l'Chante, I hear you, I truly do. Both of my children were taken out of their birth homes and put into foster care, because their birth parents were unable to care for them. My son's birthmother was a drug addict and who knows who his birth father is. My daughter's birth mother was very low functioning, almost mentally retarded and her birth father truly was an evil man. We burned the one picture that we had of her birth family, because the father looked so Satanic that it traumatized even Steve and I and I can only imagine what it would have been like for my daughter to ever see that picture.
You know your daughter's birth father. If you feel that it would be too much for her to meet him, if she would just be traumatized and hurt, then you can start talking with her, as she asks questions, that you want her to wait until she is grown up before she meets him. This is what we are doing with our daughter and her birth parents. I wouldn't feel this way about her birth mother, but unfortunately, she wouldn't meet the mother without meeting the father, and she just needs some maturity before she should do that. We have told her that we are not going to allow her to meet her birth parents while she's living in our home, but, once she is 20 or 21, if she wants to make contact then, we will help her in any way we can. Legally, she will be able to meet them once she turns 18 and there is nothing we can do about that, but we are encouraging her to wait until even later.
Now, with our daughter's birth father, we are dealing with someone who is truly evil: he pushes drugs, he let a convicted child sex offender live in the house with his children, and, while there was never any legal proof, it's pretty clear my daughter and her brother were sexually molested. He physically abused their mother and he has been in and out of prison many times. So, this is a clear-cut issue of someone whom is very dangerous to be around. My daughter may never want to meet him, but if she does, we want to make sure it's not when she is still a vulnerable child.
Jason has a point too, though...just because a guy was a rotter of a husband, doesn't necessarily mean that he is a dangerous father. He might be an unreliable father, and a hurtful one, but not "evil" per se. You need to ask that God grant you the wisdom to look beyond the hurt he caused you to suffer and be able to discern if your child would truly be harmed in meeting him. If you truly think that she would be harmed by the meeting, then don't allow it to happen. But, if she is just going to be disappointed, she might need to meet him, be disappointed and work through that. Otherwise, she might become very bitter towards you, believing that you are being unreasonable in keeping them apart.
No real easy answers here, just be in prayer, and be thankful that, whilst your daughter doesn't have her birth father, it sounds as if she has a wonderful daddy!!!!!
