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Garrrr....She is so much younger than she thinks she is...

handy

handy

Member
So my darling daughter has been very excited because a popular young man has sent her around 300 texts this weekend. (No, I'm not exaggerating.) Apparently, he's been asking some of the other boys at the school if she's dating anyone and if they thought she might like him...ah, young love, right?

This afternoon, she comes up with this "hypothetical" question about what I would think about a guy breaking up with a girl that he got pregnant because she kept telling lies to him.

Gee, for some reason, I automatically pegged that there wasn't any "hypothetical" about it. Apparently this boy dated the girl for around a year, she's four months pregnant and he broke up with her... according to the change of his facebook status, on Friday.

Now, mind you, I'm supposed to believe that neither one of them are wanting to date or anything like that...but they do want to be able to "hang out" with Viola's ever faithful best friend in tow. (I'm also supposed to believe that even though they were together over a year, and even though she got pregnant, they only had sex once and he is adamant that sex is a big mistake. Un-huh)

In trying to explain why I'm not going to support the idea of them "hanging out" when it comes to talking to her Daddy, she got pretty upset with me. She is just too immature to see why this is so, so, so wrong. I tried to explain that even as an adult, if I were single, I would back way away from this....but she just doesn't get it. Since she doesn't want him to be a "boyfriend" and he says it's "too soon" for him to want to be in another relationship, I should be all OK with the idea of him hanging out with her.

*sigh* I surely do miss the grocery boy!
 
Wow.

I think my head would explode if my stepdaughter would come to me or my wife about this.

I dont know what it is about little girls that makes them so gullible and giddy with that "special" someone.I guess its the lack of having been burned,so they keep sticking their little hands in the fire.

Yea,that guy would definitely not be coming to my house or meeting up with her in any other place.

Maybe show her some examples,even if it has to be movie-related,that she can recognize as wrong or dumb and then try to connect the dots.
 
Well, help came from an unexpected source last night, due to the "6 Degrees of Separation" rule and Facebook.

As a parent, I both love and loathe Facebook. I loathe the damage that kids do to themselves and others by exposing everything in their lives so publicly and causing them to be even more vulnerable than they already are.

But, I do love the fact that it makes it much easier for me, as a mom, to check out kids in a way that I wouldn't be able to.

Naturally, when I talked it over with Steve, he was like "NO WAY, NO, NO, NO!!! WHO IS THIS KID, WHERE IS HE, LET ME AT 'EM!!!" (oK maybe not quite that bad, but...)

So, Viola is all set to get really worked up about how "unfair" and "prejudiced" we are being against this poor kid.

But I found out, via fb, that the girl he got pregnant is her very own, dearly beloved grocery boy's, best friend's, little sister.

That stopped her cold.

I think I can stick a fork in this one, he's done.

Since the grocery boy, Joe, decided to start dating others, she is as well, (something Steve and I have encouraged both of them to do)... but to become involved with someone who is associated with Joe in that way... nope.

I love Joe, I really do. And, if he is still single when Viola turns 18, and they want to get together, even marry, I'll welcome him with open arms.

But... as much as I love the kid, I do get just a leetle put out over the fact that Steve and I could talk, threaten, even discipline and she'll stand her ground, but hey, if it's something that Joe would lift an eyebrow at...she'll drop it like a hot potato. :gah

Nonetheless, I'm glad she's moving on from this particular kid.
 
I'm glad that I didn't have girls. It seems pretty easy to understand the "breaking away process" with boys. My sons wanted to expand and test the boundaries but this was accompanied by physical challenges, like arm wrestling or sports. I may have had some help in the "wisdom department" too because early on I told my son that he and I would have disagreements and could even have large fights -- when he got older and became a teenager. He was just contrary enough to determine that this wouldn't be the case. "If Dad says it's gonna happen, I'll be sure it doesn't." Reverse psychology after a fashion, but I wasn't thinking about that so much when it happened.

Girls are more subtle when they challenge, and to some degree, I think, more willing to dig in and make it a grudge match. Both flavors/genders know how to push beyond the limits but it's good that she's coming to you and not going out behind your back until it is too late and the trouble you fear is presented fait acompli. You and Steve are doing well, I think. (Glad it's not me).
 
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We will get perfect ideas and practice as well as best vision so we will be motivate and we will get a lot of practice after a great practice so be aware in any stage for age decision and action.
 
Dora,

How old is Viola? My 14 year old just broke up with her "boyfriend". We can't stop what goes on in school (in regards to them "having a boyfriend") but we can control what happens OUTSIDE of school. I know that by being TOO overprotective, they will rebel. With my 14 year olds boyfriend we went out to eat with the family a few times and we we also went to the skating rink. In the beginning of their "relationship" (UGH...I hate saying that word when talking about a girl so young!), I wouldn't let her do anything with him. I wanted to pretend the relationship didn't exist. That was creating more harm though. Once we did a few things as a family with his family, she got tired of him. It was actually quite funny to sit back and watch how things changed. She soon broke up with him and said she didn't want a boyfriend. We'll see how long that lasts. lol

I too have a love/hate feeling with Facebook for the same reasons as you. I log into my girls accounts every week. If they EVER try to change their password before age 16, I will get rid of our main computer and cut all of their access to the internet here at home.

I wish you luck with Viola. Parenting is HARD! I would be flipping out if my daughter was interested in a boy that got another girl pregnant. What do you do though? You can tell her she can't see him, but if she's a strong willed girl, she WILL find a way to see him. I'll pray for you!
 
Nikki, Viola is 14 too, so you know just what we're going through!

Yes, we're not going to buck her having boyfriends. Unless we were to take the step of homeschooling her, she'll be with boys at school and what happens there is pretty much out of our control.

