Hi everyone, I'll get to the point, I'm 17 going on 18, and I'm stuck on one point and that's Sex, on the one hand I know it's wrong to do it before the wedding and that it's a sin and maybe I'll regret it if I don't wait. I'm a Christian and I know a lot of things about God's message / the Bible. All my friends had sex before marriage and they are Christians and they believe and love God. My father told me : "that I should try a girl to have experience and to know if she is really good because when you have only one partner in your whole life you have no way to know." These are all my father's words. But on the other hand, what if I wait for the "right woman" until 40-50 and then get married and have sex. I know the Bible says your body is a holy ghost and it wouldn't be afraid to sleep with you, so sex after the wedding. I love God and it still bothers me, I'm young and I want to find a girl from God and have a nice relationship with her (even sex), because I don't think I know when to wait for someone who didn't pay off in the end. I know I have to believe in jesus and he knows what's best for me and at the right time but still. I don't know how to decide at all, I would be glad if someone who has been in the same situation or has a very good overview and experience could give me some advice. Thank you , have a nice rest of the day.
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Young Christian Seeks Advice on Premarital Sex and Faith in God.
- Thread starter Itachi
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Absolutely not !
You can't call yourself christian if you do that !
lukewarm, hypocrites , who never knew Christ, and either had personal relationship with Jesus in silent prayer when there's no people around to impress (in your room, in secret).
Your friends ? ... Many christians use christianity as tool for control, let me tell you that. And add onto that, those people were just born into that.
What sex means to you in this context ?
If you do that, you're misusing and perverting what it's real purpose is. Just like world does, and it's really disgusting to me, and how much more it is to God ?
Sex is meant to draw you closer to another, not as a test drive, if it fits well.
You say, "what if we have different sex drives.. ". Then you are shallow, and worldly, for even thinking to leave her if she doesn't meet some of your expectations.
Sex is not performance. It can be fun, it can be performance, I don't say, but still it's not it's main purpose, that's perverted by world.
Words from Jesus is "depart from me, for I never knew you". and you know how that verse goes ?
And this is not that hard. it's about being real in relationship. There's no need for sex, unless you have perverted desires, and are driven by sex desires only. And seek to "test her out", it "you fit".
That's called adultery. But world calls it "sexual experimenation". It's not a bitch, it's just multiple different girlfriends, that apparently you each differently test each out.
You're not seeking what's of God in your relationship, when first thing, you think about doing such thing before marriage.
You can't call yourself christian if you do that !
lukewarm, hypocrites , who never knew Christ, and either had personal relationship with Jesus in silent prayer when there's no people around to impress (in your room, in secret).
Your friends ? ... Many christians use christianity as tool for control, let me tell you that. And add onto that, those people were just born into that.
What sex means to you in this context ?
If you do that, you're misusing and perverting what it's real purpose is. Just like world does, and it's really disgusting to me, and how much more it is to God ?
Sex is meant to draw you closer to another, not as a test drive, if it fits well.
You say, "what if we have different sex drives.. ". Then you are shallow, and worldly, for even thinking to leave her if she doesn't meet some of your expectations.
Sex is not performance. It can be fun, it can be performance, I don't say, but still it's not it's main purpose, that's perverted by world.
Words from Jesus is "depart from me, for I never knew you". and you know how that verse goes ?
And this is not that hard. it's about being real in relationship. There's no need for sex, unless you have perverted desires, and are driven by sex desires only. And seek to "test her out", it "you fit".
That's called adultery. But world calls it "sexual experimenation". It's not a bitch, it's just multiple different girlfriends, that apparently you each differently test each out.
You're not seeking what's of God in your relationship, when first thing, you think about doing such thing before marriage.
Then you have your answer !
How can they love God but disobey Him ?
He apparently isn't a Christian either.
Having sex or not won't end the world.
But it can end your faith.
Is your love for Jesus stronger than the fleshly lust for a few moments of pleasure ?
Pleasures are fleeting, but love is forever.
Do the right thing.
Welcome to the site !
