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Who ever gets the last Word

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Sad news from Chapala, where I live.

Jose Guadalupe Gollaz Mejia was assistant Chief of Police in Chapala, in charge of day-to-day operations. He was assassinated yesterday on a crowded street by three gunman, who then escaped.

The gunmen abandoned their vehicle before reaching a police roadblock and fled on foot. State and federal police are assisting in the investigation, but I only saw a few of them today.
 
I'll list TVGuide as the fifth worst magazine in history.

Hogan's Heroes is fairly popular in Germany. where the phrase "Heil Hitler" is illegal. So they greet each other with "How high is your corn?"
 
:lol :biglaugh

Actually if you say Heil Hitler, Seig Hail or do the Nazi salute I believe it's 3 years jail. Wow.
 
The Daily Telegraph August 11, 2009

A MAN jumped into a fast-flowing river because he couldn't take his wife's nagging anymore.

The Chinese truck driver, known as Zhou, and his wife were on a ferry on the Yangtze River when it all became too much for him, the Chongqing Evening Post reports.

Members of the ship's crew saw the man suddenly run out of his cabin with his hands covering his ears, and shouting: "I can't stand it any longer."

They initially thought he was suffering from an ear injury and went to help him but found he was unhurt.

"While we were still puzzling over the this, his wife ran up and continued nagging him," said a crewmate.

"The husband covered his ears again and said: 'I need a break' before jumping over the side into the rushing river.

"We immediately found lamps to light up the water but found nobody. The possibility of survival can be zero."

End of sidebar. Return to start of sidebar.

However, later that night, police found the man who had managed to swim about 2km across across the broad river.

"I felt I was dying, but even that's better than my wife's nagging," he reportedly told the police.

The couple were reunited the following morning at the local police station where Zhou's wife promised to give up her habit of nagging him.
 
Today's "You should have realized how stupid I am" award goes to Lauren Rosenberg, who is suing Google Maps for not realizing how stupid she is.

Using her Blackberry phone to get walking directions, Ms. Rosenburg was instructed to walk a half mile down a state highway. Since there was no sidewalk or shoulder, she walked down the middle of the highway. She is suing both Google and the driver of the car that hit her.
 
Wow... It sure is quiet in here. I guess that means I get the last word. Hmmm... How shall I use it?... I know! I'll tell a story.

Once upon a time, there was a man named Benny. Benny could never get the girls to like him and was very lonely. One day, Benny's fairy god mother showed up and said he could have one wish. Benny was quick to answer: "I wish a beautiful woman would fall in love with me and we would get married and live happily together for the rest of our lives",

"Well... technically, that's three wishes", said the fairy god mother, "but I'll grant them on one condition - you may never shave again. If you ever shave your beard, you will be instantly turned into a Grecian urn".

So, Benny stopped shaving and a few months later he met a beautiful woman. They fell madly in love and got married. The years passed and they had a wonderful life together. Then one day, Benny's wife said: "You know, you've had a beard ever since I first met you. I'd like to see what you look like without one". Benny explained to her that he couldn't shave because of what his fairy god mother had said. "Have you seen her since then?" she asked. He said that he hadn't. She was able to convince him that his fairy god mother had forgotten about him and that nothing bad would happen if he shaved. So, he went into the bathroom and started shaving. A couple of hours passed and not a sound came from the bathroom and Benny didn't come out. His wife started getting worried and went in to check on him. When she opened the bathroom door, she saw a pile of hair on the floor and Benny's cloths. In the middle of the pile was a beautiful Grecian urn.

And the moral of the story is: A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.
 
Perhaps, but will you use that time to do something useful, like think up a worse joke than the one I told, or will you waste it?
 
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