Should An Adult Date A Minor?

[ezra]

An 14 year old has no business dating an 18 year old. It's not just a separation in physical age. At 14 that child has yet to go through several life stages. That includes maturity, having experiences, and even knowing what the heck they want to do with themselves. An 18 year old would have a mental choke hold on them. And the odds that things would get sexual are too great. I wouldn't trust someone that old with my 14 year old no matter what. There was a time when such an age gap didn't mean anything due to large scale societal pressure to marry and have children. Heck, the 18 year old would more likely be 20 +, well established and looking for a wife. And during said time women had to get married and have kids as early as possible because their lives didn't have value otherwise. But we do not live in those days and more often than not the older person in these situations just wants sex and nothing else. Just cold hearted exploitation.

Age gaps don't matter when both parties are of age. May-December romance? As long as the younger party is over 18 I don't care. But before then? No way. The loosest I could maybe get is a 17 year old dating a 20 year old. And thats a BIG maybe. Good Lord just wait one more year in that case.

agreed

 

[stovebolts]

An 14 year old has no business dating an 18 year old. It's not just a separation in physical age. At 14 that child has yet to go through several life stages. That includes maturity, having experiences, and even knowing what the heck they want to do with themselves. An 18 year old would have a mental choke hold on them. And the odds that things would get sexual are too great. I wouldn't trust someone that old with my 14 year old no matter what. There was a time when such an age gap didn't mean anything due to large scale societal pressure to marry and have children. Heck, the 18 year old would more likely be 20 +, well established and looking for a wife. And during said time women had to get married and have kids as early as possible because their lives didn't have value otherwise. But we do not live in those days and more often than not the older person in these situations just wants sex and nothing else. Just cold hearted exploitation.

Age gaps don't matter when both parties are of age. May-December romance? As long as the younger party is over 18 I don't care. But before then? No way. The loosest I could maybe get is a 17 year old dating a 20 year old. And thats a BIG maybe. Good Lord just wait one more year in that case.

Exactly!
My son is 20 and when "grandma" aka cougar wanted to hook him up with a 14 year old he inherently understood this gal had some issues...

 

[ezra]

Exactly!
My son is 20 and when "grandma" aka cougar wanted to hook him up with a 14 year old he inherently understood this gal had some issues...

there needs to be another look at this reverse the roles of female age 20 to boy age 14 we are seeing female teachers have affairs with young students at age 14 many young guys would love nothing more than to have sx with a older woman. even though all thy know about sex is what they rad or seen in a magazine . so this a very serious subject .its good to discuss on a forum but more something that has to be addressed in a home . growing up no body ever explained abstinence . i am not saying as a young guy growing up.i dated lots of Girls put notches in by belt.. however when i did youth ministry and had room full of wild teens just waiting for the time... i put it straight forward what was out there.. many did not like what i said even older adults.. things like this has to be ADDRESSED. other wise they are going to find out on there own.. end results could be std unplanned pregnancy .better to tell the truth than step around it

 

[stovebolts]

there needs to be another look at this reverse the roles of female age 20 to boy age 14 we are seeing female teachers have affairs with young students at age 14 many young guys would love nothing more than to have sx with a older woman. even though all thy know about sex is what they rad or seen in a magazine . so this a very serious subject .its good to discuss on a forum but more something that has to be addressed in a home . growing up no body ever explained abstinence . i am not saying as a young guy growing up.i dated lots of Girls put notches in by belt.. however when i did youth ministry and had room full of wild teens just waiting for the time... i put it straight forward what was out there.. many did not like what i said even older adults.. things like this has to be ADDRESSED. other wise they are going to find out on there own.. end results could be std unplanned pregnancy .better to tell the truth than step around it

You got that right!
When i was in Jr. High, Van Halen was very popular and it was every boys dream to have sex with a hot female teacher. I'm sure this song spurred our imagination and desire.

I'm glad you were able to go in front of teens and have that kind of talk with them. I'm sure many of them needed it!

 

[ezra]

You got that right!
When i was in Jr. High, Van Halen was very popular and it was every boys dream to have sex with a hot female teacher. I'm sure this song spurred our imagination and desire.

