[__ Prayer __] real problems, unmerited favor, 2nd chances

[Christ_empowered]

So, after a long period of...troubles, lets say...I've reconciled with my parents and I'm finishing a degree at Liberty. Life for me is good, and...

I'm a History major. I was in psychology, but for a lot of reasons...that's not happening. I was a Sociology major way back when. Luckily, I was able to use most of those credits towards this degree. Sociology is now too...I dunno...its just not what I want to do, that's all.

Anyway, I'm in the core of my major already, and its dawned on me: life is remarkably difficult for a lot of people. I'm most definitely not the only one. I am, in fact, blessed. I'm blessed beyond anything I could even pretend to deserve, lol.

I'm beginning to see why my ex-shrinks insisted I was hopelessly narcissistic. Part of it was actual pride, part of it was that I am, and was then, low-status, so my problems didn't matter and still don't, at least not to them. I didn't (and don't, apparently) "know my place." And a sense of entitlement. And an inability to get out of myself.

Anyway, I've been praying to God to get me out of myself. Part of it was genuine pride, part of it was spending way too much time alone, often under stressful circumstances. Part of it was that anybody will retreat into an inner world if the outer world is too harsh, too painful. Of course, now I'm Born Again, so I *can* embrace Reality, with Jesus living inside my heart. "It is not longer I who lives, it is Christ who lives in me..."

I could have done better. Now, I'm finally in a position to do something with my life. What's weird is that now, I've been voted Schizophrenic. I've written on this before, but its interesting. The narrative is that I needed attention, made "poor life choices," and now I'm Schizophrenic. I do have mental problems. I also respond nicely to meds, so its not a big deal. But, socially...wow. There's outcast, and then there's me. I'm straight up not even a member of this community.

But, hey; "this world is not my home," and neither is this little town. The sooner I realize that the world is a terrible place without Christ, the better. Actually..."wise as serpents, innocent as doves." I'm saved, which is great, but most people aren't. Darkness reigns over much of the world, one way or another. Better to face that reality at 30 than never at all.

I made 2 B's on quizzes tonight, one low B, one about 1.5 points away from an A. I can actually do quality work now...that's grace, all the way.

So, I'm getting out of myself (Praise God!), facing reality (I guess its "recovery.." whatevs, Praise God!), and doing what I need to do to move forward, which I can only do because of Christ's work in my life.

I know. I should blog, lol. I'm just...happy. I fell asleep 10 years, OD'd on downers. Lots of terrible, awful, dreadful things happened, some good things, too. Now, I've woken up, it seems. Same house. Same bed, even. And yet...everything's different, especially me.

 

[Eugene]

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Growth noted CE. I didn't read one of the repetitive problems of your past. God's work continues as He courts you to have His best. The great thing is that you seem to be responding.

PS - God is attempting to do the same for all of us in Christ.

 

[AirDancer]

I believe the time you spent in the hands of doctors actually saved your life by protecting you from the dark side that was drawing you in. Drugs, the severe blow to the head ... either of those could have ended your life.

Instead, you were rescued. The shock treatment re-started your brain. Our Lord brought you through it all, improving you, strengthening you.

You belong to Him. You've willingly given your life to learning more and more and more about Him in order to have a more mature and more perfect relationship with Him. And as you grow and mature in Him, you're able now to share with others your testimony. Our Lord really did save you in more ways than one!

He's marvelous!

 

[Christ_empowered]

Thanks. Eugene, you know, I was just praying on that....I think because I grew up as a lonely only child and I was always the odd one out, I forget that my problems and issues and good stuff, too...aren't unique to me. The way The Lord works in my life is in a sense unique to me, but the themes--reconciliation, restoration, hope, faith, growth, etc.--are common to all Believers. Its just...you know, this is my life and I am me 24/7/365, so its hard to forget that.

AirDancer...I never thought of that! I mean, shock treatment...wow...its intense...but...now that I've gotten saved and everything, its not so terrible. I read about it, and way back when, they called heavy shock "de-patterning." The idea was that mental illness was rooted in maladaptive responses that were built up over time...if you erase enough memories, you could destroy the responses (sometimes the whole personality) and start all over. Morbid, I know, but...now that I'm on the right side of The Cross, I don't see the shocks as the worst thing ever. Maybe a little "depatterning" was called for? I don't know...

 

[AirDancer]

I see the shock treatments more as correcting the damage that was done when you were hit with the pipe. Head injuries can seriously affect areas of the brain.

In your case, the shock treatment corrected the damage and re-booted your brain.

Of course, there's always the chance the de-patterning means that the plaid wallpaper was removed, and your mental screen was painted with a more interesting pearlescence.