Sexual frustration is hard to live with, the bad news is you have to cope.
Your stuck between two worlds, that of the godless and of the Godly.
Yes everyone seems to be saying " sex is great, do it, go on do it! "
Then there is the small voice of God saying 'be perfect as the lord your God is perfect.'
Change the image, do you think people should run red lights just because they slow them down.
Are red traffic lights there for a reason.
Could it be that sexual purity is also there for a reason.
Science actually agrees. The greater the exposure to the hormones released durring sex, to the more partners then the harder it is to form a permanent bond.
Stats also show that those who wait till marriage are more likely to stay together.
This is all academic as you don't have a girlfriend.
Well make getting one harder and look only for a Christian girl who believes sex is for marriage.
Be a witness to your peers.
I agree with you and understand your point. I’m definitely looking for a girl who shares those same values and believes that sex is for marriage. Thanks for your advice and encouragement.
I understand your point. It’s true that fleeting pleasures can challenge our faith, but true love for Jesus should guide our choices. I’m committed to prioritizing my faith over temporary desires. Thanks for the reminder and the warm welcome!
I’m 17 years old and I came back to faith on my own, even though I was raised as a Christian my whole life because I was born into it. That’s why I’m here asking questions; I’m new to this and genuinely seeking to understand.
I understand your concerns and I would like to ask you: What do you think I can do to avoid this temptation and desire? How can I better prepare and keep faith in this area?
I’m sorry you described me as hypocritical or lukewarm, because I try to be honest in my faith. Some of the things you mentioned might have been taken to extremes or misunderstood. I also want to clarify that those were my father’s words, not my own, and I don’t agree with them. I would also like to ask how I can truly know Christ and have a personal relationship with Him. How can I ensure that my relationship with Jesus is authentic and strong? Thank you for your advice.
God is glorified by your correct choice.
May He always have the preeminence, when you make choices in the future.
Read, study, reflect, and meditate on God's Word and pray without ceasing.
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophecies. Test all things; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-22 NKJV
Keep asking, seeking, and knocking.
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened."
Matthew 7:7-8 NKJV
Tenchi
Member
Well, at the very least, they don't love God as much as they love themselves. Their disobedience to Him in the area of sex is clear proof of that. Always, when we sin, we are choosing to love ourselves more than we love God. There is nothing more destructive to human beings, though, than Self-love.
And as far as believing God is concerned, your friends also demonstrate in their sexual sin that they don't really believe Him, whatever they might claim. God promises that our sin halts our fellowship with Him, it hardens, deafens and blinds us, it blunts our conscience if we continue in it, and it will quench and grieve the Holy Spirit, too (Hebrews 3:13; 1 Timothy 4:2; Ephesians 4:30; 1 Thessalonians 5:13). Finally, persistent, willful sin produces death of various kinds - death of joy, death of peace, death of relationships, death of our moral sense, death of psychological stability, death of physical well-being, and so on. (Romans 6:23; James 1:14-16; Galatians 6:7-8; Romans 8:5-8, 13, etc.)
Anyway, you will most definitely regret having sex prior to marriage if you intend to walk with God in the way He has commanded. Nothing interferes more with knowing and enjoying God than our sin.
This is NOT of God. Women are not like a car you test-drive. That's a very dark and ugly way of thinking about women and sex. God has made sex to be a sort of relational "glue," a means of binding men and women to each other in marriage, and the avenue through which they produce the next generation of human beings. These are the proper purposes of sex. Horribly, modern culture has badly warped and twisted sex out of shape, elevating its importance and exaggerating it into a vile, selfish and damaging thing far removed from what God intended sex to be.
There is no "right woman." There are only women who have to learn, as you do, what it is to really know and walk well with their Creator. You must choose one who has something real going on with God, who loves Him more than she loves you, and then learn to live with her in the holy, Christ-centered way God meant for husbands and wives to do.
Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, yes. He dwells within you and you take him along with you as you sin sexually. About this sort of wickedness, God says the following in the Bible:
1 Corinthians 6:18-20
18 Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body.