I'm glad you were able to go in front of teens and have that kind of talk with them. I'm sure many of them needed it!

when i was in school i had the old war hors teachers that was nearing retirement age my math teacher had kids my age.. this is a serious issue even in our very rural community. thy arrested a bag boy around age 40 give or take.. child porn on his phone.. i dont think he was a pedophile but still child porn? what kind of excitement comes from a young child.......... no way off limits so this subject goes deeper than the O.P . i had on young girl while i was teaching kept standing up adjusting her type warm up/sweat pant along with her blouse . i finally figured it out..she was pregnant and showing other teens her badge of having sex... i may be rude/crude point blank ..but i tell the truth of life experiences.. i even had try break up a fight in church parking lot a minor girl pretty good size and a small gal adult age say 18 or so. needless to say the younger gal was winning.. needless say the older girl had a skirt on.. so you can just imagine what i was seeing.. the pastor pulled up jumped out dragged the bigger girl off. while i kept the other gal down.. the pastor was about 6:2 close 300 lbs. compared me 5;11 maybe 190 lbs .. yeah i got war stories

 

[stovebolts]

when i was in school i had the old war hors teachers that was nearing retirement age my math teacher had kids my age.. this is a serious issue even in our very rural community. thy arrested a bag boy around age 40 give or take.. child porn on his phone.. i dont think he was a pedophile but still child porn? what kind of excitement comes from a young child.......... no way off limits so this subject goes deeper than the O.P . i had on young girl while i was teaching kept standing up adjusting her type warm up/sweat pant along with her blouse . i finally figured it out..she was pregnant and showing other teens her badge of having sex... i may be rude/crude point blank ..but i tell the truth of life experiences.. i even had try break up a fight in church parking lot a minor girl pretty good size and a small gal adult age say 18 or so. needless to say the younger gal was winning.. needless say the older girl had a skirt on.. so you can just imagine what i was seeing.. the pastor pulled up jumped out dragged the bigger girl off. while i kept the other gal down.. the pastor was about 6:2 close 300 lbs. compared me 5;11 maybe 190 lbs .. yeah i got war stories

No kidding... Wow. I think it all comes down to human nature...

I do recall a teacher when I was in 1st grade. He always had young boys over for popcorn and movies. I only went once. My older brother told me the teacher fondled him. Makes ya sick.

Nothing new under the sun....

 

[Bull of the Woods]

Here's what I think. One issue is the inherent power an older person has over a younger.
Even if in some cases a younger person seems mature. That is very rarely more than looks or a put on show.
It's like the case with Woody Allen getting involved with an adopted daughter. It could be argued the taboo of being with a sister or daughter wouldn't apply because they aren't biologically related.
The problem is society can't allow things like that because it puts all young people at risk who are around older non biological people.
Same with a twenty year old and fourteen year old. They are not on comparable footing. Not only is the specific young person at risk, but if society acts like it's ok than it opens the door to countless people being at risk.
Our society, including unfortunately much of the American church, is too much into pushing sexual growth way too early. Too many people think it's cute or important for their kid's popularity. Not having sex usually, but dating and dressing older and things like that.
Parents that let a younger child "date" and older person have some kind of problem.

 

[HeIsRisen2018]

Any twenty year old that hooks up with a fourteen year old will more than likely wind up behind bars or at least in a courtroom. That is just really pushing the envelope.

 

[Corn Pop]

In this clip the guy is only four years older than the girl...who he claimed she lied and her parents haven't protested (at least from what I saw of the clip)

My wife is 17 years younger than me. Where I'm in my 50's she is in her 30's. When we met she was in her late 20's. Not exactly cradle robbing. But I am her parent's ages.
So...my view is somewhat jaded.

But I am against kids being so focused on "hooking up" with a romantic partner at such a young age when they have no skills to parent or support a family yet.
All this being done by kids not even over 21 yet.
not a good idea.

I edit because maybe people take what I say the wrong way.

 

[Bull of the Woods]

I have never met a woman under 18 I would have considered mature enough to enter a life long marriage commitment. If they exist they occur rarely enough that society is justified in setting a legal age at 18 or thereabouts.

 

[HeIsRisen2018]

In my opinion after puberty age doesn't matter if people who genuinely like each other have a relationship and get married. I don't care what anyone thinks. When a female bleeds she goes from a child to a young woman. Do people think God and his creation is dumb. Even all the so called stupid animals agree with God.

I have never met a woman under 18 I would have considered mature enough to enter a life long marriage commitment. If they exist they occur rarely enough that society is justified in setting a legal age at 18 or thereabouts.

