[__ Prayer __] will it ever s-t-o-p???

[ezra]

I got saved--and that by a miracle--just a tad over 5 years ago. I'm transformed now, inside and out. I went out for a nice, meandering drive, thinking and all that, and...as I rolled up to my parking spot in the front yard, I saw a visitor parked in a neighbor's yard. Ugh. I knew they'd let me know "how they FEEL ABOUT ME," etc. Anyway, I parked, got all my stuff together, and got out, walking towards the back door. Sho nuff...some lady yelled out sexual stuff (I -was- actively homosexual; I'm pursuing celibacy now) and laughed about my "Schizophrenia," and then...they've been yelling this out a lot lately...."congratulate Dr.(former shrink, the one who left me dead eyed @ age 20)."

hahaha. Yeah, its hilarious, isn't it? See, that 1st private, for profit hospital broke my spirit, left me dead eyed, refused to treat a near lethal Restoril OD (old school, addictive sleeping pill...more effective than Ambien, toxic in overdose). I was left soaked in my own urine, and then...then they went out of their way to break me, because my parents would not let them put me in a homeless shelter. Oh, and...apparently, they also did involuntary shock "Treatments," and then said I was "malingering," "out of control," etc. Cuz...you know...destroying people is what "good psychiatrists" do best, apparently.

I love Jesus. Jesus loves me. I love my parents. My parents love me. I am now tall enough, remarkably healthy, bright eyed. I even have good skin. I'm not saying I've stumbled upon the fountain of youth, but...I've been made healthy enough to have it show thru in my skin. Sounds vain, but I was sickly as a kid, worse as a teenager, and then...whoa. Dying by 23. Fun times. Oh, and...I was, once, balding...very, very balding, probably irreversible (scalp problems, hair pulling from agitation, questionable nutrition, peroxide, stress...), and now I have very thick hair. Again; sounds vain, but...it is nice, very...very nice. Nice touch .

I don't think I'm "Schizophrenic," honestly. I had problems, got drugged, labeled, destroyed, blame for all of it...now I"m a different person, healthy, smart...so I"m labeled "Schizophrenic," and everyone finds it ---hilarious---, as in "haha! we broke the f@***t!" and "haha! he ain't a man; he's just a MENTAL PATIENT!" and "yeah, that's Ted's lil F(you get the idea..)."

God is good. I've got remarkable amounts of good in me, thanks to Christ...I"m walking more and more on the side of light, Praise God! My parents are kind to me, and I"m increasingly kind to them, too. And yet...

is there a way outta here? I briefly worked in a factory in another state. My parents rented me a decent, no frills, but safe apt. in a complex. I had to leave the factory, leave the apt. and head back home, cuz -somehow- all kindsa stuff about me (much of it lies, which is apparently the case for many "mental patients" information) made its way over to my new zipcode. :-(

More than once, people have yelled out "they'll find you WHEREVER YOU GO!" and "shoulda gotten a sex change" and "they took his manhood." Now...

I pray for freedom, in this life. Seriously. I don't even think I"m "Bipolar I," whatever that really means, if it really means anything. I'm also not a unicorn or a leprechaun. See where I'm going with this?

Ugh. I know I sinned, mightily. To my credit, at age 20, I sustained so much brain damage from that hospital and their "Treatment" that a brain scan showed..wow; "You should be a vegetable!!!!!!!!!!!!!" So, I was an easy target. And somehow...somehow...it is all a) my fault and b) incredibly, ubelievably, hilarious. Non-stop laughter, brought to you by psychiatry.

I'm not giving up hope or faith, and I am getting better about moving on, getting along with things, but...whoa there. Do you think there's a witness protection program for "mental patients" ? LOL. I could do with a new identity and a far off community.

Thanks for reading, as always. And thanks for letting me vent a bit, ramble a bit, and...put it together. "Wise as serpents, innocent as doves." Darned if you, darned if you don't. "Don't know his PLACE IN SOCIETY!"

I ask that you pray God's perfect will for my parents and me, our lives. I've been washed and made clean, transformed from the inside out. God spared me; now I belong to Him, thank goodness. I -do- matter, afterall.

Thanks.

pssst the key is use to be but know 2nd Corinthians 5:17 next time tell i use to be but i am no more.. what skeleton are you hiding in your closet? really the best advice ignore the dim wit if at possible never answer a fool back... my self i will take so much then say something.. you could say bless your heart,,but it really means your stupid .. the world is cruel and full of ignorance do your best keep praying pray for her to get saved ..wave at her treat her with kindness {.it keeps it up check with the law about harassment } .. i work with a girl who is lesbian even though i disagree with her life style . i treat her like any one else

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks, ezra.

I'm big on being "washed and made clean," and its starting to "sink in." To my credit, I only recently (I think fully) "recovered" from...well, the old existence (drugs, shock, etc.). Seriously. Its so strange...in a good way....suddenly, I'll remember songs from HS and my younger years, and I remember people from back then. Not in a bad way, just...well, when one is a "mental patient," especially...well, in my situation, for whatever reason...--other-- people tell your life story. Seriously. And now...I Have enough memories to string together my -own- life story, which I think is something most people take for granted, but...trust me on this...kind of a big deal. I'm thankful.

The other thing is that being shocked that much makes it impossible to actually -function-, fully. Maybe that's the point?!?! Anyway, The Lord has willed that, as who I am now, who I am becoming in Christ Jesus...I can actually understand the world around me and grow up a bit. Again; I'm thankful.


Thanks again, ezra.

 

[nextus]

Nextus are you feeling angry at God? My daughter has suffered with acute paranoid scizophrenia for over 25 years. She also has depression, anxiety and panic attacks. Being a believer doesn't give us a smooth life we suffer like anyone else, sometimes more. But with grace, love and peace in your heart you can get by.