19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?
20 For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.
Sex isn't about you; it's about pleasing your spouse and in turn being pleased by her; it's about learning, in the midst of intense desire, to put your wife ahead of yourself and discovering that when you do sex is even more amazing, and marriage building, and God-honoring than when you don't.
I don't know what you mean by "pay off in the end," but marriage "pays off" as you are a vessel through whom Jesus is manifested to your wife. You're supposed to be more and more like Jesus, made so by the Holy Spirit, and as you are and your wife benefits from such a husband, your marriage will be the incredibly rich and rewarding thing God intended it to be.
Be patient. Sex seems like a HUGE deal when you're in your teens and the hormones are raging. I was a teenager once, too and remember the...impulses that burned hot within me. The answer to all your concerns is simply to live for the purposes for which God made you. As you live in the way God made for you to do, everything will "fall into place," like a tool being used in the way it was made to be used. Imagine trying to use a hammer to sew curtains. It would be impossible and deeply frustrating and irritating to do so! But most people are living like this, living totally outside of the purpose for which God made them, which is to know, love, submit to, and enjoy God all the time. Instead, they are all hammers trying to sew curtains and making a terrible mess of things.
I want to express my heartfelt thanks for the beautiful and profound text you sent me. Your words are a great encouragement and valuable guidance, especially at a young age when I am striving to understand and live by God’s principles. It is amazing to have the opportunity to read and learn from your text, which clearly and lovingly reveals the truths about God’s plan and purpose for us.
I am deeply grateful to God for giving me this opportunity and for having wise and devoted people like you who help me better understand His ways. Your words are a precious light and inspiration on my spiritual journey.
Thank you once again for this wonderful contribution. I pray that God continues to bless your efforts and fill you with wisdom and peace.
Hi Tobias077 and welcome to CF
No marriage should be based on how sexually good the women or the man is, but needs to be based on love and trusting each other.
No marriage should be based on how sexually good the women or the man is, but needs to be based on love and trusting each other.
Before ever getting married take time to really know each other and establish a friendship that consist of trust and belief in each other. Allow Christ to be the center of your friendship and this will allow you to begin a marriage that is totally Christ centered. Always resolve your problems with the Holy Ghost guidance through the word and you will always have a good marriage. Always be opened and honest with each other for this builds trust in the relationship, but if that trust is broken there is no relationship. Love each other unconditionally as Christ loves us and forgives us our faults. As long as we live in this flesh we will sin at times, but when you acknowledge those sins and ask for forgiveness God will always forgive us. Always be ready to forgive each other seventy times seven, Matthew 22:21,22, and not only forgive, but forget the sin as God remembers our sins no more when we repent of them. The outside appearance will always change and beauty may fade, but it is the heart of the person we are to love and the heart will never change as long as the love of Christ dwells within it.
stephenpiper
Member
journeymanisnothing
Member
Hello Tobias.
I'm an old man now, but when I was your age I felt the same way you do. It might have made a difference back then if I had been taught ithat the human body of a female was created by God as the temple He inhabits on earth. Holy, sacred and not to be violated, but given to one man.
The church you are getting advice from today is far removed from what the Apostles taught.
D-D-W
2024 Supporter
You and every other teen age guy I know. The hormones (mainly testosterone) are working overtime to change your body from a boy to an adult male. And that makes a guy EXTREMELY horny. (in need of sexual release) If you are NOT experiencing that at 17, I would see a doctor and find out why not.
Yes it is.
Probably you will; especially if you do not marry the girl you did it with.
Great!! Keep on reading and studying the Bible.
Christians? Maybe. But are they walking in obedience? NO!!!
Bad advice. VERY bad advice. But that is why you study God's word - to understand what is good and godly advice and what is not. Hey - my mom gave me some pretty bad dating advice at your age.
Remember, our parents are only human and do make mistakes.
When you find the "right woman" (and I do not believe there is only 1 right person) get good christian bible based premarital counseling when you are considering getting engaged and married. Have lots of talks about life together (including sex) so you can reasonably be on the same page.
