Well said.Like a ship on a stormy sea until the Lord Christ stills the waters , emotions, that are all under his command. The parable when Peter was to walk to Jesus when Jesus was walking on the sea of Galilee. Peters faith brought him out of the boat and he took purchase atop the water. Then he realized where he was and his far of drowning overcame his trust of his Lord and he almost drowned. Until Jesus raised him up.
The testimony of the OP seeing the error of their ways is brave and something worthy of our prayers. That the Lord lead and guide in his precious and holiest of spirits unto understanding that which admittedly is askew at these times.
Amen.