I pointed that out to her just the other night when we were talking about this particular boy. She often tries to pull the "you don't trust me" card, but I pointed out to her that we trust she is behaving herself every time we put her on the bus. And I do, too. I trust that she is not sneaking out of class to meet up with a boy behind the bleachers.

All in all, she really hasn't had that many boyfriends... several at school, but they didn't socialize outside of school. She dated one boy pretty much all summer long, two summers ago and then broke off with him once school started. Several of the other boys, she's shown the door because they've propositioned her.

Her main guy, her beloved Joe, she can't date because he is 22. Which sounds horrifying, but it isn't really. It would be if Joe was a different kind of guy, but he's actually pretty cool.

I just can't get over what Viola has dealt with socially at the ripe old age of 14. She's had one girlfriend who was worried she was pregnant, two boys try to get in her pants, one good friend get shot and is now a paraplegic, another friend killed himself a few months ago and now this boy, who really likes her and she likes him, not only got a girl pregnant, but the girl in question is Joe's best friend's little sister. Not to mention the severe harassment and bullying she faced at the school she was going to last year. :eeeekkk

I don't know if all kids nowadays are going through such emotionally charged things at this young of an age, or if Viola is somehow unique. But, all in all, these experiences are helping her to become a very mature young lady.


Julee, welcome to the forum and thanks for your input!
 
Oh my gosh...she's been through a LOT. We've been blessed. The most extreme thing we've dealt with is that the 13 year old daughter of my uncles girlfriend is pregnant. *sigh* My daughter and the girl used to be friends, but the girl went wild and thankfully my daughter distanced herself from the girl. I blame the mother for the 13 year old being pregnant. She used to allow her daughter to hang out at a 19 year olds apartment ALONE. I'm going to stop now because I can already feel my blood pressure rising.

My 14 year old daughter is very immature. This causes a lot of problems between she and I. Because of her immaturity, I often treat her like a child. She is always telling me that I treat her like a baby....well, yeah I do, because you ACT like one! Today she literally threw a temper tantrum because she couldn't have a sleepover. I'm sick of my kids thinking they have to have a sleepover every weekend. I could hear her all the way at the back of our property. she was inside throwing an absolute psychotic fit. I love her so much, but I often feel like she's going to be the death of me!

Part of me is glad that she's immature because she's nothing like most girls her age (not sitting around on the computer, hardly spends time on FB, doesn't text all day long, doesn't care about fashion, etc). She still plays outside. She's got a wild imagination.

My 12 year old is the opposite. She's laid back, would spend hours on the computer if I let her, cares about fashion, much more mature, etc. Isn't it amazing how different they can be?

So back to your daughter. She likes a 22 year old?! Does he like her? OK, now THAT would freak me out. I'm dreading next year when she starts high school.
 
Reba, you sound just like Steve. I swear he wants to go all CIA on the kids... Drives Viola nuts. :lol

Viola can give one whiplash. For the most part, she a very mature young lady. I think this is in part, because we live so far out and she really didn't have friends when she was little, with the exception of her little brother, most of the people she hung around were adults. All her cousins are in their 20's and she learned young that if she wanted to take part in conversations, she needed to listen and talk, not babble and chatter. So, when she wants to be, she can be amazingly grown up... then she can turn on a dime and throw a temper tantrum that would put any two year old to shame ...or be a silly little tom-boy and run around with the cows. You never know, and if you don't like the mood she's in now, wait 5 minutes...

As for the 22 year old... this is a long story and is grounded in the fact that... I don't know, when Viola turned 10, she just "blossomed" and physically looked a lot older as well as being quite tall, 5'6". Seriously, by the time she was 11, she could easily pass for 17-18 years old. And, as I already mentioned, she knew how to act around 20 year old's, so she really could pass for someone quite older.

Then she met Joe when she was 11 and he was 18. I was basically living at my dad's at the time, during his final illness and the kids were being shuttled back and forth between Steve and his folks... Joe, thinking Viola was a lot older than she was flirted with her whenever she was at the store... and she was asking her Grandma if she could walk to the store with her girlfriend every chance she could get.

And, here's a nightmare waiting for you, Nikki, my darling daughter told him that she was 17. :grumpy (Yes, I did hit the roof, you know it!)

By the time Dad had passed and I got back home and we all realized how serious things were, they were pretty gone on each other. Steve talked to him and we made Viola apologize to him for lying about her age. I was really surprised that he didn't get angry, but although Steve said that he looked like he'd been sucker-punched (well he had), he was pretty forgiving. When we got it all sorted out and had a good talk with both her and him, things settled into a kind of "good friends for now with plans for the future" relationship between them.

I didn't mind at the time, because I figured that the whole thing would die a natural death... I mean how long can two kids maintain an interest in each other when they can't date or do anything about it. But ...so far, it's lasted for over 3 1/2 years. He's a great guy, scrupulously honest, has great character and is more conservative than either Steve and I. If, when she's 18, they want to get together, more power to them. We truly did dodge a bullet...he could have been every parent's worst nightmare. But, he's not, he really isn't.

Buckle up, Nikki...you have two. I have to admit, Thomas is much, much easier.
 
My daughter grew up around kids younger than her. When she was 10, she was running around the neighborhood with 5 and 6 year olds. Maybe that's why she acts younger than her age. Hmmm....you've got me thinking now. Although, this year, she hasn't bothered with any of those younger kids. I think she's finally realizing most 14 years olds aren't out running around and playing with kids 5 or 6 years younger.

I have always heard that boys are MUCH easier. I have 2 girls that are only 18 months apart. I don't know if I'll survive!
 
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