My wife and I waited but there were serious abuse issues for both of us. We did NOT do the premarital counseling as 45 years ago no one ever heard of such a thing. The abuse did seriously affect our relationship, so it would have been much better to deal with that stuff BEFORE we got married.
Of course.
I get it. Make sure that she is a believer, better if she is a strong believer.
Do you believe the earth is only around 6,000 years old? (Biblical position: Yes)
Do you believe that kinds can "evolve"" into different/new kinds? (Biblical position: No.)
Do you believe the big bang (the cosmology the secularists use) is the origin of the things we see in today's universe? (Biblical position: No)
This is not a salvational issue, sure.
BUT, they are IMPORTANT. Remember, x2 minded men are unstable.
Tobias077
Little brother, I was once a womanizer so I do have experience that could apply in this situation. If you watch pornography, the fleshly lusts will become stronger and more perverted so I would highly recommend excising it from your life. It will be a struggle. Sex can be a wonderful thing within the bounds of marriage, but it can also ruin your life. Ahab comes to mind, as well as David. Every sexual encounter stays with you for your whole life, and can cause more heartache than you may realize at your tender age. The world will tell you that it can be fulfilling, but that is a lie. The fulfillment comes from love, which is built over time within a family. Lust can bring destruction, and that is not some quip, it is absolutely true. If you are having trouble with lust and desire, perhaps you should instead start focusing on developing friendships with women. They don't have to be someone you are attracted to, just learn how to be a friend. The woman that will be a good wife will first and foremost be your best friend. Every single woman you sleep with will take a part of you with her, and you will take part of her. This can result in deeply seeded issues once you are married, and can cause real problems that will be a struggle to overcome. Do you want to have serious emotional issues once you do find the right woman? Because that WILL happen. If you are still a virgin, remain so. This will make your life far easier in the long run. I'll leave you with this: 1 Corinthians 7:32-38 (KJV)
32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:
33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.
34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.
36 But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry.
37 Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well.
38 So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.
Little brother, I was once a womanizer so I do have experience that could apply in this situation. If you watch pornography, the fleshly lusts will become stronger and more perverted so I would highly recommend excising it from your life. It will be a struggle. Sex can be a wonderful thing within the bounds of marriage, but it can also ruin your life. Ahab comes to mind, as well as David. Every sexual encounter stays with you for your whole life, and can cause more heartache than you may realize at your tender age. The world will tell you that it can be fulfilling, but that is a lie. The fulfillment comes from love, which is built over time within a family. Lust can bring destruction, and that is not some quip, it is absolutely true. If you are having trouble with lust and desire, perhaps you should instead start focusing on developing friendships with women. They don't have to be someone you are attracted to, just learn how to be a friend. The woman that will be a good wife will first and foremost be your best friend. Every single woman you sleep with will take a part of you with her, and you will take part of her. This can result in deeply seeded issues once you are married, and can cause real problems that will be a struggle to overcome. Do you want to have serious emotional issues once you do find the right woman? Because that WILL happen. If you are still a virgin, remain so. This will make your life far easier in the long run. I'll leave you with this: 1 Corinthians 7:32-38 (KJV)
32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:
33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.
34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.
36 But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry.
37 Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well.
38 So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.
Carry_Your_Name
Member
You must define "sex" first, 'cause this is one of the most abused words in English language, it bears very different meanings to different people. Technically "sex" in common understanding is limited to intercourse, but it's often extended to any sexual activity intended for an 0rgasm.
Ideally, a man of God should stay single and celibate with his whole life devoted to God, as it is written, "It is good for a man not to touch a woman," (1 Cor. 7:1) "I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain (single and celibate) even as I am;" (1 Cor. 7:8) he who gives her in marriage does well, but he who does not give her in marriage does better. (1 Cor. 7:38). You can admire, respect or pity a woman, but never, ever lust for her (Matt. 5:26-27).
