The huggy thing in church

[GrannyJ]

Seems like there's a huge move to people feeling like they should hug and kiss you in church. Do most people see this as a good thing? I have post traumatic stress disorder and can't cope with being touched by strangers. So I have a problem with it. How does everyone else feel?

 

[Willie T]

Macht nichts, really... but if it bothers you, just let it be known. They will most likely stop.

 

[reba]

I am with ya GrannyJ ( not the ptsd) To me a 'real 'hug is way different than the automatic ones... Agreeing with Willie it does not take much to let it be known we dont like it... The huggers dont mean any harm... Reaching out as to shake a hand is very often enough to stop the hug...

 

[Obadiah]

It's not really a new thing in churches. I've been in churches where this is common even decades ago. We are told in at least 4 places in the Bible to "greet one another with a holy kiss" (Rom 6:16, 1 Cor 16:20, 2 Cor 3:13, 1 Thess 5:26) so I don't think we can say that it's wrong, scriptural speaking. Culturally, well now that's a different thing. In those early times in their culture a kiss, as a token of peace, friendship, and brotherly love, was frequent among all people; and the Christians used it in their public assemblies, as well as in their occasional meetings. Hugs are much the same. In some parts of the world this is still the normal way. In the United States, not so much. We normally use a handshake in place of kissing or hugging unless it is with someone we are close to. So this can make it seem strange in a church until you realize that through Christ, these are actually people who feel very close to you.

PTSD aside, I can't see anything really wrong with it. I just think we need to be sensitive to the reaction of those around us. If a person shys away from this type of thing (as you probably do whether you mean to or not!) we certainly shouldn't force it on them! Friendly greetings of any kind are meant to be something that makes the receiver feel good, not something that makes them cringe!

 

[GrannyJ]

You're right, Reba, a real hug from a real friend is a different thing altogether. I don't understand why anyone wants to hug someone they don't know.

I'd find it difficult to tell people who are virtually strangers that I don't like being hugged. By the time I know them well enough to tell them, my subconscious has accepted them as trustworthy and I don't mind them hugging me. Catch-22. I know in my conscious mind that they don't mean any harm, that they are good and kind people, but it doesn't seem to help.

 

[Claudya]

Seems like there's a huge move to people feeling like they should hug and kiss you in church. Do most people see this as a good thing? I have post traumatic stress disorder and can't cope with being touched by strangers. So I have a problem with it. How does everyone else feel?

Totally agree.
I mean, hugs are awesome!!! Even hugging a stranger can be awesome.
But I don't want to be coercively hugged by someone I barely know just because they think if we attent the same church we need to pretent we're automatically best friends forever. If you'd hug and kiss and touch just anyone those gestures become meaningless and random. A hug shared with another person should be something special, thus I'd prefere to be a bit more selective about who I hug and when.
Doesn't mean I'm against hugging in church. Not at all. It just shouldn't be something done automatically. So, yeah, like reba said....

Also some people really dislike physical touch with strangers, because of some traumatic experience, or maybe because they just aren't the touchy-feely type of person. It's a matter of Godly love to each other to take those personal preferences into consideration.

 

[Edward]

Well, i think that it's a friendly thing. (dependent upon what's in ones heart of course) and that since we're all the body of Christ that it's a good thing. i also suspect that there may be a slight spiritual aspect to it. Like the laying on of hands for instance, I think uh, a transference of spiritual energy (Love?) takes place between the two spirits at the time of the hug. It does feel good to be hugged. This is probably why.

mankind has so much lust and evil within their heart in general, that has thrown a negative connotation into hugs over time. This has made people conditioned to suspect other intent of hugs and made some to shy away from being hugged. Between spouses, hugs are certainly of an intimate nature, and as such, it is understandable why someone would not want to hugs certain (or most) other people. Why should I hug her, she's not my wife so why should I give her my spiritual energy (love) when it should honorably be given to only my wife? And so forth.

I think it should be respected of others. If they are not comfortable being hugged, then don't , and there's nothing wrong about not hugging someone who you are not comfortable hugging. Even though hugs are usually of an erotic nature, there is also hugs of a platonic nature which is very hard for most to easily become comfortable with because of the evil in mans heart and the probable ill intent of one of the parties, or even what people may think. (He hugged my wife/child too long, is he a cheater/pedophile (whatever)?)