I actually see both of your points, but to kiwidan, I sure hope that you care about what the law says.

 

[Corn Pop]

I actually see both of your points, but to kiwidan, I sure hope that you care about what the law says.

It's not against the law for anyone to have a relationship with who they want. I was only talking about ready for dating.

 

[Corn Pop]

I have never met a woman under 18 I would have considered mature enough to enter a life long marriage commitment. If they exist they occur rarely enough that society is justified in setting a legal age at 18 or thereabouts.

I have never met a woman under 27 I would have considered mature enough to have a relationship.

I say 27 because now im 38 and that's the lowest age I have met in the last few years who I actually connected with who was mature enough to have a connection even we only ended up friends. We still talk and have a friendship.

 

[Bull of the Woods]

It's not against the law for anyone to have a relationship with who they want. No one has the right to tell people who they can and cannot associate with. There is a legal age to have sex but I'm not talking about that.

I don't know about the law for sure but know an older person can ruin a younger person's life if a bad influence without having sex. Permanent or very long lasting negative impacts. I can't condone having an open door for that.

 

[HeIsRisen2018]

Let me just say really quick for the record that if somebody my age (29) was dating a seventeen year old and it didn't lead to sexual activity, it would be unwise since it eventually might lead there, but not illegal if it actually was nothing but hugging and kissing. However I think there are certain exceptions between seventeen and eighteen year olds but I can't really remember what.

 

[evahma]

In this clip the guy is only four years older than the girl...who he claimed she lied and her parents haven't protested (at least from what I saw of the clip)

My wife is 17 years younger than me. Where I'm in my 50's she is in her 30's. When we met she was in her late 20's. Not exactly cradle robbing. But I am her parent's ages.
So...my view is somewhat jaded.

But I am against kids being so focused on "hooking up" with a romantic partner at such a young age when they have no skills to parent or support a family yet.
All this being done by kids not even over 21 yet.
not a good idea.

 

[jerry63935]

I agree but I would think like a friendly kiss on the cheek is way different from a passionate one on the lips. Wasn't kissing on cheeks a big thing in the Bible? And I only like did that once. Usually it's just virtual hugs.

a friendly kiss on the cheek them being minors at the wrong time could cause you legal problems even it being innocent .were living in different times

 

[jasonc]

Let me just say really quick for the record that if somebody my age (29) was dating a seventeen year old and it didn't lead to sexual activity, it would be unwise since it eventually might lead there, but not illegal if it actually was nothing but hugging and kissing. However I think there are certain exceptions between seventeen and eighteen year olds but I can't really remember what.

You don't have to prove sex acts to be charged and convicted .since its unlikely and highly likely that it will or did happen I agree with age of consent .age of 18 is an adult if an 18 can date a 14 year old why not a 50 year old?

My county its 18 and 18.state law its 22 with a 16 .what if he or she drinks and smokes etc a patent must decide and decide he'll ta da naw

 

[Prycejosh1987]

It's just a question that's been on my mind since I saw this Dr. Phil clip. Obviously he's talking about the alcohol being a problem, but if it doesn't include sexual contact I really don't think that it would be illegal. Definitely unwise because it could lead to something else, but I don't think it would wind you up behind bars for it. Also, I do think that there is a difference between a passionate kiss and a friendly kiss on the cheek. :yes

Agreed. Its good to have a relationship based on communication, trust, and communion. Sex is not everything, at least not until marriage and vows.

 

[D-D-W]

Any twenty year old that hooks up with a fourteen year old will more than likely wind up behind bars or at least in a courtroom. That is just really pushing the envelope.

There is a changing cultural thing at work here.

What was considered fairly normal back 50-60 years ago is just not that way any more. In the 1940s, 50s, and even into the 60s a 20 year old may actually be married to a 14 year old. Look at the spousal age differences of some of the 50s rock icons like Jerry Lee Louis and Elvis Presley. A good friend of mine (now in his 50s) was the youngest child from his dad's 2nd marriage, and that to a woman far younger than his oldest siblings. I know of several instances of that.

On another forum a few years ago there was a woman in her 80s that recalled a post WW2 date she went on - she was 14 and the guy was in his upper 20s. Her mom set up the date. She said she dressed to kill. Her mom's reaction was more than favorable. I wanted to post what the mom said; but it probably would violate the forum rules.