However, if you wanna honor your dad's suggestion, "try" a girl's character, personality and beliefs, connect with her emotionally first and foremost, always act with calculated moves, never fall to whimsical impulses, self control is a spiritual fruit and hallmark of maturity.
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It sure hurts to be young, and at the mercy of your hormones, while getting bad advice from those around you who are not trying to do what Yeshua haMashiach would want you to do.
The biblical rules, such as avoiding sexual sin, were put in place because the Most High G-d wants to bless those who worship him for obedience to his will, not their own. The more one obeys him, the more he blesses that person spiritually, emotionally, and temporally.
The question that is always not spoken about is whether one can avoid sexual sin, because it has only been in the past 100 years or so that a young woman would be interested in sexual experimentation, and certain not one that was a believer in Yeshua. And sorry, nice girls, the kind you would most like to marry, will even now not be interested in sexual play unless manipulated into it, like it was some sort of fun sport as it is made out to be on the internet. But it is possible to avoid sexual relations without being in a marriage.
What people will not say is that the problem is in your mind, and not your body, no matter how hot the blood runs (and it does, particularly at your age.) The pictures that are thrown into the mind are inescapable for any red-blooded male by simply looking at an attractive female of almost any age. What you do about the pictures in your mind is the key. You can stomp on the pictures, and gain practice with time in blanking out what instantly comes to mind, and thus avoid not only the ideas, but the spiritually deadly enactment of them.
Yeshua said,
Matthew 5:27-28 (KJV)
27 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
Sexual sin is a heart problem first, and simply aggravated by the physical urges meant to ensure procreation. There is nothing wrong with the impulse, but what you do with the ideas in your mind is key.
1) Resolve not to have sex outside of marriage. You must decide ahead of time that Yeshua's statement was made not just to highlight the fine points of the law against adultury, but as loving counsel to those living with the problem you have. If the sin is in your mind, it will translate eventually to sin in your body. (And yes, I have been there, failed dismally, and my natural impulses used by the Evil one against me.)
2) Ask Yeshua to help you manage the sin in your mind before it translates to sin in the body. The Most High gave us Yeshua not just for teaching, or for our salvation, but for our help as well. When you get the pictures flooding your mind, call out for help.
The biblical rules, such as avoiding sexual sin, were put in place because the Most High G-d wants to bless those who worship him for obedience to his will, not their own. The more one obeys him, the more he blesses that person spiritually, emotionally, and temporally.
The question that is always not spoken about is whether one can avoid sexual sin, because it has only been in the past 100 years or so that a young woman would be interested in sexual experimentation, and certain not one that was a believer in Yeshua. And sorry, nice girls, the kind you would most like to marry, will even now not be interested in sexual play unless manipulated into it, like it was some sort of fun sport as it is made out to be on the internet. But it is possible to avoid sexual relations without being in a marriage.
What people will not say is that the problem is in your mind, and not your body, no matter how hot the blood runs (and it does, particularly at your age.) The pictures that are thrown into the mind are inescapable for any red-blooded male by simply looking at an attractive female of almost any age. What you do about the pictures in your mind is the key. You can stomp on the pictures, and gain practice with time in blanking out what instantly comes to mind, and thus avoid not only the ideas, but the spiritually deadly enactment of them.
Yeshua said,
Matthew 5:27-28 (KJV)
27 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
Sexual sin is a heart problem first, and simply aggravated by the physical urges meant to ensure procreation. There is nothing wrong with the impulse, but what you do with the ideas in your mind is key.
1) Resolve not to have sex outside of marriage. You must decide ahead of time that Yeshua's statement was made not just to highlight the fine points of the law against adultury, but as loving counsel to those living with the problem you have. If the sin is in your mind, it will translate eventually to sin in your body. (And yes, I have been there, failed dismally, and my natural impulses used by the Evil one against me.)
2) Ask Yeshua to help you manage the sin in your mind before it translates to sin in the body. The Most High gave us Yeshua not just for teaching, or for our salvation, but for our help as well. When you get the pictures flooding your mind, call out for help.