Respect people and their comfort zone, but love them nonetheless.

 

[jasonc]

the holy kiss likely would be the same why the French, arabs and jews greet each other. the kiss on the cheek

 

[Obadiah]

And if you know you are going to hug or be hugged it's a great encouragement to bathe before church too!


Did I really just type that out loud??? Oops. 2

 

[Edward]

And if you know you are going to hug or be hugged it's a great encouragement to bathe before church too!


Did I really just type that out loud??? Oops. 2

Plan for a hug every week i guess.

 

[Kathi]

Seems like there's a huge move to people feeling like they should hug and kiss you in church. Do most people see this as a good thing? I have post traumatic stress disorder and can't cope with being touched by strangers. So I have a problem with it. How does everyone else feel?

Hug and kiss in Church?No thanks.Turn to your neighbor and shake hands and say Jesus is Lord...Ok.

 

[Edward]

Hug and kiss in Church?No thanks.Turn to your neighbor and shake hands and say Jesus is Lord...Ok.

I'm not big on kissing everybody, but I'll give a brother a hug.
You can tell by the body language if someone does or does not want the hug, then it's time to shake hands. it's still the touching/laying on of hands.

 

[Kathi]

I'm not big on kissing everybody, but I'll give a brother a hug.
You can tell by the body language if someone does or does not want the hug, then it's time to shake hands. it's still the touching/laying on of hands.

I have had people decline a hand shake.They do not want anything to do with touching you.It could be an OCD thing.I respect that.Hugging and kissing someone I don't know?That is weird.

 

[Edward]

I have had people decline a hand shake.They do not want anything to do with touching you.It could be an OCD thing.I respect that.Hugging and kissing someone I don't know?That is weird.

Wow. Declining a hand shake is weird. It should be respected though. Who knows what they've been through?

 

[Kathi]

Wow. Declining a hand shake is weird. It should be respected though. Who knows what they've been through?

That is how I feel.You do not know what they are dealing with.I respect that.

 

[Obadiah]

I have had people decline a hand shake....

In our society that's just plain rude. I understand the reservations about hugging and kissing because that's not really a normal thing in our society even if it IS done in some circles. But a handshake IS the normal thing and rejecting it is simply rude. Even most people with severe mental illnesses can shake hands with no problem!

 

[Kathi]

In our society that's just plain rude. I understand the reservations about hugging and kissing because that's not really a normal thing in our society even if it IS done in some circles. But a handshake IS the normal thing and rejecting it is simply rude. Even most people with severe mental illnesses can shake hands with no problem!

It is not plain rude.If someone has an illness such as OCD and they can not deal with someone touching them then you need to respect that.You are judging that person if you think they are being rude.You are not walking in their shoes.At least they are at Church.Do you think Jesus knows their issues?Yes,he does and he is merciful.It may be very difficult and embarrrassing for that person.

 

[Lewis]

Last time my pastor tried to hug me I shot him and a deaconess.

 

[Kathi]

Last time my pastor tried to hug me I shot him and a deaconess.

You shot him?As in bang.....bang?

 

[Edward]

That is how I feel.You do not know what they are dealing with.I respect that.

I use this perspective on the road too to offset road rage. If they cut me off or whatever, they may be rushing home to a sick wife or child, if they're yelling or something then they may be upset from hearing his loved one was robbed or anything. People don't think about this stuff.

One time I was slowing down to make a left in an alley and passed a guy on a bike then as he passed me to ride by he started screaming at me and cursing me. I put it in park and yelled What? and got out. He stopped his bike and got off like he wanted to fight, and I said Whoa. He looked at me and said what are you doing? I said I'm not backing down, but I know that you're just upset because you thought I was going to cut you off and turn in front of you, which I didn't! He looked at me quizzically and said you know...you're right, I'm sorry and offered his hand. Pretty cool I thought.

Everyone jumps to conclusions in this world and many misunderstandings (and fights) could be avoided if we just took a deep breath and thought for a moment.