I pray you will find that love and peace and feel wholly blessed.

That's a lie, and you know it.

me (again).

I doubt I will ever become a member of this community. Before I got saved and then The Lord transformed me, I could be (barely...) tolerated, as long as I "played by the rules," and the "rules" were set mostly by "mental health professionals." And now...

ugh. I'm blessed beyond measure, no doubt, its just...well, its like this: once one has been labeled w/ "Schizophrenia," especially people like me ("trouble makers"), the label is permanent. Even if tomorrow, I woke up and could just go off the tranquilizer, I'd still be "Schizophrenic," because its not really a diagnosis.

See, in -real- medicine, you are not your diagnosis. When's the last time you hard someone say "I am Lung Cancer" or "I am diabetes," or even "oh, that dude...he's an allergy patient" ? In Mental Health, Inc. you -are- your diagnosis, and the more severe the diagnosis, the more stigma applied, the more brain damage from "treatment," and the less likely one will be able to exit the patient role.

Plus...get 2 shrinks, get 3 opinions (and lots of bills, of course). -ugh-

God's work in my life is nothing short of a miracle, to me. My parents and I Have reconciled, I'm healthy, bright eyed, surprisingly intelligent, even...gasp..."normal" (social skills, more masculine, etc.). Even this "mental patient" bizness is easier to deal with, in my situation. I receive disability, I live w/ my loving, kind, long suffering parents, and...aside from occasional trips to the clinic, I don't deal with "treatment" very much. And yet...

my label is "mental patient," and that's what I"m stuck with, in the community. Its hard to get a job, anyway; factor in "Schizophrenia," and...yeah, good luck. Plus, it a "Right to work" state. Push comes to shove, most jobs can fire their employees for any reason, or no reason, whatsoever. So, if I somehow got a job, lost disability, job people could decide "You know what? I don't think I want that 'Schizophrenic' workin' here. He rubs me the wrong way," and that would be the end of that. Boom. Buh bye.

Thing is, it isn't just around here, is it? If I move away, I'll be on my own, low status, and in a lot of places...well, they still have huge state hospitals in a lot of places, and I'm not eager to go into one of those places.

Ugh. I get frustrated with this, that's all. And I'm beginning to wonder if there really is such a thing as "mental illness." I mean...people have always gone crazy, no lie, but think about it...pumping troubled people full of talk and pills...is anybody really getting that much better? Maybe some of us just can't deal with "the real world" as well as most people. Not necessarily a flaw or anything, just....some people can't keep up. I read that in Italy, if you've got mental problems, the gov't would give a farm family money to take you in and have you live there. Makes a lot of sense, to me.

Rambling. I'm blessed, beyond measure. I just...probably will not end up with a "normal life," not the way most people gauge "normal." And the taunts, the stigma, the cruelty...that's just part of life, isn't it? More for some people than for others, of course. Fallen world, "life isn't fair sometimes," etc.

ugh. Thanks for your prayers+support.

You're missing the part where Jesus makes you whole, not just partly whole.

 

[Tessa]

What is a lie?

 

[Christ_empowered]

I'm beginning to think that psychiatry and psychology do more harm than good. If you're having problems so severe you need something to get thru it, go to a family doctor. When I was deeply, truly, incredibly -sick- at all levels...my psychiatrists told people a) I wasn't "mentally ill; b) that I needed to "feel pain" and c) that it was all somehow my fault. Seriously. Thing is...what they did to me was maybe on the extreme end, but it lines up with a lot of "patients' " experiences. I use the " " because we're -people- , not "mental patients," and besides...

is hearing voices sometimes really an "illness" ? I'm not trying to gloss over it or glamorize it, trust me. Its just...what if this is just part of my world, for now? I've gotten tremendously, much much better with Jesus in my heart. Non-believers might throw yet another diagnosis or psychological term at me..."denial," "religious delusions," etc., but think about it...

there's no blood work for "mental illness." No brain scans, either. Over the decades, "Schizophrenia" and other labels don't even show up at autopsy. Fun fact: although "mental illness" doesn't show up on brain scans or blood work or autopsy, the effects of "Treatment" (read: brain damage and changes in brain structure) -do- show up.

Honestly, I look back and its like....all psychiatry ever gave me was heartache and brain damage. Now, somehow, I have a high(er) IQ estimate and 0 cognitive difficulties, but...that;s the work of God, not "the right meds" or anything I"ve ever done. You walk into a shrink's office confused and naive, you end up dead eyed, brain damaged, and burned out. Ugh. I wish it was just me, but..nope. Not just me. I just happen to be someone they "made an example out of" who has now been blessed, beyond measure.

My faith is in Christ. I -had- faith in Mental Health, Inc. until they destroyed me, God spared me, and Jesus saved (is saving, I pray will save) me. Now, I perceive alot of this Mental Health, Inc. stuff as a sort of pseudoscientific belief system, a form of control, legal methods of torturing people.

If you have diabetes and refuse to take insulin, you'll probably die. However, doctors will not force you to eat properly or take your insulin, nor will they throw you into a hospital if you refuse insulin and end up sick (Not against your will, anyway). Now, with "Schizophrenia," if you don't take your psych drugs, you won't die...no one has ever died of "Schizophrenia..." but the shrinks can force it on you and lock you up in facility to pump you full of drugs and behavior modification, etc.

Its not medicine. There's nothing healing about psychiatry. "Standard treatment" causes brain damage. Imagine if "standard treatment" for medical conditions routinely involved destruction of healthy tissue. "Oh, I see you're coughing. Let's take out your lungs!" or "you have pink eye. I'll remove your eyes now...that'll fix it!"

I'll pray for you, nextus.