B
blessedsmithereens
Guest
Someone who isn't married trying to tell someone who is that they should remain in a violent marriage sounds really silly.
I was a counselor at a rape crisis hotline. Women would call and they were married to their rapist. More than one woman in the few years I served on the phones.
Without fail each woman would sooner or later ask the same question. Can I be raped by my husband?
Yes, you certainly can.
Without exception those men would be under the influence of something at the time. And each woman in that predicament I spoke with said they were a Christian. While a few said their husband was too. One said their husband was an atheist but had lied when they were dating so she'd want him.
I left the hotline when I found out through reading the details in the paper and recalling a lady that called me and reached my extension a few times that her rapist husband had killed her.
She'd sought spiritual advice from her pastor, as I suggested, which was part of the guilt that made me leave. Her husband, the fake Christian, was approached at the garage where he worked, self-employed, by that pastor. This pastor was told by the wife the husband was atheist and had lied he was Christian during the courtship but the pastor made a go for it anyway. Thinking to appeal to his better nature.
There was none.
The husband turns out was all contrite and apologetic and humble to the pastor. A man. Who likely wouldn't take to being abused should the hubby decide to go that route.
But when the husband got home having drank himself into oblivion first, drunk driving to get there. Imagine the roads victims. He confronted the wife in a rage that she'd brought their personal business into the streets. He beat her near to death, raped her, held her at gunpoint for a day and when neighbors awoke in the morning and heard her screaming they called police. They surrounded the house, got on the phone with a mediator, which is how all these details came to us, since we worked with police and had police radio in the break room, and finally after many hours the lying husband ended the whole thing by lying again.
She's alive. She's fine. They'll come out and seek counseling.
A very short time later police heard two pops.
He'd killed her but the autopsy said she was actually dead already from being beaten to death. Husband was so in a after drunk fog he apparently didn't realize he'd been raping a corpse all night. And beating her. And he shot himself after laying beside her with their framed wedding picture on her back. That's how they were found.
Him shot through the head via mouth. Her shot in the back of the head . The bullet burying in the floor.
God have mercy.
Because she stayed. Because her pastor said the vows they took before God even when the hubby was lying, unbeknownst to the soon to be wife and pastor, God made them one forever. No divorce.
If any woman in a bad marriage is reading this that still haunts me and the sisters I worked with and still keep in touch with at the hotline, please know you are worth more than being beaten to death by your husband.
So many women I talked to who would say they were married , remember, while calling a rape crisis hotline, would say when asked why do you stay? Why don't you get out? "I love him!"
If this saves one woman from a bad marriage the tears I'm crying now recalling that lady I knew as a voice and then as a tragic report from police , will be worth it.
When you're in an abusive marriage, or even a relationship, male or female, and someone asks why don't you leave? And your first thought or answer is, "because I love him/her!" Think! Of what you're saying about love. And abuse.
"I love him who beats me till I black out. " As the man did to the young woman I told you about dying in the end.
"I love him who refuses to let me have friends and family because he's hyper jealous!" That's called an isolationist. They're dangerous. They're the type that make headlines that include, he killed her because he said if he couldn't have her no one would!
I love him......who terrifies me to the core of my being!
That is not love! That is terrorism. That is horror. That is violence. That is abuse. That is enslavement. That is rape, when he takes you against your will. YES! YES! A wife can be raped by her husband! YES!
Here is my deepest prayer and advice to anyone reading this far. If you are in an abusive relationship please, please, please, please, GOD PLEASE, let this ring through to someone reading this if they are in an abusive relationship, love yourself first!
AND GET OUT!
Don't let that you have no family or friends to run to stop you from getting away. Like isolationists want to make happen because then all you have is him/her. RUN! GET OUT! Go to a neighbor, go to police, call police, knock on someone's door away from your house if you have no transportation and ask them even if they don't open the door to call 911!
There are women's shelters that can help you. There is even an underground if you have children that can get you away.
Run to a church. If your husband or boy friend doesn't let you go to church don't worry. Run to one anyway. Most are open . But if they're not go to the back and hide till they do open. Go to a 24/7 store, like a WAWA, a Royal Farms, a 7/11, a 24 hour grocery and to the manager or counter employee and ask them to call 911.
File a complaint against your husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend. And no matter what do not back down. Even if that one you're pressing against beg you. Because it is a lie! You know it is. When they say, baby, I promise, I'll change! I'll never do it again! Please! Please! I don't want to go to jail baby.
Baby? You don't want to go to an early grave do you?
Call a women's crisis hotline. We're anonymous and someplace far away most likely. We can't come get you but we can certainly send police. Please, God didn't make you to die at the hands of another. Even when they're wearing a wedding band.
God made marriage!
Man made divorce because evil men don't deserve the right to abuse wives.
Links
Rape Crisis Hotlines - A DuckDuckGo list of links
Spousal Abuse Crisis Hotlines Links
Links Sanctuaries for Abused Women
DuckDuckGo search engine allows you to search by region. Which is another reason I used it as a source.
If you're reading this as one who is suffering in relationship, make sure you clear your browser cache before "he" or "she" gets home. Abusers want you to have no privacy and it is likely if they do let you on a computer that they'll check your browsing history.
Anyone who has IT knowledge please add to that information if you know other ways to keep someone safe on-line.
God be with every woman and man who cries themselves to sleep because they're terrified of the one sleeping next to them. And of course in the case of those who have children, well, that's just too much but it should go without saying that they see it all. They deserve better than to be afraid. And they will imprint watching relationship in a dysfunctional house. Boys will learn to be like bad daddy. Girls will learn to take it like sad mommy. And vice versa. Abuse is abuse. Male or female.
God bless.
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