therapy spot is so annoying.

 

[Edward]

Lot of people are praying for me in my church.
We don't really have healing services here and laying on hands isn't very usual when praying for someone (mostly because many people are a bit awkward about being touched by someone outside of their family or best friends). But I could ask for it I guess.
Since I view those things from a scientifically psychological point of view I never bothered to ask.

The thing is I believe I will not receive a spiritual kind of healing. May years ago I did pray for healing and actually got an answer, that was like God telling me that I have to work through those issues myself. Although I can of course ask for any kind of help from people and from Him and can be sure that He is with me, but the process of gaining sanity is just as important as the result of it, thus I shouldn't ask for a divine shortcut. It's hard to explain, but makes perfect sense to me.

The laying on of hands is very significant. I see no reason why you would not want a divine shortcut. If the Lord is willing to heal you, why not? Is he willing?

Luke 5: 12-13
12 And it came to pass, when he was in a certain city, behold a man full of leprosy: who seeing Jesus fell on his face, and besought him, saying, Lord, if thou wilt, thou canst make me clean.
13 And he put forth his hand, and touched him, saying, I Will, be thou clean. And immediately the leprosy departed from him./(KJV)

So He IS willing.

You may not even be the one to have to have the faith to receive the healing because it says:

Mark 16: 17-18
17 And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;
18 They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover./(KJV)

So there you have it. Go be healed Sister! Nothing is too hard for the Lord and He loves you and wants you to receive healing.

 

[Claudya]

Actually I didn't dare to ask for prayers or help in my church. I don't feel I'm worth that much attention and I shouldn't be so reckless to ask for attention in the first place. Also, when I'm afraid I will disappoint them when I'm still mentally ill afterwards despite the prayer.

Part of me is thinking that those thoughts may be lies put into my head either by our adversary, or by the dysfuntional parts of my own mind.
If I'd read those lines I wrote in the first paragraph of this posting written by anybody else I would clearly think that those are dysfunctional negative thoughts, aka lies, and it doesn't matter where exactly they come from, they need to be treated as lies.

But when I think that stuff in my own head it feels real, of course.

So can you tell me that those thoughts are lies?
It seems silly to ask for a confirmation of something I already know. But I can't trust myself.


Feeling really bad again these days.
But unlike others that I know are suffering from similar problems - feeling unloveable and worthless, and being tormented by one's own negative thoughts all the time - I am aware that it's only in my head. That doesn't mean I can switch it off, but at least I can watch how it controls me. *sarcasm* But actually I'd like to think that being aware of what's going on with (which is more an exception than normal for people with personality disorders) means that God has destined me to overcome it. Sometime when I feel like I'm not making any progress at all this idea helps me to gain new hope.

 

[Chopper]

Actually I didn't dare to ask for prayers or help in my church. I don't feel I'm worth that much attention and I shouldn't be so reckless to ask for attention in the first place. Also, when I'm afraid I will disappoint them when I'm still mentally ill afterwards despite the prayer.

Part of me is thinking that those thoughts may be lies put into my head either by our adversary, or by the dysfuntional parts of my own mind.
If I'd read those lines I wrote in the first paragraph of this posting written by anybody else I would clearly think that those are dysfunctional negative thoughts, aka lies, and it doesn't matter where exactly they come from, they need to be treated as lies.

But when I think that stuff in my own head it feels real, of course.

So can you tell me that those thoughts are lies?
It seems silly to ask for a confirmation of something I already know. But I can't trust myself.


Feeling really bad again these days.
But unlike others that I know are suffering from similar problems - feeling unloveable and worthless, and being tormented by one's own negative thoughts all the time - I am aware that it's only in my head. That doesn't mean I can switch it off, but at least I can watch how it controls me. *sarcasm* But actually I'd like to think that being aware of what's going on with (which is more an exception than normal for people with personality disorders) means that God has destined me to overcome it. Sometime when I feel like I'm not making any progress at all this idea helps me to gain new hope.

Absolutely Dear Sister you are going to make it!! A sound mind is what our Dear Jesus is going to give you, it will take time. One of my favorite verses is Philippians 2:5 "Have this mind among yourselves, which is your in Christ Jesus"(ESV) The first word that we look at is "have" in other words God wants you to "have". The next word is "mind" So far we learn that God wants Claudya to have a mind. Next He says "among yourselves, that's you. So what mind does God your Father want you to have? His Son's mind, that's Who!

So Claudya, your very wise Father in heaven knows of your trouble. He wants it to end! His remedy is, take the mind of His Son! You say, "How am I to do this"? You must speak out loud, Father, I receive the mind of Your Son Jesus the Christ." "Jesus, I surrender my troubled mind to you so that you can destroy it, I now receive your sound mind as my own." "Thank you for this great miracle, Amen....Do this every day until Satan leaves you alone, and he will! Do this every time you feel your mind slipping into the past. There is a new Claudya waiting for you. The future is great for you, it'll be a blast. GO FOR IT!