Christ_empowered
Member
- Oct 23, 2010
- 14,243
- 10,725
OK. Its probably the small town in general. I wasn't a good person, I get it, but...I was subjected to a lot of abuse that had nothing to do with my morality or lack thereof. I was just poor, ugly, stupid, and an easy target. And now...
...I don't live in poverty, I'm not ugly, I'm not stupid, and my parents moved up in the world and are backing me, so I'm not an easy target.
The neighbors keep on. I was smoking a cigarette on the front porch a lil while ago, and some dude from next door yelled out "You're not the same person!" These people will also yell out: "they (the shrinks) took something from you" and "he'll recover, but there will always be something missing" and "nothing special" and "he can never become a man."
Venting...10 years ago, shrinks destroyed me. I mean, I was annihilated. I've only recently recovered...and I was never supposed to live this long, much less recover (Praise God!). I was supposed to be dead by 23, then sometime in the next few years, then in 6 months...now I'm 31 and I'm so healthy that I look a little younger than my age (which the neighbor lady chalks up to a "laser peel," since I apparently have $$$ for that kinda thing).
So...yeah. I'm frustrated. A good thing, though, is that I can spot it as bullying and increasingly brush it off. Electroshock...made me a simpleton, so it was harder for me brush stuff off. Now, I'm smart enough to be in society again and its easier to just think "well, they're bullies, and they clearly have nothing better to do. They hate me in large part because God's work in my life and because...well...that's how mentally ill people are treated."
And there,I think, is where my real frustration lies...this is how mentally ill people are treated. There is no magical place I can move where this won't happen. When I lived out of state in a decent, nothing too special apartment complex, I had problems. Somebody switched one of my new tires out for a very, very old tire, for instance. Somebody stole my debit card #. I was using a car in my dad's name...somebody took out a title loan on it. See what I mean? Mentally ill people...we're targets, we're victims...and being shocked into oblivion just made it that much easier for the world to victimize me.
So, I am blessed. Frustrated as I get, I'm safe here. My parents hired an attorney, I live here with them in peace, comfort, and safety. I may not matter to most of society, but I matter to my family, and that's huge.
Ugh. Excuse the rant and vent. Its just like...where do I go, you know? What do I do? Men, in particular, have a problem with me. Part of it is southern homophobia and all the other stigmatized stuff attached to me...part of it is that I was never supposed to recover, and now I have, so....they say: "he can never become a man."
There's that and...before I got saved, I said that Jesus healed me. Long story, but...my hair had grown back at that point and I was still alive, so I figured Jesus had healed me. It was funny to everyone, until...2 1/2 years into being Born Again, I'm remarkably healthy and also in recovery from madness. I've largely recovered from "treatment," which is a miracle in and of itself. Ohhhh...lest I forget: my people forgave me for my wasted life. I mean, it was wasted until Jesus saved me. Now my life is increasingly awesome, even with stuff like this happeneing, lol.
Ramble...this turned into more of a vent and ramble than I'd anticipated, lol. Please pray for me, my family, and my neighborhood. Thanks.
...I don't live in poverty, I'm not ugly, I'm not stupid, and my parents moved up in the world and are backing me, so I'm not an easy target.
The neighbors keep on. I was smoking a cigarette on the front porch a lil while ago, and some dude from next door yelled out "You're not the same person!" These people will also yell out: "they (the shrinks) took something from you" and "he'll recover, but there will always be something missing" and "nothing special" and "he can never become a man."
Venting...10 years ago, shrinks destroyed me. I mean, I was annihilated. I've only recently recovered...and I was never supposed to live this long, much less recover (Praise God!). I was supposed to be dead by 23, then sometime in the next few years, then in 6 months...now I'm 31 and I'm so healthy that I look a little younger than my age (which the neighbor lady chalks up to a "laser peel," since I apparently have $$$ for that kinda thing).
So...yeah. I'm frustrated. A good thing, though, is that I can spot it as bullying and increasingly brush it off. Electroshock...made me a simpleton, so it was harder for me brush stuff off. Now, I'm smart enough to be in society again and its easier to just think "well, they're bullies, and they clearly have nothing better to do. They hate me in large part because God's work in my life and because...well...that's how mentally ill people are treated."
And there,I think, is where my real frustration lies...this is how mentally ill people are treated. There is no magical place I can move where this won't happen. When I lived out of state in a decent, nothing too special apartment complex, I had problems. Somebody switched one of my new tires out for a very, very old tire, for instance. Somebody stole my debit card #. I was using a car in my dad's name...somebody took out a title loan on it. See what I mean? Mentally ill people...we're targets, we're victims...and being shocked into oblivion just made it that much easier for the world to victimize me.
So, I am blessed. Frustrated as I get, I'm safe here. My parents hired an attorney, I live here with them in peace, comfort, and safety. I may not matter to most of society, but I matter to my family, and that's huge.
Ugh. Excuse the rant and vent. Its just like...where do I go, you know? What do I do? Men, in particular, have a problem with me. Part of it is southern homophobia and all the other stigmatized stuff attached to me...part of it is that I was never supposed to recover, and now I have, so....they say: "he can never become a man."
There's that and...before I got saved, I said that Jesus healed me. Long story, but...my hair had grown back at that point and I was still alive, so I figured Jesus had healed me. It was funny to everyone, until...2 1/2 years into being Born Again, I'm remarkably healthy and also in recovery from madness. I've largely recovered from "treatment," which is a miracle in and of itself. Ohhhh...lest I forget: my people forgave me for my wasted life. I mean, it was wasted until Jesus saved me. Now my life is increasingly awesome, even with stuff like this happeneing, lol.
Ramble...this turned into more of a vent and ramble than I'd anticipated, lol. Please pray for me, my family, and my neighborhood. Thanks.
